by Jewel E. Ann
“I want to meet your sister.”
“No. You don’t.”
“Why? Are you embarrassed of me?”
“Duh,” I say in my best teenage-girl voice.
Henna throws a pillow at me. “Your dad loves me. I’ll bake up something extra special for him.” She winks.
I roll my eyes, tying my shoes.
“And I’ll pop in for a visit in say …” She glances at the nonexistent watch on her wrist. “An hour?”
“Hmm … shoot. That’s not a good time. Maybe another day or year or like … never.”
“Bodhi Kaden Malone!” Naked love of my life leaps from the bed, giving my dick unnecessary hope again. Penile insatiability is a real thing with Henna in my life.
“I confessed to my dad how much I love you. I arranged dinner because I said he needs to get used to you being in my life. But now you’re freezing me out of yours.” She plants her hands on her naked hips.
I toss her a blanket from the bottom of her messy bed. “Cover up because I have to go.”
She throws it aside. “I’m not covering up with a blanket. I’m going to get dressed and come to your house.”
God! My fiery little redhead knows how to torture me.
“It’s not personal, Henna. And when my sister leaves, you can hang out with my dad all you want. But I’m serious … my sister will see how much I love you, and she will do everything in her power to strip you from my life because she thrives on my misery.”
“She wants you scarred and guilted. And the greatest power she has over you is that you let her do it. You let everyone make you feel guilty.”
I don’t need this right now.
“You’re right. I’m going to rectify that right now by not letting you make me feel guilty for not inviting you to my house to meet my sister.”
After getting no further than putting on her bra and panties, she sits on the edge of the bed. “It’s the Coachella curse. We’re Henna and Bodhi there. We’re amazing. The world doesn’t matter when we’re in the middle of a desert, surrounded by music. But as soon as we get home, I’m your dirty little secret.”
On a loud exhale, I squat down in front of her, resting my hands on her hips. “This is my life, Henna. And I want you in my life and not as my dirty little secret, but the fact remains that my life is not like your life. I can’t take off on a private jet on a whim. I can’t pretend that my father is not my responsibility. My sister didn’t get wasted, high, and completely shitfaced. She wasn’t the one who landed on my father at the bottom of a marble staircase. And I get it … I should forgive myself, but it won’t change my father’s condition. It won’t change my responsibilities.”
“So, I’ll just never meet your sister? That’s going to be our life?”
I shrug. “She rarely visits.”
“Bodhi …” Henna shakes her head, pressing her palms to my cheeks. “She can’t take me away from you. Not her. Not your boss. Not anyone.”
“I know.” I kiss her quickly and stand.
“So I’ll head that way after I get something made for your dad?”
“Yep.” I walk out of her room and down the hall. “After school tomorrow would be perfect.”
“Bodhi!”
I keep my ass moving. Everything she said is true, but I’m still not ready to let Henna meet my sister. My Henna high is too good. Bella will kill that high, then she will chip away at Henna’s love for me.
“Love you!” I call just before shutting the front door.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Henna
I BAKE COOKIES, the good kind that I haven’t had in years. After putting them in a basket like I’m Little Red Riding Hood, I take them to Bodhi’s house.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Duke ties the chestnut horse to a post and ambles toward me as I make my way down the long drive.
“Hey. How are you?” I keep walking as he joins me.
“Mighty fine and yourself?”
“Never been better.” I toss him my best smile.
“Ya been baking?”
“Sure have. I’d offer you one, but I think you should wait until you’re done with work. They’re the relaxing kind of cookies.”
“Ah, I see. Barrett will love you.”
“I hope so.”
Because I sure do love his son.
“He’s not doing well.”
My steps falter. “The cancer?”
“Yeah. They want to do more chemo. Barrett says no, but Bodhi insists he keep fighting.”
I nod slowly. “And what about Bella? What does she want?”
“That girl is hard to read. She don’t come around but a couple times a year. And for a few days, she fusses over Barrett then leaves. I can’t say for sure if her distance is because she doesn’t care enough to be here more or if she can’t emotionally handle it. Seeing your dad fight cancer from a wheelchair has to be hard. Bodhi is a saint.”
If only he felt like one.
“Well, I’m going to see if I can get the Malone family high so they all chill for a bit.”
Duke barks a hearty laugh. “I like you.”
“I like you too, Duke. See ya later.” I give him a parting smile as he heads back toward the barn, and I continue to the house.
There’s a gray car parked next to Alice. I assume it’s Bella’s rental car.
Raised voices leak through the partially closed door like this old house is bleeding. I rest my hand on the screen door handle, trying to hear what’s being said, but I can’t make it out.
“Those for me?”
I jump back. Barrett opens the door the rest of the way and wheels out onto the porch.
“You scared me. I wasn’t eavesdropping.”
“You were.” He takes the basket from me.
“Okay. I was.” My nose wrinkles as I slide my hands into the arms of my sweatshirt and sit in the chair next to him.
“Henna, right?”
I nod. Damn it’s chilly this evening.
“Haven’t seen you in a long time. Bodhi said you were exploring indefinitely. He used to show me the postcards … then it stopped.” Barrett’s vacant eyes give me a sluggish inspection as he takes a shaky bite of a cookie, slumped into his chair slightly to the right like his spine won’t let his fragile body remain upright any longer. It’s sad because he also looks like he’s lost half his body mass. His thick blond-gray hair is gone, and so is the easy smile he used to share with me. In two years, he’s aged a decade, maybe more.
“Yes. I traveled the world exploring.”
“Atta girl. You said you were going to do that. I’m proud of you, kid. Did you learn anything along the way?”
“Hmm … you’d think so. Right?” I chuckle. “Nothing too scholarly. But I met a lot of genuinely amazing people, and in some small way they all imparted a bit of knowledge onto me. But more than anything, it gave me a greater appreciation for my home and the people in my own life like …”
Bodhi. Just say it!
“Me?” Barrett winks.
I giggle. “Exactly.”
He tries to straighten a bit, causing a grimace to wrinkle his face.
“Need help?” I take the basket of cookies from his lap and stand to help him.
He shakes me off. “I’m good in a dying-of-cancer-crippled-old-man sort of way.”
Bodhi told me his dad is fifty-six. That’s not old. But he didn’t tell me about the chemo and Barrett not wanting to go through it again.
“What kind of cancer?”
“Hell if I know anymore. Started with my liver. I think it’s working on attaching itself to every organ in my body and eating me alive.”
“Maybe they’ll find a cure.”
He grunts, looking out at the horse barn while taking another bite of his cookie. “Sure.”
I’ve got nothing. There’s no grand response to cancer is eating me alive.
“Whose car is parked by Bodhi’s?”
“Bella’s. My daughter.
She’s leaving in the morning to go home to Kentucky. Bodhi goes to this big music thing every spring—well I make him go because I get tired of his grumpy ass. But … he loves it. I can tell every time he gets home. He’s a different kid. Usually Duke and Etta old-man-sit me, but Bella’s no longer training horses full-time, so she came.” He nods toward the house. “That’s what you were eavesdropping on—my grown-ass kids fighting. I’m used to the occasional bickering, but today I’m certain they were trying to tear each other’s throats out.”
“Fighting over the TV remote?”
Barrett flips me a grin. “I like you, young lady. Maybe I could adopt you and get rid of those two in there. We could get deliriously high every day. And one day … when I don’t wake up, you can just bury me in the pasture and smoke a joint in my memory.” He winks. “Deal?”
What can I say? There was a day when the idea of getting deliriously high until life ended appealed to me like it does to Barrett. I was recovering. He’s not recovering. He’s slipping away, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
“Deal.” I only half mean it.
Barrett bobs his head in agreement. “You’re my person.”
I haven’t been anyone’s person, so I’m not sure what all that entails, but I can bake cookies and smoke a few joints with Barrett if that makes his days a little better. Burying a body might not be in my personal repertoire, but I keep that to myself. He’s happy at the moment, so that’s all that matters because we are only a moment.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
“Hello …”
I turn toward the door and the female voice.
“Bella, come meet my friend, Henna.”
Bella is petite with a dark-haired pixie cut and sable eyes, nothing like Barrett or Bodhi. She’s clearly the spitting image of the woman I saw in pictures on the living room wall.
“Hi.” I smile.
Bella gives me a wary once-over before relinquishing a ghost of a smile. “How do you know my dad?”
“I live up the way, and we met after I took a guided tour on Angelina.”
Her ruddy lips purse to the side. “What’s in the basket?”
“Cookies,” Barrett answers.
I give a stiff smile.
“Want one?” he offers.
Oh God …
“I’m good. The wine I had with dinner was a Moscato. I don’t need anything sweet.”
Phew …
“They’re double chocolate. Your favorite. And Henna makes the best cookies.”
Why must he press this? They’re double chocolate to tame the cannabis taste.
“Maybe just half.”
My nose wrinkles as I give Barrett a this-is-not-a-good-idea look. He winks at me, giving her a whole cookie.”
Bella takes a bite, her nose scrunching a bit like mine. It’s a recipe I’ve perfected over years. My mom says they’re really quite good, and she’s never been a big cannabis fan.
“Not bad.” She shrugs.
“What’s not—”
Bodhi freezes when he sees me. I return a toothless smile with wide eyes.
“Henna’s back in town, Bodhi. She just brought over some cookies. I gave one to your sister.”
Bodhi’s gaze swells with concern as it ping-pongs between me and Bella.
His dad holds up the basket. “Bodhi?”
He shakes his head. Men who get high and totally shitfaced then put their fathers in wheelchairs for life don’t touch drugs or alcohol.
Barrett shrugs. “Your loss. After embarrassing yourselves with your bickering while Henna could hear you, I think you both could use a cookie. Maybe two.”
Bodhi tosses me an uneasy look. “I didn’t know your friend was here.”
It’s probably strange that I’m oddly turned on by this game where I’m Barrett’s friend until Bodhi has me alone with my clothes off. We’re back to the forbidden. I didn’t think I wanted that forbidden thrill anymore, but I was wrong.
“I prefer her to both of you at the moment.”
Bodhi cringes like Barrett’s little jab really pains him. Bella? She’s finishing the whole cookie, inspecting it before each bite as if she’s trying to figure it out. I don’t think she’s heard a word Barrett’s said about their fighting.
“Did our dad tell you he’s going to die without chemotherapy?” Bella asks.
“Bella. Don’t,” Bodhi warns.
Rolling my lips together, I wait for Barrett’s reaction.
“Because he is…” she continues “…he’s going to die without the chemotherapy. And he won’t listen to Bodhi because he feels sorry for Bodhi.” She coughs a laugh. “Which is utterly ridiculous because Bodhi’s the reason he’s in a wheelchair.”
“Bella.” Barrett narrows his eyes at his daughter while giving her a barely detectable head shake.
Bodhi looks out past the drive toward the horse barn while running a rough hand through his hair.
Bella sits in one of the wooden rocking chairs like a queen taking her place on the throne. “If Henna’s your friend, then she should know the truth about the Malone family.”
My heart and my head struggle with Bella’s attitude. Yes, she’s being cruel to both Bodhi and her dad, but I know it’s because she’s not only angry about the circumstances, she’s hurting too. That makes me sad for her. She’s lost her mom. Her relationship with her brother is toxic. And she’s dealing with the real possibility she could lose her father.
Bodhi is her scapegoat.
“I’m going for a ride,” Bodhi mumbles while walking down the ramp in his jeans and cowboy boots.
“You do that,” Bella spits out. “I’ve only been watching him for the past week so you could escape, pretending you didn’t mess everything up. But yeah …” She leans back in the chair with her hands laced behind her head and a stiff smile carved into her bitter face. “Since I leave in the morning, you’d better squeeze every last bit of freedom that you can out of me.”
“Fuck you.”
“Bodhi!” Barrett’s voice booms with more strength than I thought he had in him. “Don’t you ever talk to your sister that way.”
Resting his hands on the ramp railing, Bodhi hangs his head. Bella has the audacity to look offended while their dad releases a long exhausted breath. I feel so out of place, yet another part of me feels like I need to be here. I traveled the world to discover the place I wanted to be more than anywhere else is in Bodhi Malone’s arms.
Easing out of the squeaky chair. I give Barrett a sad smile.
“Don’t go,” Barrett says while Bella keeps rocking and Bodhi remains statuesque with his head tucked between his outstretched arms and hunched shoulders.
The wood planks creek beneath my feet as I walk down the ramp. Bodhi doesn’t move. I duck my head and slide my body between his arms so he’s now caging me between his body and the railing.
“Henna,” he whispers, closing his eyes. “Don’t do this.
My palms slide up his cheeks. “Henna and Bodhi forever,” I whisper.
The rhythmic wood-against-wood whining of Bella’s rocking chair stops. I don’t have to see her to know she’s frozen, wondering what’s going on between me and her brother.
“Take me for a ride, Bodhi.” My thumb grazes across his lower lip. I let us be in our own little bubble.
The pain deepens along his forehead, but he leans into my touch.
“Because I love you so fucking much, the rest of the world can’t touch us.”
His hand moves from the railing to cup the back of my head, and he brings our mouths together in a slow kiss. We kiss like no one else exists—slow and passionately.
Crickets are all that can be heard around us. Without looking at his dad or his sister, he grabs my hand. “I’m taking Henna for a ride with me. Don’t wait up.”
If there was any question whether or not I would forgive Bodhi for letting me go the way he did, there isn’t now.
I forgive him. I love him. And it’s
so much more than temporary.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Bodhi
“YOU’RE TERRIBLE AT following instructions.” I pull her toward the horse barn.
“I love you too.”
I can’t hide my grin. She erases all the pain in my life with a look, a word, a single touch.
“I think your sister swallowed her tongue.”
With a grunt, I mumble, “If only …”
“By the time we get back, they’ll be in a happy place. I bet she doesn’t hate you in about … two hours.”
I hold open the door for her, shooting her a lifted-brow look. “So kind of you to get my sister and my father high this evening.”
“You’re welcome.” She lifts onto her toes and deposits a soft kiss on my lips before continuing into the barn. “Duke done for the night?”
“Probably.”
“I can’t recall seeing him walk to his mobile home.”
I grab Snare’s blanket, saddle, halter, and reins. “I’m guessing it’s because you were too busy feeding my dad cookies.”
Henna meanders around the barn, showing love to some of the horses with their heads peeking out of the stalls. “Did you find anyone … when we weren’t together?”
I lift the saddle onto Snare, glancing over at her to confirm that she’s asking me what I think she’s asking me, but her back’s to me.
“Did I date? No.”
“But you were …” She makes her way over to me, leaning against a wood post, arms crossed over her chest. “With other women. Right?”
My hands stay busy as I let her question hang in the air, hoping it will evaporate without an answer.
“Bodhi …” She slips her hands in my front pockets and rests her head on the middle of my back.
I close my eyes, pausing my hands.
“If you say no, I’ll feel terrible like I cheated on you. If you say yes, I’ll feel jealous, but at least …” She trails off.
I open my eyes without turning. I’m not ready to look at her. “Jealousy is a pretty fucking awful feeling. I’m not sure why you want me to answer you at all. Does it matter?”
Bobbing her head on my back, she exhales. “Were you jealous?”