by Leah Rhoades
The thought of beef, typically so revolting, filled my thoughts. It would be succulent and flavorful, and my tongue achee with desire. I wanted to throw up at the idea of actually chewing the substance. It still brought to mind raw human flesh, remains.
And even that didn’t gag me as it should have.
“Luke, something’s wrong with me,” I said before I could stop myself. I didn’t want a reminder of the truth. I didn’t feel capable of digesting the facts, that particular appetite dormant for the time being. It made me wish I could shut down entirely until this whole thing blew over, whatever happened transpiring without my attention and then my focus returning in the aftermath.
“You should get some food in you,” Luke told me without turning around. “Some good protein to help steady you. Then, we can talk.”
Would I feel more like talking when this craving for meat subsided? When the hunger had been fulfilled? How could I know for sure? For that matter, I didn’t know if I ever wanted to face the truth. Couldn’t I just bury it, find a way to change the future? Maybe I should have chosen a different scientific field, such as time travel, so I could go back and change the past to alter my future.
But as the craving for meat grew, I knew my world would never be the same. I couldn’t ignore it forever. But for a few more hours, perhaps. Still, the images from the previous night’s dreams circled in my mind, and I started to piece things together. Something nagged at me, and I had to address it before I lost my nerve.
“Luke?” I made his name a question and watched his shoulders tense. He finally turned to me, placing a plate of crispy bacon on the table and sliding into the seat across from me before meeting my gaze. I found myself torn between attacking the food and asking my question.
Out of a sense of propriety and manners, I gingerly took a single slice of bacon from the plate between finger and thumb and nibbled on the end, trying to act human, even if I couldn’t claim that label anymore.
He took a deep breath and launched into what I knew promised to be quite the speech. “Listen, Crystal, I know you’re going to have a lot of questions, and I know you’re having trouble with the actuality of the situation, but—”
“Right now, I just have one question,” I told him, cutting him off as I shoved the rest of the slice into my mouth and savored the salty pungent taste. I swallowed, glad he’d remained silent, and asked, “Did your father kill my grandmother?”
Chapter 15
Luke didn’t want to answer that, but it would come out sooner or later, and he wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes.” He said the one word, simply, and gave Crystal a moment to digest it.
He saw the flinch and wished he could take it back. More accurately, he wished it wasn’t true. “Were you there?” she asked.
Considering the question carefully, Luke decided to address it with full disclosure. “Yes and no. Crystal, I need to explain a few things, and I’d really like you to just listen, if you can.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, and Luke waited. “Okay. You want to tell me a story, go ahead. I’ll withhold judgment till the end. And I’ll suspend disbelief like you’re a master storyteller. How’s that?”
Her tone held some sarcasm and a great deal of scorn, but he decided to take her at her word. What more could he ask at this point? His father had killed Crystal’s grandmother and infected her with the affliction. Deep down, Luke held himself responsible for all of it. He’d brought her into this world with his selfish desire, and now, he felt the need to justify some of his actions in order to shift blame from him to the correct shoulders.
“Good enough,” he told her, taking a deep breath. “First of all, my father thought he was protecting me when he took down your grandmother. We’d just escaped a group of hunters and settled here, and your grandmother came into the woods every night with her shotgun, looking for us. He refused to let anyone hurt me after we’d already lost my mother.
“Those hunters had invaded our land, about a hundred miles south of here, and we were out, hunting a deer, when they came and shot my mother.” He smiled bitterly. “Imagine their surprise when this enormous black beast they thought they’d taken down turned out to be a frail, fragile young woman.”
His smile faded. “Of course, the cover up story was ironically that she’d been attacked by a wolf, and the casket was closed so no one would know. But my father moved us up here to get away from those hunting grounds before we ended up in pine boxes, too.”
Crystal held up a hand to stop him. “So, your mother was also a werewolf, and when you die, you turn back into your human form. Am I correct so far?”
Luke nodded. “I was born like this. Not everyone is. A bite passes on the affliction, like a virus.”
“But I wasn’t bitten,” she reminded him. “So, what makes you think I’m going to turn into one?”
He nodded. “I know, but you were scratched, and I think some saliva got into the wound.” He sighed and rubbed his chin, taking note of the genuine disgust on her face. “We’ll find out soon enough. Anyway, after Mom died, Dad got extremely overprotective. And with the loss of his soul mate, he changed. His health started to decline over time, until he turned into the prick you see today.”
He paused, waiting for the information to sink in. When she didn’t speak, seemed to have no questions, he went on. “The attack on your grandmother should never have happened. I went for a run, and I was young, obviously about your age. I shouldn’t have left the house so late, but I did, and my father came looking for me. Instead, he found your grandmother with the shotgun and panicked.”
Crystal tilted her head, considering the words, and she asked, “What possessed you to be out so late?”
Luke closed his eyes. He should have known he’d have to cop to this at some point. Taking a deep breath, he told her, “The day we moved up here, I saw you with your grandmother. You were learning to shoot a gun, and I was mesmerized. I was eight years old, and I knew you were something special.
“That night, I had a feeling that you’d be out in the woods. I can’t explain it, but something came over me, and I was sure I’d find you. I knew kids weren’t allowed to go out after dark, but something told me you didn’t always follow the rules. But you weren’t there, and I went home. The next time I saw you was in the paper, with your grandmother’s attack in the headline. And I knew what had happened.”
“Did you ever confront your father?” she asked tightly, and he could almost feel her pain as she ate through the pile of bacon absently.
“I did. And we fought. It’s part of the reason we’re not close like we used to be.” He shook his head. “I never wanted anything to hurt you, Crystal. I wanted to protect you. I’ve been halfway in love with you most of my life, from a time when I was too young to understand what that meant, the implications being drawn to you had.”
She scoffed, stopping him. “Come on, Luke. That sounds poetic, like fate brought us together, and that’s a pretty sentiment. But it’s all wrapped in tragic events, with characters that don’t deserve forgiveness. Mythical creatures I have trouble comprehending. And it’s so farfetched. How am I supposed to reconcile this as truth?”
“I know how it seems,” he told her, frustrated because she was there, on the cusp of acceptance but fighting it tooth and nail. “But it’s not fate. I came back here to help my father. He has ties to this land, and it’s close enough to where my mother died. I thought bringing him back would help his health, but it hasn’t. If anything, he’s gotten worse.”
Crystal threw her hands in the air. “You admit he’s a murderer, a real monster, and yet, you want to save him? Come on, Luke. You’re not winning yourself any points with this fantasy.”
Luke knew that, but he didn’t want his father to die, not yet. Not with the consequences Luke would face. Even in those moments where he wanted his freedom, he knew Everett’s death wasn’t his goal, and it wasn’t in his best interest. Luke hated being tied down to his father, but he had greater stakes in this. Su
re, a part of Luke wanted to kill him for ruining Crystal’s life. But he couldn’t do it, not when it meant such a change in his own world.
Besides, he still loved his father.
To Crystal, he said, “I’m obligated. He’s my father. Right or wrong, I have a familial bond I have to honor.”
“Fine. You honor your bond. I’ll kill him.” Her vehemence took Luke aback, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from screaming at her not to do it. “Hell, I’ll even let you choose how to do it. I’m a great shot, but I’m good with a knife, too. Either way, I’ll grant him a quick and painless death.”
Luke started to protest, but she laughed sarcastically. “Do you hear me? Do you hear the ridiculous tales I believe? I’m over here, so close to convinced of the impossible I’m threatening an old man’s life. To think that I’m talking about premeditated murder!” She stopped laughing and cleared her throat. “I know what I saw that night, Luke, and I know what I saw a few nights ago. But how am I supposed to reconcile those monsters with you and your father?”
“Because it’s the truth, Crystal!” he exploded, instantly regretting it. His chest clawed at him, and he couldn’t breathe for a moment as he fought to regain control. Crystal’s agitation and the heightened tension were making it a real struggle not to blow up. “You don’t know how frustrating it is to be on this end of the conversation, to know it sounds ludicrous but that it’s absolute reality. And it’s so dangerous to talk about it, I’ve never, ever told anyone, so I have no experience in having this discussion and saying the right things to make it easier for you.”
He took a deep breath and let his shoulders fall. “You have experience, Crystal. And you have your studies. Dig deep.”
Crystal gulped air rapidly, but she remained quiet, and Luke could feel some of her tension ease. “I know, Luke. I spent my entire childhood trying to tell people that wasn’t just a wolf. It wasn’t a bear. It was nothing in nature as we know it. I finally quit about three years later, tired of the psychiatric care and tired of adults laughing at me. I let myself disappear into the system, and all the while, harbored this need to know.”
A tear welled up in her eye, and Luke wanted to wipe it away. He sat still, clasping his hands tightly together to keep from moving. “Maybe that’s why I’m struggling so hard. Because I know you’re being honest, and I’m terrified of what I’m going to become.”
“You’re not alone in this, Crystal. I’ll help you. I’ll work with you to make it as easy as possible, and I’ll teach you,” he promised. “It’s not so bad, once you learn how to manage the nuances of being something other than human.”
“I appreciate that, Luke,” she said, sounding tired again already. “But maybe it would be better if I just left the area, found somewhere to work through this on my own.”
Worried now, Luke shook his head. “You can’t do that, Crystal. You need help during your first shift. No one should ever go through it alone. It’s dangerous.”
“Because I could kill someone?” she asked, too quietly. The words were laced with venom, and he couldn’t fault her for it. Luke braced himself, and she didn’t disappoint. “Tell me, Luke, have you ever attacked anyone? Have you ever hurt a human? Killed a human?”
He shook his head. The knowledge that he had never hurt anyone, as he’d feared, wasn’t enough to kill the sting of Crystal’s doubt in him. “I have never harmed a human in my entire life. That’s why I ran out on you after our date. I had too much aggression, and I wanted you so badly I couldn’t control that aspect of my beast. I was afraid I’d hurt you, so I did the only thing I knew to keep you safe.”
She stared at him in disbelief at the revelation. Then, her expression crumbled. “I don’t want to be a monster, Luke,” she whispered, her voice still trembling.
“I won’t let you be a monster, Crystal. You don’t have to be evil or dangerous. You can control it, and you can just be the beast and not the demon.” He had managed all this time. Of course, if his father died, who could say whether or not he’d end up just as jaded and uncaring – or as protective – as the elder man? He already had the instincts. One shove in the right direction, and he might act on them.
And his feelings for the woman in front of him toyed with that part of his affliction. To what lengths would he go to protect Crystal?
A small puff of air that almost resembled a nervous laugh escaped her lips, and Crystal muttered, “I hate red meat.”
“Then you can eat something else. We’ll work it out,” he assured her, though he had no ideas to back that up and hoped she didn’t ask.
Shaking her head with a real snort of laughter this time, Crystal replied, “No, I’m going to end up eating meat. It sounds delicious, and I’m craving it like chocolate.” She wrinkled her nose and, with a sick expression, told him, “I can also smell the blood from my wound, and that coppery scent makes my mouth water.”
He smiled ruefully. “If I could take it away, I would, but it’s just the nature of the beast. In two weeks, you’re going to turn, and I’m going to be right beside you every step of the way.”
“What about school, Luke? I need to get back to my classes.” Her eyes widened, and he realized she hadn’t thought about that before.
“It’s really not safe until after you change. With the first shift, you’ll learn a lot more about yourself, and you’ll have a modicum of control. Until then, you’re going to have these erratic feelings, most of them centered around rage or hunger or both. You can’t be in a public place with lots of people.” He refrained from telling her that she needed to avoid all human contact, including seeing her best friend, until she knew just how controlled she would be.
Her skin turned a putrid green, and she shuddered. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Stay here. Let me help you.” He reached across the table, chanced taking her hand in his and squeezing it. “I care about you, and when we get through all of this, I still think we’ve got something special. But let me be the best friend you could have through this. I know what it’s like, and I can make it easier for you.”
Squeezing his hand back and swiping at the tear in her eye with the back of her other hand, she nodded. “I’ll stay, for now, but I can’t make any promises about the future. Right now, I’m too sick to go anywhere.”
He didn’t want her to feel sick, but he counted his blessings. If it kept her here, where he could keep her safe, watch out for her, he welcomed it.
Chapter 16
My stomach churned, and I couldn’t separate the hunger from the sickness. I felt cooler, like the fever had come down. When I finally went to the bathroom and checked the wound on my shoulder, it didn’t look much better, but the red lines of infection had shrunk, not stretching as far out. Maybe it wouldn’t happen.
I didn’t want to define what ‘it’ was, but I had to hope ‘it’ wouldn’t come to pass.
Wishful thinking, I knew, but who wouldn’t cling to that last shred of hope? I couldn’t figure out if the bacon settled heavy in my gut or if I still hadn’t consumed enough. And the scent of blood on my exposed shoulders made me crave fresh meat. I quickly covered it with a new bandage from the medicine cabinet and pulled my sleeve over it, trying to douse the potency of the aroma.
How would I handle the need for red meat? And how could that concern take the forefront when I had bigger matters to worry about, like turning into a dangerous, ferocious monster every four weeks with the full moon?
Something about my thought process seemed to have broken down, and my mind swirled with unanswered questions. Perhaps I should work this like one of my interviews, letting Luke explain to me what to expect and recording it for later analysis and conjecture.
That would go well with my thesis, I thought with a weak smirk. And it gave me something else to focus on besides my hunger. I may not be able to attend classes, but I could distract myself with work on my thesis. I had my laptop with me, and the cabin had excellent wi-fi. If I had to stay here, if I couldn’t
function on my own right now without fear and paranoia, I could find a way to stay productive while I hid out.
“Can I connect to your wi-fi if I bring in my laptop?” I asked, returning to the living room and finding Luke cleaning up blankets and pillows that I’d used overnight and abandoned with breakfast. “I’d like to get some work done, continue my research.”
Luke gauged me and said, “Why don’t you let me grab it for you? You still look pale and a little unsteady.”
I hated feeling sickly for any reason. I’d taken care of myself for so long now I had a hard time admitting to any weakness and letting someone else take control of the situation. Even in the orphanage, I’d rarely let anyone see me ailing or struggling in any way. People like David preyed on the weak.
But he seemed to scent it on me, the tired feeling and the nausea that still didn’t quite go away, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I could almost smell the determination coming off him in waves.
So, I nodded. “I would appreciate that. Where can I set up?”
He seemed to think about that for a moment and then said, “I’ll set you up in my room. I’ll move the desk out of the study so you have more privacy. I think you’ll feel more comfortable in there while I’m gone.”
I blinked at him. Gone? “Wait, where are you going?”
“I need to get some things from the supermarket in town. I’d have you come with me, but I’m not sure you’re up to it. I almost hate to leave you here alone with my father. I feel like it’s not good for either of you.”
I caught the undercurrent, realizing that he worried Everett and I might duke it out. I had this sudden image of two wolves, fighting for the Alpha position and snarling at each other. It was almost laughable.
I didn’t like the idea of him leaving, either, but I couldn’t tell him not to go. And I couldn’t go with him, with my shoulder still aching and the craving for meat so strong I feared I might attack the butcher block. With a snort, I told him, “I promise I won’t kill him while you’re gone, unless he tries to kill me first.”