And then she put her hand on my chest, and I was lost. I was clearly already failing at ignoring the pull.
I stepped away from her touch. I couldn’t think when she touched me. And if she wanted to see all the ugly bits, it would be easier if she wasn’t touching me. Tempting me to break the rules I’d put in place to protect everyone. “Fine, princess. You want the story? Life isn’t about castles and people protecting you.”
“I know that.”
“Really? Doesn’t feel like you do. Because you know what? Sometimes people aren’t protected, and sometimes it’s my fault.”
“What happened, Kannon?”
“You want to know? You want to know why whatever the hell you think might happen between us isn’t ever going to? Because I’ve already done this, and it went badly. Very badly.” I knew I was spiraling out of control. I could hear my voice rising.
She blinked up at me, letting out a shaky breath. “What do you mean?”
I threw my hands into the air. “I’ve already lost someone who I shouldn’t have been with. My fucking wife. Is that what you wanted to hear? I was fucking married, London. And she’s dead because of me. My child is dead because of me. So no, I want nothing to fucking do with you. Because if I did? You’d just get killed. Just like she did.”
“Kannon.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and I shook my head. “Don’t fucking cry. You didn’t even know her.”
“The pain in your voice, I know that. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
She took a few steps closer and put her hands on my chest again.
“I’m sorry.”
I looked away. I needed to.
“Phoebe was pregnant. Our first baby. When someone wanted to get to me, they made sure she knew why she was going to die.” Her screams echoed in my head once more, and I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. “They made sure she called and told me that she knew the bomb was under her seat in her car. I heard her scream, and then there was nothing. Just an explosion.”
“Kannon,” she breathed.
“Don’t. Maybe if I’d just listened to the threats before, she’d still be alive. But no, she’s dead. So now I make sure I don’t get close to anybody that I’m protecting. Because if I do? And they die? Then that’s on me. Even more so than just a job. Princess, you’d better back the fuck away because you’re just going to be another number in a long line of people I’ve let down.”
The words rang hollow as I swallowed hard, trying to catch my breath.
Her gaze went soft. She looked at me before she slowly wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest.
“Kannon. I’m so sorry.”
I held my arms stiffly at my sides, and then, almost involuntarily, they wrapped around her, pulling her close.
My body shuddered, and I closed my eyes tightly, willing the thoughts away.
But she just held me, this princess with the attitude and someone trying to kill her.
She held me.
And I was lost.
I wasn’t sure how long she held me.
It had been so long since I let anyone get close. Let anyone see the mask slip and show anyone the pain.
It could have been minutes; it could have been hours for all I knew.
Somehow, we’d ended up on the couch, London wrapping herself around me spider monkey style. When she finally lifted her head, her gaze met mine. “I’m sorry you lost your wife.”
“Wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. But you should probably know it wasn’t yours either.”
I shook my head. “No, I am—”
Her lips pressed together in what I recognized now as her stubborn expression. “No, Kannon, you need to know, you didn’t put the bomb there. You can’t take on all the world’s problems. I know you want to fix it. Trust me, I understand the compulsion. For a long time after my parents died, I thought maybe if I’d somehow gotten them to stay, they’d still be alive. I was feeling sick, and they were going to stay home, but I told them to go. If I’d just played up being sick more, they’d have stayed at home and not been hit by a drunk driver.”
How the hell was that even the same thing? There was no way she could have known or stopped the events that happened. “But, London, that doesn’t make any—” I stopped when her brow lifted. “Well, it’s hardly the same thing.”
“Isn’t it? What happened to your wife was a horrible accident. Some psycho targeted her. You didn’t plant the bomb. Psychopaths have a way of getting to you no matter what. But the result could have still been the same, and you would have still found a way to blame yourself. You can’t carry that around with you.”
I wasn’t a fan of her brand of logic right now. “If you say so. I bet you’re still holding onto your parents though.”
She shrugged. “Well, it’s harder to shake off than I’m saying, but you have to try. You have a life to live.”
My gaze swept over her beautiful face. “And what about you? Have you lived your life?” I knew she was trying to avoid having some idiot’s baby. But was there someone she loved? Had there ever been? “You’re clearly smart, you’re stunning, and you’re a princess. I’m sure there have been offers.”
She licked her lips then. “Yes, there have been a few, but I don’t know, I always feel separate.” She gave me a wide smile. “I’m living my life, but maybe not living my best life. It’s like I’m some kind of spectator. I give the excuses of not having enough time to date and all those kinds of things, but honestly, I’m just terrified. I work really hard on having just the right image, doing all the right things. Doing what’s expected. And I am just terrified of failing everyone. All the time. I mean even photography. My mom was a photographer, and so every picture I take, every time I go out, I want to make her proud.”
“I’m sure they’re proud of you.”
“I hope so. But I don’t know, all the living life things are always a little bit out of reach. Because of honor, or duty, and all that jazz. Because, well, it’s sometimes easier not to do anything.”
“The woman I know is kind of a spitfire and takes no shit.”
“Well, that London is far away from home and terrified. So not entirely at my best here.”
“Well, I happen to like her. She thinks on her feet, she’s strong-willed. Feisty. I think she could have anything she wanted.”
She gazed up at me under lowered lashes. Then I could see her tongue peeking out to lick her bottom lip. “You’ve kissed me twice now. And then you backed off. Maybe you’re not over what happened to your wife. But you keep kissing me.”
I let out a shuddering sigh and tried to breathe. “I know. And honestly, I can’t fucking stay away. Every time I’m around you, my control slips.”
“You’re trying hard not to kiss me.”
“How am I doing?”
Her laugh was light and filled me with warmth. “You’re failing miserably.”
“Right. Let’s work on that.” She did that thing with her tongue again, and heat shot straight down to my dick. I swallowed hard. “London, you and me, that’s probably a recipe for disaster.”
Her gaze searched mine. “I know. It’s just you’re the first person I’ve had a real connection to in so long, I can’t even remember.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to want you because I’m terrified you’re going to get hurt.”
“You see a grown woman in front of you, right?”
My lips quirked into a smile. “Absolutely grown.” My gaze dipped down to her breasts. My mouth went dry.
“I’m not sure what the hell is going to happen. Hell, I’m not even sure what I want. I just know how I feel when you touch me. And how I feel when you stop.”
How could I tell her that I was scared? That deep down I was afraud that this pull, this connection, was even stronger than the one I’d felt for Phoebe. With Phoebe, there’d been love and experience and trust. I’d known this woman not even a full three days, ye
t she fired all my instincts to protect her, to take care of her. It felt dangerous.
“Isn’t there some kind of law against royalty and commoners?”
“Funny you should ask that. It’s one of the laws Roman’s trying to change.”
I stared at her. “You deserve all the things you want.”
“Right now, what I want is you.”
I knew what I should say. I knew what I should do. I knew that I should stop and walk away and not touch her again. The problem was, I also knew that I couldn’t stay away from her. I’d known the woman for three days, and she already had a claim on a piece of me. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it. But it was the truth. And there was no point trying to hide it.
I swiped my thumb over her bottom lip. “Do you know how good you taste?”
“No. But you can tell me.”
There it was again, that smile spreading over my face before I could even think about it or control it. This woman, who also drove me absolutely batshit crazy, was quietly working her way under my skin. Claiming a piece of me.
Maybe that was telling me something. You didn’t feel crazy over people you didn’t care about.
“If you were smart, you’d stay away from me.”
“Well, sometimes I do the things that I want, not the things that are expected.”
“Last chance, princess. I think you see now that if I drag you into the bedroom then I’m not going to let you out until well into the morning.”
I watched her swallow hard. But her chin lifted, and she met my gaze levelly. “Who says I’m going to let you out of the bedroom?”
With a chuckle, I slid my hand to cup her cheek and then slid it into her hair. This was the first time I was kissing her because I really wanted to, not because my control snapped. This was the first time I was kissing her when she expected it. And instead of a crushing snap of control, I felt the warm easy surge of want and need. Something inside my body reached for hers. And the only thought in my mind was mine.
Chapter 11
London
A princess never falls.
* * *
I couldn’t not touch him.
His tongue stoked mine and sent shivers through me. This kiss was different than the others. It was slow and deliberate and not at all rushed. It was all seduction.
At the top of the stairs, he pulled back, his heavy-lidded gaze on me. “Are you sure, London?”
I knew what my answer should be. I knew I should stop this, knew I should pull back. But the truth was I didn’t want to. I’d spent so much of my life being somebody’s appendage. The sister, the princess, never having an identity of my own. And I knew it was even bullshit to whine about it, because I loved my life. But I was lonely. Ever since Mom and Dad died, I’d felt like I was on an island by myself. I didn’t feel the same kind of loneliness that Kannon did, but I recognized him as a kindred spirit. It was like I knew him in the dark, our myriad of pain and disappointment linking us in some way, letting us know that even if there was darkness, we weren’t entirely alone.
That link, now, was impossible to ignore. For the first time in a long time, I felt seen. I felt alive.
I wasn’t sure about much, but I knew I wanted him. That I wanted this. I nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Thank fuck.”
His lips slanted over mine once again as he paused in front of one of the doors then kicked it open. He carried me easily to the bed and deposited me in the center. He only eased back long enough to drag his T-shirt over his head before crawling back up my body.
His lips devoured mine as his tongue teased, tasted, and tempted me. It was like he knew just how to coax the right response. Like he was completely attuned to me, made for me, making me feel a hundred percent my real self.
Our kisses were a discovery at first, a slow, tentative awakening. The hey, how are you doing, nice to meet you, what do you like kind of thing. If I turn this way, will you respond? If I kiss you here, will you like it? It was the first date of kisses.
There were levels, after all. There was the familiar oxytocin check-in. A given to couples with long-lasting relationships, ones borne out of familiarity and mutual love and respect. But these kisses were always the most thrilling. The first flush of discovery.
But the teasing quickly turned more intense. When he pulled back, his hand fisted my hair again as he dropped his forehead to mine. “What is it about you? I can’t stay away.”
My voice was shaky when I responded. “No one is asking you to stay away.”
When his lips crushed on mine again, gone were the tentative kisses. This kiss, the stroke of his tongue into my mouth, this was all possession, all know-how, all determination to brand and mold and possess.
As he kissed me, he angled my body backwards over the bed, knowing how to make my body hum as if he’d spent a lifetime making me beg.
His big body covered mine easily. From somewhere in the distance, somebody was making a mewling sound. A desperate sound of need, of longing, of begging without using the actual words.
That someone is you. Are you ready to beg?
Electricity sparked through my body, igniting the flame that lit me on fire, leaving only one way to extinguish it, only one answer to the question of what I wanted most in this world.
“Need to feel you,” he rasped before burying his face in my neck and breathing deep. That slow, deep inhale made me shudder.
I scratched my nails through his hair, and a wave of lust drowned out any remaining rational thought. When he cupped my breast, he groaned as he palmed me completely.
With every touch, electricity arced between us. I felt like I was being incinerated from the inside out.
Rolling away from me and shifting off the bed, Kannon yanked off his jeans, and my eyes locked on his thick erection. Holy hell. Would that thing fit?
He smirked as he caught me staring, the devil taking full control of his smile. “You like what you see, princess?”
I didn’t mean to grin back. I meant to have some self-respect, to play a little coy. But screw that. I did like what I saw. And I wanted to touch him. I wanted to taste him.
Kannon climbed back over me and placed openmouthed kisses along my jawline, the column of my throat, my collarbone. When he dipped to kiss my breasts again, a moan ripped out of my throat just before his lips covered the tip. With his other hand, he teased my free nipple until I whimpered. He continued the path of hot kisses down my stomach, past my belly button.
He wasn’t done though. When he settled between my thighs and gave a long, leisurely lick between my folds. I dug my hands into his hair, lifting my hips to meet his questing tongue. But he didn’t stop the expert strokes of his tongue except to occasionally nip and suck on my flesh.
I’d never come from someone going down on me. Hell, orgasms were often hit or miss with a partner. It was like the stars had to align perfectly.
But Kannon… He knew every dip to kiss, every curve to touch. His deft thumbs separated my flesh slowly, and he eased a finger into me, murmuring against my flesh. “I can feel it coming, princess. Let me see it. Please, give me that gift.”
In that instant, I exploded.
Forget seeing stars, the edges of my vision grayed. Between my thighs, Kannon stilled and squeezed his eyes shut, dragging in deep, even breaths.
I wasn’t sure how long it was before I could move again. Before I could lift my head and prop myself on my elbows. Kannon lay on my belly, his enormous hands practically a vice on my hips. “Kannon?” I murmured. I ran my hands through the silken strands of his hair. He drew in a ragged breath at my caress. “Princess, I’m trying to hold onto my control here. Just give me a second.”
“Please look at me,” I said softly.
He lifted his head and locked gazes with me. There was still some pain in his eyes. And something else…longing?
I urged him up to kiss him and he allowed it. It was so soft, so tender. But when I trailed my fingertips down his body and wrapped my hands
around the steel-hard length of him, he tore his lips from mine.
“Oh, fuck, I—” His hips bucked, pushing his straining erection into my hand.
I wiggled out from under him until I was on top then trailed hot, openmouthed kisses along the column of his throat. When I found his nipple, his hips bucked again. With my thumb, I stroked the satin-smooth head of his length, spreading the moisture that had leaked.
Hovering my lips over his erect nipple, I whispered, “Is something wrong, Kannon?”
Something that sounded like a strangled moan tore from his chest, and he dug his hands into the sheets.
“I’ll take that as a no.” I brushed my lips over his taut nipple and chuckled at the groan that tore from his throat.
He bucked again, digging a hand into my hair, gently tugging my head back. “I swear to God, I—”
I ignored him, instead grazing his nipple and pumping his erection again.
Before I could move, he had me flat on my back again and my hands locked above my head, restrained by one of his.
“Kannon?” I struggled slightly, and he smirked down at me.
“You are trying to make me lose control.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked as I jutted out my chin in defiance.
Still pinning my hands overhead, he reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom. Why, thank you for being so prepared, Rian. He tore the foil with his teeth. The look he gave me was a feral one.
“If I release you, will you behave?”
I gave him a sweet nod and batted my lashes. His answering chuckle hit me straight in my lady parts.
Rolling away, he sheathed himself before settling back between my thighs. “What do you know, you can follow directions.”
“Only when they’re directly related to me having another orgasm.”
Chuckling again, he kissed me deeply, and I widened my legs to accommodate him. His erection nudged me, and I moaned as he sank inside.
He dropped his forehead to mine, retreated an inch, then pressed forward again until he was fully seated inside me. My name on his lips sounded reverent. “Fuck, London….”
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