“Can you chop up some peppers for the sauce?”
“Yep.”
“Thanks.” He kissed her again and then set her up at the island with a chopping board, knife and two yellow peppers.
“How was your day?” He was browning the meat and he raised his voice to be heard over the sizzle.
“Good. Busy. How did the showings go?”
“First two in the morning were total busts, but the three in the afternoon were good. They all put offers in.”
“Were they accepted?
“Two were. One is in negotations. I might have to duck out to take a few phone calls during dinner. Sorry in advance.”
“It’s fine.” She sliced open the first pepper and cleaned out the seeds before chopping it into long strips. “Are you in the office tomorrow?”
“Yes. I’ve got some paperwork to do for the sales today, and a meeting with Betty.”
She sliced up the second half of the pepper before starting on the next one. She really should be talking to Jace about why he was suddenly acting like they were in a relationship, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to keep pretending this was all real. Wanted to act like she and Jace were a couple, and he was falling in love with her, just like she was falling in love with him.
She studied the back of his dark head, feeling another surge of affection that felt too much like love. Maybe he was changing his mind. The way he was acting certainly suggested he was. She knew she was grinning, but she couldn’t hide it. Jace was starting to fall for her.
“What are you making over there?” She asked.
Jace kneaded a ball of dough. “Pasta.”
“You’re making your own pasta?” She stopped slicing the pepper.
“Yep.”
“Holy crap.”
“Told you I had many talents.”
“I am sincerely impressed.”
“Yeah?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Remember this moment later, because secretly, this is only the second time I’ve made pasta, and the first time it didn’t turn out so well.”
She laughed. “Fantastic. Looking forward to trying it.”
“I’m sure it’ll be -”
The doorbell rang and Jace glanced at his hands. “Would you mind getting that? I ordered some new balls for the pool table and they’re supposed to be delivered today.”
“Sure.” She set the knife down and headed to the front door. She opened it and stared in surprise at the woman standing on Jace’s doorstep. “Mrs. Shepherd. Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” His mother gave her a worried look.
“Oh, uh, Jace invited me for dinner.”
“Why?”
She didn’t know what to say to that, so she took a step back. “Um, come on in. Jace is in the kitchen.”
Jace’s mom swept past her and Bria followed her into the kitchen. Before she could say anything, Jace said, “Well, what do you think of my new balls? If you’re a very good girl, I’ll show them to you later. Maybe even let you play with them.”
“Jace!” Bria said. “Your mom is here.”
Jace swung around and stared at his mother. “Mom? What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk. Alone.” His mother stared pointedly at Bria.
“It’s not a good time,” Jace said. “I’ll call you tomorrow and -”
“No.” His mother was starting to sound a little hysterical. “We need to talk right now, Jace.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow and -”
Jace’s mom gave her a wild-eyed look. “Please leave. This is a family matter that I need to speak to Jace about.”
“Of course.” Bria grabbed her purse from under the island.
“Bria, no. You don’t have to -”
“It’s fine.” She gave Jace a faint smile. “We’ll talk later.”
“Bria -”
“Bye, Jace. Bye, Mrs. Shepherd.” She hurried out of the kitchen, shoved her feet into her shoes and snagged her coat. She could hear Jace coming down the hallway, and she quickly ran out of the house and shut the door. She climbed into her car and drove away as Jace stepped out onto the front stoop.
Her heart was thudding, and she drove only a few minutes before pulling onto a side street and parking. The fear and anger that had been radiating from Jace’s mom was making her hands shake and her stomach queasy. His mom both feared and hated her and there was nothing she could do about it. She’d never win her over, she’d never convince her that she wouldn’t hurt Jace… she’d been stupid to think that she could have a relationship with him. Even if she could persuade Jace to try dating her, there was no swaying his parents. They would drive a wedge between them, she knew it without a doubt.
You don’t know that. Jace is a good guy. If he wants to be with you, do you really think he’ll let his parents tell him he can’t?
Jace was a good guy and he loved his parents. Why would he choose her over them? He wouldn’t. He shouldn’t. She buried her face in her hands and tried to hold back the hot tears. God, what a fucked-up mess this was.
* * *
Jace slammed the front door shut and stalked back to the kitchen. His tiger was growling angrily, and he glared at his mother. “What are you doing?”
“What am I doing? What are you doing?” Velma asked.
“Having dinner with a friend, until you rudely interrupted.”
“She’s more than a friend. Stop trying to pretend she isn’t.”
“Fine,” he said. “She’s more than a friend, Mom. I like her. I like her a lot, and I want to date her.”
Velma paced back and forth. “Honey, you can’t. You know you can’t.”
“Yes, I can. She’s not going to hurt me. She’s really great and if you would just give her a chance, you’d see that -”
Velma hissed angrily at him. “Tabitha was really great too, remember? Until she decided you were too weak, too fragile for her, and she left.”
His cheeks reddened. “I’m not weak, or fragile.”
“I know you’re not. But does this Bria know that you suffer from depression? Does she know you take medication for it, go to weekly therapy?”
“No, but I’ll tell her. She won’t care. She’s not like Tabitha.”
“Honey,” Velma cupped his face, “you don’t know that for sure. How well do you know her, really?”
“I know her well enough.”
“You don’t. You like her, I know. I can see it, I can smell it, and, honey, I wish I could be happy for you. I really do. But this is a mistake. You’re not ready to be in a relationship again.”
“I am.” He gave her a stubborn look. “I’m fine, Mom. I’m in a good place.”
“Are you? Do you remember what it was like when Tabitha left? Because I do. You were a mess. You didn’t leave your house, you didn’t shower or eat. Your father and I were terrified you were going to do what your brother did and -”
“I’m not Jonah!”
His mom flinched back and guilt coursed through him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell.”
“We know you’re not your brother, but you suffer from the same disease. You were suicidal when Tabitha left.”
“Mom, I -”
“It almost killed your father when you got sick. Do you know that?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
She leaned against the counter, tears starting to drip down her face. “Jonah’s death was very difficult on him. When you got sick, the stress was too much, and he had a heart attack.”
Jace staggered backward. The meat was starting to burn, and he watched numbly as his mother shut the burner off and moved the pan to a different burner. “Dad had a heart attack?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because you weren’t doing well yourself. You were still struggling, and your dad didn’t want to worry you.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“We wanted to protect you.” Velma squ
eezed his arm. “What happens if this Bria breaks up with you? What if you spiral down again? Your father wouldn’t survive another heart attack.”
He was being suffocated by guilt. His father had almost died because of him, and he’d had no fucking idea.
“Mom, I didn’t know. I…”
“We can’t lose you too, honey. I know you like her, but you need more time. Give it another year or so and you’ll be ready then. You’ll find a nice girl and be happy with her. I know you will. Please. Promise me you won’t see Bria again.”
He stared at his mother as guilt and sorrow and his growing love for Bria warred within him.
She cupped his face again. “We love you. Please don’t tear this family apart.”
“I won’t,” he rasped. “I won’t, Mom. I-I’ll tell Bria we can’t be together.”
She started to cry and pressed a kiss against his cheek. “I’m sorry, Jace. Really I am, but you’re doing the right thing. I love you, honey.”
“I love you too.”
She hugged him hard and he returned her hug as he stared out the kitchen window. The thought of not being with Bria, of never touching her soft skin, or hearing her mating call, brought the familiar black cloud descending over him.
She would never be his, and he’d have to watch as she found a new mate and built a life with someone else. More blackness crowded into him and he swallowed hard. He needed to talk to Bria and she was going to hate him when he was done.
Chapter Fifteen
He showed up just before nine. She let him into her apartment and wrapped her arms around her own torso instead of his. He looked tired and sad, and she wanted desperately to comfort him, but he was stiff and uncomfortable, and he wouldn’t look her in the eye.
She had spent the last couple of hours hoping that he would choose her. Such a selfish, terrible thing to do, but she couldn’t help it.
He hadn’t chosen her.
She’d known the moment she opened the door and seen him standing there with his drawn face and hunched shoulders. He was a ghost of his usual self, and for a moment she felt pure hatred for his mother. What had she said to him?
“I’m sorry to come by without calling.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat.
“It’s okay. Come in.”
He followed her into the living room and sat on the couch. She perched nervously beside him as he studied his hands. “I’m sorry my mom interrupted us like that.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” she said. “I understand.”
There was a bitter undertone to his laugh. “You don’t. But you’re about to.”
“Jace, I -”
“I need to tell you something, Bria. Okay? Will you just listen and hear me out?”
“Yes.” She folded her hands together so she wouldn’t try and hold his.
“Depression runs in my family. My aunt committed suicide when she was in her thirties, and you know that my brother Jonah killed himself. He had severe depression. My mom suspected he did, and she tried to get him help, but he refused. It was bad in his teens, but got a little better after he graduated high school. He met his mate, Davra, and they moved in together. The depression seemed to be gone. Or maybe he had just hidden it really well. I don’t know. Anyway, it came back, and he was struggling. Davra couldn’t deal with it. She left him, and a month later he hung himself in his bedroom.”
“I’m so sorry.” She had to touch him. She had to.
He took her hand when she curled it around his and held it in a tight grip. “I was diagnosed with depression too. I’m not as stubborn as Jonah though. I was willing to try medication, and it helps. After Jonah died, it got pretty bad, so I started seeing a therapist. Her name is Dr. Martin. She’s nice. She’s good at what she does.”
She squeezed his hand and he studied her for a moment before staring at the floor again. “Tabitha tried to be supportive, but I knew it bothered her. Jonah had been dead for almost a year and I was still doing therapy. She thought I was weak for needing medication and therapy. She used the no kids thing as her reason for leaving, but it wasn’t just that. She hated that I couldn’t force myself to be happy. Couldn’t beat the depression. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised when she left me.”
He paused. “My depression got worse and I had suicidal thoughts a couple weeks after she moved out. I made the mistake of telling my parents. I shouldn’t have, I don’t know why I did, but they freaked out. Mom wanted to put me in the hospital, but I was an adult, and she couldn’t force me to go. But I did get help.”
He gave her another fleeting glance. “I told Dr. Martin what was happening. She worked with my doctor to adjust my medications, and she made me do therapy sessions three times a week instead of just once. It helped. I started to feel more like myself. But my parents were so worried. They were sure I was going to kill myself like Jonah. I felt really guilty about what I was putting them through, you know?”
Bria squeezed his hand. “Kids always worry their parents, honey.”
“I know but… I decided the best thing to do would be to avoid relationships for a while. I told my mom and dad and,” he paused, “they were so happy and relieved. I couldn’t blame them for it. They had already lost one son because of a relationship gone bad, and almost lost their other one. Anyway, seeing how relieved they were, made me realize I was making the right decision. I joined the Heat Me Up site and I haven’t let myself get attached to anyone.”
He fell silent and she shifted a little closer to him on the couch. She rested her head on his shoulder and he stiffened a little before kissing the top of her head. “Only then I met you. And you’re sweet and funny and so damn beautiful. I told myself that I didn’t want anything more than sex, but I was wrong. You wanted a relationship with me, and I was starting to want that too.”
She brushed her hand through his thick hair. “I know, honey.”
“My parents don’t want me to date you. They don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship again.”
“What do you believe?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He stared at their entwined hands.
“It does matter. You can’t live your life doing what your parents want you to do. You’re an adult and -”
“My dad had a heart attack.”
“What? Today?”
“No, after I got sick. I had no idea. Mom told me tonight that Jonah’s death, and the stress of me being sick, was too much for him and he had a heart attack. They kept it from me because I was still struggling.”
His voice was full of harsh fear. “I almost killed my father, Bria.”
“Honey, no. Look at me.” She cupped his face. “You didn’t. Your mother should never have told you that, or at the very least, worded it differently. It isn’t your fault that your father had a heart attack.”
“It is,” he said. “I want to be with you, I really do, but I can’t. If we break up, and I can’t handle it…”
“Who says we’ll break up?”
“Who says we won’t,” he countered. “Life isn’t full of guarantees.”
She didn’t reply, and he squeezed her hand again. “I can’t take the risk, Bria. I like you a lot, but I can’t risk my dad dying because of me.”
She wanted to tell him he was being dramatic, wanted to shake him and force him to see how his mother’s fear was influencing him. Instead, because she didn’t want to hurt him any more than he already was, she sat quietly and waited for him to break her heart.
He let go of her hand and shifted further away from her. “I’m sorry. I can’t be with you anymore, Bria. Not even to help you with your heat. I know you hate me now and -”
She cupped his face again and made him look at her. “I don’t hate you.”
“You should. I’ve led you on the last few days and -”
“You haven’t. I don’t hate you, Jace. I hurt for you. and I wish things were different, but I understand.”
“Do you?” He gave her a searching look.
> “I’m trying to understand.” She rubbed his cheek with her thumb. She wanted to kiss him, but she let him go and stood up. “Thanks for stopping by and explaining. I appreciate it.”
He stood. “I – you’re not going to quit, are you? This doesn’t have to affect our working relationship.”
“I think I have to quit.”
“I wish you wouldn’t. I already feel like a piece of shit and -”
“You shouldn’t.” She made herself smile at him. “I just – I like you a lot and it’ll be difficult to see you every day. Especially when my heat is coming up.”
She forced another smile. “Could you imagine how embarrassing it would be for everyone if I tried to hump you in the boardroom during a staff meeting?”
“I can work from home. I can stay in my office when I do need to come in and -”
“No,” she said. “That’s not really a workable solution. This is your business and your livelihood. I’ll find another job.”
“Promise me you won’t quit until you find a new one,” he said. “It’s bad enough that you’re losing your job because of me. I don’t want you homeless and starving either.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise I’ll try to stay until I find something else.” She patted him on the arm. “You should go.”
She walked him to the door. He opened it and then turned abruptly. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her with a desperate sort of need.
He tasted like sorrow and regret and love all mixed in together. She returned his kiss, trying not to cry and failing.
He cupped her face and kissed her again. “I’m sorry.”
He walked out of her apartment without looking back.
* * *
“Good afternoon, Shepherd Real Estate. Bria speaking.”
“Yes, may I speak with Jace Shepherd, please.”
Bria shifted the phone to her other hand. “He’s not in today. Can I take a message for him?”
The woman on the other line hesitated. “Yes. Could you have him call Valerie Martin, please. He missed our appointment this morning and I’d like to reschedule.”
Bria and the Tiger (The Shifters Series Book 5) Page 22