From a Jungian viewpoint, that which characterized my birth of the whole self, or rebirth (of the soul), was an experience with spiritual realities and values. It is these values, obtained from this experience, which must serve me in the second half of my life, and they do seem to be permanent and doing just that. If anything they grow stronger as time passes. I then am that wise king first shown to me as he breached through into this world in '70. I must accept my whole identity; it is not an invasion of the ego by unconscious contents nor an inflation of the ego, although there was possession by an archetype briefly in 3-74 when the collective unconscious merged with my consciousness. Seizure by the Wise Old Man, whereupon he dealt with the problems at hand (e.g., the Xerox letter, the income tax, etc.). It shows what is potential in a person. Potentially avail able at the midpoint life-crisis (the razor's edge Augenblick). This puts it well: the resources and values of the first part of my life showed themselves bankrupt at that mid-point crisis, and so perished, but then were replaced by a structure adequate. The ego died that the self might live, and the self ably proved its worth within the first days. It is probably psychologically good that the archetypal possession was short-lived, that assimilated contents have come under control of consciousness or the ego or whatever. (They are not experienced as alien or the not-I or manipulatory.) A mantic life like that could not be rationally lived for long; it was a form of intoxification. Intoxication. Also divine: divine madness, a theolepsy, such as the sibyl experiences in the Aeneid. The collapse and death of my ego in early March of 74 allowed contents of the collective unconscious to usurp control, but they proved rational in the long run, and were already a new but genuine self-system which had evidently been forming in the unconscious. The authentic self which Jung talks about was already there, waiting its chance. Or rather for its time to come. It was anticipatory. The little girl with blonde pigtails is the child self, also a new anima; now she has grown up—as witness my conversation with "Mrs. Jack Vance." She is now 28 years old: a young adult. White hair shows she is free of the shadow entirely. She is pure, and related to divinity. I certainly am on good terms with her, inasmuch as she is informing and correcting me, speaking words of wisdom ("Mother Mary" who "comes to me"). I listen to her; I crave to hear anything she can or will say. She is wiser than I. I see her as mediatrix standing between this world (me) and the next, which is the collective unconscious (also the pleroma, to give it an objective existence). She mediates for the archetypes, which is the ultimate job of the anima, herself an archetype: the first one. Behind her I have seen the Godhead, which is the ultimate archetype (the Wise Old Man once more). He instructs and corrects her, with authority and power; she instructs me with the Logos, the word, wisdom itself. She is Wisdom, Lady Wisdom, St. Sophia, probably the highest role or identity the anima could have (also she is Aphrodite and the sibyl). Then, in Jungian terms, it was my anima who first spoke to me, in the 3-eyed form I called the sibyl, and informed me, which is to say, the spokeswoman of my unconscious warned and informed me: anima as angel, saying, "You are in danger; do this, do that." She spoke of, and showed me, a group of conspirators in business suits and ties who were murderers; but they had been seen and would be dealt with. What a message that was, and how historically correct in all regards—past present and future. The magnitude of my situation, in terms of its danger, was too much for me; and so I fell into the hands of archetypes of my unconscious who could fathom and understand and deal with the situation—they were equal to it, as great in themselves as it was in itself: they had the time-span, the historic sense; they exist over thousands of years, like it, vast and intense and strong. Only archetypes could deal with such an archetypal situation: a total tyranny, like that of the Empire. How could I, the former ego, hang in there once it had assessed the actual reality-situation? I can remember how it was when the Estonian letter and then the Xerox letter came; it was just too much, on top of everything else. But the transition to the new self had already begun (as witness the phosphene activity). The old ego died before the letters arrived, died from despair and fear and hopelessness and helplessness. It was burning a votive candle in memoriam of itself. This is not to say that God didn't help; this is not to subjective-ize everything. God entered via the archetypes of the collective unconscious. They presented information-rich visions; they swept the world to obtain accurate knowledge of what the situation consisted of. Like AMORC 116 says, we are light bulbs in strings, powered from an external common generator, the Cosmic Mind. Probably the ego can be extinguished by death but not the soul or greater self. That which relates to this world dies; that which relates to the next and previous does not. It's all in Wordsworth's "Ode." To remember immortality is to experience it, and to anticipate it lying ahead as it lay behind: coming from that same place as one is going, as if life is a parabola. If I were to define and depict on my own the archetype which took possession of me in 3-74 I would name him The Steersman, because he steered me through the reefs and rocks to clear water (as seen through the golden rectangle gate), to safety; and then he sank back to leave me in charge again. As he first announced during my high school physics test when initially he spoke to me: "It is all very simple," and then he untangled the problem for me, simply and accurately. It was the image of the demiurge himself, I think. It was divinity itself, and being so, as the Magdeburg jars concept shows, it therefore saw the external world as divine; it was able to do that, by projection. The theophany was within and without: everywhere. I see in my mind's eye the Orphic egg, like a pearl, the pearl of great price, glowing with pale white light, the color of moonbeams; the egg of Leda, derived from Zeus; the light in the tomb. This is Firebright, now, a great light, a pearl, a closed egg pregnant with life. It is retractile now, dormant and waiting. It is within my mind, placed there by God; it lies within a receptacle that is infinite in extent, into space and time: my own self. The glowing pearl bobs, too, as if in a grotto on the ocean's floor; so it must be virtually weightless. The idea of a grotto suggests that not only is it retractile, slumbering and waiting, but that it is concealed—protected, too, by me. I shelter it. But it is not doing anything right now. It is merely there. One asks, What will come out of it at the proper time? Thinking of the pearl buried in the field which Christ spoke of, one recognizes it as an intrinsic treasure, so precious that one gives everything one has to acquire it. But what is it? One has sacrificed everything to acquire it. Maybe the haze of white light around it provides a clue.
If this Orphic egg is there, then the steersman, the archetype, divinity, who was present and temporarily occupying and directing, was its father or source. I merely received it, gave it a place within which it could be. I am not its father; I am its recipient, which means host or mother. I shelter and hide it; no one knows it is here. I look the same; I act the same. Is this why the steersman took over my life, to be sure I'd be safe so that it, the Orphic egg/pearl, could be safe? Ah; is the Steersman the Holy Spirit? What happened in 3-74 was done in relationship to what is still future. (The birth from the Orphic egg.) Jung says that just prior to psychic integration and wholeness, the projections are withdrawn; the "spinning woman" is no longer present and at work. Certainly this is indeed what I experienced. Man, the person involved, is restored to his original state (of wholeness) before the Fall. The human soul is the bride of Christ, in which Christ is the King who comes and restores it. All these events took place in me in 3-74; I could see for the first time in my life when my projections were withdrawn. The unity (reconciliation) of all the opposites in my mind—hence the release of psychic energy. The God-image in me was restored. [...]
The dream in which on your Zenith TV set a circuit detects when Christ in his invisible form returns; it causes three lights to come on. You then remove the spindle and base and take from it a dark green cellophane strip and replace it in the TV set, where presumably the 3 lights come on even more or anyhow some further development occurs, in line with the event. I ask myself, Why 3 lights? And it occurs to
me that 3 lights equal three eyes, the coming on of the 3rd eye, which means the restoration of the original faculty, taken away at the Fall, of sight. Unless the 3 lights simply refers to the trinity and nothing more, this is most likely what it signifies; also, the removal of the strip of very dark green cellophane suggests the removal, at the right time, of an occluding membrane which filters out most of the light, allowing only a token amount to filter through. Just enough, in fact, to give a register (on the 3 lights) at all. The veil must be torn aside for the light, which has returned, to shine. In the dream I was extremely surprised to find I had such a circuit in my TV set; I called the multitude that I might show them, but none was interested. At last I buttonholed my old friend Pat Flannery, because he was a Catholic, but even he wasn't interested. It seems as if the dream is saying, without our knowing it, we will see a sign; 3 eyes will come on (inside us) at his return, and then we must respond and cast off the veil of ignorance or delusion, whatever—anyhow remove something inside us (i.e., down in the assembly and circuits). It is a barrier to the passage of the light, and is made to be torn off, removed, at the proper time. We don't just sit passive when the signal comes. The dream says, We will know when he returns. If it is said, "He has returned but is invisible; no one can see him," that isn't true; the 3 lights will light—there will be evidence, a registering of his presence. Note it was my (ahem) set; no one else had one. Did I in 3-74 register (like the Zenith TV set's unsuspected registering circuit) his return, by my experience and restored sight? Ah—the green cellophane was a strip, which probably refers back to Calvin's statement that our original faculties were stripped from us. It is a pun. The dark green cellophane was much like the color and appearance of very dark sunglasses. The darkest shades (!!) possible. I remember thinking in the dream, what about if the owner of the set doesn't look in the manual, and one day the 3 lights come on, and he wonders, What does that mean? And looks it up in the manual then—wow, will he be surprised at what it indicates! The manual almost certainly equals the Bible. One sees the 3 lights come on and of course consults the manual for an explanation; I reversed the order by discovering the circuit before the 3 lights came on; in the dream they had not lit up yet. They were dormant (crypte). The change of color of lights (from dark green to uncolored) reminds me of the light symbolism of the Bardo Thödol.
[5:262] "The three lights coming on indicate the return of Christ." And the lights are in my TV set. A circuit few people know about. Nor are they interested. It is my set, my discovery, my excitement. Analysis: "I have a way of telling when the Parousia comes! One of my circuits which is usually dormant will light up! No one else has it!" Power flowing through an electrical (wiring) circuit for the first time to light up lights is a good mechanical analog for first neural firing along a circuit of the brain. The rod and cone-base resemble the rod of a nuclear reactor; atomic power: a good metaphor for the source of psychic energy. I'm going to know while he's still invisible; the others won't know until later, until he becomes visible. Interestingly, the dream placed me back with my high school friends, which sets it circa the time the voice explained the physics test to me; perhaps that was when I discovered I had that unusual circuit (in my head).[...]
It has been some time since I developed any conflicting theories about my experience; now it's an elaboration and a filling in, lapidary-wise, of detail. I have created a consistent explanation based on the experience and on research. I doubt if it ever will undergo any substantial modifications. It was an epiphany; that much is certain: an epiphany rather than a theophany. Throughout, the key concepts are Greek, the key terms are Greek; it is Greek Christianity evolving out of Plato. Any other language—other than Greek—would be out of place and make no sense; the Greek words I heard are the cornerstone, the key to the cypher, and even perhaps a gracious act toward me to assist me in unlocking the entire picture. There is only one important issue that I'm not sure of: has Holy Wisdom who visited me been present during the past 2,000 years, or was there an ellipsis, and now she/he/it has returned to man to assist him? The memory of the spirit contained nothing between the first century A.D. and World War One; that is a clue that an ellipsis did indeed occur. Also, there are no reports that I can find, down through the ages, of a Neoplatonistic total print-out such as I got, the grand sum of Neoplatonistic mystery gnosis. Surely someone would have reported it before now. I have received the greatest gift which the universe can bestow. Today I was thinking that as a child I always wanted desperately—I yearned—to hear the "still small voice" which Elijah heard, and now I have heard it. Also I realized that if at the end of my search for God I learned that there is no God, then whatever I accomplished, experienced or acquired would mean nothing; conversely, this makes up for anything and everything, and creates meaning of an ultimate order in my life. The 3-74 experience was "vaster than empires"; the exegesis which uncovered the significance of the experience is vaster yet—infinite in sum.* "What do you want out of life?" I could ask, and answer, "This."
PART TWO
Folder 23
NOVEMBER–DECEMBER 1976
[23:3] I remember in sleep the thought, "I am wisdom: I would know [of any other God]."
[23:4] Looking back on the theoleptic intercession of the vernal equinox of 1974 I see as most striking the inexhaustible truth of the Bible. As a kid I loved to read the Bible. The people were always real to me. Oddly it was 2nd Kings that started it—Jezebel and King Ahab and Elijah. There it began for me and there in 3-74 it came to fulfillment, a great loop of authentic other life woven into my own.
[23:18] If the Savior is again here, I might see him perhaps. But it is said, "Like lightning I will be everywhere at once." Multiple incarnations? (Or rather reincarnation—and the Christian dead reborn with him—again I wonder, in us? Joining us?) This indeed would be a revelation: the how of it. We shall all be collected together in him—I wait, I watch every day. My life is devoted to it—I have lost everything else. No matter. I won't lose him.
[23:50] I think now of the dream I had of the great luminous moth, descending to earth so beautifully. Perhaps this was the one vast soul which came down, rather than many separate souls: one entity which was segmented at impact, perhaps dispersing to take up eventual residence within many human minds. Dispersing this way it lost contact with its own original identity and at that point lapsed into forgetfulness (amnesia). From that moment on it has traveled, in luminous beauty but without recognizing itself inwardly or outwardly, forward in time as a collective divided invisible presence. It moves majestically but no longer conscious of itself or its origins, purpose here or goal; its primary goal is to remember, to again be self-aware with all the ramifications implied (whence from, whither going). It is a visitor here, and, in remembering, has begun the process by which it can return. How can it return if it has forgotten that it ever existed anywhere but here? It keeps reincarnating in linear time, drawn back by its desire to perpetuate itself here. It imagines itself to be human, a human (many "a" humans). I think maybe all of the segmented parts must remember and hence rejoin, and will ascend as it descended: a unity, intact, again totally aware of itself and its home. It has been many people at many times. But it is and must be a unity to exist properly. Perhaps as portions remember they inform, adventitiously, remaining still forgetful parts, summon ing them one by one to their original state. What will be the effect in this world as the portions awaken and remember? Awakened, they are aware of St. Sophia's approaching incarnation; they are heralds for it, preparing the way while still here: edifying the world with their light.
—I guess this is all fanciful, it leaves out the elements of testing, judgment and reprieve (permission to go home). Is it possible that each part of the great soul must earn its reprieve, before enlightenment (memory restored) occurs? It does not just happen to remember; anamnesis is granted it as a reward, perhaps after centuries of trial. Did it sin originally and so fall? Was it cast out of the pleroma? Was it one "Lucifer," one bright "star" of ma
ny? And must it work its way back up gradually and arduously? Was it punished? Only by transforming itself could it (its pieces) receive its original state back. This was the fall, the fall, trials here and eventual return. I am conscious of earning anamnesis, although I'm not sure when and how, perhaps what the pieces of the "moth" (soul) must lose—and demonstrate loss of—is the rebellious self-fulfillment in the sense of self-striving against the Krasis1 as a totality; it was one part thereof, originally, and tried to become a Krasis in itself, which is to say, no longer part of the total universe-organism! But pitted against it, a separate universe. In my final vision I perceived the universe as one interacting entity, one "creature" with nothing separate from it or in any sense independent or outside. What we must learn is to subordinate ourselves to the will and mind of the Krasis, to extinguish our individual striving. To transmit only what we receive, so to speak. Until we demonstrate spontaneous willingness and ability to do this, without ulterior motivation, we are here, cut off from the unitary vast organism—Krasis, in a sense not part of it inasmuch as we have forgotten it, can't experience it and don't function as a station within it—integrated into it. The sublunar realm has been severed from the organism. Information from the noös doesn't reach it. Fallen though it be it is nonetheless immortal and divine: a beautiful but divided luminous being.
The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick Page 30