“Poor you.”
“Well, hell, woman. Why am I even explaining things to you? What I did before we were married has nothing to do with you, and I don’t need to apologize.”
No, men never needed to apologize. Had she gotten an apology from Sydney when he hustled out of town like the devil was at his back, without a backward glance? No. Had Fred left her a ‘sorry I’m making a fool out of you, but I fell madly in love with Miss Bolling’ note before he ran off? Of course not.
Her anger rising with each second, she grabbed a pillow from the bed, dragged off a blanket and rolled them up. “I will sleep on the floor in the main room. You can stay here and dream of all the wonderful women who have rested their charming bodies here.”
“Aw, Lily. Come on, don’t be like this. The floor is hard and cold.” He held his hand out. “Come here, darlin’. Please?”
“Go to hell, Caleb Fraser.” She slammed the bedroom door.
“No cussing,” he shouted.
The man was turning her into a shrew. She’d never cussed in her life, and was always known as that ‘sweet librarian, Lily Parker.’ That was before she became known as that ‘poor, unfortunate, rejected, sweet, librarian, Lily Parker.’ Now she’d become a harridan in less than a few weeks which they could also tack onto her description.
She stomped around the room, knowing it would be hours before her anger ebbed enough for her to sleep. Of course what he’d done before their wedding really didn’t matter. But she had no reason to believe he would change his ways now that she had his—given to him by his mother—ring on her finger. Once a skirt chaser, always a skirt chaser.
After taking several deep breaths, she went to the kitchen, threw a few small pieces of wood in the stove, and put on water for tea. Crossing her arms under her breasts, she leaned against the table and stared out the window at the darkness.
What was she even doing here? She should have insisted on staying in the main house, under the supervision of Mrs. Fraser and passed on this whole marriage scheme. Once the bypass opened up, she could have returned to town.
To what? She had very little money, and knew no one. At this point she would have welcomed a job in the saloon to earn enough money to get as far away from the man in the other room as she could.
Then she thought of Desiree with her skimpy dress and made up face. Most likely the girls in the saloon did more than sway their hips and serve drinks. Perhaps not for pay, but surely for fun and games. No, that didn’t suit her.
What suited was what had eluded her for years. A man who loved her above all else, who provided a roof over her head that she turned into a warm, comfortable home for her, and future children. She wanted to be a wife and mother. Unlike the other girls, she could cook, clean, and run a home. She knew how to grow a vegetable garden, and can the resulting harvest.
With enough time—not having to work every day at a job—she could sew her own clothes and those for her family. As silly as it sounded, what she wanted most was to embroider silly love sayings on pillows to scatter around the house.
She closed her eyes and imagined such a life. Feeling wanted and needed, and above all else, loved. Was that so much to ask? She pictured herself wiping little mouths and kissing baby soft hair. Of seeing a look in her husband’s eyes that told her he was happy to be married to her, happy to come home to the loving home she’d made for them.
Hissing water on the stove splashing from the boiling pot caught her attention. Her dream life faded as she came back to herself. She added tea to a mug and holding the pot with a dish cloth, poured the water.
She sat at the table and stared at the tea. Given the fact that this whole marriage thing was not Caleb’s idea, she should be a bit more understanding. Perhaps she had been a bit too concerned with how this all had affected her, and forgot he was as involved in Mrs. Fraser’s scheme as she was.
She stirred her tea. And quite vocal about how unhappy he was.
Caleb winced at the sounds of Lily outside the bedroom door. It sounded as though she’d worked off some of her anger by stomping around the main room. Then water pumping and the sound of the wood cook stove door opening and slamming told him she was cooking something.
He turned out the oil lamp, eased his still sore body down, and stared at the darkness. Never in his entire adult life had he made a woman cry. Until he got married. Never in his adult life had he been unable to tease and charm a smile from a woman. Until he got married. And never in his adult life had he gone so long without the comfort of a woman’s body. Until he got married.
It appeared all his well-honed skills were not working with his wife. She was so damn touchy, and so sure he would continue with his philandering ways. Didn’t she know he took his marriage vows seriously? Didn’t she know he hadn’t done anything against those vows since they day he said ‘I do?’
How would she know, stupid? You’ve been focusing all your efforts on getting her into bed. Why not try to show her you won’t continue to be the wild womanizer she believes you are?
Now that he was stuck married, he might as well make a go of it. Lily was competent in many areas. She could make a wonderful wife if he would let her. Meet her half way. Praise her efforts, tell her how much he appreciated what she did.
He groaned when he realized he was going to have to get out of bed and fetch her from the kitchen. Waiting until morning to begin his campaign to win her over was cowardly. If he left her to fester in her anger, it would make it all the harder to straighten his life out. For better or worse—he snorted—he had to make things right.
“Is there any more of that pain tea left?”
She jumped at the sound of his voice, obviously in deep thought. Most likely on how to kill him and hide the body. She turned, and despite trying to hide it, he saw the surprise on her face. “Yes. Are you in pain?”
Damn. He sure was, but he didn’t think telling her the type of pain, and its location, was a good idea.
“Yes. A bit.”
Lily pulled a mug from the shelf above the sink and a small sack alongside it. He eased into the chair while he watched her spoon out the bit of the tea, then pour the water over it. Once she was satisfied with the brew, she slid the cup across the table.
“Is there any more of that pie?”
Damn, if she didn’t cast him a slight smile. “Two slices at supper weren’t enough?”
“I never tasted better dried apple pie in my life. Your pie even beat Mama’s out, and she won a ribbon at the county fair last year.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to say that. I’ll still get you a slice.”
Caleb took her hand in his. “I mean it. You are a wonderful cook, and I truly appreciate it.”
For a second there, she looked as if she were about to scoff, then stopped, and stood. “Thank you.”
He breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her cut the pie and place it in front of him. He took the fork she handed him and dug in. “You not having any?”
“No. I’m still full from dinner. To be honest, I don’t know where you put all the food you eat. You should weigh three hundred pounds.”
Once he took the last bite, he pushed the plate away. “Lily.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, fumbling for the right words. “Damn—sorry—I don’t know where to start.”
She placed her hands in her lap and regarded him with leery eyes.
“I think we should start over.” When she didn’t respond, he continued. “We got off to a bad start. I’m not saying it was your fault, but I don’t think it’s all my fault, either. We both kinda got into something that wasn’t what we were expecting.”
After a moment, she nodded. “I agree. I certainly hadn’t expected when I arrived here to learn I was about to marry a man who had no desire, or intention, to have a wife. A surprise bride, in other words.”
“And for that I’m very sorry.”
Her lips quivered. “Thank you.”
Lord, she had tears in her eyes. Why cou
ldn’t women have a normal conversation without getting all emotional? He took a deep breath to calm himself. So far things were going well, no need to ruin it all now by commenting on her tears. All he wanted to do was fix this. Make things right so he could quit second guessing everything he said.
Damn, women were wonderful, but damn hard to live with.
“I need to go into town tomorrow for supplies. I’m unable to drive a wagon, but I think I can sit. Will you drive me?”
“You want me to drive you? What about one of the men?”
He reached out and took her hand from her lap. “They’re all busy, but aside from that, I want you to go with me.” He drew small circles on the inside of her wrist. Then remembering he was not trying to seduce her, but to make things right, he stopped.
Some habits were hard to break.
She lifted her chin. “Will I spend all my time chasing women away from you?”
“No.” He shook his head firmly. “I won’t stop to speak to any person who is wearing a skirt. I promise.”
“Goodness, you make me feel like a shrew.”
“No, honey, I want you to understand I’m done with all that. I’m married now, and even though it was a surprise, I’m willing to do what it takes to make it work.”
She drew back. “Really?”
He hated the skeptical look on her face, but he guessed it was well deserved. He certainly hadn’t discouraged any of the women who had stopped by the last couple of days. In fact, he had rather enjoyed the fuss. Now he realized it was at the expense of his wife’s feelings.
No more.
He downed the last of the tea, then stood and held his hand out. “Please sleep in the bed tonight. I really don’t like the idea of you curled up on the floor.”
“Oh, I don’t know . . .”
“Just sleep. You have my word.” No point in trying his tricks of sad looks and other maneuverings. He wanted honesty with this woman, or his life would be hell for the coming years.
“All right.” She waved her finger in his face. “But no tricks.”
They walked together to the bedroom where he slipped his pants and shirt off, leaving just his drawers on.
After a few minutes of hesitation, Lily walked behind the dressing screen where after a bit of rustling, she emerged in her nightgown. One look at her bare toes poking out from under the hem had him harder than if she’d been buck naked.
Slow down, boy. Remember your plan. Take it easy.
Lily climbed on the bed, took out her hairpins and braided the mess of hair. He fingered the curls as she worked, and the intimacy of the act almost drove him crazy. He closed his eyes, but the visions he brought forth were worse than what he could see.
It stunned him to realize with all the women he’d bedded over the years, he’d never seen one in a nightgown, or with braided, bedtime hair. He’d viewed plenty of naked bodies, but nothing as soft or welcoming as Lily looked right now. Like a wife. A sweet, virginal, his-for-the-taking—some other time of course—wife.
“Come here, honey, let me hold you. Just hold you in my arms. Nothing else, I promise.”
She chewed her bottom lip, but after careful consideration, tossed her thick braid behind her and slid over. At first she lay stiff, her heart pounding against his side. Then as he ran his fingertips over her neck and back, caressing her soft, silky skin, she relaxed. Her heartbeat slowed, and he could feel her warmth and softness pressed against his body.
He kissed the top of her head. “This is nice. Just being here together like this is real nice.” Wrapping his arms around her, he tugged her closer, settling her head more comfortably on his chest, thinking this felt right. Things would get better, he was sure of it. Except his chest was getting wet.
Lord above, she was crying again.
Chapter Eleven
Lily settled into the wagon and pulled on her heavy gloves as Caleb climbed in alongside her. Despite the disaster of the last trip into town, she was excited about making this journey. Feeling a bit restless due to cabin fever, it would be nice to see other people.
With her and Caleb having their differences, she’d been reluctant to visit with the ladies at the main house, lest someone begin questioning her. She was sure the other marriages were working out just fine, and she didn’t want to have to share her failure with the others.
She took in a deep breath of the clear mountain air. This morning the sun was shining, a lot of the snow had melted, and Caleb had been quite pleasant since they’d awoken. She’d found herself wrapped around him when the first rays of sunlight appeared through the bedroom window, sprawled over him like a harlot. However, for some reason she didn’t feel like a harlot, more like a wife who was awakening to a new day in the arms of her husband. It had felt good.
Just like last night when he held her in his arms, with no expectations. Her heart had melted at his gesture and she couldn’t help the tears that had dripped from her eyes. She’d been unhappy for so long, it was wonderful to have the comfort of someone’s arms around her. Strong arms that made her feel protected and cherished. Yes, this new day brought her hope.
Since Caleb seemed to be making an attempt, she would give this her best effort and strive not to turn into someone she thoroughly disliked if he so much as glanced at another woman. Although she’d yet to feel she could trust him, it was obvious he was trying to make peace between them.
Before they’d dressed, she’d checked his bandage, and the gash was almost healed. He had said his ribs were merely tender, no longer painful. But the nicest part was how he smiled and thanked her for looking after him.
“You ready, darlin’?” Caleb tucked the plaid wool blanket around the two of them and gave her a warm smile.
Yes, having Caleb in a pleasant mood was very pleasant, indeed.
He spent the entire drive into town answering her questions and pointing out various spots where he and his brothers had played as boys. There were ponds, hills they’d hiked, trees they’d climbed, and enough information for her to know that the Fraser men had a great childhood. Similar to hers, in fact, before her parents died and left her with the care of her younger sister.
Caleb waved to a copse of Aspen trees. “If it was spring or summer, I’d take you on a picnic. There are many places where we could spread out a blanket and enjoy the sunshine, and some of your wonderful fried chicken.”
Oh, if only things could stay like this. If she could trust him. She glanced sideways as he continued to talk, and admired his strong jaw, bright smile, and hair that continuously fell over his forehead. A slight fluttering began in her stomach and moved to her lower parts.
One day soon she would have to allow Caleb his husbandly rights. Based on her body’s eager responses when she’d allowed him some liberties, it was something she looked forward to. However, the fear of discovery of her past indiscretion still caused her to break out in a sweat.
Angel Springs was bustling when she guided their wagon onto the main street. Excitement filled her at the activity. How she’d missed being in town. Her small house had been at the edge of North Grove, so it had been a short walk to the library. The years she’d spent going back and forth as she greeted the store owners and shoppers each day had been pleasant.
Until Fred had run off and left her to face the town and the humiliation that followed. She shivered, remembering the sly looks and conversations that ended when she walked by. The stares, the pitying glances.
“Are you cold, darlin’?”
“Just a bit, perhaps.”
Cold, no. Disturbed by memories? Yes.
“On the left side on the next street is the livery where we can leave the wagon while we get our supplies. The mercantile is a short walk from there. Patience Farmer always has a pot of coffee going on the stove. I’m sure she can rustle up some tea for you to warm up.”
By the time they pulled into the livery, Lily was more than happy to hand the reins over to the man Caleb introduced as Zack Turner, who owned the business.
Her arms ached from unused muscles and sitting stiffly to guide the animals.
Despite his injury, Caleb climbed down, then grasped her around her waist and swung her to the floor. The slight paling of his lips told her that had caused him some pain.
“You didn’t have to do that, I could have climbed down.”
Caleb took her arm in his. “Not at all, darlin’. I hope I’m never so feeble that I can’t lift my wife from a wagon.” He winked and she was both surprised and pleased to feel her blush at his attentions. It was almost as if they were courting!
She pulled the brim of her bonnet lower when they left the livery. The sun shone brightly, the rays bouncing off the snow still tucked into corners along the street.
“Caleb!”
They both turned to see a woman hurrying down the boardwalk, the ribbons on her bonnet streaming behind her as she hastened toward them. Lily’s stomach clenched, and she took deep breaths, reminding herself she was not going to let this bother her.
She was a tall woman, almost reaching Caleb’s height. The label ‘pretty’ would not be attached to her, but her face became quite pleasant when she smiled. Caleb pulled Lily closer and smiled at the woman. “Margaret.” He turned toward Lily. “Have you met my wife, Lily?”
Margaret’s face fell. “Your wife? When did you get married?”
“Almost a month ago now. I thought the entire town knew about it.”
“I’ve been away, visiting my grandfather in Kansas.” She looked Lily up and down, and obviously found her wanting.
Caleb’s lips tightened. “I’m sure you and the other ladies in town will do whatever you can to make my wife feel welcomed.”
Lily sucked in a deep breath and had to work to keep the bright smile from her face at his words. Margaret stiffened her shoulders and nodded. “Yes, of course. It was very nice to meet you, Mrs. Fraser.”
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