“Damn, girl, you look fantastic! Not that you ever looked bad,” I said with a faintly admonishing look. She’d always been sensitive about her weight, due in part to her asshole of a husband. I could understand wanting your wife to be healthy, but the vows said “Until death do you part,” not “Until she gains a lot of weight.” She deserved better, overweight or otherwise. No woman deserved to be insulted by the man she loved. It was bit hypocritical on my end, but she didn’t need to know all of those details.
I had been privy to a few of her husband’s comments from time to time in the past, and it had hurt me to hear them. I recalled one weekend when I’d gone over to visit Kari, he’d been making mooing sounds, like he was calling a cow. I’d asked him why he would do such a thing, and he had laughed at me and said, “I’m only trying to help her lose weight.”
“How the hell is mooing going to make her lose weight?” I had asked him, truly flabbergasted by his comments.
“Because she knows I think she’s as fat as a cow, and if she wants to have sex with me, she needs to lose it,” he had told me.
“I don’t get it. That’s mean of you. You are supposed to be married, for better or worse,” I’d reminded him.
“They aren’t talking about when a woman blows up like a house and gains a bunch of weight. You remember how skinny she was when we married, right?” he had asked me.
“Yes, but still, sometimes we just can’t help it. We gain weight. I don’t ever see Kari put much food into her mouth,” I’d stood up for her.
“You aren’t around all of the time either. See eats. It’s obvious she eats, or she would not be so fucking fat,” he had said loudly.
Kari had walked in on our conversation. Tears had been streaming from her face, and she had just looked at us. I knew he had hurt her by his words, and I wished I could have just taken her away. However, she was still trying to make it work between them. I was thrilled that she had moved on, or so I hoped, by now.
“Thanks, honey. You look fantastic as always, though I shouldn’t be surprised. You always were the beauty queen in our family,” she smiled. I reddened faintly, rubbing my arms self-consciously. My family had always had some commentary about my looks growing up. Nothing mean-spirited, just things along the lines of me being a model instead of “wasting time” on college. They were happy as long as I was happy, though, and as far as they knew, I was happy. I wasn’t going to let Nick ruin my good time with my cousin.
“I wouldn’t go that far. But I appreciate it. The men I’ve dated seem to have other ideas,” I chuckled, sitting at the bar beside her. She cringed, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
“The girls in our family have always had bad taste in men, haven’t we?” she began, obviously intending to continue. I interrupted before she got the chance.
“Please tell me you left that limp dick husband of yours,” I pleaded, clasping my hands in front of me in an exaggerated manner. I was mostly kidding. Mostly. She scowled a bit, averting her eyes.
“More like he dumped me. It was because of the weight, obviously. He didn’t even try to be nice about it. He might as well have sent me a text message that said ‘Later, fatty,’” she grumbled, sipping from the drink I just noticed in her hand.
“A bit early for that, don’t you think? Besides, I witnessed some of his attacks about your weight too. I don’t know if you recall the one time or not…when he was mooing at you? It was very low class and uncalled for in my opinion,” I teased a bit awkwardly.
“Honey, we’re in Vegas. Happy hour starts at 8 in the morning. Anyway, that’s really why I called you out here. Don’t get me wrong; I’m always happy to have a blast with my favorite cousin. It’s just…Jeff and I are going to be going to a conference in the same hotel this weekend. The Citadel. It was covered by work, which is the only way I could afford a room at this ritzy place,” she paused, glancing around with a vaguely sour expression. “Thing is, I still have feelings for the idiot. I guess that makes me the stupid one, doesn’t it? I was hoping you could act as a sort of human…buffer,” she explained, waving the bartender down for another drink. I frowned, not quite understanding.
“What do you mean by ‘buffer’?” I asked, hesitantly ordering a drink of my own once the bartender approached. When in Rome, as they always said. I had planned on doing a fair bit of drinking over the weekend anyway, so starting early wasn’t too bad as far as I was concerned.
“Nothing too demanding. Basically, I just want you to make sure I don’t get too drunk and make a fool of myself by sleeping with him again,” Kari mumbled, seeming reluctant to continue.
“…again? As in, you’ve had sex since the divorce?” I pressed, trying to keep the shrill tones out of my voice. “How could you let that happen?”
“I was drunk, and he took advantage. No one believes that, though. If I fucked him, I must want him back. I just make stupid decisions when I drink sometimes,” she grumbled.
“Honey, don’t we all? But alright, you’ve got a deal. I’ll play bodyguard while you and I have a blast. Jeff will be the last thing on your mind. Maybe you’ll even find yourself another boy toy,” I teased, rubbing her shoulder.
“Thanks, Tiff. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I knew I could count on you. Everyone else would judge me too harshly,” she smiled as we clinked our drinks together.
“We’ve always been a tough love family, haven’t we? But I think you need a dose of understanding this time around. After all, who hasn’t been there?” I assured her. Internally, I found myself wishing that I’d have some kind of buffer between Nick and me when I went home. I had to remind myself not to think about the bastard; Vegas could be just the thing I needed to move on.
There’s a lot to see in Vegas if you give the place due credit. Sure, there are hookers, blow, and gambling. But there are also some really nice places to spend a day. We even discussed seeing one of those shows the city was so famous for before we left. The shopping was to die for as well, something I’d taken for granted as a teen. The occasional boutique marked a sharp contrast to what most would expect in Vegas, but the clothes were luxurious for oddly reasonable prices. I tried not to think that about the fact that they may or may not have been resold from call girls, but you couldn’t beat the deals. The clothes had obviously been dry cleaned before being displayed in any case, which was a nice change of pace. Most shops just nabbed the clothes off of a corpse or something, and on the rack it went. At least, I’d heard stories along those lines.
I tried on a mini dress that I looked absolutely stunning in, although I did give pause as I thought of Nick and Ms. Hart. All she had going was an ass and a rack…was I really that lacking in those departments? I stuck my chest out, twisting in an attempt to look at myself from the most flattering angle possible. My breasts weren’t small by any means, but they were depressingly average. My ass could definitely have been rounder as well. The decision was an admittedly impulsive one, but when I called the plastic surgery center I’d researched at home, I reasoned to myself that a consultation couldn’t hurt. I managed to get an appointment for the following Tuesday, and I felt like I was walking on air as we paid for our clothes and returned to the Citadel. I even cashed in on one of those complementary massages – which were well worth the one hundred bucks it’d have cost otherwise.
Kari was torn between excitement and trepidation, though I couldn’t really blame her. I wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea of seeing her dick of an ex-husband, but it would be well worth it to have my cousin’s back. That’s the kind of thing family does, after all.
Kari was nearly vibrating with emotion by the time party time rolled around. She agonized over her appearance in the bathroom vanity, and I couldn’t help but notice that even she filled a dress out better than I ever could. I tried not to be too surly about it, knowing that this trip was for Kari’s benefit. I just had to be her wing…woman? It didn’t sound like a terribly difficult job, and I recognized that she would have no issues attractin
g cute men at the party. After spending thirty minutes of applying her makeup and then wiping it off, she turned toward me nearly in tears.
“Honey, calm down. You’re going to do fine,” I assured her, nudging her to the closed commode and taking out my own makeup bag. Her eyes have always been one of her most beautiful features, though men had a way of ignoring the good qualities in a person when they were even slightly overweight. I tried not to think of the years Kari had come crying to me after class, instead choosing to focus entirely on making sure her makeup was perfect. Once satisfied, I smiled to myself and gave her hair a slight ruffle.
“Hey,” she yelped, turning to the mirror with the intention of fixing her hair. She stopped short, and I took a moment to admire my handiwork. The makeup was just the right shade to accentuate her features without being too gaudy, and the careful mussing of her hair had served to give her something of a windswept look that men would go crazy for. She looked at me with wide-eyed excitement, and I could only grin.
“What can I say? I just have a gift when it comes to making other women gorgeous,” I chuckled, watching as she stood and swished her dress in front of the mirror.
“Well, it’s not like you have to waste time making yourself pretty. You were born gorgeous,” she smiled, giving me a slight nudge. Glancing at my own reflection, it was hard to see this apparent beauty queen my cousin seemed so convinced I was. Family had a way of telling white lies to spare your feelings, but there was such sincerity whenever Kari and I spoke. I sincerely thought she was beautiful, even two hundred pounds heavier. Maybe it was just that she was blind to my flaws.
In any case, the most important thing was dragging her away from the vanity to make a fashionably late entrance. It hadn’t been our intention to arrive late, but you had to work with what you were given. Building up Kari’s confidence was a work in progress as it stood, but she had seemed soothed by the whole notion of lateness being “hip”. I didn’t put much stock in that kind of thing. At least, not nearly as much as I had in the past. I’d do just about anything to snatch that snug satisfaction away from her ex, though. No one messed with my family and got away with it scot free.
“Come on, girl. Let’s go knock some cuties off their feet,” I said, feigning excitement in spite of my vaguely surly mood. She seemed to buy into it, nodding and darting into the main area of the apartment to slip her heels on. I followed suit, gesturing for her to lead the way. She hesitated, but with a little encouragement, she managed to walk with her head held high. Even if her confidence wasn’t all there, she was getting better at faking it. That was progress as far as I was concerned.
Although I knew the party would likely be in full swing by the time we arrived, I didn’t expect how many people had actually attended this conference. The couples on the dance floor were forced nearly shoulder to shoulder, and I knew it would take a bit of work to convince Kari to join in the festivities. Getting a few drinks in her would do the trick, though; I was sure enough of that. I lightly gripped her wrist as I tugged her toward the bar. She stopped abruptly, going entirely stiff. Unsure of what had set her off, I paused and followed her line of sight to a small group of people lingering near the bar. It took all of my restraint to keep from grinding my teeth to dust upon seeing her ex smiling a smarmy little grin upon seeing us. He raised his glass, winking, and it was all I could do to keep from slapping him silly.
“I’m not sure this was such a great idea,” Kari muttered quietly, and I tightened my grip on her wrist. She looked at me, obviously seeking some guidance. I kept my eyes fixed on the bastard, my icy gaze unwavering until he obviously became uncomfortable and resumed mingling with other conference attendees.
“Don’t let him get his claws in you. We’re gonna have a few drinks, get a little tipsy, and then we’re going to find you an actual stud to have a good time with,” I said firmly, quirking my lips at the nervous chuckle I received in response.
“I’d say that most of the men attending this little get together are out of my league by miles,” she murmured, but trailed obligingly behind me. I ordered two of the strongest drinks on the menu, pressing one into Kari’s hand and smiling.
“Bottoms up, doll. If you don’t have real confidence, bottled is fine,” I winked, taking a gulp from my own drink. I was more than happy to just linger around the bar with Kari until she got the nerve to strike out on her own. I didn’t really see the appeal in most of the men who were so supposedly out of her league. My self-esteem may not have been the highest, but Kari had to take the cake as far as low self-esteem went. Not many people had given her any reason to feel otherwise. I watched her from the corner of my eye, frowning a bit at her anxious fidgeting.
“I meant it, you know. Get a few drinks in you,” I said with a sigh, tipping back my cup. She hesitated a moment longer before absolutely chugging the entirety of her drink. I couldn’t help but chuckle, flagging the bartender down for yet another drink. Maybe getting her drunk off her ass wasn’t the smartest idea, but that’s what I was here for, wasn’t it? Making sure she didn’t do anything too embarrassing? Being a buffer between her and that prick she had once called a husband. Looking around, I didn’t see him, so I took Kari by the arm and led her toward the dance floor. Those dancing were in what appeared to be constant motion, the ebb and flow of an ocean during a hurricane.
“I’ve never been much of a dancer,” she admitted, glancing at me with a slight pout. I rolled my eyes, scanning the dance floor for a suitable participant. “Oh. Oh my god. He’s gorgeous,” I heard her gasp, and following her line of sight, I had to fight to keep from snickering. I wouldn’t have called the man gorgeous by any means – more of the nerdy type than anything – but he was at the very least a stark difference from her ex-husband.
“Go dance with him,” I hissed, giving her a slight nudge. She planted her feet, refusing to move even an inch.
“I’ll make an idiot of myself,” she whispered back, frantically trying to bat my hands away. I groaned, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to face me.
“Listen, Kari. Have I ever led you astray? Ever? You’ve got this great figure now, and you need to own it. You know how to grind, right? It’s simple,” I said in hushed tones, glancing over her shoulder to keep an eye on the man in question.
“I know…the basics,” she admittedly reluctantly, wringing her hands. I squinted for a moment, exhaling a sigh before dragging her as close to the man as we could get without appearing too conspicuous.
“Practice on me,” I said under my breath, working my body to the music. Kari looked taken aback, remaining absolutely still.
“But we’re cousins.”
“No one here knows that besides your douche ex. We’re just a couple of hot girls having some fun. You’ll catch Romeo’s eye, and I can give you some tips,” I argued. Reluctantly, she nodded, and the two of us tried to find a rhythm on the dance floor. I remained as professional as possible in spite of the tasteless dance moves, muttering advice near her ear whenever something stuck out. I could see the man in question staring at us, all but salivating at the sight. “Okay. Go,” I said abruptly, giving her a push with my hips. She nearly tumbled but managed to recover gracefully, sauntering toward the man who had caught her eye. I didn’t have to stick around long to see that Kari and I were a hit. I chuckled, slipping off the dance floor and back to the bar.
When I thought it couldn’t get any busier, a large group of men staggered through the entrance, and I could hear mutterings about a bachelor party that was being held next door. I could only hope the bachelor in question wasn’t looking to have a bit of last minute fun. Catching sight of Kari’s ex, I swallowed a gleeful giggle, edging closer while remaining out of sight. Suddenly, I felt the sensation of eyes boring into the back of my head. I had no idea who would be staring at me so intently, but the sensation sent shivers down my spine.
I glanced over my shoulder, staring straight into the eyes of the most handsome man to ever walk the Earth. Well, I fi
rst stared at his chest before tilting my head back to meet his gaze. His teeth were pearly white, and his face looked as though it had been sculpted by some Renaissance artist. My mouth immediately went dry, though I managed what I hoped was a flirty smile.
“Hm. Fancy seeing you over here, staring at some grease bag. You got a thing for him?” the man asked with a smirk, and shudders of revulsion went down my spine at the thought.
Accidentally Married Page 4