by Ashley Munoz
“I heard.” Juan had told me. He’d said Decker had graduated and was moving back to Pinehurst.
God, this was awkward.
He took a step toward me, and I wanted to take one back, but he was like an animal—he’d see it as a challenge. So I stood my ground and let him crowd me.
Another step brought him directly in front of me. His hand grazed the back of mine, up my arm and into my hair. I closed my eyes, ignoring how foolish I was being by allowing him to touch me. I should have pushed him away, kicked him out, called Leo…because even if I believed he hadn’t known Elias was there that night and he wasn’t using me, even if I could overlook the fact that he had known I’d lose my story and about my sister being in an arranged marriage, I was on a different path now, and it wouldn’t be fair to lead him on.
His other hand was up, his warm fingers grazing along my collarbone, cupping my jaw. He tilted my head back and stared down at me.
“Tell me it’s not true.” Eyes the color of moss crawling along stones stared down into me. I had nowhere to retreat, and worse, I didn’t want to.
“What?” I wet my lips, tasting the lime flavor on them from the chips I’d devoured earlier. I could barely raise my voice above a whisper.
His eyes moved over my face, like he’d find his answer by merely looking at me. “You moving to New York, getting married…” He swallowed, shuddering as he finished. “Elias.”
My eyebrows dipped, confused. “The New York part is true.” I lowered my lashes as I confessed that the marriage was true too, but then I splayed my hands on his chest. “Not sure what the Elias thing is.” I scrunched my nose, curious as to what in the hell he was talking about.
A gentle tug on my hair had him tilting my head back. “The marriage to him…”
I snorted, trying to push him away, but he wouldn’t budge. “No. It’s some guy named Jeff. He was at that party, the one talking to me before Elias got there.” I shrugged, because talking about my future husband with the guy I loved was surreal.
A low rumble came from Decker’s chest, and with his closeness, I felt it in my bones. “Are you fucking kidding me, Mal?” His grip tightened on my face, and that raw possessiveness was making heat slice through my core.
“What do you want from me, Decker? You fucked me and got what you wanted from me. You even made sure my story wouldn’t run.” My hands turned to fists on his chest, clenching his shirt. I was torn between wanting to pull him closer and push him so far away from me that I had time to run away, all while my mind screamed at my lie. I knew he said he’d tried to talk to someone about it, but that lawyer’s words about how steps would have to be taken in order for me to have authority were stuck on repeat in my head. Either way, this was better. I had to push him away. He’d still used me, still lied.
“It wasn’t about that and you know it.”
I felt my nose burn and my damn chin wobble because I believed him, but now there was no way I’d ever have him, and that would never be fair to either of us.
I ducked my head, pulling free of his hold. “You need to leave.”
“You’re not marrying someone, Mallory, unless…” He pushed his hand into my hair, gripping the back of my neck, his voice hitching. “Unless it’s me.”
I lifted my eyes, catching the look in his. Even under the low lights, they gleamed bright and sure, and…I broke.
I blinked and tears slipped down my face. He couldn’t keep doing this to me.
“Decker, you used me. You’ve ghosted me, you’ve fucked me and lied to me…I’m not marrying you. I’m not anything with you. I’m moving to New York, I’m helping my dad with the branch, and I’m marrying a stranger.”
A painful sound emanated from somewhere inside him, and suddenly he let me go.
“You know we’re good together. You know we can get past this—why are you doing this?”
“That was my last shot at my dream. What you likely see as a harmless waste of time was my last chance, circling the drain. You knew I couldn’t write it, and yet you still toyed with me.” I deflected, trying to steer clear of why I was doing this, because I had to…because duty was better than heartbreak.
“I know, and I tried to fix it. I went to the city that day to try to ask for permission for something so you could publish it.”
“You said that already, and I still don’t know what the hell that means.” I tried crossing my arms, but he wouldn’t give me room to do it.
We were stuck in this vortex of pain and hurt, neither of us capable of breaking free and just ending it once and for all.
“It doesn’t matter. They wouldn’t budge anyway unless I…” He shook his head, swallowing hard. “But what I’m feeling for you, Mal…I don’t know what to do. I think I’m…” His eyes searched mine with an intensity I wouldn’t recover from.
I’d heard enough.
“Go, Decker.” I pushed him away as hard as I could. To make sure he left and we didn’t end up against my bedroom door; I grabbed my cell and dialed Leo.
I heard Decker make a pained sound behind me, felt his hand grip my hip and tug me back against his chest, but before he could say anything more, Leo opened the door and stalked in.
All muscle and neck, he glared down at Decker, but I was still facing away from him, so I couldn’t see his face. I moved, and Leo took my place.
“Mal, don’t do this. Let me fix this…just wait, I’m begging you!” Decker raised his voice over Leo grumbling for him to shut up. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I screwed up, and I…”
Leo pulled him out of the room and pushed him toward the door. I knew Decker could fight him, but Leo was a Mack truck. There would definitely be some work involved, and maybe he understood that with me calling Leo, it wouldn’t be worth it. I didn’t want to talk anymore. It was too painful.
I focused on my breathing while bringing my hand to my chest, belatedly realizing I was standing there in just my bra and yoga pants. My heart was beating so hard I worried it would just burst through my rib cage.
“Mal?” a soft voice asked behind me.
I couldn’t breathe. What if that was it? What if that was the last time I saw him, and his last image of me was getting told that I was marrying someone else? I’d never see him again. I had said yes to my father because it was the right thing to do, and I knew Taylor wasn’t telling me something. She couldn’t get married to a stranger.
“Mallory, you okay?” Taylor came up and rubbed my back.
I finally turned and buried my face into her shoulder. “He’s gone, Tay.”
She rubbed soothing circles into my back while making soft sounds. “He won’t give up, Mal. If it’s meant to be, he’ll be back. If he loves you then he won’t give up.”
“It’s better if he does. I can’t be with him.” I wiped at my eyes, needing to put this behind me.
Taylor made a sound in the back of her throat. “Mallory Shaw, stop it right now. That marriage clause is for you to marry someone—anyone. You can marry a homeless guy off the street and they wouldn’t care. They just want you to be married, and I know Decker James would—”
“No, I couldn’t do that to him. He has his whole life in front of him…” I hiccupped on a sob, even though he had said those words to me. You’re not marrying someone, Mallory, unless it’s me.
Still, I couldn’t do that to him. It was too final, and we were only temporary…from the very beginning, he was never going to be mine. It wasn’t like I could cheat destiny and steal from a deck that didn’t belong to me.
I turned into her arms and hugged her. “I’ll be okay, Tay. I know it. This is better.”
“You don’t have to pretend with me. I know you better than anyone, even if it doesn’t seem that way. I’m your sister, Mallory.” She continued to rub my back, which only made my tears fall harder.
It wasn’t until we’d climbed into my bed and I let her cover me with a blanket that I started to fall asleep, but it was her telling me a story about a girl who was lost, followin
g after a compass she couldn’t seem to grab a hold of. She would follow as closely as she could manage, but at the end of each day, she went to bed totally alone and lost. Then along came a handsome prince who promised to take care of her, to wipe away her memories of living in the dark and hand her a new compass, one that would lead her to the people she loved. But he lied. Instead he abandoned her, leaving her with something she knew not how to care for.
I blinked away tears as I felt Taylor spill her own. The story niggled at something in the back of my mind, like she was telling me something, shrouded in fiction. I wanted to ask her about it, but my mind shut down and I slipped into a deep sleep.
Chapter Thirty
Time was a rubber bullet, shooting just as fast as any ammunition, nearly as deadly and effective, but softened by the reality of what lay beneath.
I knew I wasn’t in danger. Going to New York wasn’t the end of me, or the end of my dreams…but it still felt just as deadly as if I were to stop breathing entirely or walk straight into a prison cell, accepting a life sentence.
I kept a brave face for Taylor, who had finally started wearing her normal clothes around me again. Every now and then she’d begin to say something, only to stop, slam her eyes closed, and shake her head. I didn’t want to push her, especially because what I knew she was likely going to tell me was a fairly big, life-altering conversation. Pushing her wouldn’t do any good.
“So…” I folded a few t-shirts and set them in a cardboard box. “You’re staying, or…what’s the plan for next year?” I cautiously asked my stepsister.
We had been tiptoeing around this topic for weeks. It wasn’t like she owed me anything, but I worried about her. It didn’t slip past me that she suddenly stopped seeing random guys, or that she’d been vomiting in the bathroom every morning.
“I can’t stay here by myself…it’s too much space, and I’ll miss you.” She looked up from her container of yogurt, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
“So, you’ll go back to Dad’s?” I carefully freed two of my jackets and a few more sweaters from hangers. I was almost completely packed, but I’d have been lying if I didn’t say I’d been moving like a sloth with these last few items. I didn’t want to go.
“For the summer…and maybe I’ll come see you in New York for a bit, but otherwise I’m going to talk to the school counselor about returning next year and finishing my degree.”
I stopped mid-fold, turning toward where she sat on my bedroom floor.
“Seriously?”
I’d expected her to tell me she was moving back home or taking a year off. I mean, I knew she was keeping a pretty big secret from me, and if I was right about the secret then she would need more than a year off to handle it.
“Yeah, it’ll give me time to come up with a plan for a roommate and everything.”
“Wow…I didn’t expect you to say that.” I abandoned my clothing and sat down next to her on the floor. She had a sleeve of saltines next to her and a jug of water.
“Tay…is there something you aren’t telling me?” My voice was soft as velvet, hoping to coax the truth out of her, but she just continued eating her yogurt like I wasn’t there.
I eyed her stomach, finally not hidden under a massive sweatshirt, and hoped she’d consider telling me what was going on. There wasn’t really anything different. The shirt looked a little tight, but there wasn’t anything amiss.
She finally looked up from her snack. Her hair was up in a top knot, her face clear of any makeup. It had been a while since I’d seen her this undone.
“I’m not ready.” Her bottom lip wobbled.
I sat next to her silently, waiting to see if she’d say anything else.
“You’ve been ignoring your phone,” Taylor suddenly said, pulling herself up from the floor.
“I’ve just been busy.” I shrugged, hoping to avoid this conversation.
Again.
Taylor had tried to get me to call Decker, have an official conversation in the daylight, without the chance to have Leo break it up. She’d held me after he’d gone, but the next day I had acted like nothing had happened.
“Don’t leave without answering him or talking to him. He’s swung by the house every day, but Leo won’t let him past.”
I moved on to the top shelf of my closet. It held things from my childhood, and I thought maybe I shouldn’t take those things with me. I was starting a new life, with a stranger. Jeff had sent a courier to deliver the engagement ring I’d selected online. It was so massive and horrible, and I completely hated it. I’d always imagined if I were to be proposed to, it would be with a ring that was minimal, something the guy I loved had worked hard to afford…not something that was just another purchase for him.
I wanted there to be love put into the decision, I wanted to know he had selected it for me on purpose, for a specific reason.
Instead, I’d received the ring while I was alone. I slid it onto my finger then instantly took it off. Then I cried and cleaned the kitchen. Taylor eventually saw it, and her eyes bugged out at how big it was. She even made jokes about how I wouldn’t be able to hold my hand up, and she wasn’t wrong. I had no idea how I was going to stomach seeing it on my hand every day.
“You know who else has been calling?” I turned toward her.
My sister scrunched her nose. “That bastard?”
I nodded. “Oh yeah. Begging for me to hear him out, says he fell for me…how sweet, right?” I laughed, and it actually felt good.
Taylor’s entire face lit up with humor. “Oh my god…Elias is so pathetic.”
I heaved two boxes away from the closet and toward my bedroom door, chuckling under my breath. “I just wish I knew why he thought he could squeeze his arrangement into an actual marriage.”
“I am so glad I didn’t go that night. I can’t imagine what he would have done with holding that over my head.” Taylor grabbed one of my suitcases and helped tug it out to the living room. “By the way…” She reached down and grabbed my tablet. “Did you happen to read the latest article from that place you wanted to intern at?” She tapped away at the screen.
My chest pinched at the loss of my dream. I’d decided to be entirely immature about the loss and never read anything done by the group again. It just seemed easier.
“No, I don’t think I can.”
She made a humming sound. “Well, I’d definitely read this…in fact, I insist that you do.”
Why did she care? I was way too selfish to care about social injustice. I’d turned into the worst version of myself as I buried my dream, lost the only man I’d ever loved, and now had to marry a stranger and take over a job I didn’t want to do.
She walked over to me and slid the tablet into my hand. “I know a car will be here to get you to take you to New York, but read this…okay? Promise me.”
I gently gripped the device and swallowed. Her blue eyes were so sincere, and she hadn’t been sincere like this, ever…I had to do it. “Okay, I will.”
She leaned in and hugged me tight then swiped under her eyes.
The front door opened a second later, revealing Leo and my driver.
“I gotta go.” I cleared my throat, nearly ready to cry. “I’ll see you next weekend. Once I’m settled, I’m headed back to Dad’s, so…I’ll see you then. We’re going to see each other all the time.” My voice hitched.
Taylor nodded furiously, but more tears streaked down her face. “I know. I just…I’m going to miss you.”
I couldn’t hold it in. I choked on a sob, pulling my sister to my chest. I hugged her so tightly I didn’t think either of us were breathing.
“You did this for me. I was supposed to do it…” Taylor cried into my neck, whispering her confession.
“I’d do anything for you, Tay. Don’t ever forget that.”
We finally broke apart, our faces soaked, our hearts torn open. I finally had a sister, someone who wanted me in their life, a real relationship, and now I had to let her go.
“Okay, next weekend.”
“Yes.”
“Mal…read that article.”
I nodded one last time before walking out the front door and crawling into the black town car. The soft white leather cradled me while my heart shredded in half. I watched the house, the ritzy wreath I’d given Taylor a hard time for buying, the teal door she’d insisted we get. Tears welled in my eyes as we pulled away from the curb. That house had been my home throughout college, and all the times I had envisioned leaving it behind, it wasn’t going to be sitting in the back of a town car with no degree and no internship.
I blinked away a few salty drops that coated my lashes as I thought about my dumb, shitty Honda and the fact that I’d practically donated it to a wreck yard. I had asked if there was anyone who could use it. It ran fine, just had a few rust spots. It was gone now, like Kline Global…like Decker.
Grabbing a tissue, I cleared away my tears and finally pulled up the tab Taylor had mentioned.
The screen displayed Kline Global’s website, and there in the trending articles section was something familiar. Was that…?
The Devil’s Playground
An expose interview with Decker ‘Duggar’ James
I sat up straighter in the seat, bringing the tablet closer.
Was this for real?
I started reading, unsure if I could keep my hands from trembling. There was no way…
This is certainly a different type of article for us here at Kline Global, but a special request was emailed to one of our staff writers, and we couldn’t resist the opportunity.
This piece will be more informal than our usual ones considering I will be talking with Mr. James and essentially transcribing our entire conversation. For reference, the Devils are a Division I baseball team, ranking number two in the entire country as far as collegiate level, and the names of anyone on the team will either be changed or omitted, along with the name of the writer for the article that’s featured below.
What article? I slid my finger up the screen, bringing the rest of the story up.
Aubrey: Hello Mr. James, thanks for talking with me.