by Kylie Scott
On the bike she had settled against him more with each passing kilometer. She held on good and tight, leaning into his back as they wound through build-ups of once upon a time traffic. He doubted the cuddling was conscious on her part, but it meant she was relaxing.
“We can definitely go up on the roof,” he said. “It would even be safer than staying down here, when you think about it.”
She paused, cocked her head. “You’re smiling again.”
“You make me so happy.”
She snorted a laugh, which was quite possibly the cutest thing he’d ever heard.
“You know, I think you ran out of words,” he said, earning another small smile. “You certainly used up a lot on me today with all the constructive feedback. Which I appreciated very much.”
“You think?”
“Mm hmm. Happens to guys all the time. We have less words per day than women. I know this for a fact, saw it on TV once.”
Ali darted the tip of her tongue across her lips, eyes flitting between him and the world outside. Like anything was happening out there. “I don’t have a penis. In case you hadn’t noticed.”
“I had. I’m very grateful, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Actually, I had.”
He nodded, shuffled a little closer. Close enough so he could see the goose pimples on the side of her neck rise when she felt his breath there. And she still didn’t move away. “Thought you might have.”
Outside, the sun sank, slowly turning the world to gold, then gray, then black. A solid black these days, being minus electricity. The kind of darkness you only used to get out in the middle of nowhere.
The first star twinkled hopefully through the slice of life the curtains afforded.
“Make a wish,” he said.
“Okay.”
Daniel dragged over his backpack and cracked a can of soup. She had to be hungry by now, no matter how taken she was by the scenery. He fished out a clean spoon and filled it up with the cold and gelatinous but nutritional goop. With all due ceremony, he held it in front of her pretty pink mouth.
“Time to eat. Open,” he said and she did, making him feel all sorts of good. Purring in her ear and rubbing up against her wasn’t out of the question. Though he doubted she’d appreciate it. He alternated spoonfuls, one for her, one for him. It satisfied some primal caveman thing in him to feed her.
He wanted to do all sorts of things for her but, for now, he was stuck with what she would allow. The whole quiet, meditative state seeped into him and everything was good and mellow. He could roll with this.
His girl sat, frowning out at the horizon. Little lines sat between her brows and her concentration was absolute. It seemed like she was daring herself not to blink or turn away. Forcing herself to face up to the world. During the day there had been distractions, but not so now. She struggled but didn’t back down. The least he could do was to be there for her.
When her hand strayed back to rest on his knee he stayed perfectly still and just let her. He doubted she knew she had reached out to him. That she touched him. His dick more than realized, the hair-trigger her presence inspired kicking in.
He thought about cold water. Ice-cold water. It almost worked.
Soup gave way to bottled water. Then he cracked open a bottle of fifteen-year-old scotch he had been saving up for just such an occasion. A celebration of being alive, drawing breath, being together. A celebration of her hand on his knee. “Drink.”
She put her lips to the bottle, and he tipped, sending the very fine amber liquor straight down her throat.
Big mistake.
Ali sputtered and grabbed at the bottle, shoving it away before covering her mouth with a hasty hand.
“Damn it, sorry. I didn’t think.” Daniel set the precious bottle aside and rose up on his knees, pried her hands from her face. Hard to see much in the darkness, but her eyes were glossy. She choked and laughed in equal amounts. At least he’d made her laugh. “I should have warned you it wasn’t water.”
“Holy shit, Dan. It sure wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry, I was trying not to ruin your Zen silence overcoming fear thing. I thought we could have a drink, you know?” He settled back on his haunches, carefully wiped away the shining trail of tears on her cheeks. Second day in a row he had made her cry. At least this time it was due to well-aged scotch firing up her throat and not a panic attack. Or he hoped it wasn’t a panic attack. Fuck it, the thought made him panic. “You’re okay right? You’d tell me if you weren’t? I mean, I know you’re spooked, but you’re not too bad, are you?”
“I’m fine. Be calm.” There was a smirk in her voice. He could taste it.
A low chuckle escaped her and her hands patted down her t-shirt, most likely an attempt to brush off the spilled scotch. He did his best not to get distracted by the lure of her jiggling tits.
He was so easy for her, so head over heels it was ridiculous.
“Be calm,” he growled. “Don’t quote me to me, missy.”
“I’m fine, Dan.” She smiled, the white of her teeth cueing him in to the fact in the dim light. “You don’t have to worry about me. I can keep myself together, despite earlier demonstrations to the contrary.”
“I know. You’re strong. Self-sufficient. I get that,” he murmured, and she looked back to him. She was close enough to kiss, and he wanted her mouth.
“Dan…”
“Hmm?” His gaze lingered on her lips, waiting.
After an eon, he had to admit to himself, it wasn’t happening here and now. Okay. Alright. Still, there had been ground gained today. He could feel it.
“Dark enough now we can climb up onto the roof if you’re game,” he challenged, pushing to his feet. “Nothing to fear, remember? I’ll grab the bedroll.”
CHAPTER NINE
Her hands finally stopped shaking.
Ali watched as Daniel strode through the house. He was all easy grace with his long legs eating up the hallway until the shadow of him disappeared into a room.
So dark, she couldn’t see for shit, but wow, could she feel. What she felt was jumbled. Complicated. It trumped the fear hands down.
She was so tired of being afraid, tired of living the rabbit. But the rabbit had kept her alive.
There was no sight of him in the dark hallway.
Daniel was gone. She missed him. Missed the press of his arm against hers. Missed the warmth of him at her back, despite the stifling heat. Not a panic thing but more of an ache, a yearning. The man couldn’t go down a hallway without her getting clingy.
She usually didn’t glom, no matter what certain asshole exes might have inferred for their own nefarious purposes.
Something had to be done.
She had been working herself up to taking some constructive steps in his direction, yet here she sat. Stalled, frustrated, and thinking about sex. Dwelling on sex since the “holy shit” of being far away from her hidey-hole had eased within her. It had eased because of him.
A moment later Daniel hauled the rolled-up swag out from one of the bedrooms, hustled it down the hall toward her. When he spoke his voice was lowered. “Open the sliding door, please. All the way. Remember, we need to be nice and quiet.”
She jumped to her feet, pulled the door open as ordered. Her dinner curdled. “Daniel, I don’t know…”
“Shhh, it’s okay. You can do this. I’m a true believer,” he said, pushing as was his wont. “Besides, we’ll be safer up there. Safe is good, right?”
“Yes, safe is good.” Ali studied his face to see if there was some dig in it but he smiled back, serene. Maybe a touch arrogant, but hey, that was him. “Alright.”
The roof didn’t extend far over the balcony. Daniel positioned a chair below the roof edge, put a foot up on it and tested it with his weight. Once satisfied, he motioned to her with a finger. “Slow and careful, got it?”
“Got it.”
His big hands settled on her hips, and she stepped up onto the chair, stretched her
arms up, hands reaching, and—fuck-oh-my! She gasped and strangled a girly shriek as he lifted her high.
The roof was big and lined with a low rim of bricks. Ali scampered up and over, coming close to landing face-first. Her hands fumbled in the darkness before touching down on the gritty surface. Concrete, heated all day by the sun, warmed her palms.
The world was large up there, huge. Large and huge and open. On the other hand, she was very small and insecure. But he was right about being safe. No infected could manage a two-story climb any time soon. Knowledge that had sent her up into the safety of the attic from the start.
“Babe. You okay?”
“Yes.” Ali righted herself, hurried back to the edge and peered down into his face. His presence pepped her up immediately, bolstered her failing reserves. His unwavering smile. Her hands could shake all they liked. “No. Shit. Pass me the bedroll,” she said.
A quiet chuckle drifted up from below. “Repeat after me, there is nothing to fear but fear itself.”
“Shut up and gimme the swag.”
First he passed up the pack, then the bedroll. He eased it up with a hand to the bottom, taking most of the weight. “Move back.”
She did as told.
Big hands gripped the brickwork as he hauled himself up, muscles flexing and the sleeves of his t-shirt stretching. What a shame she only had moonlight to see him by. He was a whole display of delicious, packed full of win.
Shows of strength and daring had never really gotten to her previously. Not like this. Daniel made her stomach drop and swoop. He made her feel like she defied gravity. Every carnival ride she’d ever taken rolled up into one. She kept expecting the ground to give way beneath her feet, for his attention to wander and waver. But it didn’t happen.
At the end of the day, she couldn’t hope to live up to the hype. The truth of it stung. No, it throbbed like an old wound in damp weather.
The man in question put his feet on firm ground and started dealing with the bedding, spreading out the swag in the center of the space. He kept quiet, smiled at her once and watched her discreetly, which she shouldn’t have savored but did. Stupidly, his smile made her feel safe. Wanted. Those sidelong glances were potent things.
He didn’t say a word, however, and she could have done with a word or two from him right then. Next to him, the rustle of the breeze through trees and the chorus from the insects deafened. There were a lot of bugs carrying on, summoning up sex partners. She wondered if Daniel was thinking about sex—if he expected a suitable demonstration of her gratitude for dragging her reluctant butt back out into the world.
Maybe he thought of stripping himself out of the jeans and t-shirt and curling himself around her, the same as the night before, pressing every inch of his hot skin against her while setting her on fire. She had woken up aching that morning, and the feeling had yet to abate.
Was he really thinking about sex? Doubtful.
She couldn’t see a leer on his face. No knowing smile, either. She had, however, managed to rile herself up. Damn nipples. Time to think other thoughts.
A mass of stars twinkled above their heads. Looking up made space seem much, much greater. She didn’t do it twice. There were no lights on the horizon. No signs of life. The vast and silent land stood empty before her.
She focused back on Daniel before the agoraphobia could grab her by the throat and squeeze.
Dan squatted down with his back to her and fussed at his pack a minute. When he turned, a toothbrush stuck out of the side of his mouth. He held out its mate to her. A neat line of paste sat atop the bristles, brilliantly white in the darkness. He took such good care of her.
They brushed in silence. The spit, rinse, spit was soon done and the brushes returned to the pack. She wondered what came next. Not talking, apparently. He was probably tired. She must have worn him out.
Daniel sat on the swag and yanked off his boots and socks. Then he leant back, putting his hands behind his head, stretching out his big body. He was beautiful, inside and out, picture perfect masculine beauty. His patience hadn’t gone unnoticed while she had taken her sweet time coming to grips with things. Everything inside her was raw and exposed up on the roof. Lust had long since gone to war against logic.
They had known each other what? Thirty hours. At most. She didn’t dare touch him, not even a toe or the cuff of his jeans. Ali kept her fingers curled tight, out of temptation’s way. There was so much tension in the air, such electricity. She would get zapped. Maybe he was immune to it. How disheartening. It was not particularly surprising, but truly disheartening.
Not knowing how he felt drove her nuts. Normally so damn chatty, now he chose to shut up? She couldn’t stand it. The tension inside her twisted and turned, making sitting still impossible. It wouldn’t do.
“Say something,” she blurted out.
“Huh? What’s wrong?” Daniel bolted upright. “What do you want me to say?”
“Shit.” Ali crouched down at the end of the bedding. What a spectacular mess. “Never mind. God, I’m such a head case.”
The man made a noise somewhere between disbelief and grand impatience. “Light of my life, come here, talk to me. What the hell have you been telling yourself for the past two hours, huh?”
She waved off the beckoning hand, settled her butt back onto her heels. Her own stupidity knocked her on her ass. “I’m sorry. Really, it doesn’t matter.”
The hand fell and tucked back behind his head. “If it didn’t matter we wouldn’t be having this deeply confusing conversation. Now, tell me what I’m supposed to say.”
She didn’t answer but felt the words like a tangled, festering knot inside her. Hanging her insecurities out to air would not help.
“I like you cranky,” he said. “I like you cuddly.”
“Are you trying to be Dr. Seuss?”
“Only if you find his works sexually arousing.”
She snorted. “No. Not really.”
“Probably for the best.” His hand beckoned once more. “Come on, babe. Come lie down. You’re safe with me.”
“I’m safe with you?” she scoffed. Ali climbed over to him and the mattress on hands and knees. Sick of not being able to see him properly, not being able to read him. He pushed all her buttons with ease and was pleased by the response, if his smile was anything to go by.
“Are you serious? You’re the least safe person I’ve ever met,” she accused. “The very least.”
“How so?”
“Oh, come on! You’re always pushing for more. You scare the crap out of me.”
“Everything scares the crap out of you. You face it down anyway. Try to run away afterward, sometimes, but still … You get what I mean.” He peered up at her. “Besides, you don’t look scared to me.”
“It’s dark. You can’t see a thing.”
“Babe,” he whispered, so low and gentle it hurt something inside her. She hadn’t done anything to deserve such care from him. She had been a prickly pain at each and every turn, walls up, guard on high alert. It made her feel like a fraud when he put himself out there. He was fearless. “Ali, I see you just fine.”
His face was all shadows. But his voice was clear as day.
All the reassurances a girl could ask for. There had to be a catch. But what if there wasn’t? What if everything he said was exactly how things could be and she was too rabbit-hearted to reach out and grab him?
“Relax. Come and lie down. You can fight with me again tomorrow. I promise.” He closed his eyes, yawned, and made a show of settling in for the night. Sleep sounded really good. She wanted to lie down beside him, rest her head on his shoulder and cut the shit for a while. To relax. Be calm. Get her head on straight and shore up her reserves for tomorrow.
Maybe the plan would be easier to deal with in the morning.
“I’m tired of fighting,” she admitted in a very little voice. It leant toward the pathetic.
“Me too.”
“Dan?”
“Hmm?”<
br />
“I’m sorry I’m such a pain in the ass.”
“Me too.” His hand shot out to catch her wrist before she could connect. How he did it with his eyes closed, she didn’t know. Perhaps it was time to face the humbling truth: she was that predictable. “Sorry. Thank you for the apology. Can we sleep now?”
She hesitated and he tugged at her wrist until she lay on the mattress beside him. He softly laughed at her. It did bad things to the parts she tried to shelve. If only she could will her pussy and hormones and the whole shebang out of existence. How simple would life be then?
“Sleep, babe.”
She made quick work of her boots and socks. The cool night air on her bare feet felt shivery, wondrous, and she scrunched and stretched her toes in appreciation. The little things in life made it bearable. Daniel wasn’t little. He took up a lot of room. Life, however, wouldn’t be easier minus her girl parts, which couldn’t get enough of him and his teasing. There would still be scary shit lurking around each and every corner.
Daniel shifted beside her. “Stop it. Go to sleep.”
“I can’t.”
He groaned. “Can too.”
“Not.”
“Ali. Stop. Sleep.” The sleeping bag shushed as he tossed and turned. Maybe she should ponder the stars without freaking out. It had to have been years since she had slept out of doors. On the bed of a boyfriend’s pick-up after a bonfire out in the bush—early twenties. Wow. Good times. Great sex. Then he’d moved away for work and that was that.
He was probably dead now. She swallowed.
Daniel executed another toss, turn and roll. He finally settled on his side, facing her, an arm arranged over her chest and one humungous leg thrown across the both of hers. Like he was pinning her down against a possible escape attempt.
He looked half asleep, totally relaxed. His limbs had definite weight. She should have minded, but didn’t. It felt sweet and honest and caught her off guard. His fingers twitched and he snuffled. It was endearing.
And she had to face it, liking him was unexpected, but real.
His breathing was slow and regular, and the stars kept twinkling overhead. She dared herself to keep watching them. Made herself. None were falling.