by Jen YatesNZ
‘Distracted?’ Jassie finished, her eyes dancing with mischief. ‘Oh, Sher. I’m so glad you and Dom found each other.—You and Jane have much in common. Did you know she draws the most amazing caricatures and uses them to create children’s books? She’s just completed one for Holly’s Samantha. It’s delightful.’
‘Would you like to see my studio—and the unfinished painting?’
‘I’d love to,’ Jane murmured.
‘Oh, we can’t today, Sheri,’ Holly put in, suddenly rising to her feet. ‘Windermere was coming back with Basil for luncheon. I believe they have a plan to work on some parliamentary bill or other this afternoon. I’d never hear the end of it if I was not there to entertain!’
Jassie burst out laughing. She was a happy, unaffected young woman, and Jane really enjoyed her company.
‘Do you really think they’d notice our absence? Rogan has spent weeks writing up this proposal—’
‘Basil would notice,’ Holly said with a smile. ‘He likes to see me sitting opposite him at the other end of the table.’
‘So he can embarrass you by making eyes at you,’ Jassie chortled. ‘I’ve seen him do it!’
Holly laughed and moved towards the door, as did Jane and Jassie.
‘But—you don’t need Jane this afternoon, do you, Holly? Could she stay so we can have an indulgent arty afternoon? I could send her home in our carriage later.’
‘Would you like that, Jane?’
‘I’d love it,’ Jane agreed, and noted a deep air of satisfaction settle about Her Grace.
Jane understood. Not everyone would be delighted to spend an afternoon in a studio talking about the quality of canvases, paper, paints and charcoals.
***
‘This is perfect,’ Sheri declared as she shut the door after they’d entered the attic room.
Jane had to agree when Sheri moved to the far side of the room to pull a cord that slid a blind down from two large skylights, flooding the room with light.
‘This makes me homesick for my studio at Rotherby,’ Jane admitted.
Sheri carefully removed a cloth from a small canvas on the easel in the middle of the room.
‘Here’s the painting, so you can say you’ve seen it,’ she said, brown eyes so unusual with the silver-blonde hair, dancing with amusement.
Her off-hand wave towards the vague outline of the naked back-view of a woman, clearly herself, was the first inkling Jane had they were not here to discuss art. Sheri perched on the tall three-legged stool with her back to the easel and directed Jane to the only other chair in the room, an old cane armchair with comfortable, faded cushions.
The Duchess, as un-Duchess-like as Jane could imagine, smiled serenely at her and said, ‘I was wondering how I was going to get you alone!’
‘We’re not here to talk about art?’ Jane asked, letting her amusement show.
‘Perhaps—the subject of that art,’ Sheri answered, with a tilt of her head towards the small painting in which was emerging a woman with an aura of deep carnal satisfaction.
Jane frowned in puzzlement.
‘The title,’ Sheri murmured, obviously reluctant to speak the word again. ‘Though I prefer to call it ‘Enlightenment’.’
Still not sure where Sheri was going with this, Jane remained silent.
‘I’m going to have to be direct about this,’ Sheri murmured. ‘I hope you won’t take offence. But—do you—want rid of your virginity?’
The query was beyond startling, but Jane realized Sheri would have a purpose in asking such a shocking question.
‘I do—and I don’t! What would keep me from giving in to Hades then? It’s the only thing saving me!’
‘Do you really want to be saved?’
‘Are you trying to tempt me?’
‘Guess so.—Probably! I’ve finally discovered what I’ve been missing. I shudder every time I think how barren my life would’ve been if I’d gone on as I was—and was determined to do, if I couldn’t have Dom. And truly, I have the Great Bax to thank for that. There’s more to him than he cares for the world to know!’
‘You don’t need to explain any of that to me, Sher. Hades and I are friends from many years ago—and he does show me much he never shows anyone else—and that’s another thing I’m afraid of. I think, maybe, I already love the man. How much worse would the heartache be if—I allowed him to—?’
‘Truly, Jane, do you wish to live never knowing how wonderful it could be to lie with him, share the ultimate of intimacies with him? There’s no greater ecstasy, I assure you, than being that way—with the man you love,’ she said, her cheeks bright with blush.
‘But the pain, the heartache when—’
‘If you already love him, you’re going to suffer the pain regardless. I’d wager you’re already suffering! At least you’d have memories!’
‘But I can’t! Don’t you see! If I allowed him—and he discovered—he’d consider himself honor-bound to marry me!’
‘The Great Bax? Do you truly believe that?’
Sheri looked skeptical.
‘I know it. It’s why he doesn’t—bed virgins!’ Jane answered with conviction.
‘And you don’t want to marry him?’
Jane stared at her, unable to deny the deepest wish of her heart.
Dear God, was she really that foolish?
‘Truly?’ Sheri persisted. ‘Don’t you want to marry, and properly, and have children?—With Hades?’
Jane closed her eyes tight, clenched her hands and finally admitted, ‘I’m doomed! Marriage to Hades Delacourte is one of those dreams one should never entertain—but truthfully? I could imagine no greater bliss. Until he tired of me and returned to his rakish ways. Then I could imagine no greater suffering,’ she ended bitterly.
Sheri said nothing, simply waited for Jane to work it out for herself.
‘Even then—No! I could never use my virginity to trap him like that. Or any man for that matter!’
‘Then—do you want rid of your virginity?’ Sheri asked again.
‘How? I can scarce toss it out like an old gown for charity!’ Jane answered, almost crying and laughing at the same time.
A wry smile creased Sheri’s face.
‘We both know there’s only one way.—But first, do you want rid of it? Would you really like to have an affair with Hades? I think, from what I’ve heard over the years, he practically comes with a guarantee of satisfaction. If you know what I mean? And I don’t believe he’s used to women holding out against him. He must be terribly bemused by you! And Holly’s right. After you left Wolverton, he showed no interest in anyone else. In fact, I’d have to say he hid away in the games room with the men, sulking if I were to judge by his scowls.’
Jane looked down at her hands, clenched tightly together in her lap. If she looked up she knew she couldn’t hide the depth of her longing from Sheri.
‘I want, more than anything, to give in to the damned man! I’m also terrified of the idea. I think—I’ve been in love with him half my life. M—making love with him could cause me more pain than it’d save!’
Sheri observed her through her lashes for a moment.
‘You suffer either way,’ she stated at last. ‘Wouldn’t it be better to at least know the joy of it? You’d have wonderful memories to go with the pain.’
‘Oh God,’ Jane whispered. ‘What are you suggesting?’
‘This is where, once again, I have to swear you to absolute secrecy. What I’m about to divulge must never be made public.’ Watching the emotions flit across Jane’s face, Sheri added, ‘You can say no at any point. If you’re not interested I’ll say no more.’
Involuntary laughter choked up through Jane’s throat.
‘I could say I’m not interested. But I’m a terrible liar.’
Sheri laughed softly.
‘I’m guessing you’re about the same age as Holly? I’m not quite twenty-four and it felt like I’d been waiting forever to—know—that. And I have to say—
now I know—no woman should have to wait as long as you have—or settle for second best. It was only ever going to be Dom for me. I’m so grateful Bax finally made him see me—in that way. I suspect it may only be Hades who draws you that way, but—if you could keep your focus on the goal of an affair with him—could you accept someone else—just once? Particularly if you don’t know who it is, nor he you?’
Jane could only stare.
‘Not know?’ she husked at last.
‘There’s a club, the Matrix Club. It caters for people who like to do things in the bedroom you and I probably don’t know about, or shouldn’t!’ She smile briefly. ‘One of the—services offered at this club—is getting rid of unwanted virginity. Young ladies actually pay for the service.’
‘P—pay?’ Jane stammered. ‘I know men—pay for that. But women?’
She knew she must sound terribly naïve.
‘I’ll explain,’ Sheri suggested. ‘I gather there are women members of the club who foster the belief women should derive as much pleasure from the physical act as men undoubtedly do. And apparently we often don’t, unless the man takes care to ensure it. As would possibly have happened if you’d married your Squire.’
Jane shuddered.
‘The women members suggested the club could offer a service, whereby a virgin especially one being forced into a distasteful marriage, could have one perfect experience and cheat her unwanted bridegroom of her virginity, if that’s what she desired!’
‘How do you know about this?’
‘Absolute secrecy?’
‘Of course!’
‘The club is owned by Lord Knightsborough, and the Master of Virgins was—my husband.’
‘Master of V–’
Sheri’s cheeks were bright when she hastily added, ‘He’s resigned! And I try not to think about it.’
Jane found her mind assailed with images of the tall, dark muscular form of the Duke of Wolverton bent over a—
‘I don’t know who’s taken his place. It’s not as if there’s a frequent demand for the service. Dom said he initiated less than a dozen in the three years after Knight inveigled him into it. They’re both masked and the woman is blindfolded. No chance either could know who the other was. His job was to give her one perfect night, a memory to sustain her through the rest of her life.’
‘He—I—wouldn’t know who he was? And he wouldn’t know who I was?’
Sheri nodded.
‘I could have Dom set it up.’
At the horror on Jane’s face, she leant forward urgently, and said. ‘I’d tell him it’s for a friend. No one will suspect it’s the Dowager Countess of Rotherby!’
Jane felt her breath grow short and choppy with a terrifying excitement. Did she dare? As much as she dreamed the first man to show her the wonders of the connection between a man and a woman would be Hades Delacourte, she knew that dream could never be realized.
But, to know that connection with Hades once, maybe more than once, she’d dare a great deal, it seemed.
***
Four days had passed since that chat about art with the Duchess of Wolverton. Parliament was dissolving today and the Season was officially at an end. At least Selena’s future was settled, Lord Jasper having finally approached Lord Baxendene, to everyone’s satisfaction.
Which was just as well, Jane thought guiltily as she gripped the all-concealing cloak and hurried through the back lanes to the corner of Hill Street where an unmarked carriage awaited her. What sort of chaperone stole out at midnight? And such an assignation! May she not live to regret this night!
What was certain, she rallied herself, was she’d always regret it if she didn’t take the risk, take the terrible, trusting step, leap of faith—whatever the devil it was she was doing!
She slowed as she came abreast of the carriage and the shadowy coachman called down, ‘Be ye the party for the Matrix?’
‘Yes,’ she tried to say though she doubted the coachman heard her frightened whisper.
As soon as she stepped towards the carriage, his companion leapt down to assist her inside. The door closed and she promised herself she could still change her mind with no one the wiser. A nervous laugh escaped her in the silence of the carriage.
Having come this far, there’d be no turning back.
She had no idea where the Club was or where the carriage was taking her and she didn’t dare draw the curtain to try and see out. Heart thumping painfully, she clung to the fact she could trust Sheri and probably the Duke, who’d set the scene up for her.
He wouldn’t know who she was. In that she had to trust Sheri also.
By the time the carriage stopped again Jane had secured the black cloth mask which covered all but her mouth and had slits for her eyes. The street was dark, no outside lamps offering illumination—or exposure—for which she was grateful.
Only the dim light from the single lamp burning in the hall showed her assistant was also masked, as was the butler-type person who welcomed her inside.
Jane murmured the required code word, ‘maiden’, at which the correctly behaved gentleman bowed and requested she follow him.
He ushered her into a small ante-room where the only light came from a lamp standing in the corner.
‘Have a seat, madam, and someone will be with you directly.’
She was going to be ill! She couldn’t do this. She had to do this! Sheri had gone to so much trouble—though she’d said it would be fine if Jane changed her mind at any stage. Apparently that was not uncommon.
Sinking down onto the chair the butler indicated, she bounced straight up again the moment he left the room. Her legs were hopping with nerves and she could scarcely breathe for the agitation in her chest. The need to bolt for home increased with every passing second. Her eyes were on the door, her feet beginning to move in that direction, when it opened and a tall, masked man entered.
Closing the door softly, he crossed the room, possessed himself of her hands and said in a pleasingly husky voice, ‘Settle please, Lady X. It’s normal to be extremely unsure of the decision you’ve taken. Please be seated and we shall talk a little. I’ll explain things to you and you may ask anything that’s bothering you.’
Gently but firmly he pressed her back into the chair then turned to the sideboard to pour a small amount of golden liquid into a crystal tumbler and hand it to her.
‘Brandy,’ he informed her brusquely. ‘Sip it slowly if you’re not accustomed to it. It’ll settle your nerves.’
‘Thank you,’ Jane murmured, trying to relax and doubting whether she’d attain that state in her life ever again.
She was reasonably certain the man was Knightsborough. Pray God he didn’t recognize her.
‘While you’re here, you’ll be addressed as ‘Lady X’. Is that acceptable to you?’
Jane nodded.
‘You’ll remain masked as will the Master of Virgins. We make every effort to preserve your anonymity, and his. You must understand, and accept, in the event there was any consequence of this act, you’ll have no claim on the Master or the Club. We’re merely offering a service for which you’ve paid. Having said that, the Master will take every care to ensure there are no consequences, as well as give you an experience you’ll cherish.’
‘No!’ Jane blurted, unable to remain silent any longer. ‘That won’t be necessary. I simply want rid of my—virginity. It’s a serious inconvenience at my age—Oh!’
She snapped her mouth shut. One moment she could scarcely speak and the next she was babbling faster than any brook!
‘You’re not being forced into an unwanted marriage, Lady X?’
‘No.’
‘Then do you mind explaining why you want to dispense with your innocence? Most young women consider it an asset to be guarded assiduously.’
His voice was oddly gentle, inspiring trust. Jane found herself calming.
‘I’m not that young. I’ve also been married—to an older man I loved very much. But—we weren’t—inti
mate in the usual way. Now—I’d like to find out what—I’m missing—and not make a man feel honor-bound to offer marriage.’
‘An affair then?’
‘P—Perhaps!’
Lord Knightsborough nodded.
‘Quite commendable, Lady X. And though you’re not seeking a memorable occasion as such, the Master is still bound to prepare you properly so the event is at least enjoyable for you. The first time usually occasions a small amount of pain for the lady and the Master undertakes to make every effort to mitigate that. Is this acceptable to you, Lady X?’
Jane had little idea what he meant by ‘prepare her’, but she agreed. She’d come too far to do anything else, and was afraid part of the severe trembling of her legs could be put down to excitement. Oh Lord!
He’d settled in the chair at her side and now he leant back and considered her in silence. What on earth was he thinking? What did he see? Before her fevered mind could draw some lurid picture for her he spoke quietly.
‘The only hurdle left to clear is that of introducing yourself to me, Lady X.’
‘But—you said—!’
Never for a moment had she thought he’d ask that!
He raised a strong, neatly manicured hand.
‘Complete anonymity is assured for you and the Master. But in a club like this where patrons may preserve absolute anonymity at all times if they so wish, someone needs to play the role of—guardian angel, if you will. And that’s my role. Though you’re not applying for membership to the club, you’ll appreciate that anonymity could lead to some—inappropriate liaisons. Every member has to trust me implicitly and agree to be guided by me, no questions asked. Similarly in this situation I must ensure the Master is not inappropriate for you. Do you understand, my Lady?’
She couldn’t reveal herself to him! She had to leave—now—this instant—but no matter how she told her feet that, her body wouldn’t move. Slowly her lungs filled with air again and her heart beat steadied as the man opposite removed his mask.
‘Ajax Beresford, Earl of Knightsborough, at your service, my Lady.’