by Chant, Zoe
She took a deep breath. “It’s okay if you don’t want the same thing. But I wanted to tell you that that’s what I want.”
Flynn closed his eyes for a long minute. His whole body wanted to tense up, to clench, but he was still holding Grant, who was slowly relaxing into a heavy, sleepy weight, so he forced himself to stay relaxed.
He opened his eyes and said, “I do feel the connection between us. And Lila—being here is like living—a fantasy. Making dinner for the family. Having assassin tea parties with Sophia. Soothing the baby to sleep. Keeping you all safe. It’s—it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”
It fed something inside him, a hungry place he’d been ignoring for a long, long time, or telling himself that it was filled by Lachlan and Aidan, that he didn’t need a mate and children of his own.
But there was another part of him that had known for a long, long time that he couldn’t have that. And Lila deserved to know why.
“But you don’t know the sort of things I’ve done, the sort of things I’m capable of. You don’t know the kind of role model I had growing up. What I learned about fatherhood when I was young. You wouldn’t be saying any of this if you did know.”
The words hurt coming out. They felt like they were tearing his throat to shreds. But they needed to be said.
“Bullshit.”
Flynn’s eyebrows shot up. He didn’t think he’d ever heard her swear before; it felt like the word hit him right in the chest. “I’m sorry?”
“Bullshit,” Lila repeated, chin lifted. “You think I don’t know what you’re capable of? I saw you fight off those lions. You left them bloody and hurt, and I’m sure you would have killed them if they kept trying to hurt us. And if that’s something you’re capable of, then I’m glad, because if you weren’t, we wouldn’t be here.”
“It’s not...that’s different,” Flynn tried to explain.
“Different from what? Different from how you are when you get angry? Well, I’ve seen you angry a couple of times now, and each time, you cared more about whether innocent people were all right than you did about yourself. When I asked you to calm down tonight, when you were angry about Ronan’s family, you calmed down. Right away. No hesitation.”
He had. He’d felt a rising fury at the idea of Oak Ridge being in danger, and then the moment he’d heard Lila’s voice, it was like a cool water was bathing him all over, quenching the anger.
“You think you’re dangerous and out of control?” Lila continued, tapping him on the chest with one finger. “Name me one time you’ve done anything to hurt an innocent person.”
“Just because I never have—” Flynn started.
“—never in your entire life? I don’t think it’s you that you’re worried about.” Lila bit her lip, stepping forward so that they were close. “Are you worried about becoming your father?”
Flynn’s teeth were clenched so tightly, his skull was throbbing. He forced himself to nod. To not be a coward any longer, to admit the truth.
Lila wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his chest, her weight a counterpoint to Grant, who was still calmly lying against Flynn’s shoulders, his fingers in his mouth. “How long,” she asked quietly, “would you have to go, protecting everyone else’s families, standing guard for everyone, all alone, before you decided that you weren’t going to become him?”
Flynn fought to unclench his jaw so he could answer her. His mate deserved an answer. “Never.”
“Never,” she repeated, sounding unbearably sad. “Flynn—if you can’t trust yourself, do you think—do you think you could trust me?”
Flynn was silent for a long moment, until he could feel her starting to withdraw.
“Never mind.” She bit her lip, blinking back tears. “I know I’m not anyone—you just met me. There’s no reason for you to trust me over yourself.”
“Wait.”
She stopped, looking up at him. Flynn wanted to close his eyes, to hand the baby back to her, to retreat to somewhere where he couldn’t give in to his griffin’s agonizing need.
But he couldn’t. Instead, he said, “You’re not no one. I have every reason to trust you. Lila. Every reason.”
Her brows drew together, but he thought he could see the dawning realization behind her eyes.
“You’re my mate, Lila. That’s what the connection is between us. We’re mates.”
With the words out in the air, it felt like the floor disappeared beneath his feet. He instinctively tightened his grip on Grant before he realized that he wasn’t actually falling, he just felt like it.
Lila’s eyes were wide and wondering. “Oh,” she said, almost soundless. “Oh. That’s what it is. That’s what I’m feeling.”
Flynn nodded. He didn’t want to break the moment by speaking.
“It’s so right to have you around,” she continued, almost thinking out loud. “I can feel when you’re there. And it’s like this warm light inside me. Yesterday, when I woke up, it was like—like for the first time in my life, everything was right with the universe.” Her voice broke.
But then she pulled herself together and said, “So, if I’m your mate—can you trust me? Trust me to know you better than you know yourself? Can you feel what I know about you?”
Yes! His griffin was on board immediately. Listen to our mate! She knows what she’s talking about. Unlike some people.
Flynn was used to shaking off his griffin’s arguments, but he couldn’t do the same to Lila. Tentatively, he reached down inside his chest to where the mate-bond pulsed, bright and warm. He’d been ignoring it with all his might since he’d first realized it was there, wanting to keep his distance.
Not that he’d managed that very well.
But now that he was really sensing it, letting it encompass him...a tension began to unwind. The anxiety that had held him in its chilly, implacable grasp started to melt in the shining light of Lila’s heart.
“See?” Lila said, coming close again. “See how I see you? See what I know about you?”
Unable to speak, Flynn pulled her into an embrace like he’d been aching to since they started talking. She pressed her face into his right shoulder. With the baby a soft, trusting weight against one shoulder and Lila cuddled up to the other, he felt like he could finally relax, for the first time in—
Well. In years. Maybe in his entire life.
“I see,” he rasped, his nose against her hair. “Lila. I see.”
“Be with me,” she said, her face hidden but her words clear. “Be with us. Stay with us. Will you?”
Flynn closed his eyes and let go of his fear.
“I will.”
Lila sobbed once, and then pulled back just far enough to look at him, eyes wide and luminous. “Really?”
“Really.” As he spoke, he could feel his conviction coalescing. He couldn’t believe he’d been such a coward, letting his fear control his actions.
He wouldn’t be like his father. He refused. And now he knew that Lila wouldn’t let him.
Flynn leaned down and kissed the corner of her eye, tasting salt. Then the other eye. “Don’t cry.”
“Can’t help it. I’m too happy.” She smiled tremulously. “I was just thinking—just today—how I was determined not to be envious of Cam, and her mate-bond with Lachlan. That that only happened once in a blue moon, and there was no reason to ever expect something like that for myself. I had no idea that—that it could be true for us—”
Another tear spilled out of her eye. Flynn kissed it away.
“I never thought I’d have a mate, either,” he admitted. “Like I said before, I’ve always felt like I was destined to protect other people and their families. Be a sentinel guarding the town, a protective uncle, a sheriff’s deputy. Not a—”
Then his own voice broke.
“What?” Lila asked softly.
He made himself say it. “A father.”
That small, scared part wanted desperately to turn away. Not to let Lil
a see everything he was feeling. He forced himself to stay still and endure it, and say, “I told you before, griffins can’t have biological children. Technically, I’m a hybrid of a bird and a lion. We’re like mules. We’re sterile. I thought I’d never have kids of my own, ever.”
“Well,” Lila said, “I’ve known a father or two in my life, and I have to say, having a significant relationship conversation while a baby’s asleep on your shoulder is one of the most fatherly things a man can do.”
That surprised him into a chuckle. “Well—good. I want to live up to the role.” Like my dad never did.
“You already are,” Lila said fiercely. “Just in the last two days. Before you had any reason to be invested in us. You’ve played ninja with Sophia and held Grant while he cried and made us spaghetti and scrubbed the bathroom, for God’s sake, don’t think I didn’t notice that.”
“I like to keep busy,” Flynn said quietly. Then, even more quietly, because he was determined to stop being a coward about his fears, “Distracts me from things I don’t want to think about.”
Lila’s face softened, looking up at him. “Well, I hope you know you can talk to me about those things from now on.” A mischievous sparkle lit her eye, and she added, “But if you really have to clean the bathroom before you talk, I suppose I won’t complain much.”
Flynn laughed and pulled her close again.
Chapter 11: Lila
Lila hadn’t had this many feelings while putting Grant down to sleep since he was a newborn and she was a new widow.
Except now, instead of crying over his crib, she was having a hard time keeping her smile from conquering her entire face.
She’d been half-sure that Flynn would reject her supposedly for her own good. More than half-sure. But she’d had to try, because she couldn’t have handled keeping her mouth shut and never knowing whether there could have been something more between them.
And then he’d done one of the bravest things she’d ever seen. Faced his own fears—deep, childhood fears—and stepped in front of them, stood strong against them, and told her the truth.
She’d seen how brave he was being. Felt it inside her. That must be what the mate-bond was, the way she could look into his eyes and be sure of what he was feeling.
God, she was so happy. And overwhelmed. And a little sad, knowing how hard it had been for Flynn to say that he wanted one of the most natural things in the world: to be a husband and father.
To be a mate. Even more natural, for a shifter.
Well, now he was going to be, and Lila was determined to make him the happiest man who’d ever lived with a five-year-old, a one-year-old, and a frazzled mom.
Not a single mom, though. Not anymore.
Her cheeks hurt from smiling.
She gave Grant a soft kiss goodnight and went out into the hall to meet Flynn, who’d been checking the perimeter of the house to make sure it was safe.
“All good?” she asked him, although she knew that it had to be, or he wouldn’t have been so calm.
“Clear all around,” he confirmed. Then he smiled at her, and it was that same boyish, happy smile she’d seen earlier. It melted her heart. “Ready for bed?”
“That better be a euphemism,” she told him, and then had to stifle a little shriek as he caught her up in his arms, picking her straight up off the floor.
She ended up with her back against the wall—Sophia’s room was on the other side, her brain automatically noticed, but of course Sophia was at Lachlan’s house, so there was no chance of waking her up even if her head thumped back against it when Flynn started pressing open-mouthed kisses all down her neck.
“Oh, God,” she managed as he kissed hotly along her collarbone. Her body was flushing with desire, her lower abdomen clenching, her fingers curling on his shoulders. Flynn groaned against her skin, and bit her lightly, just the softest hint of teeth to remind her that this was a wild shapeshifter who was holding her up against the wall.
“Flynn,” Lila gasped. “More, come on, more—”
He shifted his grip so that he was supporting her with one hand—one hand! Lila had never been with a man who'd done something like this, not even Michael who'd been strong like a shifter, too—and with his other hand, stripped her shirt up over her head. Lila had to arch her back to let it skim up behind her, and it felt like a shameless move, thrusting her chest forward into him. When her shirt was off, he took full advantage of it and pressed his face in between her breasts. His stubble woke her skin right up, making her nipples harden and the area between her legs go liquid.
He deftly unsnapped her bra with his free hand, and pulled back long enough to get it off her and toss it away. Then his hand was back down under her butt, holding her up while he kissed her breasts and she moaned shamelessly.
Underneath her, meanwhile, his fingers were wandering along the seam of her jeans. She gasped for breath as his thumb found her clit underneath the denim. Flynn caught the noise and rubbed hard, making her shudder and shove her hips forward—uselessly, of course. God.
“Bedroom,” she hissed at him when she could get enough breath to speak. “Come on, let's not wake up the baby.”
Those were the magic words, thank God; Flynn let her down on shaky legs. “Okay?” he asked with a little self-satisfied smirk.
Lila gave him a look. “Race you in there.”
“You're on,” Flynn said, and was through the door to the bedroom before she'd gone two steps.
By the time she was in the bedroom, he'd stripped off all his clothes and was waiting for her with a raised eyebrow. “I win.”
“Oh no,” Lila said, deadpan. “However will I live with this terrible defeat.”
He laughed. “I think your forfeit should be your pants.”
That was fine by her. Her hands went to the button, but suddenly he was there, catching her fingers and saying, “And I think you should let me take care of it.”
“Okay,” she managed, voice suddenly unsteady.
His hands were big and warm and sure. They unbuttoned her jeans, undid the zipper, and drew them slowly off of her hips, his gaze hot and intent the entire time. Her clit pulsed just from his eyes on her.
She stepped out of the legs, first one, then the other—and then his mouth was on her, over the top of her panties, breathing hot against her clit and then sucking, making the fabric wet, until it dragged over the sensitive skin.
Lila grabbed wildly at his hair, making a noise she’d never heard come out of her own mouth before at the hot zing of pleasure that shot through her. “Oh—oh—Flynn, God, let’s get on the bed at least—”
He pulled back suddenly, making her want to protest, hypocritically. “If you insist,” he said, “but first—” and he tugged her panties down.
Lila stepped out of them and immediately stumbled over to the bed. “I don’t think my legs would’ve held me up any longer,” she confessed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress.
“That’s fine,” Flynn said, “because you’re perfect right where you are.” And he moved over to her without standing up, a graceful, almost animalistic crawl...and put his mouth right back where it had been.
Lila bit down on the side of her hand to stifle a shriek. Without the panties in the way, his mouth was so hot and wet, his tongue clever, and he was licking her with a full-bodied purpose, like he wanted to pull the taste right out of her and into his mouth.
Lila kept her hand in her mouth, the other one going down to his hair again, fingers buried in the thick strands as he sucked her clit, fingers tracing around her entrance, looking to get inside. She wanted him inside. But she also never wanted him to move, never wanted him to take his hot, gorgeous mouth away from her clit—one long finger thrust into her, and she moaned in relief. Oh, oh, right there, right there—
Lila’s whole body clenched as she came silently, arching back on the bed, her legs up, spread wide for Flynn’s mouth. She shuddered and clenched, and a tear ran down her cheek, squeezed out of her by
her climax.
Flynn licked her softly through it, gentling further and further as the aftershocks shivered away. Finally, he lifted his head. “Good?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know why you’re bothering to ask.” Lila took a long breath, relaxing her legs, flopping back onto the covers. “God. I don’t think my body’s ever done anything quite like that before.”
That got her the self-satisfied smile again, as she saw when Flynn came up onto the bed next to her. He kissed her mouth, tasting like salt and sex. Like her, Lila thought, and felt an atavistic shiver at the idea of herself all over her—her mate.
She kissed him back, harder. He groaned when she bit his lip, first cautiously, then a bit harder. “Like that?” she murmured.
“Oh yes,” he murmured back. “You can do it harder if you want.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” His fingers had drifted back between her legs, playing around her entrance again. She shivered.
“Want more?” he asked.
“Mmm.” She nodded, her thighs parting for his hand.
His fingers explored inside her, slipping in easily. She was soaked, and starting to warm up again.
“God, you have the—the most patience—” She wriggled against him. “Aren’t you turned on?”
He groaned softly. “Lila, no one has ever turned me on as much as you do. It’s taking everything I’ve got to hold back. But I won’t do any more than you’re ready for.”
“Flynn. Honey.” She kissed him. “I’m ready for you.”
He looked into her eyes for a long moment...and then he was on her like a hungry griffin.
He devoured her mouth, his fingers holding her open with a stretch that left her dizzy with pleasure. And then he thrust in hard, one long stroke right to the hilt, and she let out a strangled scream.