“Uh, how about just getting us out of here and we’ll call it even?” Calvin Klein asked, still lookin’ freaked out.
“Take us to the Toy Store, if you know where that’s at, and that’ll be repayment enough,” Bimbo Buffy added.
Both Conan and me looked at her with a surprised expression.
“Aye, lass… although ‘tis quite a ways from here. How do ye know aboot it?”
“Rumor running round,” Baldy explained. “Anyone that gets to the Toy Store is as safe as they’re ever gonna get down here.”
Hmm, those was interestin’ rumors fo sho. An’ I couldn’t say I was surprised ‘cause Jenny’s place was like Disneyland as far as I was concerned.
“So you’re an actual angel?” Alice inquired with a face of wonder.
“That I am,” I said with a lotta angel pride.
“Then you can help us get outta here?” Baldy asked.
Conan sighed, looking down at the dirty floor. “Wish it were so, lad. Joost look at the state o’ oos… we’ll be doin’ our best joost tae rescue ourselves.” He took a deep breath. “There are too many o’ ye an’ ‘twould be tae risky fer all o’ oos tae attempt sooch an escape.”
Alice tossed her knife on the counter. “How fucking long are we supposed to put up with this shit?!”
Baldy hissed at her and slapped the air but I didn’t mind. She had the right attitude; she just needed the right target to put in her sights.
“Look, doll,” I said, pointin’ at the hand. “And I mean really look. The thing that I was attached to was just a mini-boss. Ya wanna know what the actual level bosses around here look like firsthand?”
“Pun intended?” Baldy asked with a smirk.
I realized what I’d said and nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”
Baldy wasn’t buyin’ it but Tido managed to sit up and he locked eyes with each one o’ them like a hooded cobra. “There be naethin’ we kin do fer ye now. But this, Ah swear ta ye all. Sae long as Ah still got breath in meh body, strength in meh arms an’ a weapon in me hand, Ah’ll nae stop seekin’ ah way ta set ye all free. On that, let me word rest.”
“An’ this guy’s word is his bond,” I added.
Bimbo Buffy looked around at the rest o’ the bunch and sighed. “What have we got to lose by trusting them, guys?”
“Bet on that,” Baldy agreed, holdin’ out his fist to Conan. Conan bumped it with a grim nod.
###
While Tido was gettin’ some more meat for the road, I did a little scoutin’ ahead to make sure this particulate coast was clear. Once I gave Tall, Dark and Brooding the nod, we went inta the corridors. A few Watchers were givin’ the place their evil eye. Conan put all o’ them eyes out nice and quiet. As soon as we left the collapsed cell, I said, “Yo, I figured them greater assholes oughta be out in full force by now.”
“The Wendigo probably turned ‘em inta a six-course feast,” Tido replied. “How’d ye git down here tae find me, stookie angel?”
“That’s a long ass story, Tido,” I answered before recitin’ the long ass story. I filled ‘im in on my misadventures with Furiosa, the Gobbling Garbage Truck and Mr. Car’s Last Ride. He nodded and looked amused when I told him the last part.
“Aye, tis nae surprise that it be useless now. Engine were knockin’ pretty hard when it brought me here. Guess we go tae the checkpoint on foot, now we do.”
“And what the fuck are we gonna do when we get there?”
“We’ll decide when we reach it,” Tido said really casually. “Boot first, let’s say our fare-thee-wells ta Margareet at the desk, shall we?”
Once we got near the double doors back at the desk, I saw that rough mug on Conan lighten up. He looked down at me before puttin’ a hand on my shoulder. “Weren’t fer ye, woulda been me who provided the feast fer the Wendigo. Thank ye fer savin’ me life, stookie angel.”
Goddamn if I didn’t feel something stickin’ in my eye. I put my hand over his and said, “You’d do the same for me, Tido… y’know, if I had a life youse could save and all.”
I believe he smiled under that thick-as-shag-carpetin’ beard. “Well, as it happens, ye and Ah do. An’ the life we have tae save goes by the name o’ Lily Harper.”
Chapter Thirty
Lily
The minute I entered the dining room, Alaire did something I’d never seen him do before… he became speechless. Probably because the outfit I dug out of Persephone’s closet was a tight-as-hell, black catsuit made of PVC. The bodice had a couple of brass rings attached to it—I’m sure part of a “knockers” joke—and I had to stitch up the crotchless area. But despite it showing off every delectable curve on my body, this was the best version of protective gear I could find. I rounded out the stunning package with a pair of heels that made every step feel like I was teetering on stilts.
Swallowing hard, my captor finally found his voice. “I have to admit this is a radically different look for you, my dear.”
“But not a bad one, I hope?” I asked him, spinning on one heel to let him view all of me. I had to end my turn abruptly when I nearly lost my balance. Yes, I was playing it up but there was a reason why.
Alaire snorted a bit at my sloppy pirouette but he managed to keep his usual smirk off his face. “Far, far from it… though it strikes me now that a definite change in your outlook may have occurred as well.”
I struggled to keep the panic off my face at hearing his words. I knew he was just probing for my real motives as usual. It was unlikely that he had any inkling of the additional supernatural being—or was it?—that had taken up residence inside me.
I stilt-walked my way up to the table while one of his invisible minions pulled out the chair for me.
“Mistress,” the servant whispered when I sat down.
Alaire raised an eyebrow at the unseen flunky and then looked at me. “It seems I am not the only one who detects the changes happening within you. Care to elaborate?”
Now came the real test. Every word I’d be saying from this point forward could mean the success or failure of my ruse. “I’m pretty sure you’ve heard that famous quote from Paradise Lost?” I asked him.
“Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven,” he recited in his most pompous voice. “The very words I hope to live by… but what is your point?”
“My point is this: I’ve decided to make the best of my situation. I know I’m never getting away from you. And no one is coming to rescue me. So I got to thinking about it before supper… What if I filled the role Persephone failed in as the Queen of the Underground City?”
The infamous smirk finally reappeared on Alaire’s face. “With all due respect and admiration for your lofty goal, you are still far too innocent to truly be any such monarch as yet.”
“Sure,” I admitted with a shrug, “but your end goal is to defile that innocence, isn’t it? After that happens, what am I supposed to do? If we’re going to do this courting routine properly, I must get something worthwhile out of our arrangement too. And as nearly as I can tell, the only goal that makes any sense is for me to become the queen.”
Dishes floated on invisible hands as I said my piece. The silver covers were lifted to reveal roast squab, French-cut green beans and scalloped potatoes. As delicious as everything smelled, both Alaire and I only had eyes for each other.
“It does please me that your new goal and my own can dovetail,” Alaire replied as he seized a portion of the squab with his fork. “But you must convince me that this is not another attempt at subterfuge, like your vain impersonation of Persephone?”
My heart skipped a beat. “You’re not still angry about that?”
“No, and I was never angry, for the record. Just amused,” Alaire clarified, moving on to help himself to the potatoes. “I mean, truly, whatever possessed you to think you could outwit someone with several centuries of mastery in the subtle art of deception?”
The honest answer seemed like the best one. “Misplaced hope. It was a mistake I d
on’t think I’ll ever be stupid enough to make again.”
Something strange crept into Alaire’s eyes as he finally procured a helping of the green beans. “Well, to be fair, it is a mistake I myself made on a few occasions. Witness the recent debacle with Persephone. I suppose I am no more immune to it than you are.”
“But now you know better,” I replied, holding up my fork for emphasis. “And so do I.”
Alaire began to laugh as he set down his fork and clapped his hands. “Bravissima, dear Lily… you might make a fine queen yet.”
The smile on my face was just as honest as my answers were. Even though I was anything but hungry, I helped myself to some squab, potatoes and green beans.
While I was filling my plate, Alaire asked me, “Was there a certain event that helped you reach this conclusion?”
Another half-truth was definitely the way to go here. “When your servant came by to ask me instead of insisting that I show up for dinner tonight… it made me think. Maybe you actually are serious about this whole seduction thing.”
“Oh, Lily, you wound me,” Alaire said with mock sorrow, clasping both hands to his chest. “I have never been more serious about any long-term project in the past two centuries, not even Persephone’s release.”
I swallowed my bite and nodded. “Good… because when this is all over, I plan on standing beside you as an equal, not a trophy wife you can take out at your convenience to show off to your guests.”
“My wife, eh?”
I cocked my head to the side and shrugged. “Well, isn’t that what this would be? A marriage of sorts?”
He chewed while he pondered my sentence. Then he nodded. “I suppose it would be.” He took a sip of his win and gave me a grin. His subsequent chuckle sent shivers up my spine. “And, returning to your previous comment, do you really think I am that shallow when it comes to such blatant displays of superiority?”
“Yes, I believe you believe in… trophies,” I said, putting extra emphasis on the word. I’d been very careful about inserting the word “trophies” into the conversation. If I played it right, I’d soon see the hidden room I’d only ever seen in my vision.
Alaire sighed and munched his squab before answering. “Well, when you vanquished as many enemies as I have over the centuries, you might develop a tendency to flaunt your victories to all future challengers.”
“Like keeping Donnchadh in a vial until you needed him?”
“Gracious me, no,” Alaire said with another chuckle. “That was very much an exception to the usual rule. It was something I stole from an enemy that turned out to be actually useful for more than mere bragging rights.”
I finished off my squab before saying anything else. “Sounds like most of the time, your opponents don’t leave you anything that’s very practical.”
“And you are very correct to think that,” he confirmed with a nod. “After all, there is only so much one can do with ancient pottery, pretty baubles and various antiquated, if still-lethal, weapons.” The way his eyes lit up worried me. What he then said only confirmed my worries. “Ah, you want your blade back, do you not?”
Tread carefully, my Self whispered in my ear. “Sure… but not for the reasons you might think.”
He spread his hands wide. “Pray, enlighten me, then.”
“Having a sword doesn’t change the overall math,” I slowly said. “I’m still only one person. You command an army of darkness that can easily overwhelm me. I have no allies and I’m a long, long way from home. So what good would my sword do me when I’d be up against all that?”
Alaire tilted his head to the side as he nodded. “Valid points, one and all, but I have yet to hear an alternate reason as to why you should have your sword returned.”
Now I had to really sell him on it. “It’d help us build our relationship.”
The expression on his face told me he was puzzled. “Come again?”
“I wasn’t close to Tallis, not at first,” I explained. “I thought he was rude, abrasive and I could barely stand to see him. He just assumed I was a silly girl who couldn’t last two seconds down here… and he wasn’t wrong. That’s why I wanted him to train me.”
“And judging from the craftsmanship of the blade in question, is it fair to assume that he made it especially for you?”
“He did. And proceeded to ride my ass like an Arabian stallion when it came to training me how to use it. But a funny thing happened as I mastered the blade. I…” Catching my breath for a moment as the memories behind my words flooded my mind, I cleared my throat and said, “I started falling for him. And you pretty much know the rest of the story.”
Alaire’s eyes seemed contemplative when I finished. “You know… I have to admit that I get a certain visceral thrill watching hand-to-hand combat. Even our recent disagreement was one of the most stimulating things I’ve enjoyed in longer than a century. All I could think about was overcoming your defenses before ravishing your body to my heart’s content.”
That was the opening I’d been waiting for. “And how would you feel if I did the same to you and I beat you?”
Alaire let out a raucous laugh. “Oh, come now. We both know how unlikely—”
“Unlikely and impossible are not synonyms,” I snapped, as a little of Donnchadh’s rage leaked through. “Or shall I remind you of the shape I left you in after our last fight?”
His face became more thoughtful. “Well, now that you mention it, such a reversed position does strike me as interesting and, perhaps, even exciting.”
“Exciting enough to give me back my blade?”
Alaire picked up his fork and knife. “How about discussing this after dinner in my private trophy room? If you are indeed serious about it, you need to see the opponents I have bested in physical combat over the past centuries.”
My smile was a pure ray of sunlight. “I accept.”
“Then the matter is settled. Now, let us eat, shall we?”
I dug into the remaining food on my plate like a starving wolf. My hunger wasn’t just for show. To pull off the next part of my plan, I needed all the strength I could muster.
###
When the last dish was cleared, Alaire asked, “I trust everything was to your liking?”
“Good to the last bite,” I admitted, which was the honest truth. “My compliments to the chef.”
Alaire gave me a tight smile before rising to his feet. When I did the same, he walked over to the wall I came through in my vision. Before dinner, I was poring through Persephone’s memories of the castle layout. I had to find the quickest escape routes and the way into the trophy room. The first one was easy but I kept coming up short on the second part. So knowing the entrance to the room was in here somewhere was actually a relief.
Alaire turned around and faced the wall. Then he took three steps forward and reached for one of the bricks. When he made contact with it, his hand went through it like water. By the time the illusion vanished, I saw a small lever in his hand, and he pulled it back. The wall in front of us swung open to reveal the trophy room in all its disgusting glory. As he walked into the room, he waved at me to follow him.
Now that I could see it, it struck me how much shit was piled up in here. I couldn’t help gawking at all the jewelry, weapons, shields and decorations around me. I was almost too overwhelmed take it all in.
Alaire smiled at me. “Yes, it is rather impressive to behold. I can assure you that it was anything but easy to acquire.”
My eyes spotted something familiar and unwelcome on one of the shelves: Persephone’s crown.
“I doubt this was so hard to acquire,” I said, picking it up. A part of me wanted to throw it down as the memory of the last time I’d reached for the crown hit me. But then I realized I was safe. Persephone was long gone and now the crown was just that… a crown.
Alaire smoothly took it from me and sighed. “Actually, it was much more difficult than you might expect. I needed to bring the perfect host to Persephone’s cro
wn in order to make the transference occur. It took plenty of relentless searches.”
Putting the crown back, he pointed at a spear as tall as he was at the top of the weapons rack. Leaning forward, he reached for the spear, retrieving it to show me. “This, on the other hand, was scarcely what I would call a challenge. Marcus Antonius, whom you may know as Marc Antony, dared to best me in a trial by combat after I discovered he was plotting against me. Sadly, his skills as a warrior atrophied over the centuries and I slaughtered him effortlessly within the first two minutes. No one has dared to make any serious challenges to my rule since that day.” Then he smiled at me. “Save for you.”
My eyes moved down the rack until they latched onto my sword. Alaire noticed, of course, and he took it off the rack with his hand that wasn’t holding the spear. “And here we have the blade in question. I almost wish I could leave it on the rack. It is quite a breathtaking piece of art.” Alaire laughed as he flipped the sword’s hilt to me. “I did say ‘almost’, dear. Go ahead, take the sword. The servants have already opened the front door so that we may fight our duel outside.”
The second I grabbed the sword, it started glowing blue and humming like a disturbed beehive. A flash of vitality soared up my arm and seemed to energize my entire being. And my hair blew back as if someone had just turned a fan on in front of me for a second. Alaire’s eyes went wide.
“What in—”
He couldn’t finish his sentence because the blade started moving on its own, slicing the air in front of me. I heard distant screams and saw twin bursts of fog before two of Alaire’s invisible servants—both of whom I didn’t know were there—were killed right where they stood. Once it pointed at Alaire, the blade stopped moving.
Alaire tightened his grip on the spear but the room was too crowded for so big a weapon. He made the only attack he could, and stabbed at my breast. I sidestepped the spear point, deflecting it with a swift whack of my blade. Alaire stepped forward then and was close enough for me to drive my knee between his legs which is exactly what I did. Then I head-butted him in the nose. He staggered back, dazed from my unexpected attack. He stayed that way just long enough for me to hit his nose another two times with the sword’s pommel. That drove him to the floor, and he dropped the spear on the way down.
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