by Katee Robert
“You sound like Elle.” Some of her seriousness melted away.“Though I can’t think of a single time I’ve met your mom when she’s actually treated me like a real human being.”
Ian winced. “She’s got her own ideas about what our lives should look like.”
“Your sister’s doesn’t include a nightclub owner, either.” She grinned. “I’ve waited years for Elle to stand up to your mom, and she finally did it for Gabe.”
“Right.” He scowled. “Gabe.”
“Take a chill pill, overprotective big brother. Gabe treats your sister like she’s spun glass, and the very ground she walks on is sacred.” Roxanne curled her lip in an exaggerated snarl. “Granted, he does all that without losing his man card and still manages to bring her out of her shell and expand her horizons and all that shit. It’s actually pretty damn impressive.”
“I’m sure.” Except he wasn’t. As much as his mother had her ideas about Elle ending up with a banker or a doctor or something, Ian had wanted her with an upstanding guy. He wasn’t sure Gabe fit the bill yet.
But he wasn’t taking Roxanne out to talk about his sister and the guy she was dead-set on marrying. He turned into the parking lot and followed her one-word directions to the Thai place. It was situated in what served as a strip mall—if a strip mall was 90 percent church. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “Spend a lot of time here?”
“You’re judging. I can tell.”
“I would never judge. Are you in the choir?”
She climbed out of the truck and straightened her dress. “Yep. Us choir girls know all the good sex tricks.” She waited until he rounded the front bumper to slip her arm through his and lean in.“If you’re really good, I’ll take you around the building and let you pin me against the back wall. I hear it’s what the kids are up to these days.”
Ian stopped walking. “You certainly have a way with words.”
“That’s what all the boys say.”
“You need to hang out with a different crowd.” He opened the door for her and let her precede him. She, of course, took the opportunity to rub her entire body against his. “Jesus Christ.”
“Now you’re getting it.” She winked at him over her shoulder and led the way to an open table.
The restaurant was barely more than a hole in the wall, though the building itself was new. The color scheme leaned toward red in a serious way, but it somehow managed to be calming instead of aggravating like most places would be. Maybe it was the low lighting or the fact that it was mostly empty, but this place seemed extremely chill and welcoming.
They sat down, and Roxanne slid the menu across to him. “The Massaman curry is phenomenal. The best in Spokane as far as I’m concerned.”
“You have a thing for food.” Which was why he’d suggested dinner in the first place.
“It’s what holds any party together. If the food is bad, the entire thing can go south pretty quickly. Good food keeps people in a better mood and decreases the chance of fights and stuff.” She shrugged. “Plus, life’s too short to eat things that don’t make your eyes roll back in your head from pleasure.”
“Noted.” He filed that piece of information away for later use.
After they’d given their order, he settled back in his chair. “So, did you grow up in Spokane?”
“You remember what kind of coffee I drink, but you don’t know the big details? How disappointing.”
Technically, Elle had told him bits and pieces about Roxanne’s life, but he was missing some of the more important parts. “Maybe I want to hear it from you.”
“Don’t you think we’re a little past the whole first- date conversation?”
There she went again, trying to put more distance between them. “Since this is our first date…nope.”
“You’re so difficult.”
“That’s what my mother’s always told me.” Roxanne rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay. Yes,
Charming, I’m born and raised in Spokane. I already know you were, because your darling sister was.” She sipped her Diet Coke. “Though I am kind of curious why you enlisted. Elle mentioned neither of your parents were particularly happy about that.”
He chose not to comment on the fact that she’d obviously paid nearly as much attention to mentions of him as he had to his sister talking about her. Instead, he focused on the question. “My dad would have been happy if I followed in his steps and gone into the farming business. My mom, well, you already know how she’d react.”
“That career is completely beneath the perfection that is my son.”
He choked. Damn, that impression was spot-on. “Yeah… Something like that.”
“Go figure.” She motioned for him to continue, and leaned forward to lace her fingers through his. The touch centered him enough to keep going.
“I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do after high school. Everyone had an idea, but none of them felt right. So I decided to take the path that would give me a few years to make up my mind and let me see a little bit of the world, too. I liked it well enough, so I re-upped for a second term.”
Roxanne propped her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. “Do you regret that choice?”
“Regret it?”
“Yeah, because, you know, the whole borderline- PTSD thing. That is what you have going on, isn’t it?” Ian blinked. Yes, he’d admitted that there were some serious things going on behind the scenes that he didn’t want to talk about, but it was a far cry from her calling him out like this. Not that she was wrong.
“More or less.”
“Right.” He waited for pity or something like it to show in her face, but she just nodded matter-of-factly. “My question stands—do you regret it?”
“I…” Did he? Would his life have been significantly simpler if he’d stayed home and gone to college like both his parents wanted? Probably. But try as he might, Ian couldn’t picture that life making him any happier than he was now. If he’d stayed, he would have resented the hell out of his job, and that kind of bitterness could cripple a man more thoroughly than the nightmares he suffered through these days. Besides, not everything he’d seen in the last ten years had been terrible, and he’d met some great people along the way. Hell, he probably never would have met Nathan if they weren’t both in the military. “No. I don’t think I do.”
“Good. Regret like that can eat you alive.” “Speaking from experience?”
Roxanne sat back as the waitress brought their food, taking her touch with her. It was only when the woman moved away that she spoke. “I don’t have any regrets. They’re a waste of time.” She said it without an ounce of emotion leaking through, which suggested she was lying. As if she sensed what he was thinking, she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “But that’s enough serious talk. Let’s move on to something fun. What’s your favorite position?”
Jesus Christ, this really was going to be the longest night of his life.
11
By the time Ian drove back into her office parking lot, Roxanne was a mess. After what happened in her office, she’d been sure she could keep the upper hand, but somewhere around the time they pulled into the parking lot of the Thai place, she’d forgotten all about guarding herself. She liked spending time with him. That feeling of being safe that he’d created while he held her hadn’t dissipated at all—if anything, it’d gotten stronger the more they talked.
The kicker of it was that she wanted him to feel as safe with her as she did with him. That’s why she’d picked the Taste of Thai. On top of having the best Thai food north of downtown, the restaurant itself was always quiet. She thought he’d appreciate the lack of frenetic pace that most big chain restaurants had.
It was part of the reason she’d held his hand on
the drive to the restaurant, made sure she touched him again while they were at the table, and had her hand on his thigh now.
The fact that she was even taking such things into consideration made her chest ache.
She wanted to spend more time with him—and not just naked time. She wanted to show him the bits and pieces she hid from everyone else. She wanted to be there for him while he readjusted to nonmilitary life. She wanted…a lot of things.
This is where it starts, baby girl. All those feel-good emotions running through you? Those fuck up your head. They make you believe in impossible things. It’s even worse if he’s right there with you, because he’s making promises he fully intends on keeping. He won’t, though. Something will happen and he’ll sit you down with regret in his eyes, and he’ll tell you that it’s not you—it’s him. You’ll lose your damn head, your heart, and your self-respect, and you’ll be left with nothing when it falls apart.
And it will fall apart. It always does.
God, her mother’s voice was so clear that she could have been sitting in the truck next to Roxanne, whispering in her ear. The truth of those words hammered down her cautious happiness, smothering it more thoroughly than if she’d been thrown headfirst into an icy lake. It would be far too easy to slide into this thing with Ian.
She wasn’t much a fan of repeating history. The
only way to save herself was to get out—sooner rather than later. “Well…this is me.” She reached for the passenger door handle, but his hand on her arm stopped her. She chose not to acknowledge how her stomach leaped and her heart tried to beat its way out of her chest at that little touch. It was just her body betraying her, hormones trying to make her believe truths she had no business considering.
“I had a really good time. Thank you.”
Hell, she did, too. And not just because she’d started off the date with an orgasm. Looking at his too-pretty-to-be-real face, she actually considered throwing caution to the wind and letting this play out. Maybe it wouldn’t end too terribly. Maybe she should stop being so terrified she’d end up bitter and alone like her mother and just enjoy the ride.
She wasn’t sure she could. Fear of the future held her too tightly. “Me, too.”
“Let’s do it again sometime.”
Danger, Will Robinson. Doing it again could turn into a string of dates leading up to some expected commitment—to some declaration of love. She didn’t doubt for a second that he’d feel it. Hell, she would, too. The very thought made her rub her arms like she was breaking out in hives. Their giddy, feel-good interactions wouldn’t last, though. Pretty soon the very things about her that he claimed to like so much would turn into things he couldn’t stand. They’d fight again and again, each time getting more and more vicious.
They’d scream unforgivable things at each other. It didn’t matter how great things were right now, the end result was still the same—they’d end up hating each other and going their separate ways. It might take weeks, months, years, but it would happen.
And then he would leave.
Still, she couldn’t quite make herself shoot him down. “We’ll see.” She opened the truck door and slipped free of his grip. Even now, she wanted to invite him over, if only so they could keep the magic of the night going. When she was with him, she wasn’t worried about the future. Hell, she hadn’t even thought about it until just now.
Roxanne pushed the unlock button, so caught up in her own world that she didn’t realize Ian had gotten out of his truck until he spun her around and pressed her against her car. “You forgot something.”
With the full length of his body against hers, it was really hard to think. Maybe it was time to reconsider hot monkey sex? She was already in trouble, so it wasn’t like things could get much worse. She tried really hard not to stare at his mouth. “Uh…I did?”
“Yeah.” He traced her bottom lip with his thumb, the touch sending desire curling through her. How the hell did he manage to do that, again and again, with only the barest of touches? It didn’t make any sense, but she couldn’t concentrate enough to figure out how he did it.
He kissed her, but he didn’t stop at her mouth. He
worked his way over her jawline and down her neck, giving a whole lotta attention to the sensitive spot where her neck met her shoulders. Oh my. Her knees buckled, and Ian—of course—caught her.The fact that she just assumed he’d catch her almost shoved her out of her sensual haze, but then he set his teeth against her skin and all rational thought fled.
Just when she thought he’d take it to the next level—lift her against the car and make her scream his name right here in the parking lot—Ian groaned and stepped back. “You make it really hard to keep my control.”
She reached for him before she could stop herself. “Then why stop?”
“Because.” He caught her hands and pressed a kiss to each palm before he let go and took another step back, taking the heat of his body with him. He shook his head as if coming out of a daze. “Because, Roxanne, as much fun as this is, I’m not looking for a booty call.”
She laughed. “What are you saying? You want to
date-date me?” “Actually, yeah.”
Her laugh died in the face of how serious he was, desire replaced with something closer to fear. “You’re joking.”
“I’d rather not ruin a fantastic night by arguing.”
Ian ducked in, kissed her again, and was out of reach before she could respond. Because, really, what was she going to say? No, you beautiful man, I can’t date you because, not only are you my best friend’s older brother—and therefore off-limits—but you make me feel things that are so far outside my comfort level, I don’t even know where to start. And I really like you, which just means this entire thing will end in tears. Yeah, that sounded so freaking well-adjusted it wasn’t even funny.
Then again, she wasn’t exactly the picture you’d see when you looked up “well-adjusted” in the dictionary. More like neurotic.
By the time she got a handle on the crazy train of her thoughts, Ian was in his truck. He didn’t pull away, though. Apparently he was going to sit there like a goddamn gentleman and wait for her to get into her car and drive away. Which totally shouldn’t piss her off…but it did.
Why couldn’t he be an asshole? Pretty much every other guy she’d run across had been—even the ones who were self-proclaimed “nice guys.” Gritting her teeth and telling herself that being pissed wasn’t a legit response, even if it was better than being afraid, Roxanne climbed into her car and started the engine. She even locked her doors as a nod to Ian’s paranoia— which totally wasn’t sweet or making her melty underneath the exterior of her hardened annoyance. Right.
He didn’t drive away until she pulled into the street. She was halfway surprised he didn’t follow her
all the way home. If there was some disappointment mixed in with the relief when he turned in the other direction, it wasn’t as if he’d ever know.
“Stop thinking about turning around and following him to the gallery. It’s a bad idea on so many different levels.” She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. Knowing Ian was a bad idea hadn’t stopped her before. She might as well make it a running trend. One last fateful good-bye. Not that she really believed he would walk away. Except she kind of did—it was only a matter of time, now that she’d realized she actually cared for him.
But she didn’t want him to leave. She wanted to hold him close until they were so wrapped up in each other he’d never want to leave. He’d never be content unless things were on his terms, though, and she highly doubted his terms included them hiding out from their inevitable fate by having so much sex they didn’t have the energy to talk, let alone fight.
Problem was, Ian was a freaking caveman. He muscled his way through her objections and outmaneuvered her time and again. Not to mention the man had a serious streak of stubbornness that impressed even her.
They were doomed.
So why was she winding through the streets instead of heading home? The slow u-turn took nearly twenty minutes and encompassed several neighborhoods, and no matter how expertly she tried to talk herself out of it, Roxanne couldn’t stop. Hell, she must have gone on autopilot
because she blinked and next thing she knew, she was standing on the gallery’s doorstep. Even knowing how it would end, she couldn’t deny the need demanding more time with him. Before she could spin around and run like a bat out of hell, the door opened.
“Roxanne? What are you doing out here?” Ian, God bless his soul, was shirtless again, dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and running shoes.
She licked her lips, considering and throwing away a couple different answers. None of them were good enough. They’d all open up into an awkward conversation about her fears and issues that would, no doubt, end up with her going home alone again. If she gave him half a chance, he was going to put the brakes on and make her talk it out.
No way.
She threw herself into his arms and kissed him with everything she had. This was her Hail Mary pass. If he turned her away now, they’d have to have a sit- down, and it really would be the end because, try as she might to deny it… No. She flat-out wasn’t ready to admit anything else right now—even to herself. Especially to herself.
Ian went still, his hands on her hips ready to either draw her closer or push her away, she couldn’t tell. From the tension in his body, she guessed he was leaning toward the latter.
So she played dirty.
She sucked on his bottom lip, raking her teeth gently over the sensitive flesh. When he groaned, she knew she had him. She reached between them and cupped the front of his shorts, earning another groan. “Please, Ian. I need you right now.”
That must have been the final nail in the coffin containing his control, because he dragged her into the gallery and kicked the door shut behind her. She would have liked to say her words were pure calculation, but Roxanne thought she might lose it if she didn’t get naked with him in the next thirty seconds.
This desperation… She’d never felt anything like it. It swept away all worry, hesitation, and control, leaving only need in its wake. She wasn’t sure they’d like what they found on the other side, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Right now, in this moment, she didn’t have to worry about messy emotions or the future.The feeling of his hands on her body chased away all of it.