by Becky Harmon
She made a quick stop at Jared’s desk before heading out. He was still trying to track the license plate and didn’t have any news for her. She asked him to call if something came through, then climbed into her truck and made the drive back to her house. She waved to Agnes, sitting on the front porch but didn’t have the energy to stop and talk. She only wanted to fall into bed, but her clothes were ready to stand on their own and she knew she had to shower. With her eyes already closed, she went through the motions of washing her hair and body before falling onto her bed naked.
Chapter Twelve
Jemini’s head ached and her eyes were scratchy. She was relieved that the tears had finally ran out by daybreak. Knowing now that Steph had gotten to live with the love and acceptance that she had longed for hurt far deeper than she could put into words.
She lay in bed long after she had awakened from her couple-hour nap, struggling to make sense of the story her mother had told her. Unfortunately she had already married Jemini’s father when she came to terms with her desire to be with another woman. Though she held on for Jemini’s sake, she knew she would have to leave eventually. She never cheated on Jake and it helped that he was away so much of the time. She had been on the verge of breaking the news to him when he was killed. Taking care of Jemini on her waitress salary would have been a struggle and she was relieved when Dorothy offered to let them stay with her permanently.
Everything had been wonderful until Jemini’s mother revealed her deepest secret to the woman she had thought of as a second mother. Dorothy’s reaction had been shocking and disapproving, leaving her no choice but to take her daughter and run. Tears threatened Jemini’s eyes again and she wiped them with the sheet covering her before pushing it away. Today she would quickly finish looking at the items Dorothy had left behind, and then tomorrow she would return home, leaving this nightmare in the past forever. She brushed away the lingering thoughts of Steph and their shared kiss. No matter what she longed for, she knew she couldn’t spend time with Steph without thinking of how Steph had gained the grandmother she had lost. The grandmother Jemini had ached to return to but didn’t, believing she would face the same harsh condemnation her mother had lived with until her dying day.
After showering and trying to pull herself together, she finally left the cabin. Her thoughts were focused on completing her agenda in Riverview and returning home. She didn’t notice Kathleen heading up the walk toward her until she spoke.
“Good morning, Jemini.”
She stopped at the door of her car and turned. “Good morning.” She glanced at her watch. She wasn’t trying to be rude, but she did want Kathleen to realize she had somewhere to be.
“Do you have time for a walk?”
She wanted to say no. Really badly, she wanted to say no. Her emotions were frayed, and she knew Kathleen would pull at the loose strings. She also feared Kathleen’s gentle approach would unravel her further.
“Sure,” she said, surprising herself at her willingness to subject her fragile emotional state to Kathleen’s intuitiveness. The truth was she needed Kathleen’s logical mind and words to help make sense of everything she was feeling. She easily fell into step with Kathleen as they headed for the path along the lake.
Kathleen reached down to pet two dogs as they approached at a run. They were both black with curly fur and a white spot on their chests. “Meet Zoey and Pandy,” she said to Jemini.
Jemini offered her hand to both girls before giving them each a pet. They stood patiently until the petting stopped and then they ran ahead, splashing at the edge of the lake. “I’d noticed them hanging nearby at the cookout last night. They’re your dogs?”
“Yes, Cassie got them both as puppies, but they’ve happily welcomed me into the family.”
“Dogs are great like that. I’ve often thought about getting a pet, but my hours at work are long. It wouldn’t be fair to anything but maybe a goldfish.”
Kathleen chuckled. “No, I guess they don’t look for human companionship very often.”
Jemini looked around the lake as they reached the back side of it. Unlike on previous days the beach was empty and quiet. The water looked cool and inviting, barely stirred by the fountain in the middle. She wondered what it would be like to live here or at least nearby.
“You seemed upset when we dropped you off last night,” Kathleen stated.
Jemini braced herself. She could feel the unraveling begin. She knew Kathleen’s eyes were on her, but she was relieved when she didn’t push further. Kathleen hadn’t lived in Riverview for her whole life like Steph or even for years like Cassie, but Kathleen could still have insight that she herself couldn’t see.
“Did you tell me that you had met Dorothy?”
“I did. She was working on the Riverview Christmas decorations committee last year and came to the resort looking for donations.”
“Was she nice? To you, I mean. Everyone knows you and Cassie are a couple, right?”
“She was nice. Of course, she was hoping we’d give her money. Is there something specific you’re looking for? Cassie might be able to help you, but Steph would be the best source of information.”
“I’ve thought of that, but it’s not really something I can talk to Steph about.” She wanted to, though. She wanted to understand why Dorothy had changed her mind. To understand why she had to live her life alone. She chose her words carefully. “I discovered something unsettling last night.”
“Something about Dorothy?”
“Kind of.” She took a deep breath. “Dorothy kicked my mother out for being a lesbian.”
“Wow,” Kathleen said, surprise showing on her face. “Does Steph know that?”
“I don’t really know what Steph knows, because we haven’t talked about it.”
“So, last night’s discovery was finding out that Dorothy knew about Steph being a lesbian?”
“Yes. I needed—still need—time to process all that.”
“I certainly understand that, but I’m here if you want help.”
Jemini nodded. If she was to have this conversation with anyone it should be with Steph. Kathleen could help her categorize her thoughts, but she didn’t have the answers. “I should probably go.”
“Okay. Maybe we can talk in the morning?”
She gave Kathleen a wave as she climbed into her car. She did enjoy her walks and talks with her. Her job kept her from having friends or even the time to hang out with friends. She could see herself spending time with Cassie and Kathleen. Unfortunately, Steph’s face kept appearing in the picture too. She had enjoyed their time together so much last night. It was hard for her to imagine going back to Chattanooga to be alone. Today she couldn’t even find any enthusiasm for her job, which had been the one thing that had sustained her through the years.
Dorothy’s house was quiet when she arrived. She could see Steph’s truck parked beside her house, but she resisted the urge to knock on her door, focusing again on her agenda to clear things up and get home. She unlocked the door and was preparing to go in when she heard the sound of a vehicle approaching.
Richard Greene stepped out of his car with his briefcase and began talking before he made it to the porch.
“Ms. Rivers, are you ready to sign the paperwork today? The developer is pushing for a fast closing and would like to reach an agreement.” He stepped up on the porch beside her. “I have the paperwork all ready.”
“I’m not ready to sign yet,” she said, more harshly than she intended. She dropped her head, shocked by her own words. Why wasn’t she ready to sign? She had decided to finish up quickly and return home; selling the house would be the quickest option. She looked up again to see Brandon standing at the corner of the house, and she shook her head at Richard. “No. I’ll call you on Monday and we can talk about the options. I’m not going to be rushed into anything.”
Richard, to her surprise, returned to his car without another word.
She sat down on the steps and watched Brandon. He
hung at the edge of the house, kicking dirt with the toe of his shoe.
“Do you want to sit, Brandon?”
He walked toward her, scuffing his feet.
“Did you hear what Richard said?”
He nodded, sitting down beside her. “Who is the developer? And why does he want to buy our house?”
She smiled. She wanted to put her arm around him and pull him close, telling him everything would be okay. How could she tell him that, though? She was going to sell his house.
The idea hit her fast and hard. As a partner in one of Chattanooga’s top law firms, she was set financially. Money was not an issue. So, why sell the house? She could just give it away. Give it to Steph. Placing her arm around Brandon, she gave him a squeeze.
“A developer is someone who buys land and then builds something on it.”
“But our house is already here.”
“That’s right, and I’m not going to sell it to him. In fact, I might not sell it at all.”
He looked up at her. “Would you live here with us?”
She smiled. “No, but someone else will probably move in. Would that be okay with you?”
“Maybe another kid like me.”
“Ms. Agnes would probably rather have someone closer to her age, but maybe she would have grandkids.”
“Ms. Dorothy was a grandmother, but no kids ever visited her. She said I was her favorite kid. She made me cookies and always had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Band-Aids.”
“No Barbie or princess stuff for you, eh?”
“No way. Ms. Dorothy said I was the man of the house and I should stick to reptiles over princesses.” He scuffed his shoe on the step. “I don’t like snakes though.”
“I never liked them either, but turtles and lizards are cool.”
His eyes grew large. “You like lizards?”
“Well, I did when I was your age. I would capture one and play with it all day until my grandmother would make me set it free.”
“Wow,” Brandon said, clearly impressed with this knowledge. “If you lived here, I could bring you a lizard every day.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Let’s not get crazy.”
He stood. “I’m going to see if I can find one now. I hope you like the green ones. They’re the easiest to find.”
“Brandon, please no,” Jemini called to his disappearing back.
She stood with a glance in the direction Brandon disappeared. She hoped he wouldn’t be able to find any lizards today. She stopped inside the door and let her eyes adjust to the dim lighting. The box she had removed from the closet two days ago still sat on the chair where she left it. She flipped on a nearby lamp and sat down on the floor, pulling the box down with her. Opening the lid, she was surprised to see it full of letters instead of pictures. She pulled out the top one and saw it was addressed to her with “return to sender” clearly marked over the address. She rapidly sorted through the rest of the box. Each letter carried a different postmark with dates spanning over the last eighteen years. There were cards and letters, all with her name on them and her mother’s block handwriting marking them “return to sender.”
She played with the most recent letter, tossing it back and forth between her hands. It wasn’t worn or faded like some of the others in the box, though it had a fold on one corner. Like the page of a paperback novel, that someone intended to return to. She slid her thumb under the corner of the flap and pried it open, letting the folded page fall out.
Even though the letter was addressed to her, she felt like she was reading someone else’s diary. Each time she reached the bottom of the page, her eyes returned to the beginning again as the words began to sink into her soul. Dorothy’s remorse at the continued absence of Jemini in her life immediately brought tears to her eyes. After reading several letters, she skipped to the oldest in the box. Dorothy started with apologies for not trying to stop Jemini’s mother from leaving and for letting time pass before attempting to contact them. The letters referenced others written to Jemini’s mother although she didn’t see them in the box and a quick check of the closet produced no additional boxes. She wondered if maybe her mother had kept the letters Dorothy wrote to her instead of returning them as she had done with the ones addressed to Jemini.
As the sun faded, the shadows crept across the floor toward her, but she didn’t move. She opened letter after letter, reading the words she had longed to hear from her grandmother. Words filled with unconditional love and acceptance for her mother and for the woman Jemini had become. When she finally read the last one, she closed the lid on the box and hugged her legs to her body. Resting her head on her knees, she cried. Deep sobs racked her body as she thought about all the years Dorothy had invited her to visit. Her grandmother had lived with the guilt of the words she had spoken to Jemini’s mother. Words she tried to take back and apologies Jemini was never given the opportunity to accept.
* * *
Steph stepped out of her house and squinted at the setting sun. The nap she had taken wasn’t enough to make her feel whole again, but as soon as she noticed Jemini’s car in the driveway she couldn’t go back to sleep. The job had kept her mind occupied since they had returned from the bar, but now she needed to talk with her. She showered and dressed quickly, crossing to the front porch. Brandon met her on the stairs, and she almost gave a squeal when he pushed a small green lizard toward her face.
“Isn’t it cool? I caught it for Ms. Jemini.”
Steph raised her eyebrows. “Is she expecting it?”
“Oh, yes. We talked earlier and she told me how much she liked them.”
She put her arm around him, holding the hand with the lizard away from her. She knocked on the door and was preparing to knock a second time when Jemini finally opened the door. She took a step back, pulling Brandon with her. Jemini’s face was red and splotchy. It was clear she had been crying. She wanted to pull her into her arms. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything’s fine,” Jemini said as she knelt in front of Brandon. “Let’s see what you got.”
Brandon eagerly stepped forward, holding the kicking lizard up for her to see. “I found him behind the house.”
“He’s very cute.”
“Cute? You’ve got to be kidding me,” Steph said, shaking her head and offering her hand to help Jemini to her feet.
“Thanks for showing him to me. Can you return him to his home now?” Jemini asked.
“And then check in with your mom. It’s almost dinnertime,” Steph suggested.
“Okay,” Brandon said disappointedly.
Steph gave his shoulder a pat. “It was a good catch, buddy. Be proud.”
He gave her a smile and jumped off the porch, disappearing around the side of the house.
“Did you really ask him to catch that for you?” she asked as she stepped in the house, closing the door behind them.
Jemini smiled. “Not really, but it was sweet.”
She leaned against the couch and stared at Jemini. She could see that her face was puffy and tear-streaked and her eyes were red. “Want to tell me what’s wrong now?”
Jemini shook her head, brushing a hand toward the box on the floor. “I found some letters from Dorothy.”
“Letters to who?”
“Me.”
Steph frowned. “Addressed to you and never mailed?”
“No, addressed to me and marked ‘return to sender.’”
“You never received them?”
“No, Mom must have refused them.”
Steph sat down on the floor and opened the box. “Do you mind?”
Jemini shrugged and sat down beside her, handing her the most recent letter.
* * *
The letter she handed Steph didn’t address the reason her mother had taken her and left. She was glad about that. This wasn’t the way she wanted Steph to hear the details. In fact, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted her to know. Steph would never be able to understand the rejection she felt from Dorothy. Es
pecially since Dorothy had so readily accepted Steph. She watched her face as she read the letter. Then she slowly folded it and placed it back in the envelope before handing it back to Jemini.
“She waited every year for you to arrive. Like she expected it.” Steph shook her head. “But all along she knew you hadn’t received the letter. It doesn’t make sense.”
“She waited for me to arrive?”
“Not just waited. She would bake all week. More cookies and pies than any of us could eat and then on Saturday, Agnes and I would sit with her on the porch. They would talk and reminisce while Dorothy watched the driveway.” Steph shook her head again. “Why would she think you were coming if the letter was returned to her?”
Jemini stood and began to pace. “In some spots she referenced letters she had written to my mother. I didn’t find any of them here. Maybe she made the same invitation to her and since those letters weren’t returned to her—”
“She thought your mother might bring you.”
“Mom never mentioned any letters to me. She never mentioned Dorothy again after the day we left except when she finally explained to me why we had to leave and couldn’t go back. The letters addressed to me all went to Mom’s house. When she died last year, I had her mail forwarded to my house, but that only lasts for six months.” Jemini reached the wall separating the two rooms and turned back to Steph. “Based on the date of each envelope, I don’t think she had written the letter for this year yet. She didn’t know Mom was dead.”
She felt her eyes fill with tears again. She didn’t think her body had anything left to give, but the sympathy and compassion she saw on Steph’s face took her breath away. In only a second all the years of pain faded and she felt the love Steph had grown up with. Everything she had missed came crashing down on her, leaving her overwhelmed with emotion. She rubbed her face and began to pace again. Would she ever be able to completely confide in Steph? Could there be anything between them if she couldn’t?