by Robyn Nyx
“Sure you do.”
There was a promise in Louie’s eyes Heather couldn’t miss. “And will she stop telling lies about you?” Heather asked, feeling super protective.
“She denies saying anything at all—”
“I didn’t make it up, Louie.”
“Whoa,” Louie said. “I know that. I could tell she was lying.”
Heather let the tension in her shoulders go, relieved that Louie didn’t think she was the one being deceitful. “I’m sorry.”
“None of this is your fault. You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” Louie said. “Everyone has a past they have to deal with sometime. I’m sorry you had to get involved in mine.”
Louie’s phone lit up with a message, and Heather glanced away, not wanting to invade her privacy.
“It’s Gabe,” Louie said, perhaps reading Heather’s thoughts. “He’s desperate to get another video out there.”
“I watched ‘There Goes My Everything.’ It’s really something.” She hoped Donny had seen it too and how popular Gabe was. “Was that your idea or his?”
Louie pushed her phone around the table and looked shy. “That depends on whether you’re impressed or outraged by the concept of launching a country artist via Facebook.”
“I’m impressed.” Heather winked.
“Then I’ll admit it was me. If a pop star can do it on YouTube, I didn’t see why Gabe couldn’t do it on Facebook. Next step will be a Kickstarter campaign to record an EP.” Louie’s enthusiasm practically bounced from her body.
“I love that you’re helping him find a different way to launch his career. You’re so wonderful.” And so sexy.
Louie looked at her, and Heather’s stomach flipped. If they’d been in an animated romance film, there would have been sparks and fireworks all over the screen. Heather wanted to run her finger over Louie’s lips, kiss her hard and passionate, let their desires take them away from this place.
But Heather didn’t move closer, and neither did Louie. The silence stretched out before them like a road disappearing into a horizon unknown.
Louie coughed, drew back slightly, and focused on her phone. She looked up after reading Gabe’s text. “I’m gonna go.” She waved toward Savana and indicated she was leaving by pointing to the door. Savana nodded and waved back.
Heather stopped herself from touching Louie’s hand. “Do you have to go?” she whispered.
Louie sighed and slowly shook her head. “If I don’t go, I won’t be able to stop myself from giving in and kissing you. Discretion be damned.”
Louie’s words made Heather swallow hard, and her groin pulse harder. God, she wanted that too. Hiding who she was had never been this difficult to manage before. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll text you.”
Louie seemed to hesitate as she stood to leave. Was she thinking about leaning in to kiss Heather good-bye? She smiled tightly before she picked up her jacket and headed to the stairs. Once again, Louie didn’t look back, and a pang of sadness hit home. She wanted to be the center of Louie’s attentions. She didn’t want Louie to be able to leave so easily. Heather glanced across at the dance floor and Savana waved her over. Heather wished Louie hadn’t mentioned her suspicions about Savana’s sexuality or that her affections might be directed toward Heather.
If Louie was right and Savana had stayed in the closet all these years to protect her career, that was her prerogative. But Heather was just biding her time until she’d established herself. Then she’d be with whoever she damn well pleased, regardless of their ability to pass. Heather had spent far too much time in enforced reticence about her sexuality, and she had no intention of staying closeted a minute longer than was absolutely necessary. She hoped Louie would stick around in the meantime.
Chapter Twenty-seven
“Night, Gabe.” Louie closed Gabe’s bedroom door and left him to upload his new music video. She walked lightly through the living room and paused at the kitchen. The blue LED clock display on the microwave lit up a bottle of Jack Daniels, as if luring her to drown the abject loneliness that had seeped into her soul while she was videoing Gabe and thinking only about Heather. Her mom had said her father was a drinker, and there was no way she was following in his missteps or giving truth to Mia’s lies. She dismissed it and opted for a bottle of water instead. She headed for her bedroom and closed the door behind her quietly.
Louie flopped onto her bed and tried to relax every muscle in her body one by one. Leaving Heather at the club had been agony. Louie had wanted to grab her by the waist and bring her home. She wasn’t interested in delayed gratification. She wanted Heather and she wanted her now. Not after Savana’s stupid album was finished. And not in private. If they were going to be together, Louie wanted to shout it from the top of the Nashville Parthenon. She didn’t want to keep quiet. She didn’t want to stay closeted for fear of ruining Heather’s career. Screw Nashville if they were so backward that they couldn’t accept same-sex couples.
But that wasn’t how Heather wanted it. She’d been the one in the closet for the past five years. She was the one risking everything to have a relationship with Louie, even if it was going to be behind closed doors and “discreet.” God, she was beginning to hate that word. But who was Louie to ask Heather to jeopardize her dreams? Louie was being selfish. Heather had said she’d come out eventually. Wasn’t that promise enough?
Louie grabbed her phone and texted Heather. I know I have 2 wait for u, but I need something to look forward 2. Come on a date with me when we’ve finished the album. Louie watched the status changed to delivered. Moments later, flashing bubbles indicated Heather was responding.
Heather: Are you that desperate for me?
Louie: Beyond words.
Heather: But you’re a wordsmith. Use your words.
Louie laughed gently. She liked the way Heather came over all dominant and demanding in texts. And she hated text speak. Louie thumbed out her message more carefully: I need to be with you more than the night sky needs the stars to light its darkness.
Heather: That’s what I’m talking about. Smooth, Louie, smooth x
Louie: Smooth enough to let me organize our date?
Heather: Yes. But it has to be somewhere private. You understand?
Louie ran her hand through her hair and dropped her head onto her pillow. She wanted the whole world to see them together. I understand. Trust me x
Heather: I want to do so much more than trust you x Got to go. See you tomorrow x
Louie guessed Savana was still around. What if Louie was right and she made a play for Heather? How could she compete with her? Louie sat up and punched her pillows into submission until she was propped up comfortably. It was too late to call her mom, so there was only one thing to do when her head was racing like this—write about it or write about something to take her mind away from it. She retrieved her satchel and pulled out her current lyrics journal. She wanted to think about the possibility that she and Heather were destined not to be lovers. If it had to be that way, Louie at least wanted to establish a friendship.
“Jesus. Why am I such a sucker for a femme?” She laughed at her clichéd addiction and its contradiction to her dismissal of labels and boxes for herself. If she became a famous songwriter, would she want to be known as a lesbian songwriter or just a songwriter? In all honesty she didn’t care what people called her, but didn’t young lesbians need to know that they could be gay and successful? She’d always thought that her sexuality wasn’t that important and that it was just a part of her, like the food or music she liked. But to people who struggled every day, who were threatened or hurt every moment of their existence because of their sexuality, it was so much more. It held such enormous power that was both positive and negative. What was freedom to some was jail to others. And with the current president rolling back LGBT rights all over the place, strong role models were more important than ever.
Maybe that was why she’d been so hard on Savana. She was such a be
loved country star. Didn’t she owe it to young lesbians everywhere to come out of the closet and celebrate her sexuality, rather than it being something she was ashamed of? Something she thought could be used against her to destroy her career. That’s what I want to write about. Louie flipped open her book and began to scribble words and phrases. She didn’t think for a second that Savana would have the guts to record it, but if she read it, perhaps it might give her the courage to consider coming out.
***
“You look terrible.” Gabe put a mug of coffee in front of Louie.
“Gee, thanks,” Louie said, taking the offering gratefully. She hadn’t even tried to sleep until she’d gotten the basics down for her latest song and that wasn’t until way past four. Even then, thoughts of Heather as her lover competed with those of her as a friend as she tried to figure out how she was supposed to cope with a closeted relationship. She looked up to see Gabe obviously expecting details. “What do you want to know?”
Gabe shook his head. “I want to know that you haven’t changed your mind about Mia.”
His protectiveness made her smile. She’d told him all about their relationship and the way Mia had left her in Chicago. He was most disgusted that Mia had tried to steal Louie’s precious guitar. When she’d recounted the story of Mia offering a threesome, Gabe had impressed her with his retort of, “You better not have done it.” Most men would’ve been badgering her for details.
“I’m not that much of a pushover. And anyway, I found out she was only trying to get close to me so she could further her career.” Louie sipped at her coffee and nodded appreciatively. “You make great coffee.” She didn’t want to talk about Heather and the troubles she was having with balancing her need to be herself and her desire to be with Heather.
“Thanks, but what do you mean about Mia and her career?”
“Emma told her I was writing with Savana Hayes. Mia was just using me so she could get in with Savana.” Louie sighed and ran her hand across the back of her head.
“I knew she had to be up to something like that.” He formed a pistol with his hand and fake-fired it. “Bet you’re glad that you blew her off.”
“I am.”
“Good. You deserve better than that, Louie. You deserve better than her.”
Louie nodded, but she wasn’t sure she agreed. It wasn’t as if she was anything special. She hadn’t done anything with her life so far, and she’d come from a pretty rough background. Who was to say what she deserved? And Heather seemed way above her level, but she also seemed interested enough to see where it might lead. Louie wasn’t about to write any relationship potential off just because of a self-esteem issue. She’d let it play out and see where the chips would fall. “That’s nice of you to say, buddy.” The album with Savana was going well. Gabe was a great roommate, and if everything went well, she’d soon be able to move her mom down and finally get her away from her grandfather. She had no idea if Heather was “the one.” How could she know that after only beginning to get to know her over the past week? What Louie did know was that she wanted to explore the future with Heather and find out.
“Enough of her. You’ve got that interview with Hawthorne today, haven’t you?” Gabe asked.
“Yep. Then I’m back to writing with Savana.” Heather had given Louie a list of contacts, and Hawthorne had been the only one interested in her until they all found out Louie was writing the next Savana Hayes album. Suddenly everyone wanted a meeting. But Louie had a thing about loyalty. Hawthorne had shown they had faith in Louie’s work just from the songs she’d submitted. The others had read those same songs and just added her to their slush pile until news filtered through about Savana.
“I reckon they’ll sign you up right there. They’d be stupid not to.”
Louie loved Gabe’s enthusiasm and was glad to see it back. He’d recovered pretty well from the Rocky Top knock back. She hoped she could pull this gig with Hawthorne off, but she wasn’t counting on it. “I guess we’ll see.” Louie drank the rest of her coffee, wondering if her luck would hold.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Heather took the last bite of her bagel and put the plate in her sink. It wasn’t often Emma was lost for words. “Do you think it’s possible?” Heather asked again. “It can’t be, can it? She’s country’s most loved female artist, and her life has been picked over to the nth degree for nearly two decades. Surely she couldn’t have kept such a massive secret all that time?”
“I don’t know, Feathers,” said Emma. “It seems unlikely, but Rock Hudson did it for decades and no one suspected him, did they?”
She had a point. Heather rubbed her forehead as if it might stave off the complications of this situation. “Do you think Chip Jackson has just been a cover boyfriend all these years?”
Emma laughed. “That would make him gay or stupid, wouldn’t it? What does it matter anyway? Why are you worried?”
“Because Louie thinks Savana has a thing for me. And I don’t want anything getting in the way of what I want with Louie.”
“Why would it? Has Louie said it would? Is she worried you’d choose Savana over her?”
“Jeez, Em, one question at a time, please.” Heather cradled her phone between her shoulder and ear and tucked her iPad into her bag. It had been too late to call Emma by the time she’d gotten home last night, but she’d wanted to speak to her this morning before she faced both Louie and Savana again. Savana had decided she wanted to work the weekend just as they were parting ways at the club, and Heather was in no position to refuse. But she needed Emma’s honest opinion, and she never held back with the truth, no matter how hurtful it might be. Heather treasured that. “I don’t know if Louie’s the jealous type, but she seems convinced Savana is about to make a move. And I think Louie believes I’d go for it if she did. How am I supposed to handle it if Savana does make a play?”
“How would you handle it if Donny came on to you at work?”
She took a bottle of water from the fridge and tossed it in her bag. “Ew, thanks for that disgusting thought.”
“I know. But you’d knock him back, wouldn’t you? The principle is the same with Savana…unless you’re interested?”
Emma had cut straight through all the protective tissue and got to the heart of the problem. Until Emma posed the question, Heather hadn’t actually thought to address whether or not she was interested. She’d only considered the impact of Louie’s suspicions from a work perspective, but her answer was instant. “Of course not.”
Emma’s chuckle sounded disbelieving. “Are you asking me or telling me?”
“I’m telling you. And it wouldn’t be very professional of me, would it?”
“Ignore that. If you saw her in a bar and she hit on you, what would you do?”
Heather closed her bag and took her phone in hand again. “I’ve already said I’m not interested in Savana. It’s Louie I want.” Heather picked up her bag and keys. “I have to get to work. I’ll call you later and you can tell me all about how it’s going with Tim.”
“Hey, you’re not mad at me, are you?”
She opened and closed the door behind her. “Of course not.” She got in her car. She didn’t want to be late even though Savana had said to be in the writing room by around noon. She knew her well enough to know that meant no later than 11:58 a.m.
“Then you can tell Savana from me that I don’t appreciate her pulling Tim into work on a weekend.”
“Yeah, I’ll be sure to pass that on.” Heather ended the call and fixed her phone to the magnet on the dash. She thought about calling Louie, but she’d see her in a couple of hours and it would probably make her look desperate. Heather had texted Louie last night, as per Savana’s instructions, and she’d received an immediate response despite the late hour.
Heather reversed from her driveway, but before she pulled into traffic, she tapped on her favorites and hit Louie’s number. Screw it. She smiled at the photo she’d surreptitiously snapped while Louie was playin
g guitar on one of Savana’s songs. Louie was gorgeous when she was posing and knew she was being looked at, but Heather had taken to watching her while she was caught up in the music. Natural and unguarded, with no pretense or swagger, Louie was even more attractive. And over the past week, she’d had plenty of opportunity to look at her without getting caught out. It had been bliss.
“Hey, stranger. I’m just heading out to Hawthorne. I’ll be with you in a couple of hours.”
“Good luck with that. I’m sure you’ll be amazing.” Heather felt sure Louie and Hawthorne would be a great fit.
“Thanks. Were you calling me to bring you a special weak-ass coffee from Anti Bean?”
Heather bit her lip and smiled. Little things like remembering how she liked her coffee always impressed her. “If you happen to be passing that way, I wouldn’t say no. I don’t expect Mandie will be in today, and she’s the only one that knows how to make it exactly right.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’d give it a go. I take instruction well.”
The way Louie dropped her voice made her meaning clear, and Heather’s body responded in kind as she imagined instructing Louie in the bedroom. “Somehow I don’t think you ever need much direction.”
“You’ll be finding out soon.”
Heather let out a disgruntled sigh. “Not soon enough.”
Louie laughed gently. “You’re the one making us wait.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t be impatient about it. I’ve waited five years for someone like you to come along. Three weeks shouldn’t be so bad.”
“Three weeks is the whole lifetime of a drone ant.”
Heather shook her head as she slowed for lights. “You’re not a drone ant. And that’s a weird fact to know.”
“I’m full of all sorts of weirdness. Not bad weirdness. All good weirdness.”