“Lawry, I need to talk to Lucas alone, please.”
She releases my hand and walks toward the kitchen, touching Oliver’s shoulder as she passes. “Please be nice.”
Oliver sinks into my recliner and runs his hands through the top of his hair. “I’m so pissed off at you right now.”
I knew that I’d have to face Oliver’s fury. And doubt. “I have nothing but good intentions where Lawrence is concerned.”
“Lawrence has never been in love and I’m scared for her. I’m afraid that she’ll love you with all her heart and you’ll break it.”
No other woman has ever caused my heart to ache at the thought of not having her in my life. “I’m not going to break her heart. I swear. Our relationship is different than anything I’ve ever experienced. She’s different. And I’m different with her. You’ve seen the changes in me.”
“I can’t deny that.”
“I didn’t plan on falling in love with Lawrence. But at some point it happened, and damn… I’m a goner.”
“You actually mean that?”
“I did you a huge favor once and you owe me big time… per your words. Now, I’m collecting on your debt. I want Lawrence.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
We don’t need Oliver’s support but I admit that it would make things easier. And it would make Lawrence happy. “Say you’ll trust me with your sister. Give us your blessing.”
Leaning forward, he rests his head in his hands, saying nothing. A few moments later, he sighs loudly and finally lifts his head. “I can’t give you my trust or blessing right now, but I will give you a chance.”
A chance is better than nothing. “Thank you.”
“Lucas… do not fuck my sister over. And don’t you dare let her down. She’s had enough letdowns in her life.”
There’s an underlying smile threatening to break through his tough exterior, and I see it for the front that it is. He’s happy about this. I see it in his eyes even if he doesn’t admit it.
“I won’t let her down.”
“You’d better not. Trust me when I say that I will take it out on your ass if you make me sorry for giving you the benefit of the doubt.”
There’s that smirk that I’m used to seeing. “I understand.”
“And you have to tell her everything about your marriage and your history with women so she isn’t going into this blind.”
“Lawrence knows everything. She has since the first weekend we met. I’ve been very open and it isn’t an issue for her.”
“You’re aware there will be problems between us if this goes down in flames because of you?”
I don’t doubt that for a second.
“I gave that a lot of consideration before I chose to pursue her. I value our friendship and partnership so I didn’t make that decision lightly.”
Oliver swears beneath his breath and chuckles. “Porter is going to be pissed off. He’s wanted Lawrence for years but I told him she was hands-off.”
Well, he told me that, too, but a helluva lot of good that did.
There’s still an issue we need to discuss, and I’m afraid that Oliver isn’t going to be very happy with me. “I want this to work with Lawrence, and if it does, I don’t want a lie to come between us.”
“Good because lies never work in relationships.”
“I’m glad to hear that you feel that way. I’m hoping that means you’ll understand why I had to tell her about the texts I made on your behalf.”
“What the fuck did you tell her?”
“The truth. But don’t worry. She’s okay with it.”
He stares at me with wide eyes. “Lawry would never be okay with me going to rehab.”
“She was upset at first but I explained everything. She understands the reason.”
“It’s awesome that you want to be honest with her from the start, but dude, you broke your word to me.”
“I did and I’d do it again if given the choice.”
“Can I be there when you tell Porter? I want to see his face.”
I’m not crazy about the thought of Porter having a thing for Lawrence. Better he knows sooner rather than later. “Ask him to come watch the game. There’s plenty of food.”
“I’ll text him and see what’s he up to.” Oliver’s phone swooshes when he finishes typing. “This is nice. We haven’t done anything together outside of work in a while.”
“Come back in here, babe,” I call out to Lawrence.
“That’s weird hearing you call my sister that. It’s going to take some getting used to.”
I didn’t really even mean to call her babe. It just sort of naturally rolled off my tongue.
Lawrence returns to the living room and sinks into the sofa next to me. “I’m happy to see that everyone is still in one piece.”
“He took it easy on me.” And he really did. Oliver could have been much more difficult.
“I took it easy on him because he was very convincing about how much he cares for you.”
“Thank you for not being an ass about this.” Lawrence wraps her arm around mine and presses her cheek to my bicep. “Because I’m crazy about this guy.”
Oliver glances at his phone when it beeps. “Porter’s coming and I can’t wait to see his face when he hears about the two of you.”
Porter is protective of Lawrence. I’m not really looking forward to telling him about us after all the shit he’s given me about her.
I finish off a beer and I’m working on the next one when Porter arrives at my place. “Damn, this is a helluva spread.”
“His girlfriend made all the food.” Oliver chuckles and then bites a tortilla chip covered in guacamole. “You have to try the guac. It’s amazing.”
“Hey, isn’t that Lawrence’s Wagoneer out front?”
Oliver chews and nods. “Sure is.”
“I didn’t know she was in town.”
“That makes two of us,” Oliver says and then looks at me.
Porter’s eyes narrow and focus on me until Lawrence enters the kitchen. “Hey, Porter. How are you?”
His only reply is an intent stare in my direction.
“Everything okay in here?” Lawrence asks.
Porter smiles. “You and Lucas, huh?”
Ah, he’s putting it together.
“Yeah. Me and Lucas.”
I wait for it… wait for it. But the angry outburst that I expect doesn’t come.
“Congratu-fucking-lations.” He holds up the beer he just opened. “I propose a toast.”
Wait a minute. Is this a real toast or something else? With Porter, I’m not sure.
Our four bottlenecks meet and I wait to hear what he has to say. “To Lucas and Lawrence. Break her heart and I’ll break your fucking neck.”
“Aww, that was sweet, Porter. Thank you.”
“Sweet? He threatened to break my fucking neck.”
Lawrence comes to stand between my legs and I wrap my arms around her waist. Because I can’t resist, I bury my nose in her hair and inhale. Fuck, I love the way she smells.
“Then I guess that you’d better not break my heart.”
“Not planning on it.”
Porter shakes his head. “You’re really okay with this?”
Oliver shrugs. “I guess I have to be. What say do I have in it?”
Just as we didn’t need Oliver’s approval, we don’t need Porter’s either but I’d like to have it. “Are you okay with this?”
Porter’s shoulders rise and fall. “Sure, I’m okay with it.”
Thank fuck.
No more lies.
No more deceit.
No more sneaking around.
No more pretending.
Everything is finally coming together for Lawrence and me.
20
Lawrence Thorn
I’m trapped in a half-awake, half-asleep realm within my mind. My body is trembling because I’m sobbing so hard. Half asleep or half awake, I’m alert enough to know t
hat much. As hard as I try, I can’t open my eyes.
And until I do, I’m unable to escape the monsters.
“Lawrence.”
My body is being shaken but my eyelids refuse to obey my brain’s command to open.
If you open your eyes, Lawrence, your dolly goes in the garbage.
“Lawrence.”
Lucas is hovering above me when I finally open my eyes. The room is dark except for the dim light of the lamp next to my bed. “Wake up, baby. You’re freaking me out.”
Warm tears roll from my eyes into my hair and mucus rattles in my nose when I inhale. There’s a spasmodic contraction in my throat as I catch my breath.
Damn. I was crying in my sleep again.
“What was that?”
I look around so I can get my bearings. This is my apartment in Savannah. My bedroom. Lucas is here. This is his weekend to come to me. I’m not in that trailer where they can hurt me.
“It was just a dream.”
“That was more than just an ordinary dream.”
“It was a nightmare but nothing’s wrong. I’m okay now.”
“Don’t push me away, Lawrence. I want to be here for you. Talk to me about it.”
I don’t want this. I don’t want to talk about the things they did to us. I want to forget the first ten years of my life ever happened.
Lucas won’t understand. He had a happy childhood. He won’t understand what it was like growing up the way that I did.
“Talk to me, baby.”
One part of my brain is telling me to shove everything under the rug. Pretend that it didn’t happen. And the other part? It’s screaming at me to trust this man enough to tell him about my past.
“I was having a nightmare about my birth mother.”
“What about her?”
My childhood makes me feel ashamed and I don’t know why. None of it was my fault. Our parents are the ones who should be ashamed of what they did to Ollie and me.
“You can tell me about it.”
I scoot close to Lucas and press my face to his chest.
“When we were little, Santa didn’t exist for us.” Those words alone make me want to cry. “Christie and Jimmy were always broke from buying drugs and too lazy to go sign us up for the angel tree at the mall. That meant Ollie and I didn’t wake up on Christmas morning and have presents to open like other kids.”
Lucas squeezes me to his chest. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“There was this one Christmas when someone left each of us a present on the front porch of our trailer.” I’d never been so happy in my life. I still don’t know who our secret Santa was. “We thought we’d finally been good enough for Santa to put us on his nice list. Ollie got a fire truck with all the bells and whistles and I got a beautiful doll with long blond hair that I could brush. I named her Alexis. God, I loved that doll so much. Christie took her away from me, nailed her on the wall, and told me when I learned to be good she’d let me have her back.”
Lucas swears beneath his breath. “What a cruel thing to do to a child.”
“I would sit in a chair and stare at Alexis on the wall. Sometimes I would push the chair up and try to touch her when Christie was gone, but I could never quite reach her. I understand now that she did that on purpose—hanging her just barely out of my reach.”
Lucas kisses the top of my head.
“I did everything Christie wanted, believing that she would give Alexis back to me. But that didn’t happen.”
I inhale deeply before I begin the next part of the story. The worst part.
“One of her dealers came by to collect money she owed for drugs. Of course, she didn’t have it. That’s when she told me there was a way I could earn my doll back. All I had to do was be really nice to Malcolm and play some games with him. I was only ten but I knew what she meant.”
Lucas’s chest rises and falls more rapidly but he says nothing.
“I heard an inner voice telling me to run. It told me to get out because something bad was going to happen if I didn’t. So I did. I ran and ran and ran. When I came back, Christie put me in the corner, took my doll off the wall, and made me watch her cut all of her hair off and draw on her face with a marker. That’s what I was dreaming about just now. Her and Alexis.”
Lucas pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head again. “I’m so sorry that happened, and I’m so sorry that it still haunts you.”
“Thank God we were taken away a few days later. But not before I told Jimmy what she did with Malcolm and what she wanted me to do. He beat her to a bloody pulp. She could hardly walk and I was happy about it.”
I wish that I could say Jimmy was punishing her for what she tried to make me do with Malcolm, but I’d be fooling myself. It’s more likely that he was angry because Christie got her hands on some drugs and didn’t share it with him.
“I don’t know how you could ever consider giving that vile woman a kidney.”
Most people don’t understand why I live the way that I do.
“I didn’t stop hating my birth parents because they earned my forgiveness. Forgiving them is about me and the peace that I deserved. Hate is exhausting. My life became so much happier after I decided to accept the apology that they never gave to me.”
“My God, you are an amazing woman.”
“Not amazing. It took years of therapy to get to this place.”
“Bridgette went to therapy after we lost Eli, but I could never bring myself to do it.”
Most men tend to see a need for therapy as weakness. Dumbasses. Thank God Ollie was too young to refuse.
“It’s never too late to see a therapist.” I really think Lucas could benefit, even ten years after losing his son.
“Nah, I don’t think so.”
Lucas isn’t open to the idea of seeing a therapist. There’s no reason to push him in that direction.
I twist in his arms and look at the clock. “We have to be up in a few hours. We should get a little more sleep.”
“Yeah because I need to be on top of my A game for breakfast with my girlfriend’s parents.”
“My parents like you.”
“They like me as Oliver’s business partner. I don’t know how they feel about me as their daughter’s boyfriend.”
“You financially backed their son’s dream. I think you’re golden with them no matter what you do.”
“I’m staying at your apartment. They’re going to know that I’m getting under your skirt. Your dad might not think that I’m so golden when he thinks about that.”
“Kiss me and then shut up and go back to sleep.”
And that’s what we do.
“I want to know everything. When, where, how—all the details of how this came to be.”
My mom is all smiles and I’m waiting for her to clap her hands like an excited toddler at any minute.
“We met at the beer festival a couple of months ago when I went over to visit Oliver. We hit it off really well, but decided that it wasn’t a good idea to pursue a relationship. Four hundred miles is a lot of distance between us. Plus, Lucas was afraid of what a relationship with me might do to his partnership with Ollie.”
“You don’t have to explain that. We all know how protective your brother can be.”
Lucas places his hand on top of mine and butterflies flutter in my stomach. “I couldn’t stop thinking about her after she left. I jumped at the chance to see her again when I found out that Oliver was coming for a visit. I completely crashed his business meeting in Macon.”
“Lucas’s visit to Savannah is the real when, where, and how part of the story.”
I still love how he walked into my shop and told me that I had bewitched him. Best pickup line ever.
“Oh, what a great story. But I have to ask how Oliver reacted when you told him?”
“He’s okay with it now.” After many declarations to not hurt me.
“Well, we think it’s wonderful.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
; “I don’t know if I ever told you this or not but your father and I had a long-distance relationship for two years before we married. I stayed here and went to school at Georgia. Your dad, being the brilliant man that he is, got a full scholarship to Texas A&M.”
I knew that Dad had graduated from Texas and that they married right after finishing college, but I didn’t put two and two together.
“How often did we see each other that final year at school, Lib?”
“Twice? Maybe three times?”
I can’t imagine only seeing Lucas every few months or so. That would be brutal.
My dad smiles at my mom. “Boy, we made it count when we were together, didn’t we?”
“We sure did.”
Hearing them talk like that makes me giggle. “Twice a month doesn’t seem so bad when you compare it to that.”
“It’s easier today with cell phones, FaceTiming, emails, skyping. We were limited to ten-minute calls every few days,” my mom says.
“Don’t forget the letters.”
“Lots of love letters. I couldn’t get enough of your dad’s love letters.”
Love letters have become obsolete in this day and age, and it’s such a shame. I would be thrilled to get a love letter from Lucas.
“There’s something to be said for checking the mail every day, desperate for a perfume-scented letter from the woman you love.”
My father cups his hand over my mother’s, and I can’t help but think how wonderful it must be to walk through life with someone special by your side.
I look at Lucas and see the possibility—a future that includes him holding my hand over breakfast, maybe telling our children about the time we shared a long-distance relationship and made it work.
It could happen.
Lights dim. Soft, seductive music. Warm oils. I’m all set to give Lucas the best massage of his life.
“You want me on my stomach?”
“No. Lie face up on the bed from side to side.”
This rubdown isn’t going to be anything like what he’s expecting. I’m going to hit all his erogenous zones as well as the sexual trigger points.
“Close your eyes and completely relax.”
I begin at the top of his head, scratching his scalp with my nails, and he breaks into a smile. “You’re giving me goose bumps.”
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