by Leah Rhoades
But now was not the time to address his own inner turmoil. “Good. If you keep that mindset, about being human, you’re less likely to attack animals or people. Now, close your eyes again, and this time, I want you to tell me what you hear.”
More confidently now, she shut her eyes and let her head fall back. There was mostly silence in the immediate vicinity, but Luke could hear for miles. With the full moon so close, Crystal should be able to do the same. “There’s a bird in the distance somewhere to my left, hopping and tweeting. And to my right, even further, I can hear something, maybe a rabbit, rustling in the underbrush.” She shook her head and smiled as she opened her eyes. “It’s really hard to focus on anything else when your breathing is so close to me.”
And there was his answer. Luke had barely made a sound, one breath in and one out, and she’d heard it. And the bird she heard was probably two miles away. “It sounds like you’re getting there. You’re almost ready.” He turned to his left, her right, and pointed. “Tell me what’s the furthest thing you can see clearly.”
She stared, squinting at first, and then opening her eyes fully. Her lips parted as she registered surprise. “How far away is the other side of the forest? And the gas station? I see a little red from the roof, and I hear the gas flowing from the pumps.”
Luke was impressed. “That’s about two and a half miles. And it’s on the other side of the river. You can hear the gas over the water flowing?”
She shrugged. “Just barely. But that’s how I knew it was a gas station. That and engines cutting off. Voices.”
He chuckled. “For the record, I can barely see or hear all of that. It’s pretty far with a lot of other sights and smells in between. It’s pretty telling that you have the ability to shut out so much and target something so easily. And it’s going to help you.”
“How?” she asked. “I mean, obviously, if I can ignore the smell of fresh fur and blood, and I’m not listening for a heart pumping, it’ll be easier to keep from killing something. But how will all of this help me otherwise?”
“Being able to focus on the sights, smells, and sounds you want will help keep you grounded, keep you closer to that human consciousness. When you become the wolf, the beast, it’s easy to forget all that. You’re surrounded by nature, and you connect with it. You run and feel the earth beneath your paws, and this raw power surges through you. It’s instinctive to want to use that to hunt, or to just run away. But if you have control of your senses, you can seek out something that keeps you tethered to the humanity, and to home.”
She glanced down at their clasped hands and brushed her thumb over his knuckles. “Like your scent. And your breathing and heartbeat.” She placed her free hand on his chest, and Luke covered it with his own. It was like a dance that passed between them with neither of them moving at all. They were two ends of a circuit, and energy ebbed and flowed between them.
“I would love to be the thing that keeps you grounded, Crystal. I want to be the reason you stay calm, and the buffer that keeps you from losing control.”
“You are,” she said simply. “I told you, when I’m with you, I feel like I’ve come home, no matter where I am. And I think I can find that through the clouded judgment of a beast pretty easily.” She smiled, and it was obvious she wanted to change the subject, things getting a little too heavy. “So, what else do I have to worry about, since we seem to have this somewhat under control?”
Luke shrugged. “Not much. Running on four legs is a natural thing, even the first time, and you’ll get the rhythm of it quickly. The bodily sensation of fur, and wind in it as you run, is exhilarating, nothing to be scared of there. So really, the only obstacle is the shift itself.”
She swallowed hard, trying to retain her smile. “That’s going to hurt, right? A lot.”
He had to be honest with her, but he also wanted to give her a little hope. “Some people don’t have such a hard time with it. A lot has to do with your personal pain tolerance, and considering the shape your shoulder was in and the fact that you were still on your feet, I have a really good feeling about your ability to handle pain.”
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to see. I’m not scared of it,” she added. “I mean, look at my life. I’ve had so much emotional pain I don’t think something physical could ever top that.”
And maybe she was right. Maybe her emotional trauma had toughened her up for this eventual fate. They would find out soon enough, and Luke could only hope it turned out as well as they wanted.
Chapter 22
I stared at my phone, all the missed calls, and debated what to do. I didn’t have a large circle of friends. Outside of Cricket, no one would miss me, aside from professors who took note of my absence. I’d already emailed them and let them know I was suffering a minor personal catastrophe and would be following assignments from home until I could return to campus, so they wouldn’t chase me down.
Cricket, however, was another story. I’d spoken to her and fed her the story about chasing my interviews. She’d swallowed it, and wished me well. But after that, I’d dropped contact completely, too wrapped up in the changes I was experiencing to talk to her. It had raised her alarm, and I had to do something.
I’d ignored her for as long as I could, let her leave several voicemails, and if I didn’t respond soon, she would find her way to the cabin out of concern for me. I couldn’t let that happen. It would put her – and all of us – at risk. So, I had to call her. I just had no idea what I would say.
Luke had advised against it, had told me to text her, but that wouldn’t fly, since we’d already spoken that way. She’d start blowing up my phone again, want to hear my voice as evidence I was alive. So, I’d told him I didn’t have a choice, and he’d relented. But I still had to work through what this conversation would entail.
The hardest part was knowing I couldn’t be honest with her. I never lied to Cricket, and she knew me well enough to see through me. But until I could tell her some distorted version of the truth, I had to perpetuate the original fallacy. In a way, telling her the truth would have been just ludicrous enough to give her a hint that there was something I couldn’t share. Too little, too late. And too damn risky.
With a sigh, I dialed the number and held my breath. I should have known the phone would barely ring once before she picked up. “Crystal? What the hell is going on?” she asked, her voice filled with desperation.
I winced and tried to keep my tone even. My emotions were too easily triggered, and I couldn’t allow that to show, even over the phone. “I’m fine, Cricket. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Worry me! Crystal, you meet a mystery man and then fall off the map. You tell me you’re off on Sabbatical with this guy, chasing your monsters, and you don’t answer your phone for days. You think I’m just worried? I’m about ready to send in the Feds looking for you! There better be a good explanation for this.”
Anger welled up inside me at the confrontational words, and I swallowed hard against it. She was right, and it didn’t matter if I felt like she was mothering me. After all, who else had ever taken the time to do so? I didn’t have anyone else to care about me this much. I should feel blessed, not chastised.
“I’ve been traveling,” I blurted out. “I’ve been visiting some of the places where cryptid sightings are common, and Luke has been with me. I didn’t mean to fall off the face of the earth, but half the time, we’ve been off the grid, and the rest of the time, it’s just felt free to be on the road, away from everything. And it’s been a little romantic.”
Cricket didn’t answer immediately, and I knew her silence meant she was pondering whether or not to believe me. I didn’t want to embellish anymore until she said something, needing to gauge her reaction before I went overboard, so I just waited. And when she finally spoke, I heard the suspicion loud and clear.
“I’m not sure that makes any sense,” she said slowly. “I would have gotten pictures from you or a travel log, here and there.
I have a hard time swallowing that you just completely ditched me. I feel like you’re hiding something from me, or you would have contacted me sooner.”
Of course, I was hiding something from her, but I couldn’t just come clean. I’m going to turn into the dark, slobbering creature I’ve been terrified of my whole life in less than forty-eight hours, and it’s too dangerous to get you involved. Yeah, that would stop her from seeking me out, and likely bringing backup to lock me in a rubber cell.
“Trust me, Cricket, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m up at the cabin with Luke now, and I’m going to stay here for a while. I just need some distance from the world.”
“Are you hurt?” she asked sharply. “Has he done something to you?”
I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth. It was all relative, right? “I’m fine. Luke would never hurt me.” At this point, I realized even his father never meant to, and I rolled my shoulder, assuring myself that the pain had lessened. All the more sign of what was to come.
“You know very well I’m not going to believe that until I see it,” Cricket argued. “I don’t understand this, Crystal. Why would you suddenly go on a road trip with someone you barely know? Especially when I’ve offered to go to those places with you, and you always said you wanted to go alone? Or not at all?”
Now, I’d hurt her feelings, and there was no coming back from it. I couldn’t tell her it was a big lie, not when I’d stuck to the story for so long, and I didn’t have a good answer for her. Why hadn’t I listened to Luke and sent her a message? “We weren’t aiming to hit those sites at first,” I hedged, trying to backtrack. “We just wanted to get away together, where we could be alone, without the world or his father to judge us. And we ended up hitting a couple of those destinations along the way.” My heart rate and temperature were rising, and I had to back down a bit.
Taking several deep breaths, I spoke slowly. “I’m in love with him, Cricket. And when I get a chance to see you, which will be soon, I’ll tell you all about it. You’ll see.”
She hesitated, and I waited. “Are you really in love, or are you just starry eyed?”
At least I had a real answer for that one. “I’m crazy about him, Cricket. I didn’t know falling in love could feel like this.”
There was a heavy sigh, and while she seemed to accept that, I still heard skepticism. “When am I going to see you? I’m not going to sit around forever and wonder if there’s something I’m missing here.”
“Probably next week,” I told her, needing a quick response. If I waited too long, this would escalate again. And I could always put it off. But I needed her to feel secure now so she didn’t send the National Guard in to rescue me. I could just imagine the three of us, shifting and taking out the entire squad.
“I’m holding you to it,” she told me, a warning in her tone. “I want to see you next week, and I don’t care what it takes. If you don’t call me and set something up, I’m going to come find you myself and haul you out of that hostage situation.”
I laughed. “It’s not a hostage situation.” At least, not traditionally. Sure, this whole wolf thing was holding me hostage, but that wasn’t something that could be stopped, not by anyone. Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I told her, “I’ll come down, and I’ll bring Luke so you can give him the third degree, if it makes you feel better.”
“I might just do that,” Cricket agreed. “I want a call from you every day in the meantime. I feel like something’s wrong, and you’re not going to convince me otherwise unless you stay in touch.”
It would be tough, but I’d find a way to manage. “If I can’t call, I’ll text, okay? I’m not sure if we’re going back out again or not.”
“No excuses,” she insisted.
I felt the growl rumble in my chest, and it took all my self control to keep it inside. “I’ll do my best, Cricket. I’ve got a lot going on, and I’m trying to explain that to you. I thought we were friends. I thought you would understand the need for space.” I saw myself about to tumble over the edge and snapped my lips together.
“I’m sorry, Crystal, I’m not trying to nag. But you…have a history of bad things happening in your life. I don’t want to see you hurt again.”
“I’m fine. I’m happier than ever,” I assured her. At least, I would be, if I could make it through this transition. After all, I had Luke. I had a great friend in Cricket, the kind willing to do anything to assure my safety. And I had more information than ever toward my degree, even if the personal experience wasn’t quite what I’d been looking for. What more could I want, under the circumstances?
I could tell she was reluctant as she admitted, “You do sound good. Strong. Just don’t disappear again, okay?”
“I won’t. Thank you, for caring so much,” I added. Cricket was the sister I never had, and I wanted her to know she meant a lot to me.
“It’s what we do,” she conceded with a soft chuckle. “Now go, get you a good piece of that hunk of man you claim is so fabulous, and call me tomorrow.” She wasn’t one to get sappy, and I knew she wanted to avoid anything deeper and more emotional over the phone. It made me smile and gave me a little hope that all of this would work out alright.
At this point, I didn’t know when or if I’d go back to my normal life, and I knew for certain that at least once a month, I’d be headed out of town with little explanation. I had a feeling Cricket might eventually add things up.
For now, though, my secret was as safe as it could be. The only real threat was how I would or wouldn’t handle the shift.
“So, how did it go?” I looked up as Luke stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame and raising an eyebrow in question.
I blew out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I have to see her next week.”
Luke scowled. “That might still be a bad idea. You’re emotionally connected to her, and your hormones might still be running high.”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter how dangerous it is. Cricket will hunt me down if I don’t show up, and that’s the last thing we need.” It wasn’t just that I didn’t want her to end up here during a full moon. I didn’t want her here while Everett was around. Unless he suddenly made a miraculous recovery. I didn’t think he was stable enough to just have random strangers here.
“Come with me,” I prodded. “If you come, you can help watch for signs of erratic behavior. And it’ll go a long way in convincing Cricket that you aren’t some maniac who has me tied up in the basement.”
He chuckled. “Is that what she thinks? Granted, the circumstances are a little odd, but that’s a bit farfetched, isn’t it?”
I gave him a poignant glare. “My life is a horror movie, and I’m about to turn into a furry beast, along with everyone else in this cabin. Is torturous stalking serial killer really that farfetched?”
“Point taken,” he relented. “Alright, we’ll figure something out.”
I nodded, and my stomach squeezed. I sniffed the air and asked, “Meat?”
“Just warmed up. Come on, let’s get you fed so you don’t go hunting in the middle of the night tonight.”
I was more than willing to do just about anything to avoid that, even though I knew I would eventually have to get over my aversion to killing things. It would happen, and I wouldn’t always be able to stop myself. For now, though, when I still hadn’t changed into the form of the wolf, I felt like I needed to practice holding onto my humanity as much as possible. Maybe that would carry over and help me through the worst of the full moon.
Chapter 23
Luke watched as Crystal slept. Her body needed the rest to prepare for what would come, and he needed to know she was deep in that sleep because he desperately needed to have a pertinent discussion with his father, before it was too late.
Slowly, he slipped out of the bed, careful not to disturb her. If Crystal found out what he intended to ask of Everett, she would never forgive him. But Luke didn’t want to give up yet. He’d promised not to kill
his father. He hadn’t promised not to beg Everett to sacrifice himself.
He knew he wouldn’t find the old man in his bedroom, not tonight. Luke could feel the draw of the woods, the thrill of the hunt, tearing at him like the beast had jumped out and tried to force him to change early. Everett would feel the same, stronger. The older Luke got, the more potent the power, and his father had decades on him.
The elder man sat on the porch, hands resting on his cane as he stared into the dark, his eyes unfocused but turned toward the forest. “What are you after, son?” he asked, not moving his head, not even bothering with niceties.
Luke didn’t know what he’d expected, but he shouldn’t have held out hope for hospitality. “I came to ask you to help me.”
Cutting his gaze toward Luke briefly, he sighed. “Your girlfriend already asked me for help today. I’m all out of advice.”
Clearing his throat, Luke took up a stance leaning against a post, just out of arm’s reach of his father. It was safer for both of them. “I’m not here for advice. The help I need has nothing to do with words or direction. It has to do with something you can do to stop this shitstorm from happening.”
“You’ve wanted me to die for a long time, Luke. You’ve wanted your freedom. You’re tired of the burden of taking care of me.” It was all very even keel, without emotion.
Luke frowned. “No, Dad, that’s not the case. I’ve been here to take care of you, without regrets.”
“That’s horseshit, son. Don’t treat me like a fool. The only reason you haven’t done anything about it before is because your fear of taking the leadership role outweighed your determination to get rid of me. Now, you’ve got something more important to worry about, and it’s overriding your fear of commitment to the pack.” Everett turned suddenly, facing him full on, his eyes glowing with the preternatural light of the wolf. “Say it, son. You won’t hurt my feelings. I know what I am to you, and I know what I’ve done to make your life miserable.”