‘What were you going to suggest? Don’t tell me…don’t tell me you can make these tonics yourself?’
‘Well, I could have a go from memory,’ he offered, sipping his tea. ‘I watched my sister make her potions for years and I do recall quite a bit of the process and ingredients. Meanwhile, if you like, I could send for some of her handmade ones. She lives in New South Wales though so it may take a few…’
‘Oh yes!’ Amanda said, eyes shining now. ‘But you must let me pay you for your troubles.’
‘Not at all, ma’am. I’m sure Miss Eve would be grateful to have an old friend do her mistress this favour.’
Amanda nodded. ‘Well, if you’re sure you have the time…’
‘I’ll find it,’ he declared. ‘In fact, what if we begin right now? I noticed some chocolate lilies and milkmaids along the drive that would be a good start for a vapour decongestant recipe; perhaps Eve and I could collect some. Do you have any baskets handy?’
Amanda was so enthused by the idea she went and fetched some baskets herself and Eve found herself bustled out the door and walking down the lane alone with Kieran within minutes.
‘You were awfully quiet in there,’ Kieran said after a pause. He looked ridiculously pleased with himself and it irked Eve immensely.
‘It seemed unnecessary to speak when I was literally in the conversation in the third person.’
To her annoyance he chuckled at that. ‘Very droll, Miss Eve, very droll indeed. What a clever mind you have there. Almost as impressive as that beautiful face of yours.’
Eve stopped in her tracks to glare at him now.
‘Why are you saying things like that, Kieran Clancy? In fact, why are you even here, throwing everything I’ve confided to you back in my face to…to…’
He stepped closer, watching her struggle to articulate it. ‘To spend some time with you, Eve?’ he said, dropping the ‘Miss’. ‘Is that really too much to ask?’
Eve wanted to say yes but his kind eyes were boring into hers and the word seemed peevish now. ‘Not if you only want my friendship and help, no. But if you’re looking for more, I told you before, I can’t give…that to you.’
‘I’ll settle for your friendship and help for now, but you won’t be able to fight more when it comes. It’s destiny, Eve, not me. It’s bigger than we are.’
He smiled at her then before walking over and picking flowers and Eve stood for a moment, digesting his words. They were etching into her mind before she could manage to stop them and blank them out, finding their way in past the shelved memories of her sins. Somehow he’d managed to invite her on a different kind of hunt, one driven by kindness and beauty, and already her heart was listening as it swelled with the sweetness of his speech, more impactful than even a Shakespearean sonnet. For they were words driven by an inarguable, ferocious force: the simple power of truth.
Twenty-Five
He was later than usual and Eve was trying not to care but her eyes moved to the clock every few minutes and she cursed herself each time she did it.
‘Mr Clancy should have been here by now,’ Amanda said lightly, a knowing gaze flicking Eve’s way. She chose to ignore it and focus on her reading instead.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come
‘Perhaps he’s out in the sheds with Arthur,’ Amanda interrupted her.
The overseer had warmed considerably towards Kieran over the past few weeks and the two men were often seen chatting and smoking their pipes as they discussed farming out there.
Amanda stood and walked to the window to see. ‘Oh yes, he has arrived,’ she said, waving. ‘I wonder if he’s got that new tonic ready for me? I’ve almost run out of Sleepy-o.’
Whatever fibs Kieran had fabricated to ingratiate himself into the woman’s good graces, lying about tonic making wasn’t one of them. Her mistress was in the best health Eve had yet seen her and there was a detectable spring in her step as she came back to her chair. Eve pushed away further musings on Kieran’s character to read on.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
This time it was men’s voices that interrupted her and Eve put the book down, trying not to feel that delicious thrill that accompanied the anticipation of seeing someone you’d missed. For she had missed him, despite every possible effort not to. She could no longer deny that she cared for him, not only as her saviour but as a friend; however, any further admission was still out of the question, despite the butterflies flying about in her stomach right now.
The door banged open and in they strode, laughing about something, and Kieran doffed his cap and bent to kiss Amanda’s hand, as was his habit now, and she smiled happily up at him. ‘I thought you’d forgotten us today.’
‘Now, to forget to visit you would be like forgetting to put on my trousers. I did do that today, did I not?’ he said, pulling a comical face and pretending to check.
Amanda laughed and Eve smiled. Kieran’s charm was difficult to resist.
‘Hello there, Miss Eve,’ he said, nodding over at her and she tried not to do her usual thing and blush. It was so frustrating when her body betrayed her like that.
‘Hello, Mr Clancy,’ she said. ‘Would you like some tea?’
‘No, no, don’t trouble yourself…’
‘Nonsense, Kier, I think we’d all enjoy a cuppa. Come on, Eve, I’ll help ye,’ Arthur said.
‘No putting your sailor’s rum in it now,’ Kieran called after them.
‘You hear that, Eve? He thinks yer trying t’get him drunk,’ Arthur said.
Eve laughed, although the blush was deeper now and Arthur began to watch her as they took out crockery and put the water on.
‘I wasn’t sure what he were up to at first but I have to admit it: he’s a fine man, yer Mr Clancy.’
Eve took out the milk and placed it on the tray before answering. ‘He’s not mine, as well you know.’
Arthur picked up some spoons and pointed them at her. ‘Aye, but he could be.’
Eve shook her head. ‘Don’t even say such things, Arthur. The mistress would never allow it.’
‘I think she finds the whole idea romantic, as you lasses say, but it’s no’ the mistress you need to consider, it’s the master. Mind you, I think we may have powers of persuasion in our favour.’
Eve wanted to ask, ‘Such as?’ but refused to allow herself. Besides, Arthur seemed hell-bent on telling her anyway.
‘In case ye haven’t noticed, the captain’s rather partial to his wife and if there’s one thing he worries about, it be her.’
That was true, Eve conceded.
‘He’s going to be pleased as punch when he sees how much she’s improved under yer Kieran’s tonics,’ Arthur continued. ‘If ever ye had a chance at being allowed to have a man o’yer own…’
‘Arthur,’ Eve stopped him, closing her eyes against the conflicting emotions roiling inside her at his words. ‘I don’t need nor want a man of my own. I don’t want anything except a peaceful life.’
‘Come now, Eve, yer wanting more than that.’
‘No. I just want to be a good woman in the eyes of God and to be left to serve out my days without any trouble and earn my redemption. That’s why I’m here, Arthur. That’s my fate and I’m grateful for it.’
Arthur put the last cup on the tray and lifted it for her.
‘Loving a man isn’t a sin, Eve,’ he told her gently before limping away. Eve blinked at the effect those words had as she stood in the kitchen alone.
Oh, but it can be, Arthur, she wanted to tell his retreating back. And it can cast you from paradise into the very darkest of hells.
It was time to leave and it was time to tell her he was going but Kieran hated uttering the words almost as much as he hated to go. Mostly because he’d hoped she would have been able to love him a little by the time he went home to his family but also bec
ause he would miss seeing her each week. Seven days between visits would feel like nothing compared to the weeks or even months he would need to be away, and Kieran was already bracing himself for the longing and loneliness that would accompany him each day. But there was nothing else for it. The sun was low in the sky and he had to depart, and she had to know he wasn’t coming back for quite some time.
They were walking down the drive in the fading orange light, their lover’s lane as he thought of it now, the place he often visited in his mind when he missed her most, reliving that reward he’d claimed. That one perfect kiss.
Looking over at her, he searched for the right words but found none and she looked back at him, thoughtful herself.
‘There’s something on your mind, Eve,’ he finally said.
The early autumn wind was whipping at her hair and she pushed it back. ‘I could say the same to you.’
Kieran sighed, knowing the time had come. ‘I’m leaving.’
Whatever she’d thought he was about to say it obviously wasn’t that and she bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly. ‘Why?’
‘It’s my sister Eileen. She’s not doing too well and I need to go home to her and try to help.’
‘What’s wrong with her? Is she sick?’
‘No, no, it’s nothing like that. She lost her baby the day I left town, stillborn.’
‘How terrible for her…’ she said before frowning in confusion. ‘But why did you leave then?’
Kieran rubbed his neck, wondering how much to reveal of his more troubled side, but then again that’s what this might have to take. Perhaps if she saw a less cocky, more complex man she might see that he was vulnerable too and open up to him at last. ‘I had a bit of an altercation with a doctor who wouldn’t tend her. To be honest that’s why I came down to Victoria, to lay low for a while.’
‘Oh,’ she said.
‘You sound disappointed there, Eve.’
She shrugged her shoulders, not bothering with her hair now as it slipped its pins and swept about in burnished strands in the dusk. ‘Why should I be? I just thought you came for gold, is all.’
‘I did come for gold,’ he said, daring to take a strand of her hair and place it behind her ear as he’d done that first day, weeks ago. ‘I’ve found it too, only I’m having a hard time convincing it to come free.’
Her eyes never left his as he ran his fingers down her arm to take her hand and Eve shook her head. ‘It’s not that I don’t care for you, Kieran…’
‘I know that you do, lass, I can feel it. I can sense you’ve been hurt too and I know how that feels, believe me.’
‘You can’t possibly…’
‘So tell me then. There’s nothing left for it but for you to be honest with me now, Eve. I think you owe me that much at least.’ That last comment upset her but he didn’t take it back. Whatever it took at this point, even pushing her guilt.
‘I…I can’t tell you…’
‘You can. You can tell me anything,’ he said, running his thumb gently across the mark on her chin. ‘We all carry scars, Eve. Whatever it is, I’ll understand.’
‘You can’t understand this,’ she whispered, struggling not to cry. ‘How it feels…’
‘How it feels when what?’
‘When…when your entire world is ripped away, when you’re betrayed and cast out…’
‘People have tried to destroy me too, to take my life, my freedom.’ He was impassioned now and took both her hands. ‘I’m an Irishman, Eve. Some people think our blood isn’t worth saving; that we should be starved or beaten from this earth. I know what it’s like to be betrayed and to be broken down but if you give those people this,’ he paused to place her hands over her own heart, ‘then you give them your soul.’
‘That’s just it. It’s not about the people who betrayed me,’ she said so softly he could barely hear. ‘I…I…’
‘Tell me, love,’ he begged. ‘Tell me what it is.’
‘I betrayed myself,’ she said on a sob. ‘I let…I let him hunt me down, I gave in to temptation. I’m truly Eve…and I am a sinner.’
He pulled her into his arms as she cried in earnest now and he stroked her back, softly crooning. ‘There now, Eve, there, lass.’ Then he pulled her back, holding her shoulders. ‘I take it this man didn’t offer you marriage?’
‘He…he couldn’t. He was the young m…master of the house.’
Kieran nodded, wishing he could punch the bastard who used her so, but he expressed himself more gently to her. ‘It sounds to me like he was the one at fault.’
‘No…he can’t be held to blame entirely if I…if I let him.’
‘I doubt he deserves such loyal words. Why didn’t he protect you or fight for you?’
Eve shrugged, frowning now. ‘I suppose I…I wasn’t enough.’
‘Then he was a fool, lass, and a cad at that.’
‘But I was a fool first. That’s why I’m afraid, Kieran, I’m scared of the way you make me feel. I can’t let my foolish body and my heart take over my mind again. I can’t be that weak.’
She said the word with such devastation that Kieran could have wept for her, a girl so riddled with guilt and unfairly punished for doing what comes naturally to all.
‘We all sin, Eve. We all give in at times. Do you think I have never bedded a woman? Do you think me a terrible sinner then?’
‘But you’re a man.’
Kieran let out a short laugh. ‘Aye, and so was Adam. I never understood why Eve copped all the blame when he took a bite of the apple too.’
She shrugged sadly. ‘It’s just the way of the world.’
‘Well, it shouldn’t be. And you shouldn’t live a life of loneliness because you think all lovemaking is a sin.’ He took both her hands again. ‘It can be wondrous, Eve, when it truly is for love.’ He dared a kiss then, a mere brush of lips, yet every sensory instinct seemed to live in that brief, sweet touch, and he was filled with sincerity as he declared the rest. ‘I love you, Eve, and I want to marry you. There’ll be no sinning involved this time, I promise.’
She was hesitating, staring at his mouth in the half-light, her face tear-stained, then she reached up to cup his cheek with her hand, so gently he didn’t dare breathe, and leaned close to place a soft kiss of her own. Kieran’s heart leapt that she was brave enough to do so, and with such trust. Then a rush of joy swept through him and he captured her mouth with his, pulling her against him and kissing her properly, unleashing everything he’d felt since they’d met; all those long months of yearning, the endless hours of loneliness, every ache of restraint from each look, word and touch. It flowed between them like a great wave now, wondrously free to crash at last.
‘I love you too,’ she gasped, pausing to rest her forehead on his. ‘How can I not when you’re…when you’re so kind?’
‘Only kind?’ he teased, although his heart leapt at the words. He kissed the top of her head and tried to calm his racing pulse and senses. ‘What about devilishly handsome and charming?’
‘And terribly modest too,’ she said, smiling a little now.
Kieran chuckled, letting happiness override everything else. ‘So when can I ask the good captain for your hand?’
‘You truly want to do this?’
‘More than anything in the entire world,’ he said, tracing her lovely face with his eyes.
Eve smiled shyly again, her dimples darting. ‘Well, he…he’ll be home in August. Oh, but what if he says no?’ she said, her face falling.
‘Then I’ll have to put a tonic in his tea.’
‘But he could…’
‘Hush, lass,’ he said, kissing her again. ‘You’re forgetting about that Irish charm.’
‘It’s just that I…I never thought such a thing would be possible for me now.’
‘Plenty of convict servants marry, and Arthur and Amanda don’t seem to mind me hanging about. In fact, I’m reckoning Amanda will love the idea of having her own private tonic maker for life. She’ll su
pport this, Eve, I’m sure of it.’
‘But if the captain still refuses…if he takes this away from me now I don’t know if I could bear it.’
‘Nothing will stop me from being with you, Eve,’ he told her firmly. ‘Not a sea captain, not even the ocean itself,’ he said, sweeping his arms back dramatically to convince her. ‘We’ve crossed one to be here, don’t forget,’ he said more softly now, taking her hands again, ‘for different reasons and from different worlds, but somehow we’re standing under the same sky.’ He looked up and nodded at the twinkling lights appearing there, two pointing like an arrow towards others arranged in a cross. ‘We’re meant to be, you and I. Our fate is already written up there, in those southern stars.’
‘The Southern Cross actually,’ she told him. ‘Arthur says it points due south, see? He said it directs you home when you’re on the seas.’
‘Then look to it while I’m gone, my love. I’ll be looking too, thinking of you until I can follow them back.’
They held one another close then, under those guiding stars, grasping on to this moment for as long as they could, knowing it would be replayed over and again in their minds until he returned. Until that fate-filled sky brought him home.
Twenty-Six
Orange, March 1854
She was staring again, not at the place on the rise where Kieran would eventually appear but over at the creek where a tiny grave lay beneath a tree. It had a marker, just a simple one naming the baby and the date: Sarah Mary Murphy, born 6th September, 1852.
Eileen hadn’t wanted it stated that she’d died at the same time. She hadn’t even wanted to put Mary in her name, saving it for the daughter she still hoped to have, but Rory had wanted it included like a blessing so she’d agreed it could be added to the middle.
She would have been a year and a half old if she’d survived. Eighteen months and four days, to be exact. Eileen always counted each morning, like it meant something still. She’d be forming sentences now and have hair long enough to tie back or up, away from her dear little face. Her daughter would have been a beautiful child but God had stolen her life away. Even Mary, the sacred mother, had let her down in this, of all things, and Eileen couldn’t forgive her for it, no longer placing flowers at the statue on the mantel or going to Mass. Her rosary beads now left in a drawer.
In a Great Southern Land Page 19