by Kylie Walker
He watched as her eyes slowly blinked open before a small smile came over her face. “Morning.”
Derek grinned back. “Good morning beautiful.” As he lowered his lips back to her skin, she signed contently and cuddled the pillow.
A temporary silence came over them as Derek began to caress the scar where he had just kissed her. She shifted, seeming to struggle with an internal debate, before sighing. “You want to know how I got them, don't you?”
“Yes,” He replied, moving his fingers in light circles over her back. “But I'm not going to pressure you to tell me if you don't want to.”
Chloe seemed to register this for a moment before glancing over her shoulder at him. Their eyes met before she redirected her attention to his headboard.
“I didn't exactly have the childhood most people talk about. I have no happy memories. I was adopted at birth and reminded everyday that I was not their biological child.” She took a deep breath. “My dad was very abusive. He liked the bottle a little too much, and I was the one he took his frustration out on while my mother and sister did nothing to stop him.
When I was little, it started with being locked in my room, not getting fed, a shove here and there. Stuff like that. It steadily got worse as I got older. My dad's favorite tool was a thin brown leather belt. He loved to humiliate me in front of my sister and mother.” Derek watched as a tear slipped from her closed eyes. “I used to think it was my fault - he made me believe that I deserved everything I got. I always wondered why they adopted me in the first place, how they used to put up with me.”
Derek traced one of the long scars on her back under her left rib cage. “Most of the scars are from that belt. He would whip me so hard that it would cut into my skin, mostly leaving open wounds to heal on their own.” She lifted a hand and rested it on a scar on the back of her top shoulder. “This one is when he struck me, and I fell into our glass coffee table.”
Almost hesitantly, Derek moved his hand over to the large scar on the right side of her hip. As he followed the line across her body, she rolled over, and he was unable to suppress the gasp that came with the blow to the gut. It ran across under her breast line almost reaching her belly button. He struggled to suppress the rage that was beginning to build inside of him at the sight of the mark.
“That one is a different story all together and can wait for another time.”
Swallowing back bile, he placed his hand on top of her left shoulder where another pink line marred her creamy skin. “Another cut from the belt.” She said.
Derek ran his hand down her arm and then traced her spine where various circular burns were. “Cigarette burns,” Chloe clarified. “I guess I wasn't the only one who thought I was worthless.”
Ignoring her failed attempt at humor, he placed a chaste kiss on her marks before hesitantly moving to her abdomen. Derek placed a comforting kiss on her trembling lips and watched as she cleared her throat and ran a shaky hand through her hair before she continued. “I hated them for it, but I finally won a scholarship to attend university and worked towards my degree to become a teacher. It was my chance to get away from my own personal hell.” A harsh laugh broke from her trembling lips. Hearing the pain in her voice, Derek rested his head on the side of hers. “The only attention I ever received from them was my father’s beatings. It was pretty pathetic, to say the least.”
Derek watched as her shaking became worse and he rubbed his hands up and down her shoulders to try and calm her. Exhaling loudly, she persevered. “When I finally left, I never looked back. I knew that I never wanted to see any of them again in my entire life, even though they are the only family I have. I haven't seen any of them in over six years.”
Derek was stunned. He ran his fingers through her hair as her breathing began to slow.
“So why didn't you finish school?”
Chloe looked at him. “Again, that is a story for another day, unfortunately. It goes with this scar.” She said tracing her finger along the scar that lay under her breast.
Her reminder of Jesse.
He watched her as vulnerability entered her eyes but then she exhaled in an attempt to cover it. “I've never told anyone this before.”
Derek stared as shock overwhelmed him. “Why?”
“It's not exactly something I'm proud of.” She confessed.
“But none of it was your fault, Chloe. What he did to you is inexcusable.”
Chloe’s voice was a whisper. “I endured so much for so long that I honestly thought it was my fault – he had made me believe that I deserved everything I got. I used to wonder how they put up with me.”
Derek gently gripped her chin and lifted it. “Chloe…” He breathed. “Now you listen to me, young lady. You are the most gorgeous – soul shatteringly sexy woman I have ever met. You are so strong. None of this was or is your fault. You were a child trying to please the people that were your family. He is a monster and deserves to go away for a very long time. Don't you ever think that this was your fault, ever!” He said while looking into her watery eyes.
Silence came over them again until she spoke. “Do you think any different of me now?”
A look of confusion flashed across his face. “What do you mean?”
“Well you've seen my scars now - I wouldn't blame you if you aren’t interested anymore.”
Derek cut her off with a passionate kiss that left her gasping for air before proceeding to run kisses all the way down her body. “I meant every word I just said.”
“Thank you.” She whispered as he fisted her hair, deepening his kiss. His lips had just begun to follow a trail down Chloe's neck when his cell phone rang. As it continued to pierce the serenity, he dropped his head and groaned.
“I have to take this.” He said getting up and walking into another room. A moment later he returned. “Work. Something has come up, and I have to go into the office.”
“It's ok. I should be getting home anyway.” She smiled.
“Ok, I'll be back in five minutes. Get dressed, and I'll drive you home.”
**
Chloe watched Derek leave the bedroom and go into the bathroom. She slipped out of bed, finding her clothes on the floor. She dressed and fingered her long hair for a moment and smiled to herself, letting her mind drift back to last night’s events of their love making.
She could hear Derek whistling in the bathroom. She went back over to the bed and sat down near the head of it. Slipping open the top drawer of the nightstand, she looked inside. She saw a flashlight, a pen, and pad and some kind of remote control. She closed it and opened the next drawer. That one had socks and underwear; nothing interesting.
Standing up she walked over to the dresser and glanced at several pictures while she waited for him. Her eyes landed on a frame that was lying face down on the dresser. She picked it up to see the picture that was hidden and gasped out loud. Her hand came up and cupped her mouth pulling the frame closer to get a better look. Chloe stood in a trance not being able to tear her eyes away from the picture that revealed a woman with long blonde hair and brown eyes. She was smiling and curled up in Derek’s arms.
Holding the picture in her hand, she couldn’t rip her eyes away from the woman in the picture, and then the bathroom door opened behind her. Chloe let out a little scream, and the photograph fell from her hands, and it struck the dresser, breaking the glass. The photo frame landed face up. Chloe was staring down at it as Derek stood frozen in his spot. After what seemed like a really long time she finally looked up at him. She knew in that instant that he saw it too. She wasn’t crazy.
She was staring at herself in the picture. This woman was identical to her in every aspect, except her eye and hair color. How could this be? What the hell was going on?
Chloe stood there stiff as a board. She thought her heart would burst out of her chest at any moment.
“What the hell is this?” She finally asked in a hostile voice, her body starting to shake uncontrollably. She stared and took a step for
ward, her hands curling into fists. This time she screamed at him. “Derek!?”
She could see the look of apprehension on Derek’s face as he began to speak.
“Chloe let me explain.” He said bending down to grab the frame from the floor.
She was over the boiling point in a mere second. Was he just some sick fuck? Is he married? This is exactly why she vowed to not trust anyone again! “Explain. Now! Who is this woman and why does she look like me?”
Derek walked over to the bed and sat down with the frame still in his hand as he stared at the picture. Not looking up at Chloe he whispered. “She’s my wife.”
PART TWO
CHAPTER ONE
Chloe stood frozen in her spot as she tried to comprehend the words that just came out of Derek’s mouth. Why couldn’t she just find a guy that she could trust! “You’re wife!” She yelled as her entire body trembled and she walked closer to him.
She took a deep breath and was almost ready to lung at him but instead stared him down with such haste. “You’re a fucking asshole, just like the rest of the men in my life! Don’t ever contact me again.” She yelled turning around.
“She’s dead!” He whispered.
Chloe didn’t even flinch. Not turning she asked. “What the fuck did you say?”
“She’s dead, alright!” Derek yelled in a harsh tone.
Chloe whipped around facing him, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Why does she look exactly like me Derek?” Chloe felt like she was in shock. The woman in the picture looked exactly like her, except for the big brown eyes and blonde hair. She looked identical to Kelly Ward! What the hell was going on? Screaming, needing an answer right now she said again, “Derek! Why does she look just like me?”
“I don’t know.” He yelled.
“Are you seriously going to try and tell me that you didn’t see it? You sick bastard! I was just some kind of cheap substitute for your dead wife?”
“No Chloe. Please listen to me. That colleague of mine took that picture of you because you looked so much like Sarah. When he showed it to me, I had to see you for myself. I was flabbergasted. You could have been her twin if you had blonde hair and brown eyes.”
Chloe suddenly grabbed another photo off the dresser. The one of an older couple, “Blonde hair and brown eyes…like her mother. Are these her parents?”
“Yes.”
Chloe dragged her hand through her hair. “Oh Jesus, oh God!” She felt like she was going to be sick. The room was spinning, and she needed to sit down. Derek came towards her again and tried to help her, but she jerked away from him, throwing herself back into the dresser.
“Chloe please calm down. Let me explain…”
“Explain? You can explain this?”
“You weren’t a substitute; it wasn’t like that.”
“Stop it! You’re a liar like every other man I ever met! You used me for some sick, cheap thrill. You wanted to fuck your late wife one more time. You’re sick!” She had tears flowing down her cheeks. She was pissed, and she wanted to scratch Derek’s pretty eyes right out of his face, but she wasn’t even sure what she was most upset about right now.
She let her eyes fall back to the photo of Sarah. She had to be related. She had burned all of her old photos of herself when she started her life over, but if she had a picture of Kelly Ward…they would be identical. The people in the other picture had to be her parents— her biological parents.
In a calmer voice, she said, “How old was she when she died, Derek?”
Walking over to the bed, he grabbed the photo and placed it back on the dresser, this time not hiding it. “22. She would have turned 25 this coming September.”
Chloe’s eyes were wide as she stared at him. “What?”
“What’s wrong?” Derek asked frowning.
Chloe took a deep breath. “What is her full birth date?”
“September 28, 1988,” he replied. He sounded like a robot, void of all emotion.
Chloe’s legs felt like jello; her mind started to race as she ran a trembling hand through her hair. No, it couldn’t be. This was not happening! The room started to spin, and she thought she was about to fall when she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her as realization set in.
She was a twin, and Derek Stark had been married to her sister, and now that sister was dead. Kelly Ward’s entire life had been unnecessary. She’d had parents and a sister.
Why did they abandon her? Why was she left out in the world to suffer while her sister was kept? She put her back to the door and slid down to the floor. She could feel the panic attack building like a snowball rolling down a mountain. There was nothing she could do to stop it, and she didn’t even have the energy to try. Her heart was already pounding against the walls of her chest as if it was trying to escape. Her brain was busy firing off thought after thought, some of them didn’t make sense, and the ones that did were all self-depreciative.
She wasn’t good enough to keep. They had thrown her away. Her skin felt like it was on fire and she could feel the sweat beginning to form on her brow as her respirations tried to speed up to match her heartrate. Her chest hurt. It felt like it might explode and her fingers and toes were beginning to tingle because of lack of oxygen. She had put herself right back in this place. She had come here willingly and what she had discovered was worse than anything she ever could have imagined. Her stomach could suddenly no longer hold its contents, and as she heaved into the toilet she wondered, what the hell did she get herself into this time?
CHAPTER TWO
Chloe didn’t know how much time passed while she was in the bathroom. After she threw up, she had just sat there on the floor, hugging her arms and legs to her chest and rocking back and forth. She was suddenly so cold. Her body was going from one extreme to the other, and it was so distracting that she couldn’t keep her mind focused on what was truly happening here.
Derek was sitting in the other room. At least, that’s where she left him. His wife was dead. Her sister? She couldn’t wrap her head around that, but yet why did she have this horrible pain in her chest when she had that thought. It felt like grief…but why would she grieve a person she never knew existed? Or maybe, the grief was for her. Maybe the grief was for a whole life unnecessarily wasted.
“Chloe?” Derek was knocking on the door.
The simple sound of it caused her heart to pound along with it. She looked around, and her surroundings finally came into focus. She was curled up in a space about a foot wide between the toilet and the port side window. She had gone from heaving and sweating to freezing and shaking. She didn’t want him to see her like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. Jesse spent years feeding off her fear. It was like foraging on it gave his black soul the sustenance it needed to survive. Since she escaped that hell, she promised herself never again. She wouldn’t allow this man or any other to see her fear.
He knocked again.
“Chloe, I’m getting worried. You’ve been in there for a long time. Can I come in?”
“No! Do not come in!” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She willed herself to stay calm. Fear cannot only be seen by those who want to nourish themselves on it; it can be smelled and felt as well.
“I’m coming out. Just give me another minute.”
“Okay.” He sounded distressed.
Maybe he really was worried about her, or maybe he was playing some sick game with her, the way that Jesse used to like to play games. It amused him to see her like this. Maybe Derek was amused as well. She still didn’t really know this man. A beautiful face and body and a night of unbridled passion do not make a relationship.
He was a stranger, and in the worst case scenario, he was a stranger that was somehow connected to the monster that continues to haunt her nightmares…both sleeping and awake.
Chloe pulled herself up off the floor, and she had to reach out and take hold of the little medicine cabinet on the wall to steady herself.
Once she began to feel like her shaky legs would at least hold her weight and she wasn’t going to collapse, she took the two steps to the sink and grabbed onto the little vanity. She held herself there and looked into the mirror. She didn’t like what she saw there. Her face was swollen and stained from the tears, and her blue contacts swam in them, one of them sliding down so far that her brown eye peeked out from underneath.
Taking another cleansing breath, Chloe washed her hands, adjusted the contacts, washed her face and brushed her long brown hair back out of her face with her fingers. Lastly, she used the mouthwash on the counter to rinse her mouth and then she drank a long gulp of water. She looked at herself again. The picture still wasn’t pretty, she thought, but it wasn’t pathetic either, and that was what mattered.
She turned and took hold of the door knob. Looking composed at last although everything inside of her was shaking, she went out into the other room where Derek waited.
She opened the door and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed. He was staring at her, but he at least had enough sense to know that he needed to stay where he was and not invade her space.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” she said. She stood where she was, neither of them sure of what to say.
Derek finally broke the silence by saying, “I knew that you looked like her, but I didn’t know. I mean I still don’t know.”
“How is it possible that we look exactly the same and share a birthday?”
“I haven’t wrapped my head around the birthday thing yet. I don’t know. But you don’t look exactly the same. Sarah’s eyes were brown.” He was looking at her eyes.
“What?”
“Are your eyes brown, Chloe?”