by Kylie Walker
He was smiling when he grabbed hold of her long blonde hair. It felt like he was pulling it out by the roots and she screamed as he dragged her out of the room and down the hall. He threw her onto the couch and said, “I’m gonna fix another drink. Stay there.” As soon as he turned his back, she tried to run for the door. She was five, and they lived in the city. She had no idea where she thought she was going to go. He caught her around the waist. She was grateful it wasn’t her hair until he picked her up and tossed her against the wall. She had a vivid memory of sliding down the wall, and before she hit the floor, he was standing over her, taking off his belt. “I told you to stay put. You’re a stupid little girl. You’re as stupid as you are ugly.”
“I’m sorry, daddy. I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, I’m sorry!” Kelly screamed and cried and begged and apologized all the way down the hall. All of it only seemed to feed his need to hurt her. She was thrown onto the bed on her face, and he pulled up her shirt and whipped her with the belt…over and over again. When he finally ran out of steam, he left her there. She was bleeding, and she couldn’t move. She was sure she was going to die. She was also sure that when her mom got home that she was going to be so angry. She was right. Her mother was angry with her.
“I told you to be good. You never listen!”
“I wasn’t bad…”
“Shut-up, Kelly! He’s asleep. You’re going to wake him up. Do you want that? Are you so stupid that you want to get beat again? Jesus, now I’m going to have to spend half the night cleaning you up. Go get in the bathtub!” Little Kelly dragged her battered body up off the bed and started limping towards the bathroom. She heard her mother’s voice behind her say, “Shit! The comforter is ruined. Damn her! Daphne, take this off and put it in the washer and get a clean blanket from the linen closet.”
In what Chloe would come to remember as Daphne’s signature whine, the six year old had said, “Why do I have to do it? Kelly messed it up!”
“Oh my God,” the sound of Derek’s voice brought her back. He was looking at her with tears in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to throw up. “Oh Chloe, baby…God, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. I want to kill him.”
She tried to form a smile. It was probably more of a grimace in the end. “Me too,” she said. “I learned how to go somewhere else in my head when the beatings were happening. The older I got, the more frequent they became. When I was in those other places, I would see that little girl and I would feel bad for her and want to help her…but I didn’t know how. Then when I was ten, the game changed.”
She saw Derek shudder. He knew what was coming and she considered not saying it out loud. The details of what took place for the next eight years were sick and twisted, and she was sure that Derek could fill in the blanks himself if she left it at that. But she had opened the gate and the feelings and the memories…no matter how bad they were, no matter how painful and disgusting, they wanted out all of a sudden.
“I got pretty good at avoiding him. He drank so much that I think if I was out of his sight, he would almost forget I existed altogether. I loved school, and I threw myself into it. I volunteered to be a tutor my fifth grade year. I would stay after school until six every day, and then I would sneak into the house and go straight to my room. Sometimes my so-called mother would remember I existed— usually only when Daphne complained that she had to sit down at the dinner table every night and I didn’t. When that happened, she’d make me come out and then after dinner while she and Daphne made crafts in her sewing room or whatever. I was told to do the dishes, and that would leave me passing through the living room when I was finished— where I always knew he would be. One night I was cleaning up, and I kept checking to see if he was passed out yet. It was taking him a really long time, but I was determined to stay put until he did. I finally looked out and saw him with his head back on the couch and his mouth open. His eyes were closed and breathing a sigh of relief; I started through the room. I was right in front of him when he opened his eyes and smiled. It was a game to him. He knew I was waiting.”
“Where are you going, Kelly?”
“To my room,” she’d said, “I have some homework to do.”
“Okay baby, but before you go, come here and give daddy a kiss.”
“He never called me baby, and he never kissed me. I was more terrified than I had ever been and the last thing I was going to do was offer myself to him. I was too little to know what he had in mind, but I knew whatever it was, would be bad. I ran for the door, but as soon as I did, he got up. I reached the door and even had it flung open before he caught me…but he did catch me. He slammed the door closed and with me kicking and screaming, he carried me downstairs to the basement. What he did to me there was a hundred times worse than the beatings.” She paused and took a breath while wiping away her tears.
“When he finished, he told me that if I ever told anyone, he would kill me. He said that I was a “slut” and what he’d done to me was what I’d been made for. He finished by telling me that as ugly as I was, I should feel thankful that he wanted me because no one else ever would. It happened at least once a week from then on for the next eight years. It got weirder and sicker every time, and sometimes he would be rough and beat me and other times he would act like I was his lover. I hated those times the worst. I’d rather be beaten than have him believe that I enjoyed any part of being with him. I hated him with a passion, and I hated my mother and my sister even more for not saving me.”
Chloe was shaking even harder now, and Derek looked like he couldn’t stand it any longer. Tears were rolling down his face, and he took a chance and put an arm around her shoulders. It seemed to surprise him when she didn’t pull away— she surprised herself. She didn’t want to pull away. She wanted him to wrap her up and hold her and never let go. She let her head rest on his chest, and he pulled her into them, and they cried together. They cried for Kelly…the little girl that nobody saved.
CHAPTER FOUR
Burning rage hissed through Derek’s body like deathly poison. He knew what Chloe needed right now was for him to be strong and hold her and make her feel safe. But what he wanted to do was release that rage into the kind of wrath that would completely engulf his morality. He wanted to find Tom Ward and kill him with his bare hands…slowly. He wasn’t a violent man, so the intensity of that feeling almost frightened him. It took every ounce of energy he had in his body to keep his focus on Chloe and off of how satisfying that act would be right now.
“Hey,” he said softly after a while. “I don’t think you need to be out here in the cold any longer. Can we go to a hotel? I’ll get you your own room. It’s late and you need some rest.”
“What about the rest of it? I thought you wanted to know about my connection to Jesse?”
When she said Jesse’s name, her whole body quivered. Derek had a really bad feeling that what she had to tell him about the other man was as shocking if not more so than what she’d had to say about her childhood.
“That can wait. Let’s get you somewhere warm and at least get a cup of tea in you. Please.”
She nodded and he pulled her in one last time and pressed his lips to the side of her head. He suddenly realized why he wanted so badly to focus on the rage towards her father. That was because the way he felt when he tried to imagine the pain and agony she had gone through was almost unbearable to him. She had to be the strongest person he’d ever met to be able to handle it herself…alone. He helped her into the car and then he drove them, in complete silence, back towards the city.
When they got there, he found a nice hotel and as she was getting out of the car, she said, “Just get one room, please. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Derek was relieved. He would have had a really hard time leaving her alone. He registered them and arranged for them to bring up their bags as well as a pot of hot tea.
“Are you hungry?” he asked her. She looked like the very thought of food made her feel nauseous.
The elevator ride was silent, and while Derek let the bell hop in with their bags and then took care of room service, Chloe sat silently on the balcony and looked out across the city. He poured her a cup of tea and took it out to her. “Thanks,” she said, taking it and wrapping both of her hands around it. He could see the Goosebumps on her arms. She was cold. Likely the myriad of emotions ripping through her at the moment was blocking the receptors in her mind from even realizing it, but he was worried that she was going to get sick.
“How about I start a hot shower for you?” he asked. Chloe actually managed a smile as she looked up at him.
“You don’t have to do that,” she said.
“I know,” he said, “But I need to do something. Let me take care of you tonight, Chloe. I know that you’re more than capable of doing that yourself, but for me…let me help you somehow.”
She reached her hand out and he took it. He felt her squeeze his and she said, “Thank you. I’ve never talked to anyone about all of this. It’s kind of exhausting.”
“I wish I could say that I can imagine,” he said, dropping to his knees next to her. “But I can’t. I can’t even begin to imagine.” He laid his head against her and she put her hands in his hair. He was even more encouraged when he felt her lips brush the top of his head. He let her hold him like that for several minutes before he said, “I’m going to draw the bath.” She smiled again and nodded.
Derek went into the bathroom, and before he did anything, he stood with his hands resting on the counter and looked into the mirror at his own face. He was still struggling with the rage. It felt like it was eating him up. He only even came close to feeling this way once before and even that couldn’t compare. When he was in high school, he went to a private school in Manhattan. He was surrounded by rich, arrogant boys and girls and most of the time, he got along with everyone, and he learned over time that most of the people who acted like they were so much better than everyone else were struggling with their own insecurity.
There was one kid. His father was the CEO of some corporation that his family founded in the 1800s. They were old money and they had so much of it that no one really knew exactly what they were worth. The kid’s name was Brandon and he walked around the school like he was king. Brandon had “yes” men even in high school. These were the guys who scrambled to do his bidding at every turn. Most of the girls wanted him too. Derek didn’t pay him much attention until one day, the girl that Derek was dating didn’t show up for school. Her name was Rachel and as hormones would have it, Derek’s fifteen year old heart was convinced that he loved her. He was on the phone on his break, calling to find out why she wasn’t at school and if she was okay when he heard Brandon telling a group of guys that he had gotten a “hand job” from that “slut” Rachel at the rally the night before. Derek ended the call before she answered and turned around towards Brandon.
“What did you just say?” he asked him.
Brandon looked up and smiled at him and said, “You’re a lucky guy, Derek. That girl of yours knows how to make a guy feel real good.”
Derek saw red. He barely remembered what happened to this day but it took about five guys to pull him off of Brandon and when he was finished, his face was a bloody mess. He probably wouldn’t have stopped if those guys hadn’t pulled him off, and that had scared him. He found out later that Rachel hadn’t even been at the rally the night before. Her aunt was sick and she’d gone to see her in the hospital. Derek was expelled and his father had to find a new school for him to go to. That was his last fight and until tonight he’d never felt anything comparable to that rage. The rage he felt now was like a volcano in his chest and he feared what he would do when it erupted.
He took a few deep breaths and then he ran water from the shower head into the large, Jacuzzi tub until it was warm. He took the soap and shampoos and body washes out of the basket the hotel had left on the counter and sat them near the tub. He made sure there were a clean fluffy towel and the complimentary robe within reach. Then he went out and let Chloe know it was ready. She thanked him and started towards the bathroom.
She stopped when she was about halfway there and turned towards him and said, “I’d really like it if you joined me.”
“Are you sure?” He asked raising an eyebrow.
She nodded and then she said, “Because of you, I’m slowly beginning to separate in my head the differences between loving and abusive. I know that doesn’t make much sense to a “normal” person, but when you’ve lived with it; it sometimes gets all twisted in your head. I need you to love me tonight, Derek.”
He felt tears stinging his eyes again. He went to her and took her hand, leading her into the bathroom. When they got there, he cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her face up to his. He covered her mouth with his and let his tongue taste her languidly. He was gentle and the kiss was sweet. He wasn’t certain that he’d be able to do more than kiss her and touch her, but it was what she was asking for and obviously what she needed, so he was going to do whatever he could to make her feel good tonight and help her forget…if only for a little while.
He reached back as they kissed and lowered the zipper on her dress. He used his hands to push it off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor. He pressed his lips down to her shoulder and kissed all the way along it to the top of her arm. Then he reached back and unhooked her bra and she let that slide off and fall to the floor as well. He was looking at her standing there in her panties and trying not to remember where the scars on her body came from. He’d known before that someone had to have hurt her but knowing the facts now made it so much harder. She was watching his face and he knew that she was worried he wouldn’t want her. The truth was she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and knowing now how strong her spirit was, made him want her even more.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said.
Chloe’s eyes filled with tears and she lifted up and kissed his lips softly. Then stripping off the little panties, she stepped over and into the running water. Derek could feel himself becoming aroused as he watched her. He was struggling with whether or not he should feel guilty about that. Then he reminded himself of what she’d said about “the difference between love and abuse.” He started taking off his clothes. He could tell her a million times that she could trust him to never hurt her but right now; he was going to show her.
She closed her eyes and under the hot spray, she reveled in the sheets of warm water that coursed down her skin. Chloe could hear Derek step in behind her. She flinched slightly as she felt his strong hands caress her body, rubbing vanilla scented body lotion across the length of her back. Every part of her was suddenly on fire in the wake of his strong hands.
She could feel herself becoming wet, a heat unrelated to the water flooding into her loins.
She needed him.
She craved him.
Chloe gently pushed her ass back slightly against his cock. Her body shuddered when she felt his fingers stroke her folds from behind feeling her wetness.
She moaned into the spray.
Derek smiled to himself and his hand came up and cupped her breast, tweaking her rock hard nipple.
Chloe gasped with pleasure as he ran one strong hand up her thigh to rest on her vulva, his thumb firmly settling between her labia. His fingers glided back and forth between her wet folds and then he slipped a finger into her opening. She let out a gasp and licked her bottom lip as her wet locks hung around her face, moving in exaggerated time to the way she tossed her head with pleasure.
Her hands palmed the tiled wall in front of her as she felt a second digit slip in, stroking her inner walls faster. With each caress, every long thrust of his fingers; his lips devoured her neck and shoulder making her shudder uncontrollably.
She gasped feeling the wave inside her build at a steady pace.
“I'm going to cum.” She breathed feeling the pace of his fingers go faster, pounding into her pussy. S
he twitched and moaned helplessly. Pushing his fingers deeper, filling her warmth, her body arched and twisted beneath his powerful ministrations as the first wave of her climax hit her like a tsunami. Pushing down on his fingers she yelled out his name as her orgasm exploded and suddenly he pushed into her— the hard, thick length of him filling her so abruptly that she cried out again with pleasure.
Her breath began to come in ragged pants and her gorgeous hips began to buck of their own volition. Her moans were coming louder as he thrusted deeper inside her. Chloe leaned against the wet tile for support, her knees weak from the sensation as her body heaved with pleasure. His size filled her, stretching her walls, but fit her perfectly.
Derek began to move in and out of her harder, causing the sensations to become intoxicating. Her pussy throbbed with need and pleasure as he hit her back wall once again. With one hand on her vulva and his index finger on her clit, he stroked her while he thrusted in and out.
Derek turned her into a whimpering wreck as she pushed into him, moaning out load in pure ecstasy. As his cock buried itself to the hilt in her throbbing pussy, her ears rang with the sound of her own gasps and moans.
Her body vibrated from head to toe with revelry as the wave of pleasure hit her like a mac truck, drowning her with the intense sensation of her orgasm. Screaming out, he thrusted deep inside her one last time with a low moan as he came with her. She arched her back, feeling greedy and wanting more of him as he leaned against her back panting heavily. As she tried to catch her breath, her hands let go of the tile and turned to face him. Cupping his face, she kissed him with such passion, such force; she thought she would melt right there.
CHAPTER FIVE
Chloe stood against the wrought iron railing on the balcony and watched the sun rise. She’d come out while it was still dark. Derek had seemed afraid to fall asleep last night. It was like he was afraid to take his eyes off of her. He’d made such sweet, gentle love to her that for that time, she’d forgotten it all. She put the bad memories where they belonged and she let herself forget for a second that Jesse would be coming for her soon.