by Katee Robert
He rubbed a hand over his mouth, his gaze raking over her one more time. “It definitely is.”
Then, yeah, it was totally worth it.The green of the dress matched her eyes perfectly, and she’d curled her hair and thrown on a pair of six-inch black heels. Even with the added height, Ian still had a few inches on her. Damn, the man was tall. And sexy. And she was forgetting why they had to leave the house.
Apparently, he was following the same thought track. “You’re making it kind of difficult to remember we have dinner reservations.”
“Do we?” She took a step back, and Ian shadowed the move. Roxanne twined a lock of her hair around her finger. “And here I thought we could break in my virgin couch.”
“You’re not making this any easier.”
“Ha! I’m sure you can handle it.” She lowered her voice. “Handle me.”
He cleared his throat. “We need to get going.” “Okay, if you insist.” She placed her hand in his and let him lead her out of the apartment. She waited until they started driving to say, “So, where are we eating? Or do I have to pick this place, too?”
His grin made her stomach do jumping jacks. Stupid stomach. “Believe it or not, I actually have a fantastic night planned.”
Of course he did. Because he was terrifyingly perfect. She started to ask if there were orgasms involved in this plan, but stopped herself. Yes, she wanted Ian, but she’d actually spent the day looking forward to spending some time with him.
God, she was so in over her head.
“I suppose I’ll just have to sit back, relax, and let you take control?”
“Something like that.” He reached across the center console and squeezed her knee…and then left his hand there.
Roxanne went stock-still, and even as she tried to tell herself to relax, she couldn’t help tensing up. It wasn’t her fault. The man was a walking furnace, and the heat of his palm seemed to be working its way up her inner thigh. It didn’t help that every time she so much as shifted, his calluses rasped over her skin, setting fire to her senses.
Ian was seducing her, and he wasn’t doing a damn thing.
Good God, this was embarrassing. She wasn’t even sure that his intent was to get her so hot and bothered, but she was having a hard time focusing on anything other than where he touched her. It was only when he pulled into the parking garage and stopped that she looked around. “Where are we?”
“Downtown.” His hand moved several torturous inches up her thigh.“You seem distracted. Is everything all right?”
“Yep. No problem.” If he wasn’t going to push this, she sure as hell wasn’t going to either. “So, is this date going to end with us rolling around in bed together?”
“It’s entirely possible.”Which wasn’t a real answer. “You sure know how to treat a lady.”
“It’s called positive reinforcement.” He kissed her and was out of the car before she could come up with a snarky reply.“Besides, I can’t seem to keep my hands off you.”
Roxanne adjusted her dress and let him help her to the ground. She kind of hated how aloof he was while her legs were shaking just from his hand on her leg.“River Park Square. Huh. Don’t they have cameras set up in this parking garage? Maybe we should give security a show.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
She tried to be indignant, but the truth was it kind of added to the sexiness knowing that someone could be watching. “A gentleman wouldn’t point that out.”
He swung her around and pinned her against the wall across from the elevators. The hard length of his cock pressed into her lower stomach, and it was everything she could do not to rock to get him where she wanted him. “Never make that mistake. Yes, I’ll wine you and dine you and enjoy every second of it, but don’t think I’d hesitate to bend you over the hood of my truck and fuck you blind, even knowing the cameras might be on us.”
She rolled her body against his, drawing a groan from both of them, then nipped his earlobe. “What makes you think I don’t want exactly that?”
The elevator dinged behind him. “Christ.” Ian maneuvered them around, keeping her in front of him, probably to hide the monster he had raging in his pants. She purposely slowed down every other step, forcing him to bump into her ass. Ian growled in her ear and banded an arm around her waist as the doors slid shut. “You’re playing with fire.”
“Oh?” She slid her hand back to rub against his length. “Think I’ll get burned?”
“Most definitely. And you’ll enjoy every moment of it.”
“I know.” She wanted to suggest they skip dinner and get right to the enjoying, but her stomach took that opportunity to rumble. Damn it.
“I hope you like sushi and gimmicks.”
“Sushi and gimmicks? What kind of combination is that?” She knew exactly what restaurant he was taking her to—the sushi conveyor belt one. Even though it wasn’t the best sushi place in town, there was undeniable glee to be had from picking plates off a conveyor belt. It also had the added bonus of being quiet, even when all the booths were full. Roxanne figured that was part of the appeal for him.
As they left the elevator and meandered toward the back corner where the restaurant was located, he slipped his hand into hers. She nearly tripped over her own feet at the warm, fuzzy feeling that shot straight from her hand into her heart.
Ian held up two fingers to the hostess and leaned into Roxanne’s side. “I’ve been thinking about fucking you in front of the bathroom mirror all week. Every time I picture the look on your face as you came, I start counting down the hours until I can do it again.”
Holy shit. Dazed, she let him lead her back to a booth situated next to one of the three conveyor belts that ran around the room. Ian slid into the seat across from her and gave a heart-stopping grin. “Liked that, didn’t you?”
Liked? She felt something a whole lot stronger than like. “Nope. Hated it. Never do it again.”
“So mean.” His grin widened. “So, Roxanne, how has your week been since I saw you last?”
He knew exactly what he was doing to her, the ass—keeping her so off-center, she didn’t know which way was up. It was working. Besides, she found she wanted to tell him about her week, wanted to share the little random bits that would bore other people to death. “Pretty productive up until today. I thought I’d be able to get a few things done at the office this morning, but I have a couple renewing their vows, and the woman had an emergency meltdown because she gained five pounds.”
“Five pounds?”
“Hey, it might not seem like a big deal to you— or, honestly, to me under normal circumstances—but when her dress is completely fitted and tailored to her measurements, five pounds can make or break the whole thing.”
“I…see.” His eyes weren’t glazed over like guys she’d tried to share her work with in the past. But then, nothing about Ian seemed to be following the rules she’d come to believe in. Her mother’s rules. He actually seemed to care one way or another, even if he couldn’t quite seem to wrap his mind around the current crisis.
“I calmed her down. The renewal isn’t for another three weeks, so she has plenty of time to get back down to size without resorting to some crazy cleanse or any of that bullshit.” If Roxanne ever got married, she sure as hell wasn’t going to diet herself down to a small size beforehand. She wanted to eat on her wedding day.
Not that she had any intention of getting married. She didn’t. Marriage implied love, and she knew all too well how love went.
16
Ian didn’t bother keeping the conversation light as they picked plates off the conveyor belts and ate. They’d covered all the safe topics—and then some— already tonight, and while they were out the last time. She wasn’t big on sharing, but he wanted to know more. “Tell me about your family.”
Roxanne froze, her chopsticks in the process of picking up a piece of nigiri. “What?”
Her family was one of the many subjects she danced around without ever
touching on. Obviously, it was a sore subject, and he had no doubt it was also the source of her edginess over starting a future with someone. “Your family. Tell me about them.”
“There’s not much to tell.”
“Then it should be a short conversation before we move on to happier things.”
Roxanne popped the sushi into her mouth and chewed slowly, as if searching for words. She sipped her soda and leaned back. “It goes like this. Mom got pregnant back in her first year of college. Dropped out—who has time to go to school and raise a baby?— and then expected she’d get her happily ever after, since she and her boyfriend were so in love. Except it didn’t quite end up like that.”
She paused, obviously waiting for him to say something, but Ian wasn’t going to play that game with her. He grabbed another plate off the conveyor belt and motioned with his chopsticks for her to continue. “They tried. They’d been planning on being together forever anyway, so they got hitched, had a honeymoon—the whole nine yards. But somewhere along the way, things went bad. There was so much resentment and bitterness and at the end, freaking hate, that there was nothing left of the love they thought would last forever.”
She shook her head, her mouth twisting as if she couldn’t decide whether to smile or frown.“Eventually they got around to getting divorced, and Dad took off to whereabouts unknown. Mom’s still in town, but she’s gone through the same song and dance three times now—each husband leaving her faster than the one before.”
“I’m sorry.” His own parents’ marriage had gone through its rocky patches, especially because of how often his dad was away on business, and Ian had vivid memories of how sick it made him to hear his happy-go-lucky dad raise his voice in anger. He couldn’t imagine living with that for years on end. No wonder Roxanne didn’t talk about her family all that much.
“Don’t be sorry. Shit happens. You can’t put two people in that kind of trap without at least one of them trying to gnaw off their leg in an effort to get free.”
Ian blinked. “Marriage isn’t a trap.”
“I wasn’t talking about marriage.”
The truth hit him between the eyes. “You think love is a trap?”
“Don’t you?” Roxanne set down her chopsticks and picked them up again, obviously agitated. “It’s the only emotion that makes people experience a false high, better than any drug on the market. Two people in love believe in miracles. They believe that all they need is love to conquer the world. It’s all a lie.”
“Says who?”
“My parents believed they were in love, and look what happened—as soon as hard times came, it all fell apart. I’ve seen it happen with my friends’ parents. Hell, I’ve seen it happen with my friends themselves.” “Just because you’ve seen a few bad examples—” “The divorce rate in this country is well over 50 percent. That’s not a few isolated examples, Ian. That’s fact.”
He sat back. “One could argue that’s more a reflection of our culture than anything to do with love.” “It’s the same damn thing. We’re encouraged to marry for love, and then those new relationship vibes run out, and all you’re left with is some near-stranger who you are incompatible with in every way but sexually. You end up resenting them because you’re trapped, and all that hate turns into a toxic mix that’s damn near unlivable. Falling in love is the beginning of the end for every relationship. It just takes some longer to realize it than others.”
“That’s a really cynical way of looking at things.” “No. That’s the only way to look at things.”
“I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree there.” Though how he was supposed to go about dating a woman who thought falling in love was the worst thing that could happen to a relationship was something he’d have to take some serious time to consider. He understood where she was coming from, at least on a superficial level. If all Roxanne had ever experienced in relationships was bitter resentment, it stood to reason that she’d expect that.
But he didn’t believe that. Yes, some people got so caught up in the high of a new relationship that they didn’t bother to find out if they had anything in common with the other person, but that didn’t mean love itself was the problem. A fact he had no idea how he’d get her to understand. If he even could.
Now that was a depressing thought.
He glanced up to find her staring at him. “What?”
“You’re thinking awfully hard over there.” She frowned. “You aren’t scheming, are you?”
“I’m always scheming.”
She smiled, some of the tightness around her eyes disappearing. “So, moving on to less depressing topics, what are you planning to do now that you’re back in town?”
He didn’t really want to get into it, but turnabout was fair play. He may not have liked what Roxanne had to say, but he recognized it for the leap of faith it’d been even to talk about her feelings. He couldn’t repay that by shutting down her question. Besides, hadn’t he been so tempted to call her earlier this week with his dilemma? “I’m thinking about going to work for my dad.”
“Excuse me, what? I could have sworn I just heard you say you’re going to do the exact thing you wanted to avoid after you graduated high school.”
“Things change.”
“I won’t argue that, but this is a conversation you and I had only a little over a week ago.What happened between then and now to change your mind? Because I thought you were pretty clear you weren’t interested in the organic farming business.”
“It’s less that I wasn’t interested, and more that I wanted to… I don’t know. Have my own identity, I guess.”
“How incredibly selfish of you.” She reached across the table and laid her hand over his. “You know you’re allowed to want that, right?”
“I’m aware.”
“So what changed?”
How to explain this? From what Roxanne had said, she wasn’t close to her parents, and there wasn’t much love lost between them. He wasn’t sure he could make her understand his reasoning. “They need me.”
“Of course they do.”
“No, hear me out. I don’t know if Elle told you, but my dad’s been moving into more of a desk-job-type role in the company. He’s not able to travel as much as he needs to with our big corporate clients, so he’s been spending more of his time in the local office. From what he says, he’d rather be working in town than dealing with the politics that comes from distributing as widely as we do.”
Roxanne pursed her lips. “So? What’s that have to do with you?”
It blew his mind a little bit that she was feeling protective of him, especially when she continued to stress how much she didn’t want anything other than what they shared right now. If it was only sex, she wouldn’t react like this. “The company is expanding. He needs help.”
“And what’s to stop him from hiring someone else? Why does it have to be you?”
A good question—one Ian had brought up when he talked to his dad.“He wants to keep it in the family.” To groom Ian to take over when he fully retired.
“I see. So how do you feel about it?”
Another good question. “I honestly don’t know.”
He should have stopped there, but words slipped free before he could think better of it. “I don’t know if I’m ready, what with all my…issues. On the other hand, he needs me. It’ll be really good money, too.”
“Money is disposable. Mental health isn’t.”
“I won’t take the job if I don’t think I can handle it. If I need a little more time, they’ll give it to me.” He hoped.
She narrowed her eyes, their green depths seeing too much. “That’s not all, is it? You’re not a pushover with an overdeveloped sense of guilt like your sister is, God bless her. She’s getting better, but even now she occasionally folds to your mom. You don’t. So what gives?”
“I grew up with this company. It was my first—my only—job before I enlisted. I—”
“You miss it.” She squ
eezed his hand before taking hers back and reaching for her drink. Ian ached for the contact immediately. “I don’t get it. If you want to work for your dad, then why all the drama? Why not just, you know, work for him?”
How to explain this without sounding like an idiot? He almost wished she were less perceptive, but she was the only one he wanted to talk to about this. She had no stake in it, unlike his family. Even Elle’s opinion—no matter which way she went—would be colored by what their parents wanted. Roxanne was only worried about him.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I feel like I’m failing. I put in all this effort and made this big stink about running off to have my own life. Now I’ve been back in town under a month, and I’m already considering sliding into the fold of things again. It’s like I never left.”
“Do you really think that?” Roxanne stirred the ice in her drink. “You aren’t the same person you were ten years ago, right?”
Ian thought over all things he’d done. All the things he’d seen. Lots of them weren’t memories he’d treasure for the rest of his life, and he could have done without the nightmares, but he saw her point. “No. I’m not the same person.”
“Then what’s the big deal if you actually want to be a…farmer?”
He cracked a smile at that. “It’s corporate agriculture. I’ll be dealing with our clients, locally and elsewhere. Organic food is a changing field, like anything else—so it’d be necessary to look over the competition.” When she laughed, he asked, “What?”
“You mean you’re not going to be shirtless with a pair of worn overalls, wearing a straw hat?”
He chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“There you go, ruining the fantasy for me.” Roxanne cleared her throat and affected a serious expression. “But either way, at least this way you’re making your own decision, rather than just kind of inheriting it. Don’t you think that makes a difference?” That was a completely different way of looking at it. Not as falling back into a trap he’d thought himself free of, but as making a choice to take a certain path, no better than the other. Christ, he felt about fifteen pounds lighter for the realization. “I never thought about it like that.”