That made tears stream down my cheeks. Just how much had I forgotten. And why?
Who had taken these memories from me?
I’d assumed it was Sonos, but what if it was Hilliker? Or what if it was someone else entirely?
“The spell needs more power. Don’t feed it another angel charm, just use your own magic. Now,” Barney snapped.
I fell down to my knees. I closed my eyes. I concentrated on the Deep. I gave it everything I had.
It wasn’t enough.
“More power,” Barney snapped, his voice shaking high.
I opened my hands wide. I gave it everything I had until my entire body began to quake.
“We need more power,” Barney screamed.
I didn’t have anything more to give. Sweat trailed down my cheeks. My entire body shook. I cried. I begged. But it wasn’t enough.
“The spell’s starting to collapse. When it does, you won’t have the ability to call on it again,” Barney warned.
Dammit. Why wasn’t this enough? I was giving it everything I damn well had. Why did this life seem perfectly programmed to take everything away from me?
It wasn’t freaking fair. It wasn’t—
I saw a symbol flit through my consciousness. I remembered that day in the orphanage – that fateful moment when all this had begun. The symbol Sonos had protected flashed across my mind.
It was the same symbol I’d used to access the power of the Deep.
With a trembling hand, I wrote it in the air. When that didn’t work, I thrust forward and picked up the parchment. It was spinning, and my hands were burned as I grabbed it, but that didn’t matter. I scrawled the likeness of that symbol over the parchment.
Something happened to the room. Everything stopped. It froze as if we were footage. But it all became black and white, too.
Terrified, I wondered if I’d broken reality. But it didn’t last. Slowly, color began to bleed back into the room. It started with my hands, and then my dress, then it sped up. It spun around us until Barney and Dave could move once more.
“You’ve done it,” Barney spluttered.
He took a staggered step back. When that wasn’t enough, clutching Dave, he ran right out of the magical circle. There was now so much energy in it, anything within it was being lifted up.
I lost the ability to stand on firm ground. I began to float, my dress sprawling out around me.
The parchment was right in front of me. I tried to clutch it, tried to hug it to my chest, despite the fact its power was enough to burn my damn face off right now.
I could see Lilly’s likeness on it.
She was smiling.
I wanted to touch her face one last time.
So I reached out. I touched the parchment. As soon as my fingers brushed across it, there was a snap. There was an unholy shake, and the gravity was suddenly turned back on in the room. I fell down to my feet, my dress brushing around my legs.
The parchment was in my hand. Then the parchment... it became a hand.
Magic spun around it, and Lilly formed, right there, right in front of me.
The moment I’d been waiting for my entire life was finally here.
She was back. I had a family once more.
Chapter 8
She was still wearing that old bedraggled gray robe. Her hair was the same mess I’d seen back in the monastery. But the smile....
I remembered the smile. Deep down, it spread through me.
“Lilly?” I croaked.
It took her a few seconds to realize where she was. Her eyes were full of fear.
There were long dark veins down her arms and up her neck. I clutched at them, drawing her closer, thinking they were some kind of infection. It was when I embraced her that she finally released into me. “Eve? Eve?” She began to pat my head desperately. She pulled back. As tears brimmed her lashes, she kissed me on the forehead.
She must’ve recognized something from that kiss, because she drew away and relief owned her. “It’s really you. You’ve finally done it. And you’re still alive.” Crying now, her tears gushing down like a waterfall, she grabbed my face and let her thumb trail down my cheek.
I knew my skin was cold and blotchy. I was a total mess. And I didn’t care. I thrust forward and clutched her. It was a strong move, and we both fell down to our knees. Rocking back and forth, I embraced her with everything I had. “I... I’m so sorry I left you there. I didn’t... I didn’t know who you were. I had no memories. I should have—”
“I took those memories from you,” Lilly said quietly.
I pulled back. “What? That was you? I thought it was Sonos?”
“Sonos did what I asked him to.”
“What?” I spat. “Why... why did you make me forget you?”
“Because there was no other way to keep you safe.” She patted my head.
“What do you mean?”
“I sealed your Deep powers within you. And I sealed your memories so you wouldn’t come looking for me. Not until you were ready. And Sonos... he was there to watch over you.”
“You... were you... were you the one who changed my memory of the orphanage?”
She shook her head. “That was Sonos’s idea.”
“Why?” I could barely push that word out of my mouth. My emotions had become so fractured, with a single push, I could shatter completely. “Why did he make me think he was a bad man?”
“He judged that was the only way to distract you. To keep you from looking for the truth.”
“And now he’s...” I couldn’t push those words out. I’d just found my sister, but I became cold as I was engulfed by grief once more.
Flopping, my hands falling limply in front of me, I stared at my palms.
She suddenly grabbed them. “Sonos is alive. I’d know if he was dead.”
“But I broke his dream. He... there was this snow globe.”
“It used to sit on your bedside table when you were a child,” Lilly interrupted.
“What?” My nose scrunched up.
“It was a gift from me.”
“... What? But it was... it was Sonos’s dream.” My cheeks became red. Had I gotten it all wrong?
“Maybe it became so. But that snow globe was always yours. I managed to smuggle it out of the monastery. Sonos gave it to you. You don’t remember that at all, do you? Nor what he’s done for you over the years.”
I shook my head.
“It’s a shame, considering who he is to you,” she said as she grabbed my chin lightly and stared into my eyes.
“You mean that we’re engaged—”
She chuckled. It was light and warm. “A ring is a ring – destiny is something else.”
My gut clenched on the word destiny. “What are you talking about?” I asked quietly. I could not push my words out with any more force. Hell, I practically couldn’t breathe. My whole chest felt locked up as if I’d swallowed a cage.
“We’re both children of the Deep, sister.”
“And?”
“You’ve been with Sonos before. You wouldn’t remember,” she said as she trailed her thumb over my cheek. “Because you can’t access your past. But every time you’re reborn as a child of the Deep, he’s always there.”
I... couldn’t accept this. This was a bridge too far. Past life memories? Yeah, I knew that some creatures were reborn over and over again. But I wasn’t one of them.
I was resurrected, sure, but immediately.
I... this just couldn’t be true. I couldn’t possibly have been with Sonos, over and over again, for lifetimes. I would remember that, surely?
Lilly laughed again. She grabbed my head and pressed my forehead against hers. She slowly opened her eyes and looked right into mine. “None of that matters. You have to destroy Hilliker now. I would do it, but that was never my role. It was always yours. How many lives do you have left?”
“Five,” I whispered.
“I would tell you not to let him take another, but the reality is he
probably will. You... when you get down to your last life, something special will happen.”
My stomach clenched so hard, it could’ve torn through the rest of my muscles. “What do you mean?”
“Your resurrection magic will be spent. He will not be able to take any more from you. Both he and the Banished will become as powerful as they can. It will be when you will be able to truly fight them.”
“No – Sonos told me not to allow myself to be killed again—”
“Sonos doesn’t want it to come to that. But the reality is it will. You just need to be prepared. You have to understand what happens.”
“If I let him kill me, if I let him feast on the rest of my resurrection magic, then he’ll be so powerful, there’ll be no chance for me to fight him. I’ll lose my magic, too,” I croaked.
“What’s magic?”
“What? I don’t know. We don’t have time for this. I only bought myself an hour. I assume 20 minutes has already gone—”
“What’s magic, Eve?”
“Force. Power. Hope – I don’t know.”
“It’s closer to hope, really. It’s what allows souls to forge their way through uncertainty.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, exasperated.
“Because you need to understand that you can still fight without magic. All you need is hope. That,” she reached forward and pressed a hand against my chest, locking the cross against my sternum, “is the true basis of all power. It is what is really at the heart of one’s soul, if they go deep enough,” she added, her voice dropping.
I stared at her, tears trailing down my cheeks. They were so thick, I almost couldn’t see through them. “If I let him kill me, he’ll have all the power—”
“Listen to what I’m saying.” She clutched my cheek and stared deeply into my eyes. “You can’t fight the inevitable. You don’t have the magic to stop him from killing you. He will. But with your last lifetime, you will be able to use a force he will not be able to touch. For once he has completely called on the power of the Banished and it has possessed him, he will no longer be able to use the energy of this realm. Hope,” her voice shook down low, “will be blocked off from him. That will be a way to fight him. That will be a way to destroy the Banished, strip its power from this realm, and save everyone.”
I shook my head. I had no idea how much I’d cried. There was no point in keeping track of it.
“I won’t waste any more of your time. Go. Fight Hilliker. But first,” she pushed to her feet and pulled me with her, “go and save Sonos.”
My gut trembled. “But he doesn’t want me to—”
“You need him. He can give you the one thing you need when you need it most.”
Though that was a complex statement, I didn’t need to ask her to explain. She was clearly speaking about hope once more.
I tried to breathe through my grief, but it was a lump in my chest.
I... hadn’t abandoned Sonos, had I? When I had accepted the inevitable and decided not to go after him, I had simply been following his wishes. I hadn’t... turned my back on him when he needed me most, right?
Lilly clutched my cheek again. She looked deeply into my eyes. She had this unrivaled ability to stare at me and push right through my every defense. “You wouldn’t have been able to save him back then. But you’ve delivered Hilliker’s priests a real hit by removing me from them. You have a chance now. What did you say you have left? 40 minutes. Use it to find him. You have to have him by your side.”
Lilly took a determined step back. It was clear she was done with this conversation and it was time for me to go and save the world.
I jolted forward and clutched her hands. “There’s more you have to tell me. Why did Sonos let me believe all those things about him? And... what do you mean we were destined to be? That can’t possibly be true. Because—”
“If you have any questions, you need to ask him.” Lilly took a step back again. She stared at the ballroom. She laughed. “I thought I locked this memory off from you.” She turned around, pretending to dance.
“What are you talking about?” I asked quietly.
“You subconsciously re-created this room from the memory of your snow globe.”
“I—”
“There’s no more time. You need to go. Now. Find Sonos—”
“I don’t even know where to begin to look.”
“That’s a lie. You’ll be able to bring him to your side. You have strong enough memories of him and an angel charm.”
“But I only have one left. It took me six to draw you to my side.”
She laughed. “One’s ability to cast strong compulsion magic depends on two things: their power and their memory of the person they are trying to attract. If one is strong, the other does not need to be so powerful. And you,” she took a step toward me, clasped up my hands, and held them tightly, “have strong memories of Sonos.” She searched my gaze. “They are the strongest of all. Hold them in your heart, activate the charm, and go to him. Break him out. And save the world,” she added as she leaned forward and planted a kiss on my brow.
“Lilly—” I said as I pushed a hand out to her.
She turned. She reached the middle of the ballroom. She sat down. She saw Barney standing by the door, and she waved at him. “You’re going to be my bodyguard?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Barney said in the politest voice he’d ever used.
She bowed low. “Go, Eve. You won’t be able to create any more time for yourself once you use the last angel charm. So go buy yourself a chance while you still can.”
Chapter 9
Buy myself a chance while I still could....
I stood there for way too long. It took Dave the drunk pigeon to fly over and smash right into my face before I took a step back.
“You’re wasting everyone’s time,” he belched. “Go save the damn world already, Princess. I want to get back to the bar.”
Barney looked right at me, inclined his head to the side, and whispered, “I’ve got this.”
Though it was one of the hardest damn things in the world, I turned and walked away from the ballroom. As I left it, it felt like I was removing a safety blanket.
Though my castle was always cold unless I had the fire on, now as I strode through the halls, it became noticeably colder.
My teeth chattered, and I was forced to wrap my arms around my middle. I could appreciate that while a little bit of it was the ambient temperature, a lot of it was plain fear. And guilt.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come for you sooner,” I muttered. I started to run.
I reached the foyer. I didn’t want to cast this spell where Lilly was lest the spell went wrong and I released priests right into the ballroom.
I got down on my knees. I opened my hand and swiped it to the side. The remaining angel charm spun around me. With a breath, realizing this really was my last hope, I activated it. It settled in my hand.
I started to remember Sonos. I began with his smile, then moved on to every time he’d saved me. While these memories were no doubt powerful, they weren’t quite strong enough. They didn’t reach deep down into my heart. It wasn’t until I imagined the snow globe that the angel charm truly started to glow.
“I’m so sorry, Sonos. I was always so wrong about you. Why did you make me hate you? I... I forgive you. But why did you make me hate you? If we... have some kind of enduring connection that crosses time and space, why didn’t you let me know about it? Is it because it’s a burden to you? Do you not want me by your side?”
Even as I indulged in those pathetic thoughts, I knew they were wrong. I remembered Sonos’s hand on my shoulder. I remembered standing by that oak tree at the orphanage.
More tears washed down my cheeks.
I held the angel charm up against my chest. I embraced it as if it was him. But it could not embrace me back. It did not have a large, strong set of arms that could wrap around me, hold me to the spot, and block out the rest of the world.
“Sonos,” I whispered, all the force gone from my voice. The grief was starting to leak out of me. The holy light of the angel charm was washing it away. “Come to me. Sonos. Show me where you are. I’m gonna save you. Once and for all.”
More and more light spilled around me, but I wasn’t taken to him.
So I tried to imagine him more clearly. I closed my eyes as tightly as they would go. I recalled every damn interaction we’d ever had. I held them in my heart until I swore my chest began to vibrate as if it were about to crack apart. “Sonos,” I said through trembling lips. “Please, please show me where you are.”
Again there was nothing.
Frustration began to well within me. But I knew it was my enemy. I didn’t have the time to rely on it.
So once more, I remembered Sonos. This time I did not try to recall any specific incident. I didn’t even plunge myself into the memory of the snow globe. This time, I placed all of my awareness into my shoulder. I tried to remember the heat and weight of his hand. I tried to recall his ghostly presence. I sank my entire heart into it as if I was trying to give it blood and share my own life with it.
Slowly but surely the angel charm in my hand began to glow. I didn’t even notice because my eyes were too tightly screwed shut.
I stopped whispering his name. I no longer begged him to come to my side. Instead, I imagined him as if he were right here, right now with me.
For the first time in hours, let alone days, I began to feel solace unlike anything else.
“Sonos,” I whispered one last time.
I felt his hand on my shoulder. He was right there. It was solid. It was warm. There was even a faint charge of magic.
I turned and opened my eyes.
Unbeknownst to me a magical tunnel had appeared right over my shoulder. The angel charm had activated it. As the charm began to disappear, its glorious glow removing itself from reality for good, that magical tunnel only opened further. It was right there in the middle of my foyer as if someone had cut space and glued a new section of it on near my vault door.
Though I could feel Sonos’s grip on my shoulder, I couldn’t see him. It was just that dark tunnel.
Better off Dead Book Four Page 9