“I heard that,” Sparrow yelled from the other side of the room.
“Are you done?” I asked.
“I am. You can go see your... You can go see the princess,” Olly backtracked.
I ignored him, nodded, and got up, wincing as I pulled on the bandage.
I’d been lucky. I knew that, but it still didn’t mean I enjoyed bleeding like a stuck pig.
I’d go to the doctor if I felt like it, but most likely, I’d deal with it on my own like I always did. Today hadn’t been the first time I’d been stabbed or shot, and sadly, it probably wouldn’t be the last.
My job was dangerous. That meant I always needed to be on top of things. I hadn’t been recently, and I knew exactly why.
London sat on a bench, her eyes wide, her face pale, and her whole body wrapped in a blanket.
The minute she spotted me, she stood up, pushed past Olly and the others, and came to me. She stopped right in front of me but didn’t reach out to hold me, and I didn’t know whether I was happy about that or disappointed. The indecision told me that what I was going to do later was the right thing.
“You’re okay,” she whispered.
“I am.”
“Good. I can’t believe.... I can’t believe all that just happened.”
I couldn’t either, but I wasn’t going to focus on that. I couldn’t.
“You’re fine. We’re going to get you home. Your brothers have sent a plane.”
Her voice was soft when she asked, “They did?”
“Their baby sister was kidnapped and almost killed. They want you home, London.”
I heard the bitterness in my tone, and I felt more than saw the reproachful looks from Olly and Sparrow, but I ignored it.
I was so fucking scared, so worried about everything that just happened. And I didn’t want to have to deal with it. I needed to get in and get out, just to make sure London was in safe hands.
“We need to head out.”
There were others all around us, and I knew she wanted to say something, but I couldn’t let her.
We needed to go. In hindsight, I suppose the longer I was with her, the more I wanted to stay. And I couldn’t.
She needed to go home to her family. She needed to be a princess and a royal. And I needed to go back to what I was good at.
Protecting, killing, and bleeding.
None of which would work with London’s life.
“Kannon, can we talk about what just happened?”
I looked at her then over at my team. “Olly, come on, let’s go.”
“Kannon.”
I ignored London and turned, knowing that she would follow because there was nowhere else for her to go.
We got into the SUV and headed toward the hangar where a private plane would be waiting to take her home, to her world that was far away from mine.
A private plane, royal galas, everything that wasn’t part of my life.
She sat next to me in the back seat as Olly drove us. My arm was in a sling, so I couldn’t do it myself. I just gritted my teeth and told myself we would get through this quickly, and then I could get on with my life and get away from London.
“Is your head okay?” I asked, breaking the silence I longed to keep.
She turned to me and swallowed hard. “I’m okay. I have a mild concussion, but they don’t know if it occurred during the initial accident or now.”
“You also have a few lacerations and abrasions,” I said, ignoring her words. Because I needed to scream, shout, punch something.
Someone had dared to hurt her.
And I wanted blood.
But I couldn’t have it. I had to walk away from the situation and let others handle it. As soon as I returned her to her brothers, London would no longer be mine to protect. When that happened, that meant everything between us was done.
That meant never seeing her again.
And that would be for the best.
It would just be a memory, a blip.
She was only a client.
I swallowed the lie. She looked at me as if she didn’t understand me.
Hell, I didn’t understand myself.
“What is wrong with you?” she asked, her voice low.
“Nothing, princess. We’re getting you to safety. That’s the job.”
I heard Olly mumble under his breath, but I ignored him. I didn’t care that I was the asshole here. The more of a dick I was, the easier she would be able to walk away. And that would be best for both of us.
We pulled into the hangar, and Olly went out to ensure everything was still safe. We might’ve caught her kidnapper and those who had helped Rebecca make plans, but it was never a good idea to let your guard down. Others could be there, waiting.
There could have been a second conspirator in play.
I slid out of the car and went around to the other side to open the door for London.
I held out a hand, and she met my gaze, searching for something. I didn’t want her to see anything, so I lowered my brow and glared.
She glared right back, the look that I both wanted and hated all twisted into one.
“Come on, I’ll get you to the plane.”
“And then your job is done,” she said flatly, sliding her hand into my free one. I helped her out of the SUV and then nodded at Olly to back away. I needed to tell her a few things, and it would already hurt her enough. We didn’t need an audience for this. I at least owed her some privacy.
“I want to thank you,” she said quickly, pulling my gaze to her.
She had a bruise under her eye and another one welling on her forehead.
Someone had marred her skin, had hurt her.
And I hadn’t been strong enough to stop it.
You love her.
I did. And I hated myself for loving her. For loving anyone other than Phoebe.
I wasn’t the right one for her anyway. She had a whole life outside of this one moment. A life where she had responsibilities and royal duties that had nothing to do with me. I was just the man she had leaned on in a time of need and the one she needed to walk away from now that it was over.
“No need to thank me. It was my job.”
“You’re acting cold again,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry you were hurt because of me.”
“Stop right there. None of this was your fault.”
“Some of it was. I didn’t see Aunt Rebecca for who she really is.”
“You’re right. You didn’t. But people hide their true intentions all the time. It’s not our fault if we can’t see beneath every single layer.”
Who was I talking to, her or me?
“What are we going to do now?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“You are going to get on that plane, and you are going to be safe in your life. No one’s going to hurt you again.”
I’d make that vow, even if I wouldn’t be the one protecting her.
“And you expect me to just walk away?”
“You’re safe now. I got you to the plane. My job is done.”
She blanched but shook her head. “I love you, Kannon. Please don’t go.”
Her words were like a vicious knife sliced into my flesh, but I ignored them. They couldn’t be real. She was just in shock.
“It’s the best thing for you. You’ll realize that soon enough.”
She shook her head stubbornly. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel. I know it’s crazy, it’s too soon. But I know what I feel. We can work it out. I’ve never stood up for anything that I’ve wanted. I’ve always done what I was supposed to. And what did it get me? The one person I thought I could truly trust hurting me. So you’re going to listen to what I feel, what I want. And that’s you. We’ll work it out somehow, Kannon, but don’t let me go alone. Come with me. Let’s find a way.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t.
I wanted to get on that plane, but I couldn’t.
She wasn’t mine. And that was something we both had to get th
rough our skulls.
“You’ve got a life you need to lead. And I’m not part of it.” I paused, the words tearing from me. “If something changes in the next month, you let me know.” I didn’t need to elaborate, the look in her eye told me she knew I was referring to the broken condom.
Hell, I didn’t know what I wanted to come from that, but I knew what I needed.
“The job is done, ma’am.”
She gripped my arm. “Kannon, if you do this, it’s over. You don’t get to break me again.”
“Goodbye, Your Highness.”
I expected her to hit me. To push at me. To shout. I turned on my heel, but she didn’t follow. She stood there, so I met Olly’s gaze on the other side of the space and nodded.
I knew she would be safe once I walked away, so I did. I left, knowing she was standing there, knowing she was breaking. But it only made sense. Because I was breaking right alongside her.
She wasn’t mine, and she was only going to be a memory.
That was all that mattered.
Because as long as she wasn’t near me, she would be safe, and she wouldn’t have to think about who we could have been. And neither would I.
I walked away, leaving a part of myself behind and knowing I didn’t want it back.
I had fallen again. I had made a grave mistake.
And now I would have to deal with the consequences.
Chapter 19
London
Sometimes you need your girls.
* * *
One week later...
* * *
“I leave you alone for two days in my house, and the next thing I know, you’re getting kidnapped and shot at. I’m about to assign you a permanent babysitter.”
We were in Alden now. Rian had flown to me so she could get a good look at me herself. It didn’t matter that I felt like I was losing myself even when I wanted to do so. But at least I had my friends at my side as I tried to piece together what I had left.
I glowered at Rian. “You’re hilarious. I will remind you that my own aunt kidnapped me. If you could refrain from making comments from the peanut gallery, that would be awesome.”
Sparrow, who’d flown in to check on me, poured an obscenely large glass of wine for herself and then made me a mocktail. “I’m sorry, love, but she has a point. You were like the worst house guest.”
“Hey, weren’t you the one bleeding at her pool house?”
Sparrow scoffed. “Look, that was not my fault. Some random asshole got the drop on me.”
I lifted a brow and laughed. “Aren’t you some kind of like badass Wonder Woman type? Serious martial artist? Security expert?”
She shrugged. “Look, these things happen.”
Rian laughed. “Seriously though, are you okay?”
I shrugged. “If you mean physically, then other than bearing possible scars on my wrists from the zip ties, I’m fine. I’m just tired. And kind of down.”
Sparrow took a long sip and placed her glass on the countertop gently. “It’s not unusual to experience a mild depression after a traumatic experience like that.”
I didn’t want to think about Roman’s or Wilder’s dour faces when I returned. No one blamed me of course…except they wore permanent resting judgment faces.
Sparrow licked her bottom lip before asking, “You and Kannon?”
I shook my head.
Rian slapped her hand down on the counter. “Now, wait just a minute here. I have seen security footage of that man. He is fine. Please tell me you at least got some.”
“Unfortunately, I got more than I bargained for.” I hadn’t meant to fall for him. Hell, I’d never been in love before. I thought maybe I’d been in love when I probably had only been infatuated, but with Kannon? I’d never felt like this after breaking up with someone. I’d never felt this shattered or torn apart. “He was right. We only knew each other a short time. How are you supposed to know whether or not you care about someone in no time at all? It’s an illusion fed by adrenaline and fear.”
Sparrow sighed, rubbing her temples. “Can we just go ahead and say the thing? You’re in love with him, and he’s in love with you.”
“He told me he loved me on the plane. But he still thought walking away was the best thing. I have to accept the situation and move on. Although I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to manage that, and I’m certain this feeling of constantly wanting to cry will be a permanent thing.”
Rian reached out and took my hand. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“I have no one to blame but myself. I don’t know. Maybe if I’d had some more experience with love and relationships I wouldn’t feel so torn up, I guess.” And I knew now that Aunt Rebecca had been a helpful hand in making sure I never knew what true love and affection could be.
“It’s not your fault.”
I was surprised Sparrow was taking my side.
She huffed. “You put yourself out there. You took a chance, and that’s really admirable. Lord knows I haven’t done that in a million years.”
“I don’t know. I wish it didn’t hurt quite so bad.”
“Sweetheart, if you’re not in pain over being heartbroken, then you’re not doing it right,” Rian said. She said it as if she had experience with that pain, but Rian was good at keeping secrets. I was the open book of the two of us. She didn’t share every part of her soul with me, even though I’d tried to get her to open up more. Maybe one day she’d let me in.
Eager to change the subject, I prodded both of them, not going too deep into anything that could hurt. “Rian, what’s your deal? What happened to the actor? The one from the movie with Diane Lane about infidelity, right?”
She grinned. “A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.”
Sparrow coughed. “Bullshit. Tell all.”
Rian regaled us with stories of what it was like dating on set. “Look, none of that shit that you do on set is meant to be sexy at all.”
Sparrow shook her head. “I know there are people around, but isn’t it even a little bit sexy?”
Rian laughed. “No. Honestly, you’ve got Frank holding the boom mic over your face, trying his darn best not to look at your exposed nipple, which, by the way, your co-star has to strategically lick around.”
I sat there, jaw agape. Fascinated. “Wait, he actually licked your nipple?”
“Well, I mean it has to look that way. You discuss beforehand what you’re actually going to do in the scene. It’s like dance moves. Step here, touch here, kiss here, lick there.”
I leaned forward. “Oh my God, so that was really his hand on your boob? Squeezing?”
Rian shrugged. “Yup.”
“Is that when you guys started getting it on?”
Rian laughed. “No! It’s too awkward. And not sexy at all. And if you’re smart, you never trust any feelings you’re having on set. We didn’t get together until after. Besides, he had a girlfriend during filming.”
“You’re telling me there was no showmance?” It was good to talk about things other than Kannon, and Rian was just the storyteller to lift my mood. I could also go a full twenty seconds without thinking of Kannon while she was talking.
She shook her head. “Nope. But during the movie, they broke up. The long filming hours were too much for her. And she’s an actress too, so she gets it, but time apart isn’t easy. And then during the press junkets, I don’t know, we just connected or something. But that’s not going to work out. He’s that guy who needs someone around. If I was the kind of girl to follow him from set to set and just be available when he is, we could probably make it work. But I’m not that girl. I’ve got my own shit going on. It was fun for the month or so while we were traveling to promote Rebel Cause, but now? It’s done.”
“Please tell me there were at least orgasms,” Sparrow asked, all ears.
Rian laughed, and I said, “Wow, you’re really into this.”
Sparrow sighed dramatically. “I don’t know about you, but I have been high and dry in t
he desert for far too long. Rian’s story is the only thing keeping me going right now. I’ve got more angst about sex. I need this in my life.”
I laughed along with them. But that one little remark just reminded me that my bed would be empty. It told me that everything I felt with Kannon, under his lips, under his hands, that was over now. The one thing I was happy about was that, for the first time in a long time, I’d been vulnerable with someone. And I knew that was what I needed to do all the time. I couldn’t go back to being closed off. Just a little bit distant, waiting for that rejection. Otherwise, I would never be happy.
It was like Sparrow knew the direction of my thoughts because she said, “Look, he’s my boss, and my friend, and my mentor, but Kannon is an idiot. One day he’s going to realize that he let the best thing in his life go, and he’s going to come crawling back. I hope you make him bleed.”
Rian raised her glass. “Hear, hear for making him bleed.”
I laughed, knowing it was forced, and I raised my glass. “He’s not coming back. Or at least, not coming to Alden. If there was a wishing tree to grant me this one wish and he did come back, I promise, I would make him bleed. And who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t even be available.”
My girls grinned at me. “Amen, sister. That’s what I’m talking about,” Sparrow hooted.
Rian lifted a brow. “Really?”
Sparrow shrugged and laughed. “What? It seems appropriate.”
Rian just rolled her eyes. “Fine, let’s go with amen, sister.” Then we clinked glasses.
Except I knew the truth. I couldn’t even let my heart hope for something like him coming back, otherwise I would always be on this precipice, waiting for him. Waiting for life to happen to me. And I was done waiting.
I was going to live my life in the moment. Make my own plans. I was going to direct my own destiny.
Chapter 20
Kannon
Regrets are for those who forget to live.
Royal Line Page 17