by Lois Richer
“Yes. Reality bites. Rafe wasn’t the man I’d dreamed he was. Our so-called love was all in my mind.”
Mac could see her struggling not to show her distress over that discovery. Since the day they’d first met, he’d understood that Adele needed to replace the painful memory of her parents’ bitter marriage and abusive home life.
“I finally realized that marrying Rafe would be repeating the ugliness of my parents’ marriage.” She shook her head to emphasize her words. “I won’t do that, Mac. I will not subject myself or anyone else to the hate and misery of that. I experienced it as a kid. I’m never going there again. Rafe was the second guy I trusted and then realized didn’t really love me.”
Mac sat up straight at the news. Delly had loved someone else?
“So I’ve reaffirmed my decision never to marry,” she said firmly. “I don’t think I could endure the failure.”
“Not necessarily gonna happen,” he murmured, but she ignored him.
“You know me and my past. My parents—my childhood dug marks too deep. Even when they were finally splitting up they couldn’t agree on parenting, so Gina and I were sent to foster care.” She swallowed hard. Seeing her so determined not to cry made Mac feel helpless. “How could they do that to their own kids?”
“I don’t know, Del—”
“So-called love wreaked havoc with my self-esteem.” Adele straightened, control regained. “It was even worse this time to realize Rafe was prepared to pretend to love me, but only as long as I fit the mold he had. Love tore my family apart, Mac. I thought I was over the effects of that, but here I am, reliving the same old feelings. Love costs too much. I want no part of it.”
“Adele, love has given you so much,” Mac countered, hating to see her so distraught. “Tillie and Margaret took you, Victoria, Olivia and Gemma from the foster system before you were teens. The four of you grew up here at The Haven surrounded by so much love from those two ladies that the rest of us local kids envied you.” He brushed his hand against her cheek before quietly continuing. “You and your foster sisters have two aunts that adore you. And you have one another to lean on.”
“True,” she agreed solemnly, her gaze holding his. “And we love that the aunties did that for us.”
“But?” Mac hated that she couldn’t seem to break free of her past.
“This sounds a little schoolgirlish, but I’ve always longed to have what other girls had,” she whispered. “Boyfriends, somebody who loved me enough that I never doubted it.”
“I don’t count?” Mac arched his brows.
“You were my best friend, Mac, and that counts for a lot. But you never loved me,” she said. “Not romantically. We’re just friends.”
“Just.” His mouth turned down. Adele had been a huge part of his life before he’d left home. Was he going to lose all that? “Friendship’s not enough now?”
“It’s a great deal, Mac, and I will always treasure it.” Her hand closed around his and squeezed it. “But my escape from the past was always a dream about a fairy-tale love that would override my past.” She withdrew her hand. “Hasn’t happened and I doubt it ever will.”
“That’s why you went out with Kent Krane from high school.” He gaped when she nodded. “I always wondered what you saw in him.”
“Kent was handsome enough to be a Prince Charming, but he wasn’t for me.” She smiled sadly. “Before I met Rafe, after Jeff dumped me—”
“Jeff?” Mac frowned.
“A guy from my church in Edmonton.” Adele sighed. “I dated several. I’d pray about those dates, wait for God to stop me or let me know those men weren’t the one. When He didn’t, I’d go out for coffee with them. Or lunch. Or to adult fellowship. Whatever.” She couldn’t read Mac’s expression, but she was pretty sure he thought she was an idiot. “None of them fit my list.”
“Until Rafe.” He waited for her nod. “Let me guess. He was attentive, he was fun and he made your heart speed up.”
“Yes, all of it.” She thrust out her chin when he smiled. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing if he was the one. But he wasn’t. Can I take a stab at guessing why?”
“I already told you why. But go ahead.” Adele looked as if she wished she’d never told him anything.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you, dear friend Adele, like perfection. Never a hair out of place, even when you’re cooking full tilt. Your chef’s whites are probably always pristine, right?”
“I try,” she acknowledged. “So what? You’re making me sound as if I’m suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder,” she complained.
“No, I’m not saying that at all.” Mac paused.
While recuperating after the amputation, he’d had sessions with a psychotherapist, during which Mac had talked about Adele, a lot. It had helped him avoid facing his own truth. The therapist had offered insights that helped Mac understand much more about her and about his friendship with her. Maybe he should shut up now, but Delly was his friend and he wanted to help her.
“What are you saying, Mac?” she demanded in a testy tone.
“Sweetie, you were a kid who lived in a place of turmoil. Everybody deals with things differently. After my brother died, I rode broncs, the worst ones. I needed to feel like I was challenging life.”
“You were.” Adele tossed him a cheeky grin.
“Agreed. You coped with your messed-up world by learning to bring order from chaos. Once you had things in order, perfect, you were able to deal with them.”
“I guess.” At least she was listening.
“Delly, I think it’s the same in your love life. You’re looking for perfection.” Mac met her glare head-on. “I mean that sincerely. Even today, after a long car ride with two active kids, you look as if you stepped off a magazine page.” He grinned as a thump sounded from the depths of the house. “The kids did, too, though I doubt they do now.”
She rolled her eyes.
“What I’m trying to say is that there’s no man alive who could get a perfect grade from you.” He immediately wished those words unsaid.
“That’s not very nice, Mac,” she snapped, making her sound cold, the pain in her eyes telling Mac that he’d gone too far. And Adele Parker was anything but cold. “I only told you that so that you’d understand why I am no longer considering marriage.”
“You couldn’t maybe consider living with less than your dream of husband perfection?” he teased, striving for a little lightness. When she shook her head, he sighed. “So instead you’ll settle for single parenthood.” Mac squeezed his eyes closed, then sighed. “I give up.”
* * *
Adele didn’t like Mac saying he gave up on her. But she didn’t have time to think about it before his next question.
“What’s the news on your sister?” he asked.
“There isn’t any.” Adele sighed with frustration before explaining, “As you know, Gina went to a foster home like me. After that, it’s as if she disappeared. No one in the foster system can or will tell me anything. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever find her.”
“You will.” Mac sounded confident.
“God willing.” She wanted to see Gina so badly. God didn’t want her to marry but didn’t He want her reunion with Gina?
“How did you get involved with Francie and Franklyn?” Mac asked.
“After Victoria had baby Grace I guess my maternal instinct kicked in. I never realized how much I love kids until I held Grace. I was already involved with the Big Sister program, but little Grace got me interested in foster parenting, just on weekends mostly. Or overnight. That’s how I met the twins. They stole my heart.”
“I can understand that. They’re quite the pair.” Mac smiled.
“Since marriage isn’t an option, I’ve decided to build my family by adoption while I keep searching for Gina
.” She held her breath, hoping for his approval.
But Mac frowned. “Um, Adele—”
“Please don’t lecture me how I’m going about it all wrong, Mac. How I need to be married to have kids, how a man should be part of the twins’ lives.” Adele made a face. “People always say that’s God’s ideal plan, and given the perfect partner, I’d agree. But I haven’t found him, and life is moving on.”
“We’re the same age. We’re not old!” Mac’s protest made her smile. “Are we?”
“No,” she said gently. “But it’s not about you and me, Mac. Those two sweet kids lost their parents in a car accident. They don’t have a mom and a dad anymore.” The usual bubble of anger built inside her. “They’re growing up being shuffled from one crowded foster home to the next. That’s not right. Francie and Franklyn can’t wait for my Prince Charming to show up.”
If Mac was surprised by her passion, he didn’t show it. He simply waited for her to continue.
“I’d go to the foster care office and keep seeing Francie’s and Franklyn’s sad little faces as they waited to be shunted to their next home.” She pursed her lips. “Do you know what their foster parents complained about most?”
Mac frowned, shook his head.
“That they’re too wild. That was one of Rafe’s issues, too.” She wrinkled her nose at the memory, then continued. “They’re just normal, active, healthy kids who need some time and attention.” She thrust out her chin. “I’m going to give them that and lots of love.”
“Good for you.” Mac sounded sincere.
Somehow Adele hadn’t expected that acceptance. “Thank you.”
Unnerved by his intense scrutiny and the way it made her stomach do odd dances it had never done before, Adele shifted her gaze to the big kitchen window overlooking their valley. The late-afternoon sun sinking behind the not-too-distant peaks of the Canadian Rockies turned the sky into a wild profusion of oranges, reds and purples that seemed full of possibility.
That was why she’d come back to The Haven. For the possibility of having a family to love.
“Are you really okay about your breakup, Delly?”
“Totally.” She faced him, her heart thudding with pleasure at the sight of that familiar, tousled beach-bum-blond hair. “I’m so glad you’re back, Mac,” she said quietly. “I’ve missed you.”
“Because your beau is gone?” His mouth spread wide in a teasing grin.
“No. Because you’ve always been my best friend. I doubt you’ve missed me, though.” She studied his face. “You haven’t texted or emailed in ages.”
“No.” Mac met her stare with a blank look, then changed the subject. “Dad said there have been a lot of foster kids staying here lately.”
“He didn’t explain? That’s my foster aunties’ newest ministry. That’s why I’m here.” Seeing his confusion, Adele clarified, “Tillie and Margaret had this genius idea that The Haven could become a temporary refuge for troubled foster kids. They decided this big old house with its attached grounds, cabins and acres of forest were perfect for it, so they convinced Victoria to become managing director of their new outreach. It’s really taken off.”
“Those ladies just can’t stop being missionaries, can they? Not even after retiring from the mission field, raising you four foster girls or ministering through their letter writing campaign to folks serving in the military. And that’s not mentioning all their church work.” He shook his head. “Not exactly a quiet retirement.”
“I doubt the aunties will ever stop being missionaries,” Adele said fondly.
“I was the recipient of a few of their letters while I was flying, you know. Their ability to encourage and inspire is amazing.” Mac’s eyes softened, his voice affectionate. “I admire the ladies for starting another undertaking in what—their seventies?”
“Seventy-five, but Aunt Tillie and Aunt Margaret won’t let age stop them. Now that Vic’s on board she’s pushing to add even more activities, which I’m guessing is why she suggested trail rides to your dad.” She glanced around. “I’m here to handle the kitchen end of the operation.”
“Good for you, Delly,” he cheered.
“We’ll see.” Adele pushed the plate of wafers toward him. “Store-bought, I’m afraid, but help yourself.” As he eagerly grabbed three she said, “Hey, if you’re going to be around for a while, you can be the official taste tester for my baking.” Maybe then Mac would explain his plans.
“I happen to be extremely good at tasting baking, especially if it’s not from Mom’s kitchen.” He chuckled at her grimace. “What’s the pay for an official taste tester, Chef Adele?”
“Food. And you can use me as a reference.” She liked the way his smile lit up his whole face. Mac didn’t just nod like Rafe did while he continued with his own thoughts. Mac really listened. “You’re back to take over the Double M.” His face altered so she added uncertainly, “That’s the plan, isn’t it?”
“Once it was.” Mac swept the crumbs off the place mat and into his napkin, but his expression gave away little. “The parents certainly think their ranch is where I belong.”
“You don’t?” She blinked in surprise at his diffident response.
“The ranch, especially the stables, was always Carter’s dream.” His face tightened. When Carter, his elder brother, had died over ten years ago from brain cancer, Adele had comforted Mac through his loss. “I haven’t quite figured out my future, Delly.”
“But you are finished with the military?”
Mac McDowell had been the talk of nearby Chokecherry Hollow when, in the middle of his second year of college, he’d deserted his agricultural studies for the military. Now he was home again.
“Well, I’m back on the ranch.” Mac’s lips pinched tight before he forced a grin on his handsome face. His words made it sound like nothing had changed.
But Adele wasn’t so sure that was true. Today everything felt different. Her bestie didn’t seem the same and it wasn’t only because Mac had lost part of his arm. She had a strange feeling that he needed her help, though she wasn’t sure with what or that he would even accept it.
“So now what, Mac?” she pressed.
Chapter Two
Exactly. Now what?
Mac had no clue. That was why he’d come to The Haven today. He’d hoped to talk to Adele’s aunts, to seek their advice about finding God’s plan for his future. The army chaplain had insisted He had one, but if so, Mac couldn’t figure it out.
“Hey, pal. Did I say something wrong?” Adele’s perfect heart-shaped face scrunched up with concern, golden brows drawn together.
“No, I’m just not sure what comes next for me. Mom and Dad have talked for years about taking a cruise to Australia. They’re hinting that I could run the ranch, decide if I want to do it permanently, while they’re away.” His eyes darkened. “I want them to go. Dad’s heart isn’t great. I know it’s the stress of the ranch. They deserve a holiday. But...”
Mac hated the uncertainty in his voice. It sounded like weakness and he despised being weak almost as much as he despised himself for not owning up to his mistake, the one that caused his accident, the one that cost...
“You don’t feel well enough to take over?” Adele frowned. “How long ago was the crash, Mac? No one told me about it or I’d have come to see you.”
“I didn’t want visitors.”
When she blinked at his harsh tone Mac forced himself to relax. Adele had always tried to fix things. For everyone. She didn’t know that what he’d done was unfixable and, if he wasn’t careful, with her intuition she might learn the truth about his accident. Mac did not want that.
“The crash happened months ago, Delly, and it was a long, hard recovery. It’s a good thing you didn’t see how bad a patient I was,” he teased, then quickly changed the subject. “Anyway, it’s your own fault you didn’t hear. Y
ou’ve been living it up in Edmonton. Everyone in town is raving about your success, Madame Chef.”
“Catering for the bigwigs and all their corporate parties was fun,” Adele agreed. “But after breaking up with Rafe—” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but there was a glint in those eyes that told Mac differently. “It was time to move on. Anyway, I want to be part of this new work at The Haven. But we were talking about you.”
“Not much to say.” Now he was the one pretending. “I lost my hand and part of my arm when I crashed because I took stupid, reckless chances. I deserve what I got.” Dave didn’t. He shook off the guilty despair that always hovered. “At least my brain still works. Mostly.”
“Stop doing that, will you?” No surprise, Adele wasn’t buying his pretense. “We’ve been friends a long time, Mac. Even though we’ve been out of touch for a while, I can still tell when you’re not okay. Tell me what’s really bothering you.”
“Bossy as ever, aren’t you?” But he couldn’t lie, not with always-tell-the-truth Delly. “I guess I’m afraid to take over the ranch.”
“Got that. Why?”
“It’s taking me a while to come to terms with not flying again, not feeling that rush of excitement.” Mac knew his response wouldn’t end her questions and it wasn’t the whole truth, but he couldn’t possibly tell her everything. “Ranching now seems pretty tame compared to flying.”
“Tame? You always loved ranching.” Adele frowned, obviously trying to understand. “Chokecherry Hollow’s rodeo starts next week. Granted it’s not the world’s largest, but you never met a rodeo you didn’t enter.”
“I can’t ride anymore, Delly.” He moved his stump.
“Why not?” As kids, she’d always played tough guy, countering his excuses with perfect logic, just like now. “You never needed two hands to ride broncs before, Mac. I distinctly remember you telling me it was all in the legs.”
“I’m still healing from my injuries,” he quipped, hating this defensive feeling.
“Making ranching and riding impossible?” Frowning, Adele leaned forward to peer into his eyes. “Impossible has never been in your vocabulary, McDowell. What’s the real reason you don’t want to stay on the Double M?”