Have Mercy

by N. E. Henderson

  That’s another thing I don’t like thinking about or remembering. Josh is different now. He changed. He isn’t the monster I remember him as when I woke up that first day. He is no longer the man that spent weeks trying to break me down into a weak, afraid, and wrecked teenage girl.

  He’s my boss, my confidant, my advisor, my friend.

  “What did I do?” she inquires, trying to work her daughter charms on him so that he’ll lighten up.

  “Not a thing, girl, but this is an adult conversation and not for your ears.” And it works. He sighs, seemingly appearing more tired than I’ve seen him look in a long time.

  “I’m sixteen,” she argues.

  “Exactly. Now go!” his voice booms through my small living room.

  “You’re serious, Dad?”

  “If you don’t want to be grounded in the next five seconds, you’ll get out of here and go straight home.”

  “Yes, sir.” She forces a smile, not liking what he’s just said to her but smart enough to know she’s taken it too close to the edge with him. “I’m out. Love you, Daddy.”

  It’s silent for a long minute after Josh’s daughter leaves, no one saying anything but all of us staring at Josh expectantly.

  “I’m not getting any younger, you know,” I finally say, crossing my arms over my chest when it looks like he’s going to continue to keep his lips fused together.

  “He knows. Danny’s father, Jen. He knows who I am.” I scrunch my brows, eyeing him and waiting for clarification even though the hairs on my arms are starting to stand. There is no way he knows certain things. Things I want to stay buried forever. “He knows what I did. To you.” Josh glances away from me as this sinks in. “And judging by the rest of them,” he goes on to say. “They all know.”

  “That’s not possible,” I whisper slowly, bringing my hand up to cover my mouth as I take in the looks on Seth and Trey’s faces. I know Cole knows most everything. I hated when Cole told me Josh had told him details I would have rather him never voiced.

  “Well, then maybe you need to ask Masters.” Josh shakes his head. “What the fuck did you do?” he asks, his tone accusing as his cold stare bores into Cole’s.

  “Jamie needed to know,” Cole says, admitting he not only told Jamie, but the guys too, and Jamie believed him. That doesn’t make sense. He never, not even for a second, believed me when I begged him to. When I swore on my life that I’d never lie to him, that I have never lied to him, he still didn’t believe me or trust me.

  So, why is it he suddenly had a change of heart?

  “I’m sorry, Jen. But you gotta agree that he needed to know the truth after all this time,” Cole says, guilt etched into every surface of his face.

  “I told him the truth. He didn’t believe me. None of you did.” I glance at the other two.

  “You showed him, didn’t you?” Josh asks.

  “What?” I whip my head from Josh back to Cole. “Showed him what?”

  Cole nods, his eyes almost ashamed.

  “How much did you show him?” Josh questions.

  “I’m assuming they watched the whole thing. I didn’t stay. I knew I couldn’t stomach that shit a second time.”

  What the hell are they talking about? Watched what?

  “Someone better tell me what the hell Jamie saw,” I demand, my voice coming out harsh and not giving a damn.

  “A video,” Trey tells me when Cole and Josh don’t offer up an answer.

  “A video,” I repeat. “What do you mean? What would be on a—” I stop mid-sentence, realization dawning. There was video surveillance in that room, my cell, but I had always thought it was just so that Josh could watch me when he wasn’t torturing me.

  “Jen,” Josh’s voice softens, and it’s taking everything in me not to jerk my foot up to his crotch. I’ve trained with Josh over the years, so it’s not like I’m afraid to square off with him, but sometimes a woman just wants to go straight for the easy route.

  “Why would Cole have a video of . . .” I can’t even say it. I don’t want to verbalize it, but they are forcing me to do just that. Son of a bitch. I take a deep breath and try again. “What was on it?” I ask in a too calm voice.

  “Does it matter?” Josh’s brows furrow with irritation that it’s obvious he wants to end this conversation. Well, too fucking bad; we’re having it.

  “What was on it?” I repeat, slower this time. “And why did Cole have it?”

  Josh blows out a frustrated breath, the force hitting me in the face, and then he runs his hand over his hair. “He was starting to forget. He was seeing me as the good guy, as a friend, and the only way I knew he’d never forget what I’ve done was to see it actually happen.” He breathes again. “So, I showed him the worst.”

  God, no. Not that. Anything but that.

  “I gave him a clip of a recording that showed me trying to rid your body of the baby; of me trying to kill Danny before he was born,” he says, clarifying the details.

  “You did what?”

  I stop breathing at the sound of Brandon’s voice, my eyes snapping to his from where he’s standing at the railing on the landing that overlooks the living room, his angry eyes on Josh.

  This is not happening.

  21

  — Jamie —

  I followed Danny to his black, Ford Raptor, getting in the passenger side of the cab while thinking this is a rather expensive vehicle for a kid his age with a single mom on a law enforcement salary, but I don’t say that. I don’t know him well enough to dig in to those details of his life, even though that and more is exactly what I want to do. I want to know everything about him from the moment he was born until now. I should have had those years, but wasn’t granted the opportunity.

  I wronged his mother by not believing her, not trusting her, but I still should have been told and given the opportunity to be his dad. I wonder if it would have changed things had I known? Would I have given up Brandon to raise Danny? I have no doubt Julia would have tried her damnedest to take Brandon away from me had I known about my other son and chosen a different path, a different wife.

  I would have fought like hell for both of my sons. There is no doubt in my mind.

  The question is, why didn’t she tell me? I was an ass. I was more than an ass back then, but she could have blurted out, I’m pregnant, multiple times before I left. She could have called me. I didn’t keep the same cell phone number after I left home, but I know my mom would have given it to her had she asked for it.

  “Where are we going?” I ask after he’s been driving for five minutes.

  “Nowhere in particular.”

  “Danny.” I sigh, shaking my head. “Just take us back.”

  “No,” he deadpans. “You wanted to murder Josh. It was all over your face.”

  The anger I felt when I realized that motherfucker was the one that took my girl and tried to kill my unborn child comes roaring back and my body is on fire. “That’s exactly what I’m going to do, so turn the truck around.”

  “No,” he repeats. “That would be stupid. You won’t get one punch in before he lays you out.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, son.” I turn my head, eyeing him as he stares at the road. He eventually glances at me, sensing my stare. He didn’t call me out for calling him son, and a part of me is relieved. “I’m not looking to throw a few punches. I’m going to kill him.”

  “Mom’s going to kill him. Both of them. What video did Cole show you?”

  “What?” I ask, surprised. And then, realization hits me square in the chest—he knows.

  “I know a lot. More than I’m supposed to know. Mom and I don’t have secrets,” he admits, but then Danny goes quiet for a few seconds like he’s thinking. “There’s plenty she hasn’t told me, but she’s honest about not telling me things, details she doesn’t want anyone to know, and trust me on this, she certainly didn’t want you to know, so the fact that Cole showed it to you without clearing it with her first, isn’t go
ing to go over well.”

  “How do you know if she didn’t tell you?”

  “I know she was kidnapped the day she found out she was pregnant with me. I know she never got a chance to tell you before Josh took her.” He glances out of his peripheral. “And before you ask, there isn’t much I’m going to tell you either. It isn’t my place. It’s Mom’s, and I won’t betray her trust even on things I know that I’m not supposed to know.”

  “She won’t even have a conversation about why she never told me about you, so how else am I supposed to find out if she’s going to close me out?”

  “You already know some of it, thanks to Cole, so give her a minute to breathe. But know this, she may never tell you all of it. Do I agree? No, but the thing about Mom is, she thinks she has to protect everyone. You have to understand, the weight of the whole world is on her shoulders, and when it comes to protecting the people she loves most, there is nothing she won’t do, and if that means keeping things secret, then she will sacrifice everything and anything to do that.”

  I let his words sink in, absorbing them and trying to understand. I don’t, but it’s apparent Jenna has raised a smart kid.

  “Why are you so cool about this?” I ask, needing to know. “Why doesn’t this bother you? If I had never known my father and just up and met him one day, I wouldn’t be calm.”

  “I never said it didn’t bother me. Yeah, I know who you are.” He sighs and then takes one hand off the steering wheel, running his hand through his black hair. “But I’ve always known who you are. You aren’t a shock to me like I am to you. And I get that you are. It’s fine.”

  “It’s not fine, Danny. None of this is fine. I should have known about you from day one. What happened to your mom shouldn’t have happened. Life wasn’t supposed to have been like this.”

  “Who are you to say this wasn’t exactly how it was supposed to turn out.”

  “Because she was the one I was supposed to marry and have a life with. She was the one I was supposed to have all of my kids with,” I rush out like I can’t get my words out fast enough.

  “And then if that had happened, if things had gone according to your plan, then Brandon wouldn’t be my brother. He wouldn’t exist. My girlfriend wouldn’t even exist. And do you know how many women would have suffered the same fate as my mom?” He stops talking and glances at me long enough to arch an eyebrow.

  “No, but—”

  “Uh huh.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know how many either, but the chances are high that it would be in the hundreds, maybe even thousands. Shit happens for a reason, man. Life isn’t set in stone. Every path changes based on our decisions and the things we do. Does it suck that I grew up without a dad? Sure. And I’m sorry if you take this the wrong way, but I’d take my brother being in existence over that life every single time. It is what it is, and you’re going to have to learn to live with it.”

  “You know what that motherfucker did to your mom and you’re okay with it?” I ask, not guarding my choice of words or my tone. I’m not mad at him, but if there is something I need to understand, then it’s this.

  “No,” he bites out angrily. “That’s one of the things I’m not supposed to know, but I do, and I can’t change it. Doing something about it would not only cost me my girlfriend, but it would paint her father in a picture that she doesn’t need to have of him.”

  “Are you—” He holds up his hand, stopping me.

  “I’m not finished, old man. I will not do that to Maggie, and I won’t let anyone else do it to her either, not even you.” For a second, I feel guilty, because I had been about to blow up in front of Josh’s kid without any regard to her being there. “Brandon doesn’t know either, and I want to keep it that way. Whether you like it or not, he loves my mom, and he doesn’t need that shit in his head.”

  “But you do?”

  “No,” he agrees. “But like I said, it is what it is, and there is no undoing it. I can’t unsee what I saw.”

  “For the record, I’m thirty-six. I’m not fuckin’ old.” He laughs, and for the first time I feel like I can breathe. I’m still tangled up in knots over so many things I don’t even know which one to start with first, but I’m at least marginally better than I was when I was standing inside Jenna’s house only a few feet from Josh Breckett.

  “I guess it’s easier for me to accept what Josh did because I know who he is today and what he’s done to make sure other women don’t go through what my mom did.”

  “That doesn’t make it okay. That doesn’t change what he did.”

  “No, it doesn’t, but he hasn’t stopped repenting for all the bad he’s done since he let Mom go. That has to count for something,” he reasons with me, but I still don’t agree with him. I won’t. I can’t. There are no excuses for that level of evil. Once an evil person, always an evil person. And if not evil, it still lives inside of him somewhere, looking for the opportunity to come back out.

  “We’ll just have to agree to disagree on that, Danny.”

  “Cole will be lucky if he doesn’t get his ass beat for showing you the video,” Danny tells me, not addressing my last comment. His cell phone chimes with an incoming text message, but he doesn’t reach for his phone.

  “Your mom okay with your use of adult language?”

  “No.” He laughs.

  “Well, I’m not either.”

  “Don’t really care what you’re okay with if I’m being honest with you, old man,” he says, emphasizing this title he’s placed upon me. I don’t call him on it again. If anything, I’m taking that as a step closer to Dad.

  “Yeah, and I wish you’d tell me everything you know if I’m being honest with you, son.”

  “Like I said before, I’m not telling you. It’s not my place. It’s Mom’s and Mom’s alone to decide what she does and doesn’t want you to know.” He picks up his cell, eyeing the screen, and then places it back down. “The way I see it, maybe you should consider yourself lucky. Even though I wouldn’t change knowing the things I do, that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes wish I didn’t know. Sometimes being oblivious sounds like bliss,” he admits.

  “Stop cussing.”

  “Stop telling me what to do,” he fires back, but it doesn’t go unnoticed that there isn’t any heat behind his words.

  “That isn’t going to happen from here on out.”

  His eyes flick to mine for a split second. “Don’t think I’m going to start guarding my words for you.” Then he slows, getting into the left turn lane and makes a U-turn, heading back the way he just came; back to his mother I’m hoping. She might not want to have this discussion, but it’s past due to get everything out in the open. Danny says I should consider myself lucky, and maybe he can say that knowing what he knows, but I can’t. There are too many ifs rolling around in my head. I have to know everything, and I need to hear it from his mom.

  Be ready, baby, because we’re having this talk whether you want to or not.

  22

  — Jenna —

  At my request, Josh left not long after Maggie did. Brandon was having a hard time looking at him and not getting angry. He doesn’t understand, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to help him with the war raging inside his head. He feels so much more than any other person I’ve ever met, or maybe he just allows others to see it whereas a lot of us hide our emotions, guarding them. He’s like his father in that sense. I guess I never really realized that until now.

  Seth and Trey haven’t breathed one word, and Cole keeps avoiding eye contact with me. “I don’t get it, Jen.” Brandon stares at me with confused eyes, imploring me to explain.

  “Yeah,” Seth agrees, piping up. “Neither do we, kid.” His dark eyes bore into mine.

  “Brandon, honey.” I look at him with as much sympathy as I can muster. “You weren’t supposed to hear any of that. I’m sorry that you did.”

  “Why would Josh hurt you and try to kill Danny before he was born?”

  “Remember h
ow I told you the reason I joined the FBI was because I wanted to help those that have been affected by human trafficking, because I had once been kidnapped and taken against my will?”

  “Yeah, of course.” He nods.

  “Josh was the one that took me.”

  “What?”

  “Brando, it was such a long time ago and so much has changed since then. Josh being the biggest one of those changes. He isn’t that person anymore.”

  “He said he beat you and tried to kill my brother.”

  “Maybe you need to watch the video again because if you saw what I saw, you wouldn’t be so quick to forgive that sick fuck,” Seth says, his voice rising with every word that comes out of his mouth.

  “Dammit, Seth. I was there! I lived it and I went through it alone. Who I forgive is my business. I don’t need to watch anything. I remember every second of it.”

  “I want to watch it,” Brandon declares.

  “Hell. No.” I look up, seeing Danny and Jamie coming through the front door. “You’re never watching any of them. Trust me when I say you don’t want those images in your head.”

  I’d suspected my son knew more than I’d told him, but I wasn’t for sure until right now. The question is, how much does he know and did someone tell him or did he go snooping on his own? I’m really hoping it’s the latter. I can understand Josh’s need to not just tell Cole, but to also show him. I get that, and I can even understand why Cole did what he did. I’m surprised by it, though I shouldn’t be. He’s been keeping a massive secret from the one person he loves most in this world. He did it for Jamie. I know that’s the only reason he held it in as long as he did. He loves Jamie’s boys as if they were his own sons, and just like Malachi, I know there is nothing Cole wouldn’t do to protect Danny and Brandon.