‘Oh my God, Cara, hello,’ Becky says as she forcefully pulls me close for a hug. ‘We haven’t seen you in forever. I suppose, now you live in the big city, you don’t want to come all this way to see the likes of us.’
I bite my tongue. I am twenty minutes away on a train and I visit home at least once a fortnight, but what’s the point in getting into it?
‘Hello,’ I say. ‘Hello, everyone.’
‘You look so different,’ Christina points out. ‘What did you do to your hair?’
She asks this in a similar way you talk to a child with bubblegum stuck in their locks.
‘I dyed it,’ I tell her with a nod and a vacant expression. I would have thought that was obvious. I suppose I’m still salty about being kicked out of the group chat.
‘How are you all doing?’ I ask.
‘Well, I’m pregnant again,’ Christina tells me.
‘Us too,’ Kelsey chimes in. I assume by ‘us’ she means her and her husband. I must have missed a biology lesson at some point.
‘Which one were you?’ Luke asks me.
I can tell by his question that he hasn’t changed at all. He still seems like the same bully he used to be.
‘She looked nothing like she looks now,’ Becky tells him. ‘She had that purple backpack with the stars on it that everyone used to make fun of.’
‘Oh, Space Nerd,’ Luke says. ‘Hello, how are you?’
‘Oh, I’m fantastic,’ I reply.
You dare to be a teenager with a backpack with constellation patterns on it and suddenly you’re a space nerd.
‘How are you?’ I ask him. ‘Still playing football?’
‘Nah, not really. My kid plays though. Under sixes.’
‘My little Sonny plays for the same team,’ Becky says.
Becky takes my left hand and examines it.
‘Oh, Cara, no husband? No kids, then?’
‘Still no kids,’ I confirm. Why does it make me feel so crappy to say that? Why would I want a kid right now? I’m not in a position to have one and I know it. What am I going to do, get knocked up so my old friends get off my back? No way. They just have this way of making me feel uncomfortable about something I am completely comfortable with.
‘She’s working on the husband bit,’ a voice says from behind me as a pair of arms wrap around my waist.
I am so relieved that it’s Millsy’s voice.
‘Hello,’ I say. I’m so pleased to see him.
‘Hello, gorgeous,’ he replies, kissing me on the cheek.
‘Oh… is this your boyfriend?’ Christina asks. She looks surprised, as if perhaps she doesn’t think someone like me could pull someone as hot as Millsy.
‘This is Joe,’ I tell them.
I have spent weeks telling Millsy that the last thing I wanted to do was pretend that we were a couple and I regret that so much now. I wish I could tell them he is my boyfriend, just for tonight, to get a break from their pitying looks.
‘Yep, I’m her boyfriend,’ Millsy says. ‘Lovely to finally meet you all. I’ve heard a lot about you.’
‘You two are a couple?’ Christina checks.
‘Yeah.’ Millsy squeezes me tightly. ‘No kids just yet though. I’m in the movie business so we jet around a lot. You know how it is. We don’t want tying down just yet. Not until we’ve made our first million, right? So maybe next year.’
I don’t think any of them know what to say. Their jaws are on the floor.
How is it that, just like that, Millsy knew to start pretending to be my boyfriend? I really stressed how much I didn’t want him to, and he’s been doing as I asked, and yet he was somehow, without even seeing my face, so in tune with what’s going on and what I want.
‘Prosecco?’
We all look towards the server next to us. It’s Jason, holding a tray of glasses. When he realises who he’s looking at his face falls.
‘Hey, look who it is, it’s Elmer Fudd,’ Luke jokes.
You genuinely can’t do anything at school and get away with it – not even once. That (maybe) dead rabbit is going to haunt Jason for the rest of his life.
‘Prosecco,’ he says again, this time with less warmth.
‘Let’s just go over here,’ Millsy says, dragging me away from the crowd. He waits until we’re alone. ‘What the hell was that?’
‘Jason? He went to school with us. He’s here working, he wasn’t even invited. He was our year’s weirdo.’
‘Did you go to a circus school? I saw the freakishly tall bloke too.’
‘Oh my God, that’s Sean! I had a chat with him when I got here and the creep actually felt me up a bit. I’m going to spend the rest of the night hiding from him.’
‘Make sure you do,’ Millsy warns me. ‘He’s married.’
‘What?’
‘He’s married. One hundred per cent.’
‘How can you even know that?’ I ask. Obviously the plan was already to stay the hell away from him but I’m curious how Millsy knows.
‘I passed him on the way in, frantically tugging at his finger. It made me laugh when I realised he was removing his wedding ring,’ he replies as he glances around the room nosily. ‘Now it sounds like he was doing it for your benefit.’
‘Oh, that creepy bastard,’ I reply. ‘I don’t suppose I noticed if he had a ring on. I didn’t have much reason to look, you know? One minute we’re talking, then he’s got his hand… Millsy?’
I can tell that Millsy isn’t listening to a word I’m saying. In fact, he’s staring at something. I follow his gaze to a server who is clearing glasses from a table. She has fiery long red hair, not unlike my own latest dye job. I watch her for a second as she wipes down a table.
‘Do you know her?’ I ask him.
‘She’s my ex,’ he replies.
Oh, shit. Jason did say it was a catering company from the city. It doesn’t surprise me at all that Millsy’s ex was probably working at a pop-up bar in town when they met. It does kind of surprise me that he has an actual ex.
‘You have an ex?’ I blurt, although I probably should have kept that thought to myself.
‘What? Do you think I’m a monk?’
‘Everyone says you are the opposite of a monk,’ I point out. ‘I just… I don’t know, you don’t seem like the kind of person who would get freaked out like this if he ran into an ex.’
‘Well, I absolutely am,’ he tells me quietly, his eyes still firmly fixed on her. ‘I almost didn’t recognise her. Do you mind if I go?’
‘Oh, I’ll come with you,’ I tell him. ‘I’ve been offended quite enough for one evening. My ego is suitably in check.’
‘Thanks,’ he says.
As we make our way towards the hall exit we happen upon Sean. He notices me. ‘Oh, hello again, Cara. Is this your—?’
‘Yep,’ Millsy says. ‘So, you know, back off, save it for your wife.’
Sean, despite being very tall, is very skinny. Even I could have a good go at taking him down. Sean knows this and instantly goes on the defensive.
‘What? No! I didn’t… I didn’t… I didn’t,’ he stutters. ‘I’m married. I would never d-do that.’
‘Why did you take your wedding ring off, then?’ I ask him, nodding towards his hand.
‘It… fell off,’ he says. ‘It fell off and it rolled and it fell down one of the gaps in the floor. You know, the store gym equipment under the trapdoor? It rolled down there.’
‘So your ring is underneath the floor right now?’ I ask in disbelief.
‘Yes!’
‘So… you’re just going to leave it there?’ I continue.
‘Yes, well, no, the trapdoor is locked so I’m just waiting for the caretaker to come with the key and he’s going to get it out for me.’
Sean, as hard as he is trying, is gasping like a fish that just flung itself out of its tank. He’s coming up with these excuses on the fly but they’re terrible. Horrifying to think that a surgeon could be so useless under pressure.
&nb
sp; ‘So you’re just waiting?’ Millsy asks.
‘Yes.’
‘Until the caretaker gets here to get your ring out for you?’
‘Yes!’
‘OK, then,’ Millsy says. ‘We’ll wait with you.’
‘What?’
‘Yeah,’ he continues. ‘We’ll keep you company until he gets here.’
Sean starts to sweat. We’ve got him now. There’s no way he’s getting out of this one.
It’s only four awkwardly silent minutes before Sean starts theatrically patting his pockets. Eventually he locates and pulls out his phone.
‘Oh, no, I have to go,’ he says. ‘It’s the hospital. I’ve been called in to perform emergency surgery.’
‘Really?’ Millsy says, clearly not believing a word of it.
‘Really,’ he replies. ‘Some kind of freak accident at the fair.’
‘The fair?’ I say.
‘The fair,’ he replies. ‘I’d better go.’
‘But your ring,’ Millsy calls after him.
Sean doesn’t reply. He gets out of here as fast as his legs will carry him.
‘I have to say, you really did go to school with some wonderful people,’ Millsy points out sarcastically. ‘Honestly, just the absolute best.’
‘Hmm,’ I say. ‘It’s interesting, isn’t it? It’s like school never actually ended. You’ve still got the cliques, the weirdos, the bullies, the couples, everyone being obsessed with who is sleeping with whom.’
‘And these are supposedly adults,’ Millsy says.
‘Adults are just kids who have kids,’ I tell him. ‘That’s it. Anyway, let’s get out of here.’
As we walk along the corridor towards the entrance I feel a feeling I haven’t felt in years – that rush to get out of school as fast as possible.
‘Leaving already? Is everything OK?’ the man on the door says.
I don’t recognise him as someone I went to school with; he must just be working the event.
‘Yes, all fine,’ I say. ‘It’s just our bedtime.’
‘That’s a relief,’ he says. ‘We had another couple rush out just a few moments ago. Apparently one of their relatives had got hurt in some kind of accident at the fair.’
Millsy and I stare at each other for a second. Well, would you listen to that? I still don’t buy Sean’s story about his ring rolling off though. But while I might not know for sure what happened, there is one thing I am certain of: I am never going to a school reunion again.
23
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ I ask Millsy.
‘I’m sure,’ he replies.
‘But… this is a big deal, right? This is what proper couples do.’
‘You seem more nervous than I am.’ He laughs. ‘You must have done this before?’
‘Of course, I have,’ I insist. ‘With my ex – the one who is coming to stay.’
Millsy and I are about to take the next step in our relationship – he’s going to meet my parents.
‘My family love my ex,’ I remind him. ‘Especially my mum. So you’re just going to be this hot new man walking in, ruining things.’
‘You think your mum will think I’m hot, huh?’ he replies with a wink. ‘God, I’m kidding. You should see the look on your face. Seriously, Cara, it’s going to be fine. And anyway, we’re here now.’
I glance down the path towards my parents’ front door.
‘I have told them we’re just friends,’ I say for maybe the millionth time. ‘I guess they just want to see who I’m bringing to Flora’s wedding, that’s all.’
‘Cara, take a deep breath,’ Millsy instructs, holding me by the shoulders. ‘It’s going to be fine.’
‘OK, let’s get it over with, then,’ I say.
My mum, who called me this morning and insisted it was time for me to bring Millsy to meet her and my dad – well, it is only a couple of weeks until Flora’s big day – said that she would be making dinner for 6 p.m., and that she would love it if we could be there.
It’s two minutes to six and the second we walk through the door the smell of dinner drifts towards me, tempting me deeper inside the house. I love my mum’s cooking so much, there’s no way I could turn back now.
‘Hello?’ I call out.
‘In the dining room,’ my mum calls back.
‘Here we go,’ I tell Millsy. ‘This way.’
Inside the dining room my mum, dad and brother are all sitting at the table, ready to eat. There are two places set out for us. It’s as if they’re suspended in time, just frozen here, waiting for us to arrive so they can spring to life.
‘Hey, everyone, this is Joe,’ I tell them. ‘Joe, this is my mum, Annie, my dad, Ted, and my brother, Oliver.’
‘Hello,’ he says. ‘Thanks for having me over.’
‘No problem at all,’ my mum insists. ‘We’re just so pleased to be meeting you finally. We’ve heard so much about you.’
‘All good, I hope,’ he says with a smile as he takes his seat at the table.
‘Oh, yes, Cara sings your praises,’ my mum tells him.
Millsy shoots me a teasing glance.
‘Cara says you’re the best man at your best friend’s wedding next week,’ my mum says as she serves our food.
‘I am,’ he replies. ‘My friend Ruby. We’ve been friends since we were babies.’
‘Ruby?’ my dad chimes in. ‘That’s not a fella’s name.’
‘No, she’s a she,’ Millsy says. ‘I was going to be a bridesmaid but the dress didn’t fit.’
I shoot him a glance.
‘Whoops,’ he says. ‘That was just supposed to be a joke-joke, not a joke about your predicament, Cara.’
‘I think it’s cool that your friend has a best man instead of bridesmaids,’ Oliver says. I should have known he would approve. ‘The more people who break convention and decide on their own rules, the happier we’ll be as a society.’
‘Don’t worry,’ my dad tells Millsy. ‘He does this a lot.’
‘Oh, yeah, Cara said you were doing a PhD,’ Millsy says. ‘Do you know what you want to do after that?’
‘I pretty much just want to get straight into teaching,’ Oliver says. ‘What do you do?’
‘I’m an actor,’ Millsy replies.
‘Not much money in that, is there?’ my dad asks. ‘Unless you’re in big Hollywood films?’
‘Have we seen you in anything?’ my mum asks.
‘I make a pretty good living actually,’ Millsy tells them. ‘You could have seen me in something, but you wouldn’t know. I’m a sort of stand-in for other actors. So when the actor isn’t on set, I’ll fill in for them.’
‘Like the back of your head and stuff?’ Oliver asks.
‘Yeah,’ Millsy says. ‘Stuff like that.’
‘We didn't think you were successful when Cara said you were an actor,’ my dad says. I cringe.
‘I get that a lot,’ Millsy jokes.
His friendly, jokey attitude seems to be making him a hit with my family.
‘Football your sport?’ my dad asks. Now that Millsy has impressed him with his job he’s clearly trying to bro-down with him. It’s kind of cute.
‘Nah,’ Millsy says. ‘Rugby league.’
‘Really?’ my dad says. ‘Who’s your team?’
‘Leeds Lions,’ Millsy tells him.
‘And, not only does Millsy know the team, but he used to be Leo the Lion, the mascot,’ I chime in. I’d forgotten that my dad is way into rugby league and I’m weirdly proud of Millsy.
‘I have so many questions,’ my dad starts.
‘So you’ll be going to two weddings only a week apart,’ my mum points out, interrupting my dad. ‘You both will.’
‘Yeah, I guess we will,’ I reply. ‘Hmm, I wonder which one will be the most fun?’
My sarcasm goes either unnoticed or ignored.
‘You can get ideas for your own wedding,’ my mum ever so helpfully – and hopefully playfully – points out.
/> ‘The only thing I learn from weddings is what I don’t want to do,’ I tell her. ‘I don’t really want a ceremony, I don’t want bridesmaids, definitely don’t want flowers.’
‘Yeah, I’ve never seen the attraction with flowers either,’ Millsy says.
‘I used to love them but then one day I realised that with every beautiful bunch of flowers came their inevitable death. The process of removing the dead ones and cleaning the vase was really starting to get me down. I’m strictly a plants girl now.’
‘You’re going to carry a plant at your wedding?’ my mum asks in disbelief. ‘Like, in a pot?’
‘I’m not saying that.’ I laugh. ‘Just that I think cutting flowers, that are only going to die, is kind of a waste.’
‘Here’s what you do,’ Millsy starts, laying down his cutlery so he can really get into it. ‘You carry one of those hanging plants, wrapped around one of those hoops brides have flowers on – Ruby is having one. Except, you know how you’re always complaining that women’s clothes don’t have enough pockets? You have a wedding dress made with pockets, and one pocket is for the soil and the roots for the plant.’
‘Yes!’ I reply with enthusiasm. ‘And that way you can keep the plant – you can keep it for as long as you can keep it alive.’
‘For as long as you keep the relationship alive,’ Millsy adds.
I realise my mum is just staring at us.
‘So you two are having this at your wedding, are you?’
‘Our separate weddings,’ I remind her.
‘Obviously,’ she says. ‘Because you’re just friends.’
I pull a face at her.
‘Anyway, at least I’m invited to Ruby’s hen party,’ I tell my mum. ‘Not like Flora’s. How was the rest of it?’
‘Oh, it was fine,’ she says. ‘Only what you’d expect.’
‘Cara told me her painting didn’t go down well,’ Millsy says. ‘I wish I could have seen it.’
‘We’ve got it upstairs,’ Oliver says excitedly. ‘Shall I get it?’
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