by Lois Richer
But denying Adele the chance to find her sister was unbearable. Both were impossible choices.
“Mac?” Gabe stuck his head in the door. “We’ve got to round up those steers for market now.”
“Be right there.” Mac rose, dressed in his warmest clothes and grabbed a light snack to eat while they were in the west pasture. He saddled his horse and headed out to the roughest territory on the Double M. As he and Gabe corralled the selected animals, Mac put everything else on the back burner.
He’d think of a way to give Adele this maybe-lead about her sister later.
Chapter Ten
There was something seriously wrong with Mac.
As they sat beside each other in church, Adele couldn’t help noticing that he didn’t sing the Christmas carols with his usual gusto. He’d also missed dinner the last two nights and appeared to have forgotten all about his latest idea of a daylong ski venture when she’d brought up the subject this morning before the service began.
What was going on with her best friend?
“Today marks the second Sunday of Advent,” the pastor said as he closed his sermon. “The wise men probably didn’t arrive until long after the birth of Jesus but consider their gifts. Gold, frankincense and myrrh. Not practical gifts like diapers or baby food. But gifts fit for a king. What will your gift to God be this Christmas? Humility? Thoughtfulness? Sacrifice?”
Troubled by Mac’s odd behavior, Adele struggled to pay attention to the pastor’s comments. She rose slowly when the congregation was dismissed. Mac remained seated.
“Congratulations, you two.” The pastor’s wife beamed at them.
“Uh, thanks.” Adele glanced at Mac, who rose, appearing just as confused as she felt. “For what exactly?”
“On your engagement, of course. It’s wonderful, and of course, none of us had any idea you two were even dating.” The woman gushed on about weddings and future children. Adele was too stunned to interrupt.
“Wait.” Mac seemed to have finally broken free of his daze. “What did you say?”
“Francie and Franklyn told us all this morning. We’re so—” Suddenly the woman’s expression altered. She glanced at Adele’s bare ring finger then sighed. “They were making it up, weren’t they?”
“I’m afraid so. Mac and I aren’t engaged. We’re just friends.” Adele tamped down her irritation with the twins to glance at her friend, who appeared more stunned than angry. “I’ve been working hard to correct the twins’ habit of these fabrications. In fact, I thought they’d accepted—”
A lineup of people had formed behind the pastor’s wife, all of them bearing knowing grins.
“Oh, no.” Adele hated the attention that denying the engagement would bring. Why had the twins done it and how could she make them truly understand that she wasn’t marrying anyone, that they wouldn’t have a new daddy? Why now?
“Sorry everyone.” Mac’s raised voice echoed around the sanctuary. “The story isn’t true so there’s no need for congratulations. Adele and I are just friends.”
Confusion mixed with surprised murmurs filled the room. Then, smiles sagging, the group melted away, leaving her and Mac alone.
“Let’s go get them.” Adele picked up her purse and stepped into the aisle. As she did, her heel caught on the rug. Before she could topple over, Mac’s arm slid around her waist and held her as she regained her balance.
And suddenly, in that moment, Adele wished the twins had been telling the truth, that she and Mac were engaged to be married, that they could give Francie and Franklyn their dream of a family. Truthfully, in her heart of hearts, Adele wanted exactly what other young couples took for granted: the pure simple gift of love from someone who supported you and cherished you and made each moment part of a lifetime of love.
Only—she didn’t love Mac. Did she?
Even if these odd stirrings inside could be called love, what would happen to the twins when that love faded, died?
Because that was what love did.
“Adele? You okay?” he asked when she didn’t pull away.
“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” She gathered her composure to face the people still milling around the foyer. Then Mac’s hand covered hers, shattering her serenity with such a rush of longing she was afraid to look at him for fear he’d see. Where had this need come from?
“Don’t be too hard on them, please, Delly.”
“How can you say that?” she asked. “They’ve embarrassed us badly.”
“Francie and Franklyn are only going after what they want, in the only way they know,” he murmured. “They’re trying to control their world, a world that hasn’t made any sense since they lost their family. I don’t want to see them crushed, not so close to Christmas.”
“Then I think you should be there when I explain you and I aren’t getting married.” She expected him to refuse, to make an excuse. But Mac simply shrugged.
“I’d like to tell them, if you don’t mind.”
Adele was so surprised by his take-charge attitude that it took a moment to gather her wits and follow him to the children’s area. Francie and Franklyn were the last two children left with the worker. Sensing that they needed time alone together, the older woman said a sweet goodbye to the twins before hurrying away.
“We tole everybody.” Francie’s chin jutted out as if she were ready for a fight.
“You told them Adele and I are getting married.” Mac’s gentle voice held no recriminations. He sat down on the floor in front of the two children and nodded. “But that isn’t true, so do you think that was the right thing to do?”
Franklyn hung his head, but Francie was not so easily deterred.
“Yep, ’cause you and Delly love each other, don’t cha?”
Adele gulped. And there it was. The truth as plain as a four-year-old child could make it. She did love Mac. But—
“We do love each other, sweetheart.” Mac leaned forward to push the curls away from Francie’s face. He cupped his hand against her cheek, his eyes brimming with the same tenderness that infused his words. “We love each other very much.”
Adele’s heart stopped. Mac loved her? Joy billowed inside.
“As friends, Francie.”
And like a pricked balloon, Adele’s joy collapsed.
“Delly and I have been very good friends for a long time, since before you and Franklyn were even born.” He smiled as Francie’s eyes grew huge. “We care about each other very much, honey, but not in the way married people need to care. That’s a special kind of love. It’s much different than friendship.”
Was it really? Adele thought about Victoria and Ben. They were best friends. They cared for and depended on each other. They shared good times and bad just like other couples in the church did. Love hadn’t worked for her parents nor for her. But she was beginning to accept that it did work for some people.
If she took a chance, could love work for her?
“Not everybody gets to share love like your parents, Francie. Delly and I love each other as friends, but we don’t love each other enough to get married.”
And there she had it, Adele decided ruefully, feeling suddenly bereft, as if she’d had a chance to grab a precious gift and missed. Even if she was willing to take a chance on love, Mac had just said he didn’t love her. Not romantically. Why? Because she wasn’t the kind of woman a man committed to for life?
“Did you have anything to add, Adele?” Mac’s quiet question drew her from her introspection. Worry darkened Francie’s eyes.
“I need to make sure you and Franklyn understand this, Francie. Mac and I are not getting married. We’re not going to be a family with him. Francie and Franklyn and me—that will be our family. Period.” She paused and glanced at Mac, who nodded his encouragement. “I know you guys want more, but that’s the best I can do.”
“But—”
>
Adele shook her head, inhaled and plunged ahead.
“If my kind of family isn’t enough for you, Francie, if you and Franklyn must have a family with a mom and a dad, then I’m sorry but I can’t adopt you.”
“Then we couldn’t live at The Haven no more,” Franklyn muttered, head bent.
“I guess not.” Adele wouldn’t pretend the twins could remain because she knew that when their care worker realized adoption was out, she might transfer them somewhere else. The thought of losing these two precious kids made her heart ache, but to prolong the misery, to keep trying to parent when she’d never be their mom would break her heart.
“So?” Mac nudged when neither child spoke for several long minutes.
“You couldn’t find us a different daddy?” The beseeching in Francie’s glossy eyes begged Adele to reconsider. But pretending life was perfect when it wasn’t? She’d been doing that for years. It didn’t work. Slowly she shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“I won’t be your daddy,” Mac crooned in such a tender voice. “But I’ll still be around. And I’ll love you and care about you forever, no matter what happens.”
“Sure?” Franklyn’s question conveyed a tinge of desperation.
“Positive.” Mac shook his head. “You won’t be able to get rid of me.”
But there was a tremor in the words that made Adele scrutinize him. He really loves Francie and Franklyn, she thought, amazed to see that love glowing in his aqua eyes. Mac truly means to be here for them.
And for me?
“I guess it’s okay,” Francie said after the two children shared a glance.
“You mean you want me to adopt you so we can be a family?” Adele clarified, thinking that it wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement of her bid for motherhood.
“Uh-huh.” Franklyn nodded. “An’ we won’t lie no more,” he said sternly to Francie.
“’Kay.” The little girl stood. “Can we go eat? I’m hungry.”
Mac’s shout of laughter killed the tension in the room.
“Me, too,” he told the kids as he, too, rose and shepherded everyone into the foyer. “Is it okay if I come for lunch?” he murmured to Adele.
“I’d like that.” Actually I’d like more than that. She stifled the errant thought before it exploded into something she couldn’t have. Instead she focused on securing the children in their car seats. But as she drove home, Adele knew she’d come to a turning point in her life.
Since the twins were now willing to be adopted, she was going to petition for an adoption hearing as soon as possible. Hopefully, when a date was set, she could talk Mac into coming with her because she was going to need a friend’s support.
Somehow she’d learn to be content with his friendship.
* * *
“You know how to control that horse, Eddie. Now go ahead and do it.” Mac watched the twelve-year-old take charge of his mount, a burst of satisfaction filling him that in a mere two days this kid had gone from scared and trembling to confident, at least when it came to his horse.
“You’ve done an amazing job with him.” Adele stood at the fence rail, cheeks rosy from the cold, knitted hat covering her glorious hair, but her smile wide and as beaming as ever. Her red-gloved hands applauded. “Bravo, teacher Mac.”
“It’s not me, it’s Eddie. He’s finding his groove.” In the two days since their temporary “engagement,” Mac had tried to figure out why he felt so down. Adele was still his best friend, but it seemed like a barrier had come between them, and he knew why.
Gina.
The twins weren’t the only ones who clung to Christmas dreams. At every opportunity Delly mentioned finding her sister before Christmas. And every time, guilt piled on Mac’s conscience.
The only way to alleviate that burden was to find a way to give Adele the maybe-lead to Gina. Perhaps then the weight of guilt he constantly carried would lift just a little. He’d phoned again yesterday. This time a different person had answered and repeated that she didn’t think there was anyone named Parker coming to the center.
Didn’t think. He’d have to call again, make certain it was a false lead. Delly deserved that.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“Not worth it.” Mac was glad Adele couldn’t read his mind. “Cold?”
“Nope, the joy of the Christmas season warms me.” Her eyes widened. “Your mom and dad will soon be back.”
“I guess. Slow him down a bit, Eddie,” he called. “Don’t want him to get too warm. You’re doing great.”
“How come Eddie gets special instructions?” she asked quietly.
“Because he goes back to Edmonton this evening and he needs some achievement, some progress to bolster him. Also, I have a hunch the foster home he’s in is abusive.” Mac pursed his lips, reminded again of the purple bruises he’d seen on the boy’s back when he’d fallen off yesterday. “I’m going to ask Vic to get his social worker to check out his situation.”
“You’ve really taken these kids under your wing. It’s very generous of you to take such an interest in them.” Adele sounded surprised and that bugged him.
“You didn’t think I’d care if some bully took out his bad humor on a kid?” What would Delly think if she knew how you’ve ignored Dave’s emails, hung up when you heard his voice at the center? Neglected to respond to your former commanding officer’s voice mails?
“Naturally you’d care, Mac. You were always great with kids. I hope you have a ton of your own.” Something on his face must have altered because she frowned and asked, “What did I say wrong?”
“Nothing.” I’ll never be a dad.
Change the subject.
“You looked pretty perky when you arrived,” he said. “What’s up?”
“We have six kids interested in your first daylong ski trip—next weekend if you’re game.” She laughed when he fist-pumped the cold air. “Didn’t think we’d have any takers?”
“You’re a good public relations agent, Delly.” He couldn’t smother his grin.
“I only reminded the last batch of kids of the fun they had at that rodeo you organized. They spread the word among their peers and voilà!” Suddenly her smile faded. “You’re sure it won’t be too much for you?”
“Nope. Gabe and I have it all planned out, with rest stops and lunches over campfires. I’ve gotten a lot stronger.” Adele’s face got a faraway look. “What are you thinking?”
“Just wishing Gina was here.” She sighed. “Everything is so wonderful. Tons of kids are hearing about God’s love and enjoying your ranch and The Haven. I want my sister to share in that.”
“She’ll show up one of these days,” Mac assured her, squeezing her hand while his brain condemned him for not pursuing the one paltry lead he had. “Be patient.”
“I guess. But I’m done being patient in another area.” Her stunning smile stopped his breathing. “Remember I told you I was going to ask the kids’ care worker to request an adoption hearing? Well, she did, and I got it.”
Delly’s amber eyes glittered with happiness. Her smile stretched all the way across her face. Even her voice oozed with joy. His heart thudded. This woman, this special woman reached in and grabbed his heart as no one ever had.
“Congratulations.” Mac couldn’t stop himself from bending so he could brush his lips against hers. “Mommy. Has a nice ring. What’s the date?”
“That’s why I came over when I should be baking Christmas cookies with Stella.” Adele’s face bore the same bemusement the twins had worn when they’d first gawked at his puppies. “I’m to meet the judge next Monday. Will you come with us, Mac?”
“Adele, are you sure?” He hated hesitating. He desperately wanted his best friend to be happy, but adoption was permanent, and he had this inner sense that Delly was making do, asking less from life than she truly wanted becaus
e—well, he wasn’t sure why.
“I’m positive.” Her smile melted, replaced by a frown. “You don’t think I should adopt Francie and Franklyn.”
“I didn’t say that.” After a nod at Gabe to take over with Eddie, Mac opened the gate and stepped out. He refastened the closure, trying to compose his thoughts. Finally, he laid his hand on her shoulder as if that would ease his words. “It’s a lot of responsibility to take on, Adele, and you’re already doing so much for The Haven. Plus, you’re taking care of your aunties, and they’re not young.”
“They’re not helpless, either. And when Gina comes, she’ll help.”
“You can’t depend on that, Delly. You don’t know if or when you’ll find her.”
Maybe she would if you ran that ad again, called the center again. Mac pushed away the nagging voice. Right now Gina wasn’t his concern. Adele was.
“I will find my sister,” she insisted.
“Yes, but— Listen to me, Adele.” He exhaled before bluntly asserting, “You cannot start these proceedings unless you’re absolutely certain about adoption.”
“Of course I’m certain.” She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “You sound like Rafe.” She frowned. “He was positive I couldn’t handle being a single mother, but I’ll have my aunties, my foster sisters, the church, the community, my friends.” Her smile flashed again. “It’s going to be so perfect.”
“No, it isn’t, Adele. It isn’t going to be perfect. There will be good times, but it’s also going to be hard, demanding and sometimes thankless. There may come a time when you might even regret doing it. Are you prepared for that?” The words snapped out of Mac before he could stop them.
“I’ll never regret it.” Adele’s blazing joy had drained away. “I’d hoped you’d take us to Edmonton on Monday, but don’t worry, I won’t bother you, Mac. Adopting the twins is all on me and that’s exactly what I want.” With tears rolling down her cheeks she stumbled away from him, got in her car and drove away.