by Leah Rhoades
Fighting to contain the rage brewing inside, Luke shook his head and spoke in a low, even tone. “It’s not my life that’s the problem. You’ve done everything that has ruined Crystal’s. You killed her grandmother. You attacked her.”
“All trying to save your ungrateful ass!” Everett argued, his tone grisly. He coughed and wheezed. “I made mistakes, Luke, and all I want is to keep you from doing the same damn thing I did, that started all this in the first place.”
Luke scoffed. “I would never make the mistakes you have. I would never hurt Crystal, or any of her friends or family.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Everett barked, and then he slumped in his seat, his gaze falling to the ground. “You can kill me if you want to, Luke. I won’t stop you. But it won’t save your girl. And it’ll only be the beginning of the end for you.”
“How do you know?” Luke countered. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to believe there was no hope. This had to be his father’s way of stopping him, of buying more time to live. “How can you possibly know it for sure?”
When Everett lifted his head, his eyes were filled with agony, and his voice held defeat. “Because I tried. I wanted to save your mother, so I tried. And all it did was end up killing me.”
Luke stared at him, completely taken aback. Nothing he said made sense, but he didn’t see signs of fever, and his father’s eyes were as clear as ever. “I don’t understand. What do you mean, save Mom?” Luke’s mother had been born a wolf. It was in her DNA. There was no attack and no one to blame for changing her. So, what did his father mean?
“Your mother was human. Just like your Crystal. And I was drawn to her, used to watch her. I’d sneak into her backyard at night and watch her sleep through her window. And I finally managed to run into her during the day, catch her attention.
“One of the others found out, and he thought it was unsafe for me to be dealing with a human, thought we shouldn’t date humans. I tried to tell him she was my soul mate, but he wouldn’t listen, told me I was thinking with my dick. I didn’t listen, and he took it upon himself to attack her. He meant to kill her, but she survived.”
Luke shook his head. Why hadn’t he ever known about any of this? “You’ve lied to me my whole life,” he uttered, astonished. “Why would you hide this from me?”
“Because I didn’t want you thinking less of either of us,” Everett said, scrubbing a hand down his face. “Your mother barely survived, and I took care of her until she started to heal, had to explain to her what was going to happen to her. She begged to be saved, and I wanted to help her. So, I went after my own pack member.
“I hunted him down, and I killed him. I thought it would save her, just like the myths say. But she changed anyway, and she made her peace with it, especially after we had you. She was content, and she loved me very much, even when she noticed the way that I changed. Come to find out, murdering your brethren in cold blood starts the slow, agonizing death I’ve suffered since. Losing your mother only made it worse.”
Gaping at his father, Luke tried to imagine the situation. He tried to picture his father, in the same position he was in now, willing to do anything to keep the woman he loved from becoming something she would hate. And he tried to reconcile the fact that it had only led to worse pain in the end.
“How do I know you’re not trying to save your own neck?” Luke asked, but his voice was hoarse with emotion.
“If I wanted to live that badly, I’d just kill the girl and take away the possibility that my death would save her,” Everett choked out, his cough worsening. “I’m telling you this to save you, not me, boy. I’m going to die anyway. You can live, and if you insist on following in my footsteps and taking this woman of yours as your soul mate, you can do it the right way, without ruining both your lives.”
Luke clenched his jaw. This changed everything. It wasn’t just a final decision regarding Crystal’s life and whether or not she would spend the rest of it governed by the full moon. It changed Luke’s history, his childhood, everything he’d thought he’d known about his own family. He was the son of a woman who was not born a wolf, and yet, he had never questioned whether or not he would shift.
Did that mean that, should he and Crystal have children, their fates were already decided? The truth awakened questions he wanted to ask, accusations he wanted to make. And at the same time, he was so consumed with the idea that there was nothing more he could do to stop this shift from happening for Crystal; that he couldn’t let any of this sidetrack him. He had to focus all his attention now on helping Crystal survive.
“I love her, Dad. I love her more than life itself,” he whispered.
“I know,” Everett groused. “And I’m sorry you have to feel that deeply. It never gets easier; I’ll tell you that. But she’s a strong one. She’ll make it, with your help. She’ll also stand by you when I’m not here, and you have no choice but to take over for me.”
Luke sighed, his chest tight with fear and anger and something softer, something he hadn’t felt toward his father in a very long time.
Compassion.
“So, it wasn’t Mom’s death that made you sick?” Luke had to be certain. He had to know the whole truth, now that things were out in the open.
“No, that’s not the cause of all this,” Everett sighed. “Losing your other half will do the trick, sure. It didn’t help things along. And unfortunately, her death didn’t kill me. I had you to keep me going. But I started dying the day I killed the other wolf. We can battle for power, and we can kill each other for grave sins. But cold-blooded murder leads to more of a curse than the affliction itself.”
There were too many things left unsaid between them, and Luke didn’t know where to start. Now wasn’t the time for sobbing reconciliations, and he didn’t have time to address every grievance, every question, every interest. He needed to sleep, needed all the rest he could get so he would have enough strength to hold back his own shift tomorrow night, long enough to get Crystal through hers.
But he couldn’t just walk away, either. “I forgive you, Dad,” he said quietly. “I know you didn’t ask for it, but I forgive you. For all of it. I may not agree with you, but I understand where you’re coming from, with everything you’ve done.”
“I just want the best for you, Luke,” he replied, facing the woods again. “It’s all I’ve ever really wanted.”
Luke didn’t stay. He walked back into the cabin, stopping in the kitchen for a long, cold drink of water. Then, he went back to the bedroom, finding Crystal tossing restlessly in her sleep. He knew she probably dreamed of the shift, or at least of the animalistic desires it brought with it. He could do little to comfort her, but he still slipped under the covers and wrapped his arms around her.
If he couldn’t chase the dreams away, he could make her feel as if he shared them, and that might bring her enough comfort to rest.
Chapter 24
I didn’t remember falling asleep, but the dreams were haunting, just flashes of images and unclear bursts of color and light interspersed with darkness. But they had a sinister feel to them. I finally woke with a start, just as the last vestiges of light from the sun ducked below the horizon, and I realized the time had come.
I didn’t know what I’d expected, but the energy that flowed through me was boundless, almost too much to contain. I wanted to dash out the door and through the woods, releasing it. I looked around the room, wondering where Luke was, just as he stepped through the door with a glass of water. He offered it to me, and despite the fact that I didn’t really want it, I took it and sipped.
“You should finish that,” he told me. “You don’t want to get dehydrated with everything you’ll be dealing with tonight.” I hadn’t considered that, and now that he brought it up, it made sense. Reluctantly, I polished off the glass and handed it back to him as he sat down in the desk chair, looking a little agitated. I could feel the disturbance myself now, just a niggling in my spine, as the moon r
ose.
“So, what now?” I asked, uncertain. I had never liked the unknown. If I had an idea of what to expect, I could plan for it, face it. But a giant void of knowledge made me feel completely powerless.
Luke took a deep breath and stood. “Now, we get into the woods. You’ll want to wear something you don’t mind losing. But we need to get started. The first shift is unpredictable, and you don’t want to get caught out here in the open.”
I noticed he was in a worn pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt that had seen better days. He obviously kept things around he didn’t mind ripping and throwing away. I’d have to start doing the same, I supposed. I wasn’t keen on the idea of romping around naked in human form, and I had serious doubts I’d be in a mindset to take the clothes off when I started to shift.
Since I already felt an unfamiliar power coursing through me, I sensed the urgency of getting deep into the trees, where I could embrace the change freely.
The pajamas I wore were nothing special, so I stood and shrugged, sliding my feet into a pair of old rubber flip flops. “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” He leaned in and kissed me, then took my hand and started to guide me out of the house. I paused, frowning. “Where’s your father?”
“He struck out early. He’s moving slower than ever,” Luke explained. “He was mumbling about being tired and not wanting to do this anymore. You know how he gets.” He sounded a bit flippant, and I wondered if something had transpired between the two of them while I slept.
I did know how grumpy Everett could be, but for some reason, I had an odd feeling about his grumbling this time. I didn’t say anything, didn’t want to cause undue distress when Luke was already taking on a lot by helping me through my transition. It probably just stemmed from the growing anxiety I felt as we crossed the field toward the woods.
I’d had a love-hate relationship with this forest for most of my life, and I felt deep in my soul this would be a turning point. Which direction it would spin depended upon how this transition turned out. I hoped for the best but prepared for the worst.
We walked in silence, not hurrying but keeping a steady pace. The light of the moon cut through the thick canopy in places, but the usual darkness surrounded us, making my heart pound a little faster. I noticed that I could see well, even in the blackest areas, my eyes adjusting easily to cut through the dense darkness.
The sounds of movement, of breathing, grew louder, a dissonant symphony that assaulted my ears and made my head throb. “Luke, I can’t stand it. There’s too much noise.”
He stopped and turned me to face him. “Look at me, Crystal. Push the sound away. Listen to my voice. Just the whisper in the trees, like you heard when you were little. That’s me, and I’m right here.”
At first, I couldn’t. The sound was too intense. But Luke squeezed my hand, leaned his forehead against mine, and somewhere in the background, behind the cacophony, I heard it. I heard the whisper of my name on the breeze, and I clung to that until everything else faded to a dull roar.
I took several deep breaths and smiled. “Thank you.”
He pressed a palm to my cheek. “I’m here for you.” We started walking again, but there was an unease that ran up and down my spine, and I could feel Luke’s feverish heat and quickened pulse through our linked hands. He tensed, and I could tell he was fighting something.
“Luke, are you alright?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt like speaking out loud might do more harm than good.
He swallowed audibly. “I’ll be alright. I won’t let myself shift until you get through it. Are you feeling it yet? Do you have any pain?”
I started to shake my head, but as I took my next step, excruciating pain shot through my shin, and it felt like the bone cracked. I stumbled and went to the ground, landing on all fours as I cried out. Luke dropped beside me, but I barely noticed as the muscles in that leg ripped apart, pulling away from the bone and stretching unnaturally.
“Breathe, Crystal. Don’t forget to breathe.” Luke’s voice came to me like I was in the depths of a lake, watery and distorted, and I couldn’t really make out what he meant past the pain. A wave of nausea had me dry heaving as my leg jerked, and my knee bent the opposite direction, shattering the kneecap. I rolled over to my back, writhing and screaming until I deafened myself to the cries. I couldn’t have fathomed the agony, and this was only the beginning.
I kicked out, trying to ease the pain, and when Luke reached out to touch me, I thrust my arm out and swept him away. Even the lightest brush of his fingertips hurt, seared my skin like a cattle brand straight out of the fire. A thousand stakes pounded at my head, and my nose and mouth stretched and strained. I felt like my teeth forced their way out of my gums, and tears poured from my eyes, perhaps the only part of my body that didn’t feel like it was destroying itself.
In the midst of it all, I caught Luke’s grunts and groans, and I knew he was fighting the shift, trying to keep his humanity until I had shifted. I should have been grateful, but the misery made me careless. All I could think about was ending this, whether through success or death.
My throat changed, and there was a rough, gurgling feel as I continued to scream. The sound was different, rolling toward a growl, and I hoped it was a sign that the shift would end soon. I felt the pajamas ripping, and as the hair sprouted over my body, every follicle tickled and ached. My chest heaved and burst, large and swollen, and my arms joined my legs in their horrible transformation.
“You’re white,” Luke uttered. “And you’re beautiful.”
White. Beautiful.
After that, all I could think of was fresh meat.
***
Fresh water droplets and green grass. Churned earth and growing things.
And meat.
Just to the left, the crunch of a small foot on a patch of grass, beneath fallen leaves. Creature. Trying to avoid detection but smelling oh so decadent.
I crouched, waiting in the shadows, honing in with eyes and ears until the small creature was locked in, with radar accuracy. I leapt forward, giving it no time to escape, and with its neck between my paws, I tore into the savory muscle and fat beneath the fur. Blood oozed into my mouth as I chewed, satisfying a craving I couldn’t ignore.
A familiar scent. I glanced to my left and recognized the eyes. The black beast stared at me with a question, and it triggered something less animalistic, less instinctive. Something human.
Thoughts, with words instead of images, flooded my head. Luke. This was Luke. The terrifying black beast I remembered now seemed utterly majestic in its beauty, and I dropped the carcass of the squirrel at my feet and nuzzled him. Now I understood. I felt the bond, the connection of my soul mate, and I couldn’t feel any resentment, regret, or fear for my circumstances. After all, without experiencing this form, how could I have ever realized the strength of what we had between us? How could I have fully understood the depths of what I felt for Luke? Or what he felt for me?
He crouched playfully, and then he took off. I followed close behind him, delighting in the way the air tickled the fur on my body and blew across my face. The pads of my paws felt light against the ground as I pushed off, and my limbs stretched deliciously as I picked up speed and let the feeling of freedom reign supreme.
I scented it on the air as Luke came to a sudden halt, his nose high and his ears alert. The hair on my back stood on end as two distinct smells came to me.
Lame. Sick. Dying.
Human.
Both made me want to hunt. A lame or sick animal was useless, ready to die. And no humans should be encroaching on our territory. They didn’t belong here. This was my land, and they were putting themselves at risk, asking to be stalked and killed for their trespasses.
But reason kept me still, and obviously hindered Luke, as well. Going after a human was bad news. It would draw attention we didn’t need. And there was only one lame animal around here. Everett was not our prey. We couldn’t seek him out and destroy him.
<
br /> The familiar blast caught me off guard, and my first thought was of Grandma Charlotte. The last time I’d heard that sound was the last night I’d seen her alive.
Shotgun.
It sounded again, followed by a squeal, and I knew instantly what the blast had hit. Luke lunged in the direction of the cry, but I blocked his path and urged him back toward the cabin. We needed to flee to safety, or we’d end up fodder for the shotgun ourselves. He tried to get around me, but I snarled at him, and he reluctantly took off toward the open field and the cabin, neither of us stopping to check for prying eyes as we streaked across the grass toward safety.
We hit the porch, and I felt the electrical pulse of energy as I watched Luke shift. It was an incredible sight, his body seeming to shrink and the black fur fade from view as his face normalized and his limbs eased back into human form. It looked so much less painful than what I’d experienced, and as that energy seemed to wash over me, I felt myself almost melting and reforming. It wasn’t a pleasant sensation, but it wasn’t the agony of the prior shift into wolf form. My bones and muscles felt gelatinous, temporarily useless, and then everything drooped, heavy with exhaustion.
“I have to go after my father.” Luke was already on his feet, slamming into the cabin, and I forced myself upright, following him and finding him jerking on clothes.
“Luke, you can’t,” I insisted. “It’s too dangerous. Either he makes it out of there, or he doesn’t. You going after him just puts you at risk. And me, too,” I added, needing to enforce the danger he’d walk right into.
I watched his jaw clench, and he muttered, “I can’t just leave him out there to die, Crystal.”
That feeling I’d had earlier returned, and I knew I had to say something. “Luke, do you really think this is a coincidence? Your father has avoided hunters for decades. He’s even attacked them and survived. He told you he was tired and didn’t want to do this anymore. What do you think he meant?”