Buff opened his mouth to argue more, but they’d reached the copter and Nadia rushed over to Cerise’s side, stopping them for a second before they loaded her up. He had no idea what she was saying, but she leaned forward and gave her friend a kiss on the cheek and quick hug. As they loaded her into the helicopter he noticed Nadia surreptitiously wiping her eyes.
Without even second guessing himself he strode over to her and gathered her close. He breathed in and caught the faint traces of coconut mixed in with dust and blood. “She’s going to be fine, Boston. They’re both going to be fine. You did everything right.”
Nadia shuddered in his arms and buried her head further in his chest. He closed his eyes, relishing the human contact. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to let someone close. Even before his discharge he’d closed himself off. It had been the only way he’d been able to cope with what he saw on deployment. Why would he share that horror with anyone? If he couldn’t cope, they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to.
But having Nadia lean on him brought a closeness he hadn’t allowed himself to miss. He closed his eyes, but was still aware of what was going on around him. The shouts from the rescue workers as they used chainsaws to clear the fallen trees. Sirens wailing in the night as they arrived to help or left full with injured passengers. The faint scent of moisture in the air again, suggesting rain could be imminent.
The whir and hum of the copter starting up. The slow thwump thwump thwump of the rotors gaining momentum. The wind picking up around them, plastering his fatigues against his legs.
Wait. Something seemed different about his clothes. He opened his eyes and saw the reflective stripe down his pant leg.
Right.
Tornado.
Tarpley, not Afghanistan.
He tightened his hold on Nadia and once again closed this eyes. She was in Tarpley; he fought hard to stay present there with her instead of pulling her back to Afghanistan with him in his mind despite the chaos swirling so close to the two of them.
The rotors were at full strength whipping up the hot sand around him. The little granules were stinging against his bare arms and face as the medic vac copter lifted off, taking the soldier he’d worked on for hours to a base where he could get further treatment. The soldier’s life would never be the same again. Buff hadn’t been able to save his legs. He’d have to learn to walk with prosthetics.
No, he wasn’t back there, he was in Texas, but as much as his mind tried to grapple to hang on to the present, he was being sucked back into the past. Where everything he did seemed like a failure to him. No matter the reassurances from the other doctors and nurses, nothing made him feel better. He had to do this by himself. No one could fix what he was feeling except himself. So why was he clinging to someone?
More to the point, who was this person? Hadn’t he just told everyone he needed to be alone?
He shoved whoever it was away and began to walk in the opposite direction. He needed space. He needed to be alone.
Nadia’s head ached and her eyes were gritty from the tears she’d cried for Cerise and the dust the helicopter had swirled up. But being in Buff’s arms was magical. His strength was seeping into her bones, rejuvenating her to get back in and help those who needed it.
And yet she’d lost him. The second his muscles tensed and the arms that had been comforting a second before were now like bands of steel. He was succumbing to another attack.
Buff shoved her away and began striding off, away from her. She couldn’t let him go off like this. There was still so much going on around them. What if he was so lost in his thoughts that he walked on a live wire from a downed powerline? What if he walked into a ditch and hurt himself? She had to go after him. Had to make sure he was okay. Try and talk him out of the attack. No way was she going to kiss him again. Nadia couldn’t believe she’d done that to him at the barbeque. Buff had been right when he called her out on her actions. She’d been acting as a woman, not a doctor. He’d been in pain and she’d just wanted to take it away from him.
Nadia set off after him, taking in the devastation around her. She couldn’t believe that she’d survived the tornado after having seen what had happened to Randy’s place. All around her, buildings were totaled or half destroyed. Trees were uprooted and there were cars with broken windows. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms as a shiver of fear consumed her. She had to shake it off though. No way could she help Buff if she allowed the fear to overwhelm her.
“Buff!” She called out, his step faltered but he didn’t stop, he continued on his way. The way he picked his way over the debris scattered on the field, at least he had some semblance of understanding of his surroundings. Maybe he’d walked himself out of his attack and he was just taking a few minutes to get himself under control before he went back to help more victims.
When they’d been working on both Randy and Cerise, Nadia had a glimpse of the army medic he’d been. He’d been cool and calm and had taken the lead on Cerise. For that she was grateful. As a physician she should’ve been able to separate herself from her feelings when she treated patients, but after the experience of surviving a tornado her emotions had been too close to the surface and Buff had seen that.
Finally Buff stopped at the edge of the field, they were shrouded in darkness. A light misty rain was beginning to fall.
“Buff, are you okay?”
He turned on her. “How the hell can I be okay? A man’s life is never going to be the same again. This war is fucked.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, and she wanted to hold him. Comfort him but she couldn’t. This time she needed to maintain her distance from him.
“But you saved his life. That’s got to mean something.”
“Really? I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I couldn’t save his legs. I had to cut them off. I sentenced him to a life of misery.”
“No, you didn’t, Buff. You did your job. You did what you’ve trained for. He’s going to have an amazing life and his family will forever be grateful to you that you worked hard to keep him alive.”
“Oh Boston, you need to take your rose colored glasses off. Life is not all sweetness and light. His family will probably say all the right things to his face, but behind his back they’ll be crying and cursing me for what I did to the son, brother, lover.”
Boston. He called me Boston.
He’d called her Boston earlier and she didn’t think much of it. But the fact he referred to her by the nickname while lost in an attack had to mean something. Was caught between the past and the present? If so, it should be easy enough to bring him back, shouldn’t it? She had to try.
“Buff, you don’t know that but I’d like to believe that his family would embrace him and thank you for what you did. Like I’m thanking you for taking care with Cerise just a few moments ago. I know she’s going to be okay because you worked on her.”
The muted light, revealed the incredulous look on his face. The way his mouth quirked up at the sides in an almost cynical fashion, as if he felt sorry for her. Well she wasn’t going to let him make her feel bad. She believed Cerise was going to be okay. And yes, she may still believe the more optimistic side of things, and hadn’t grown that cynical doctor skin yet. Maybe she would and maybe she wouldn’t. One thing she did know was that she loved her job and, yes even the most horrible aspects of it when she couldn’t save anyone. But every person she did save was a victory in her mind. Her skills had given a person back to a family and she had to make Buff see that about himself somehow, although the task was proving to be difficult.
Nadia held still when Buff’s hand reached out and he brushed his knuckles against her cheek. The gesture sweet and in complete contrast to his cynicism. “You’ll learn, Boston. You’ll learn that the thicker the skin you develop the better you’ll be.” He dropped his hand to his side and his shoulders slumped. “You’ll get to the stage where they stop becoming people and just become lumps of flesh and blood.”
Nadia shuddered at the tho
ught. She hoped that would never happen to her, but had it happened to Buff? Is that why he left the military? She still didn’t know what branch he’d served in. “I’m sorry if that happened to you and you feel that way. But I saw you tonight, you’re an amazing doctor and I bet and even better surgeon.”
He laughed, but it wasn’t humorous it was almost manic. “So young and stupid. Why am I even talking to you?”
Her back bristled at being called stupid, she was far from stupid. She’d give him a pass this time—maybe. “You know Buff, you don’t know me and you don’t know how I work. And that’s fine, but know one thing.” She closed the distance and poked a finger in his chest. “I’m. Not. Stupid.”
Buff’s hand closed over hers, trapping it against his chest. Beneath her fingers she could feel the steady thump of his heart. Her flesh warmed at the contact and when she looked up at him, time slowed. She steeled her spine to stop from leaning into him. She’d been drawn to him the first time she’d seen him at the barbeque. Had been intrigued and then when she’d helped him with his attack, she’d begun to care for him. It had been so difficult to walk away from him earlier that night when he stopped to talk to her at Randy’s bar. The relief she’d felt when his face poked through the hole he’d created had been instantaneous. She’d wanted to rush into his arms and hold him. Glad that he was safe. Glad that he was there saving her and the others trapped.
Now his eyes glittered in the darkness and in that moment Nadia had no idea if he’d snapped out of his attack and was aware of what he was doing, or he was still thinking he was back fighting in a war he hated.
“Buff?” she asked, quietly.
“Boston, what am I going to do with you?” He whispered and lowered his head toward hers. Nadia froze, surely he wasn’t about to kiss her? She couldn’t let him do that, not if he was still in the throes of his panic attack.
She went to pull her hand out from under his but his free hand came up and repeated his earlier gesture of brushing his knuckles against her cheek. She’d seen her dad do that to her mom and her mom always melted. The love they shared was still as strong as ever and it was a relationship she wanted for herself.
As much as she wanted to think Buff doing that same action meant something, she was also cognizant enough to know this probably wasn’t real and Buff wouldn’t remember what he was doing.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she blurted out when his lips were a breath away from hers.
“Nothing about this is a good idea, but I can’t stop.” Buff responded and pressed his lips against hers. His touch was as she remembered and even though she should pull away, she couldn’t. He’d reeled her into his orbit and she didn’t want to be cast aside.
Nadia took a step so her body was flush against his. Their hands squashed between his chest and hers. Someone groaned. Was it her or Buff? What did matter, she wanted this moment. She angled her head, opening her mouth so they could deepen their kiss.
Lost in Buff’s touch, Nadia was unaware that the rain had gone from a light mist to large drops. The wind had picked up and behind her closed eyes she saw a flash and a second later a loud boom of thunder broke the tranquility of the night.
Buff broke off the kiss and shoved her away. “Fuck, did you kiss me again?”
Disoriented at the abrupt motion it took a full ten seconds for his words to penetrate her mind. Anger steamrolled into her, but she let the wave flow through and out her fingertips. Fighting his anger with her anger wouldn’t solve anything. “No, actually,” she said casually. “You kissed me. Where are we Buff?”
“What? I wouldn’t have kissed you and we’re standing in the rain in a middle of a field in Tar…” Realization struck him that second. “Dammit, not again.”
“Yeah, again.” Another crash sounded, followed by a couple of screams and Nadia whirled around to see if she could make out what had happened. With dealing with Buff’s PTSD attack, the drama of the tornado had been shoved to the side. “We can talk later, we need to help.”
Buff shook his head. “I can’t go back there, I’m not safe.”
Nadia reached out and grabbed his hands. It would be so easy to continue on being annoyed with the way he’d accused her of kissing him, but now wasn’t the time. “Find Pops or one of the other guys. Deal with clearing downed trees or something. But you are safe and your help is needed.”
Exhaustion slammed into her faster than the can falling on her head in the pantry and she swayed a little. Buff’s strong hands clasped her arms, steadying her. The pounding in her head and the ache in her ribs, became more prominent again, as if subconsciously, she’d pushed it aside to deal with Buff’s issues. Now that they were over, her body reminded her that she too had suffered injuries.
All she needed was a minute. Just a minute to get herself centered and then she could go a help. Yet her body was rebelling and had different ideas. She closed her eyes and the world seemed to tilt on its axis. Her legs turned to jelly and if Buff still hadn’t been holding her she was sure she’d collapse to the ground.
A wave of nausea had her stomach rolling and she swallowed hard. The last thing she wanted to do was throw up. “I don’t feel so good,” she mumbled before yanking herself out of Buff’s hold to bend over and emptied the contents of her stomach on the ground.
Wonderful.
Chapter 7
“Shit!” Buff side stepped so he wasn’t in the splash zone. Nadia throwing up wasn’t a good sign. She’d taken a severe hit to the head and instead of taking it easy and having someone look at her, she’d soldiered on and dealt with Randy and the other couple trapped with her.
“I really don’t feel well, Buff,” she whispered before she swayed again. This time he caught her and swept her up in his arms, holding her tight against his chest. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she burrowed down against his chest.
For a few heartbeats Buff stood still, savoring the feel of her in his arms. How quickly things change. A few minutes ago he’d been lost in another PTSD attack and now he was aware of his surroundings. What had happened and had a very sick Nadia in his arms. He needed to take care of her.
“Come on, Boston. Let’s get you looked at. I’m pretty sure you’ve got a concussion. You need to be resting not working.”
“I’m fine. Let me just rest my eyes a moment and then I can get back to helping people.”
Sleeping was the worst thing a concussed patient could do. “No. Let me say it again, in case you missed it the first time. You’re exhibiting signs of a concussion, you can’t fall asleep. You know that.”
Buff strode across the field, his large steps eating up the distance. He couldn’t believe how far he’d walked while lost in his mind again. A flash of calling Nadia Boston, while he’d been in the clutches of his attack, worked its way into his thoughts. Perhaps he hadn’t been totally out of it. That would a first though. Whenever he’d had his attacks he’d never been able to recall anything from them. All he recalled was when he became aware of his surroundings again, nine times out of ten he wasn’t standing where he last remembered being.
He wanted to stop and concentrate his thoughts inward to see if he could remember more of the attack he’d just experienced, but he couldn’t. Nadia needed looking after first.
“I’m so tired, Buff. My head hurts. My ribs ache. And I think I’m going to throw up again,” Nadia moaned.
Buff had her feet on the ground before she finished speaking and Nadia again bent over and threw up. There wasn’t a lot that could come out but throwing up twice within the space of ten minutes ratcheted up his anxiety about the seriousness of her head injury. She’d also mentioned sore ribs too. That would explain the way she’d been holding her side and wincing every now and then when she breathed in.
Once she finished retching he picked her again. They were getting closer to the flashing lights of the first responder vehicles. Somehow while he’d been working to get the others in the pantry free and working on Cerise, his radio had slipped out
of his pocket. Normally he clipped it on, but tonight, for some reason, he just shoved it in his pocket. Rookie mistake and one that he regretted, because if he’d had his radio he could’ve notified Pops that he needed an ambulance ASAP.
But no point lamenting what he didn’t have. He was close and Nadia would get the help she needed. He would make sure of it.
Two hours later, Buff poked his head into the darkened room where Nadia lay. She was sleeping, but a nurse was in the room with her, checking her vitals and prodding her awake.
“Time to wake up Dr. Fletcher.” She waved a pen light over her face and Nadia’s hand came up, swatting at it as if it was an annoying fly.
“Let me sleep,” she grumbled and Buff chuckled.
The nurse looked over her shoulder and grinned. Nadia’s reaction was probably the same every time the nurse handled a concussed patient. “You’ve got a visitor, Dr. Fletcher, so that’s another reason to wake up.”
“My family wouldn’t visit. They live too far away.”
The nurse patted her arm. “Well there’s a gentleman here to see you, but I’ll have to send him away if you don’t co-operate.” The nurse glanced over her shoulder at Buff and winked.
He winked back and stood to the side, just out of Nadia’s line of vision so as not to distract her. The nurse had questions she needed to ask. He was aware of the drill of dealing with concussion patients and he didn’t want to disrupt that.
“Can you tell me where you are, Dr. Fletcher?” asked the nurse.
“Kerrville Medical Center.”
“Do you know why you’re here?”
“Tornado in Tarpley and a can of something hit me on the head.”
“Very good.” The nurse checked items off on her tablet. “What month is it.”
“June.”
“Okay good, you passed.”
“Fabulous. Now can I go back to sleep?” Nadia shifted in the bed and Buff’s eyes were drawn to her slender arm lying on top of the blankets, an IV attached. Her head was covered in a bright white bandage. He imagined her ribs would be bandaged as well.
Fighting For Nadia (Police and Fire: Operation Alpha) (Tarpley VFD Book 6) Page 6