by Holly Jaymes
“God, is she talking about Pax?” Allie asked.
I nodded.
“He told me once I needed to stay grounded. To be true to me and my music. When I talked to him the other day, I told him he needed to do the same. He’s been writing new stuff and he’d like to share it with you, if you’d be interested. In case you don’t know who I’m talking about, let me introduce my friend, Pax Ryder.”
There was a large gasp in the room, followed by shouting and clapping. Pax stepped out on the stage, giving Lisbeth a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. God. He looked so sexy in his signature butter-soft jeans, a black t-shirt and his guitar.
“I think I’m going to get some air,” I said, leaning over to Allie.
She gave me a sympathetic smile.
“Hello, Eden Lake,” he said into the mic.
A loud “hello” came back from the crowd. I stood, hoping he wouldn’t see me since I was in the back.
“This place is fantastic. I just spent a couple of weeks out here. They were the best weeks of my life.”
I stopped short and closed my eyes as pain rolled through me.
“I don’t know if you heard, but I got married.”
I jerked around to look at him, as anger replaced the pain. Did he really think I’d go along with his project to protect his image now? After what he’d done?
“She’s the most beautiful, smart, warm, fiercely loyal woman I’ve ever met.” His gaze was scanning the room until they landed on me. “But I’m the worst husband in the entire world.”
The crowd made a collected “huh” or “aw” sound.
“I’m going to lose her because of it.”
There was another gasp from the audience.
“Fight for her, Pax,” someone yelled out.
He smiled. “I intend to.”
I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t get my legs to move.
“My mother told me recently that she always knew what was going on in my life through my music. Six years ago, I met my wife-to-be, and well, I messed up then too. But I wrote a song called All Night in London...”
The audience clapped, apparently thinking he’d play the song. I’d hated that song. Well, actually I thought it was wonderful, but it had always reminded me of our time six years ago.
“It was my first hit. But when I wrote it, it wasn’t the fast tune you hear on the radio or in my concerts. It was a slow song. A love song. I’d like to play it for you now as it was originally written.”
I looked over at Allie’s table. She was watching me.
Pax strummed his guitar and cleared his voice. “Victoria, I love you. I hope this proves that I have loved you since we spent all night in London.”
He started to play and that sexy, smooth voice of his sang about falling in love in a single night.
“He means it.”
I jumped as Lily’s voice sounded next to me. That was just too much. I started to leave.
“No, please don’t go, Victoria. At least let him play for you. Don’t let me mess this up again.”
“You two have some nerve.” Tears streamed down my cheeks.
“I know. We’re terrible. Of all the people to hurt, we hurt the one that loved us most. The one person who’d been there for us. We definitely don’t deserve you. Or your forgiveness. And I know I’ve lost your friendship, which I’ll regret forever, but I won’t be able to live with ruining the love you and Pax had.”
I turned to her. “He did that.”
“He knows. Just listen to him, will you? I know you don’t have to, but please. Give him a chance.”
Wyatt appeared next to her, and kissed her head. I helped her find her happiness, I thought. And all she’d done was take mine away.
“Remember when I was getting ready to leave town with my mother and Wyatt was calling frantically, looking for me?” Lily said.
I nodded.
“You told him off and then you told him where he could find me. And when he showed up, I listened. I gave him a chance.” She watched me for a moment. “This is the phone call, Victoria. This is me trying to put right what I did wrong, and Pax is wanting the same. Just listen.”
She smiled, and reached out, putting her hand on my arm. I moved away, not wanting her compassion. She gave me a sad smile, and then walked away toward a table where Mason and Willa sat.
Wyatt stopped next to me. “She knows she’s been a terrible friend. I think what both she and Pax have recently discovered is that they have more baggage than they thought from their childhood.”
“So, get a therapist,” I quipped.
He nodded. “It’s probably a good idea. But I think the reason Lily didn’t know the extent of her baggage was because of you. You were her rock, and she let her jealousy and fear of losing Pax get in the way of that.”
I looked at him. “Now I’ll be the bad guy if I don’t forgive them, but this isn’t the first time.”
He shook his head. “You won’t be the bad guy. They know. They know they don’t deserve anything from you but your disdain. But take it from a guy who realized too late what he had and nearly lost it, the guilt and gnawing need to make it right is real. And because Lily forgave me, we have another chance.” He also touched my arm and I didn’t pull away. He gave me a smile and then followed his wife.
I looked up at Pax, still playing, still singing, still keeping his eyes on me.
“I discovered the love of my life all night in London,” he sang out the last words.
There was clapping but he seemed to ignore it.
He stepped up to the microphone again. “I wrote a new song this week. Initially I titled it, I’m a F-ing A-hole.”
There was laughter in the room.
“But now it’s titled Victoria’s Second Song.”
A few people who knew me looked over as it dawned on them who I was.
“Hey, Victoria,” Lisbeth said as she and Ethan joined me. “You’re not leaving, are you? You have to give him a chance.”
I looked at her, wanting to be angry at her too, because she started all this with her Vegas marriage.
“I’m sorry I pulled that wedding stunt. I still feel like you two are meant to be, but it was wrong of me to prove my point like that,” she said.
“Is that why you’ve finally agreed to sign?” Then a new thought came to me. “Pax arranged this, right? That’s why you’re here. All this is another thing that he’ll say I manipulated or used him for.”
“No. I mean, yes, he called me about this Winterfest thing. He used me as bait to lure you in. But I’m going to sign, Victoria. I decided that in Vegas, remember?”
It was all too much.
“I don’t deserve you. I never did. I probably never will,” Pax sang, his gaze still on me. “But I promise to love you forever and beyond…”
“As grand gestures go, that’s pretty good,” Ethan said.
“I’m swooning,” Lisbeth agreed. “Oh, look…”
The music started getting closer. I looked up and saw that he’d left the stage and was walking to me, singing the new song.
He stood in front of me as he finished the last words. “But I promise to love you forever and beyond.”
He pushed his guitar behind him. Around us, people clapped.
“I’m so sorry, Victoria,” he said. “I love you. And I don’t deserve anything from you, but I’m going to ask for a second chance. Or third as it turns out. But there won’t be a fourth. I won’t fuck up again.”
There was a gasp from the table nearest us at his use of the f-word.
“I’ll look like a bitch if I don’t say yes.” I hated that he put me in this position.
He tentatively reached out and wiped a tear that fell on my cheek. “No. They’ll know what a horrible, rotten asshole I was to not deserve another chance.”
“How would this even work? You live in-” God, was I considering this?
“I live in whatever city or town you live in. Los Angeles. Eden Lake. Where you go, I go.”
“My home, my life, is with you. My wife.”
My heart betrayed me by rolling in my chest and then filling with hope.
“Give him a chance,” the people sitting around us said.
“I want to rediscover my seven-year-old self with you. I want to write more songs about how much I love you. Please Victoria. One more chance. Give me one more shot to get this right.”
Every fiber in my body wanted to say yes. I wanted to launch myself into his arms and never let go. But my mind told me to hold steady. To keep the walls up. To keep love out because I didn’t think I could survive if he doubted me again.
25
Making My Case
Pax
I’d experienced several significant moments in my life. Like the day I turned eighteen and realized I didn’t have to do what my mother said anymore, so I’d stopped following her around the world and made a place for myself in London. The day and night I spent with Victoria on her twenty-first birthday when I discovered how love really felt. The day Dane happened upon me playing the original version of All Night in London, while busking on a street corner and he’d signed me to a record contract. The day the new version of All Night in London first played on the radio. But of all those days, the one that seemed to matter most now was today. I felt like my entire life rode on this moment, and if the look in Victoria’s eyes was any indication, my life was about over.
Desperation grew in my gut. I reached out and took her hands, grateful that she didn’t pull away. I stepped closer to her. I began to think this grand gesture was a bad idea. Not because I’d be rejected in public, but because I’d put her in a position to do so. She had every right to reject me, but I knew the audience would judge her for it. Jesus, I was messing up again.
“I turned my back on you twice,” I said so the audience would know that she was justified to kick me to the curb. “I hurt you. Deeply.”
“I’m scared,” she said under her breath.
“I know. And I hate that you don’t trust me. But Victoria, I’m not scared. Well, I’m scared you’ll say no right now, but if you say yes, you need to know that I’m not scared of what the future will hold for us. I trust you. I know you’re a good, loving, loyal woman. I know I’ll need to earn your trust. I’m making it my life’s work.”
She let out a breath and closed her eyes, and I thought I was making headway. That the wall she’d erected was crumbling. Taking a chance, I released her hands and cradled her face.
“Victoria. I love you. I’ve loved you since London, probably even before. I want to make a life with you.” I leaned in, pressing my forehead against hers. “Please, baby. Tell me what I need to do. I’m begging you. Let me spend my life making this right.”
Her hands settled on my waist and she began to cry, making my heart crack open even more. I didn’t know what was going on in the rest of the room. Nothing else existed but me and Victoria in this moment.
I lifted my head, wiping her tears again. I searched my brain for the right words, but I was out of them. Except for the three most important ones. “I love you.”
She broke then, her arms coming around me. I wrapped mine around her and held her tight, making a silent vow to never let go.
“I love you.” I chanted in her ear. Around us, I heard clapping, and then Lisbeth was on the stage.
“I did that,” she said. “I got them together. Ain’t love grand?” And then she started playing, effectively taking the attention away from us.
“I know we need to talk,” I whispered to Victoria. “Let me take you out of here.”
With my arm around her, I led her out of the recreation room and to the car I rented to drive out here after putting my plan in motion. Thank God, Lisbeth was back in the U.S. and was willing to help me.
“This is for you,” I said, handing Victoria an envelope as she sat next to me and I drove us out to Pine Rest.
She opened it. “This is Lisbeth’s contract.”
I nodded. “I knew you needed it done and while I did use her to lure you out here, I didn’t want it to be all a trick.” She put the envelope in her purse and we drove in silence for a ways.
“I like it here,” I finally said.
She turned to me. “You mean the U.S.? California?”
I shook my head. “Eden Lake. I couldn’t figure out why Tucker, a rich athlete, had a little house on the lake, but now I do. I grew up in a world in which appearances were important and so much of life was fake.”
She nodded. “I know that feeling.”
“My world was distorted. When I stayed behind in London, I thought I’d found real life, you know. The night with you, I was sure of it.”
She turned to look out her window, and I knew she was thinking of the pain, not the joy of that night. I understood that it would take me time to change that for her.
“Here in Eden Lake, life feels real. With all this natural beauty, you can’t help but feel tethered to reality. The people here are good and decent. I mean, they let me crash their Winterfest.”
She gave me a look. “You’re Pax Ryder. I doubt they’d turn you down.”
I shrugged. “The committee wasn’t too impressed. They made me pay a hefty donation.” I laughed. “Normally I get paid to play. This time, I had to pay to be able to play. Don’t tell Dane, he’ll kick my ass for that.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
I could still hear emotional distance in her voice.
“I guess what I’m saying is that I'd like to buy a place out here. I meant what I said before, wherever you go, I go. But this is a nice place to come to relax and get away from all the fakeness of stardom. What do you think?”
“I think that sounds nice.”
I reached over and took her hand. “I meant for us, Victoria. This would be our house. Maybe even our home. You were able to work from here during our stay before.” Technically, legally, we were married, and I was going to use that to my advantage to keep her with me, such as moving us into a house.
She didn’t say anything and I worried I was losing her again. I pulled up to the cabin we’d stayed in before. I helped her out of the car and led her to the door.
Inside, the home was dimly lit with pretty lights and champagne.
“You felt sure of yourself,” she said when she saw my setup.
“No.” I took her arms and looked into her pretty blue eyes. “I was praying things would go my way.” I pushed a tendril of her hair behind her ear. “God, Victoria, I’m sick with how I treated you. I’m so fucking desperate to make it right but I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do to alleviate your distrust of me. I know it will take time, but…tell me what you need.”
She didn’t say anything.
“Listen, let me make a fire in the fireplace. We never used that when we were here before. And I got stuff for s’mores. I hope I can make them. I’ve never had them. Lisbeth told me how. I was assured it would bring out the seven-year-old in us.”
A smile started on Victoria’s face. Good. I was making progress. A few minutes later, I had a fire going, a tray full of graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows, and filled flutes of champagne.
We sat on the floor with old wire coat hangers toasting our marshmallows.
“Have you done this before?” I asked her as my marshmallow caught fire. I blew it out.
“A few times at away camp as a kid,” she said. She seemed more relaxed now, which was a good sign. We ate a few s’mores and finished off the champagne. I was dying to kiss her, but wasn’t sure I’d earned that right yet.
“I have something else for you. Now might not be the time. Maybe it’s too soon, but I want you to know that I’m all in, Victoria.”
Her breath hitched.
I turned to her, taking her hand as I pulled the small box from my pocket. “This is a bit backwards, but you’re my wife.”
Her gaze je
rked from where she’d been looking at my hand holding hers, to my eyes.
“I want the world to know that I love you. That I belong to you.” I opened the box to reveal the platinum and diamond wedding band. “Stay my wife.”
At that moment, the entire world stopped. My breath held. Everything rode on this moment.
She looked at the ring and then at me. “Pax.”
My brain scrambled to find something to say that would ensure the success of this moment. “That last morning, when I fucked it all up for us. I’d actually come back from my walk wanting to tell you that I loved you.”
Confusion furrowed her brow.
“I know, it’s ridiculous because what I did after that made no sense. I hurt you. My mom seems to think it’s because of my childhood, of her and my dad not being around a lot and Lily going and doing her own thing and leaving me behind. I guess a therapist would say I was afraid of abandonment or something. But now I’m only afraid of a life without you.”
She simply stared at me. She wasn’t saying no, but she wasn’t saying yes either. I also realized that while she’d come back here with me, she hadn’t said she loved me.
“Maybe now is too soon,” I finally said. “So, I’ll hold on to it until you’re ready.” God, please make her ready someday.
“Did Dane put you up to this?”
My heart split. I hadn’t even considered that she’d think this was a ploy to save my career.
With my free hand, I pressed my palm to her cheek and pulled her to me, looking intently into her eyes so she could see the truth in mine. “No, baby. This is all me. This is Paxton Maddox telling the woman he loves that he wants to be with her. I don’t give a fuck what Dane wants or advises at this point. The only thing that matters to me is you.”
She swallowed and her eyes, once distant, softened. “Pax.”
“Please, Victoria. Please give me a chance to prove my love.” I dropped my head to her forehead.
“Yes.” Her arms wrapped around my neck. Elation erupted in my body.
“Oh, thank fuck.” I held her tight, and sought her lips, desperate to kiss her. “You won’t be sorry.” Then I kissed her firmly, pouring all my love into it. Wanting her to taste it. To feel it radiating from me.