The question was, how to approach the thing. She might love him, but she didn’t trust him: that much was obvious. Well, why should she? He’d broken her heart, then spent the ensuing years sleeping with half the girls in town while teasing her mercilessly every time they ran into one another. Not that she hadn’t always given as good as she’d got in that respect, but trading verbal blows all the time was hardly the foundation of a solid romantic relationship.
And Ben knew, now, that a relationship was what he wanted. For the first time in his life, the idea of settling down with just one woman didn’t fill him with existential dread. Cal was right: he couldn’t live the way he had been doing forever, and if he was going to take a punt on monogamy then there was no one else he wanted to do it with but Bridie Morgan. She was perfect.
Well, all right, not perfect. She had a quick temper, that was certain. A sharp tongue, too; he had the scars to prove it. He’d noticed when she wore her hair up that her ears stuck out a bit. But when Ben thought of those things, they just made him smile to himself and long to see her all the more. God, he missed her: temper, sarcasm, ears and all.
Had she believed him when he’d confessed everything to her at camp? She’d said she had, but then why hadn’t she been in touch? Was she still angry with him for kissing her under false pretences at the party?
He stared at the fresh sheet of paper, again trying to arrange the jumble of words in his head into some sort of order. This had seemed like such a good idea, getting them all down on paper where Bridie could read them instead of having to listen to the sort of gibbering nonsense he tended to come out with when he tried to speak to her in person. But every time he put pen to paper, it came out wrong.
He tried again.
Dear Bridie,
I wanted to write to explain about stuff, since it always sounds daft when I try to say it to your face. The truth is, I think you rock. You’re really fit and I don’t even mind your sticky-out ears or anything like that. I wouldn’t change a thing about you, Bride, promise, because I—
This was the bit where he always lost the flow. The word he wanted to write, the word he knew he had to write, just sounded so… final. He had a horrible image of Bridie reading it to herself then cracking up laughing, right in his face.
But it needed to be in there, or what was the point? He closed his eyes, then forced himself to go on.
—because I love you. There, I finally said it. I actually don’t think I love anything in the world as much as you. That’s weird, right? I suppose I’ve been hiding from it for years, just like you have. I thought you hated me so I buried it deep inside me. Now I know that’s not true, I know that it’s OK to tell you I feel the same way you do. Or I hope you do. Cal said you did. Anyway, I guess what I’m asking is: Bridie Morgan, will you go out with me? Sorry that question’s ten years later than it should’ve been.
That’s all,
Ben x
PS: I miss you when I don’t see you for ages.
PPS: I think you’re really funny even when you’re being a dick to me. Also, your arse is fucking amazing.
PPPS: Sorry this letter’s so shit.
RSVP (that’s French for write back)
When he was done, he looked over what he’d written and grimaced.
Ugh, this was worse than his last attempt. I think you rock? I don’t even mind your sticky-out ears? Your arse is fucking amazing? Christ almighty, Ben. Evidently he was not a natural composer of the classic love letter. And Bridie was an English teacher: she was used to reading poems and sonnets and all that sort of soppy crap. He crumpled it up and sent it to join its brothers in the bin.
Ben stared at the blank sheet of paper underneath for a moment, hesitated, then got to his feet.
Right. This was not working. If he couldn’t confess how he felt in writing, he’d just have to man up and go do it face to face.
He looked at the box that had been delivered that morning, containing the T-shirts for the Sten do in a month’s time. That gave him an excuse to go over to Bridie’s place without looking too desperate or stalky, at least. But first, he needed to get changed: something a bit more fitting for a love declaration than his current outfit of baggy T-shirt and lounge pants. He opened the cupboard to select an outfit.
Twenty
‘What about Jeff the Giraffe?’ Cal said, picking up the stuffed toy from the top of Hattie’s chest of drawers. ‘Am I throwing him in a box with the rest of your rubbish or do you want to transport him separately? I know you’ve been weird about putting toys in storage since I let you watch Toy Story 3.’
Hattie was sitting on the edge of her bed, gazing absently at a framed photo of the two of them she always kept on the bedside table.
‘Hattie?’ Cal said when she didn’t answer.
‘Hmm?’ She looked up. ‘Oh. Sorry, love, did you ask me something?’
‘Come on, Hat, wakey wakey. I can’t pack you up all on my own.’ He pecked at the side of her face with Jeff the Giraffe, hoping to make her laugh, but she only smiled vacantly.
‘What’s up, sweetheart?’ he said gently, putting the toy down and sitting by her on the bed. ‘I thought you’d be bouncing with excitement today. I’ve been thinking about nothing for weeks but the day I could finally take you home with me to keep.’
‘Sorry, Cal.’ She leaned over to kiss his cheek. ‘I am excited, promise. I suppose I can’t help feeling sort of sad at the same time though. The end of my old life, beginning of a new one. I can’t wait to wake up with you every day, but I’ll still miss Bridie to bits.’
‘Hey, Hat!’ Bridie’s voice called up the stairs. ‘I found your Zara top in with my whites all shrunk, so I’m going to cut it up for dusters, all right?’
‘She pinched it out of my ironing and hid it in her room, she means,’ Hattie whispered to Cal. ‘She always did think it looked better on her.’ She raised her voice to shout back. ‘Yeah, OK. If it’s ruined you might as well have it.’
‘Thanks! Hey, do you really want this Tape Deck Heart album? Because the sleeve would look great on the wall in my bedroom.’
‘Oh, no. You’re not having any of my vinyls. Put it in the record box with the others.’
‘Ugh. All right.’
‘You sure you’ll miss her?’ Cal asked Hattie, smiling.
‘To pieces,’ Hattie said. ‘Although I’m beginning to regret accepting her offer to help me pack. I’ll have nothing left by the time I make it to your place.’
‘Our place, you mean. You’d better get used to calling it that.’
‘I guess I had.’
Cal lowered his voice. ‘How’s the plan going, do we think?’
‘Well, Bride seemed a bit dazed after we worked the old “overheard conversation” trick on her at camp but I think it definitely worked,’ Hattie said. ‘She’s barely mentioned Ben to me these past few weeks.’
‘Is that a good thing?’
‘When she insults him to me at least four times a day usually? I think it is. Plus, get this: I caught her going through an album of old photos before. She had the gooiest look on her face when I walked in on her, and I know for a fact she snuck one of them out. I’d bet anything it’s of Ben. How’s your guy getting along?’
‘A bit the same. Half in a dream, forever gazing off into the distance like he’s modelling underpants or something, irritable for no reason. He hasn’t even looked at a woman since he overheard me and Pete talking, let alone chatted anyone up, which is a miniature miracle in itself.’
Hattie smiled. ‘We make quite a team, don’t we? Dishing out happy endings like workaholic fairy godmothers.’
‘I like to think so.’ Cal held his palm up for Hattie to high-five.
‘Shall we give them another nudge, do you think?’ he asked her. ‘They can’t just sit around being lovesick forever.’
‘No, we’ve played our part. They’ll come together of their own accord in the end, I’m certain of it. Especially with a lovely romantic wedding on t
he horizon.’
‘Except they hate romance. And weddings,’ Cal said, laughing.
‘They want us to think they do. That’ll soon come crashing down when they give in to their feelings.’ Hattie looked back at the photo of her and Cal together and smiled. ‘That was a good day, wasn’t it? When we went to the fair?’
‘And there’ll be many more good days to come. I can’t wait to spend my life with you, Hat.’
‘Yes,’ she murmured, her gaze still fixed on the photo. ‘Yes. I genuinely believe that.’
‘All right. Not quite the response I was expecting.’ Cal took her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘Are you sure you’re OK, love? You’ve been away with the fairies all afternoon.’
‘I’m OK. I told you, it’s just overwhelming. Everything changing.’
‘Are you sure that’s all?’
‘Yes.’ She sighed and put the picture down. ‘No.’
He felt a stab of worry. ‘What is it then?’
‘Cal… that night I was away, when I rang and you didn’t answer…’
‘I said I was sorry about that. I fell asleep.’
‘Is that all?’
‘Well, yeah.’ He frowned at the anxious expression on her face. ‘Why?’
‘I wondered if, um… if you might’ve had friends over or something. You looked rough as hell the next day at camp.’
He looked into her eyes, filled with worry and love, and sighed. ‘All right, I’ll come clean. I wasn’t lying; I did fall asleep waiting for you to ring. But before that… Joanna came over.’
‘Joanna! Your ex Joanna?’
‘Yeah. She was up this way talking at a conference or something and she asked if we could meet to catch up.’ Cal knelt in front of her to take her hands. ‘Sorry I didn’t tell you, Hat. It was supposed to be the four of us meeting up for a drink – me and you, and her and that actor bloke she married. Then you were away, and she wanted to come to the house, and when she turned up without the husband and a bag full of champers…’ He sighed. ‘I thought it might upset you, the idea of us alone together. I know you don’t like thinking about me with her.’
Hattie shook her head, drawing her hands away. ‘What upsets me is you hiding it from me, Cal. I mean, what am I supposed to think when I hear about attractive blonde women dropping round while I’m away and not leaving until the next morning?’
Cal frowned. ‘Eh? She left around ten.’
‘That’s not what Mrs Bradley said.’
‘Well, she got it wrong. I told Jo to go out of the back door so the neighbours wouldn’t see.’ He took one of her hands again and gave it a squeeze. ‘You didn’t honestly think I’d spent the night with her, did you? You can’t believe I’d do that to you, Hat.’
‘Well, no, of course not, but… I mean, obviously I trust you, Cal, but you did lie about her coming over.’
‘I didn’t lie about it. I just didn’t mention it. I didn’t want you to get upset over such a little thing, that’s all.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘A little thing?’
‘Well, it was a little thing. It just might’ve looked like a bigger thing and I didn’t want it preying on your mind in the run-up to the wedding.’ He bowed his head. ‘Sorry. That was stupid, wasn’t it?’
She nodded. ‘Enormously. What did you get up to then?’
‘We had a few drinks, talked about old times. It was pretty awkward, to be honest, but I didn’t have the heart to cut it short early. She seemed so… dunno, sort of sad.’
Hattie snorted. ‘Sad? Cal, she looks like a supermodel and she’s got an Olympic-size swimming pool in her backyard.’
‘Her marriage doesn’t sound very happy. I felt a bit sorry for her,’ Cal said. ‘Anyway, I’m glad it’s over and we can go back to being just Facebook friends.’
‘Are you?’
‘Yeah. I told you, the whole thing was a bit awkward. She seemed pleased to see me, but we didn’t have anything to talk about except stuff we did together years ago. Honestly, I was squirming the whole time. It feels like we don’t have much in common now she’s living this new life. Our worlds are just too different.’
Hattie smiled. ‘Thanks, Cal.’
He pressed her hand to his lips. ‘So, am I forgiven?’
‘You’re forgiven. Just be honest with me next time, all right? However dodgy something might look, it looks ten times worse for hiding it. That’s not what husbands and wives do, is it? We need to be able to trust each other completely if we’re in this thing for life.’
‘I know. I hated to think of you brooding on it, that’s all. When we look back on this part of our lives, I want it to be filled with joy and wonderful memories. I don’t want it spoiled by something so silly.’ He sat by her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. ‘I love you, OK, Hat?’
‘I love you too,’ she said, smiling more warmly than he’d seen her do all day.
He smiled too. ‘So was that it then, our first big fight?’
‘I guess it was.’
‘What do you say we try to make it our last?’
Hattie laughed. ‘I don’t think marriage works like that, but it’s a noble aim.’
‘Let’s get the rest of your stuff packed up, eh? I’ve got a bottle of prosecco chilling in the fridge to celebrate our first night as roomies.’
‘No, love. No prosecco for me tonight.’ Hattie put a hand on his arm to stop him standing up. ‘Cal, there’s something else I need to talk to you about.’
After the last box of her things had been packed, Hattie threw her arms around Bridie, who was waiting in the living room for her last goodbye.
‘Bride, I’m going to miss you so much,’ she whispered.
‘Me too, sweetie.’ Bridie swallowed a sob. ‘God, you’ve got no idea how much. Best housemate in the world.’
‘I’ll visit all the time. Three times a week. No, four. And stay over on Fridays so we can still do marshmallow hot chocolate night. Promise.’
‘Um, am I going to get to see anything of you at all?’ Cal asked.
Bridie released Hattie to glare at him. ‘No one’s talking to you. Housemate thief.’
‘Yeah. I’m sorry about that.’
‘You don’t deserve her, you know.’
‘I know I don’t, but I’m lucky enough to have her all the same,’ Cal said, smiling fondly at Hattie. ‘I hope you can forgive me one day, Bride. I never meant to make her fall in love with me; it just happened.’
‘Yes you did. You and your evil male wiles, seducing innocent young women. You know, between you and that brother of yours—’ She stopped.
‘Between us what?’
‘Nothing.’
He came over to clap her on the back. ‘Well, you know you’re welcome to come round to ours anytime. I hope your new housemate lets you steal their stuff just as much as this one always has.’
‘No, I’m done with house-sharing. I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world who could put up with me apart from Hattie. I’m going back to living alone, like I was before.’
Hattie frowned. ‘You’re not going to advertise for someone else? You never told me that.’
‘Well. I didn’t want you to feel guilty.’ Bridie embraced her again. ‘All it means is that your room will still be your room, whenever you want to stay over. And of course when it doesn’t work out with Cal and you inevitably come running back to me.’
Cal shook his head. ‘You’re wicked, Bridie Morgan. Putting a curse on us when we’re about to get married.’
‘Oh, you know I’m only kidding,’ she said, smiling. ‘You guys are perfect together. Come here.’
She let Hattie go and pulled him into a hug.
‘All the happiness in the world, Cal,’ she whispered. ‘Just you look after my Hattie, that’s all, or you’ll have me to answer to.’
‘I will.’ He gave her a fond squeeze and released her. ‘You’re sure you won’t be lonely rattling around this place on your own like Miss Havisham?’
‘Are you kidding? I can’t wait. I can put my feet up on the sofa without getting told off by Miss over there, I can pick all the telly, I can walk round in the buff and I can sing in the kitchen as loud as I like while I cook. I’ll be living the dream.’
‘You never know, it might not be for too long,’ Hattie said with a smile. ‘I’m still convinced you’ll meet someone perfect for you one of these days. Before long I bet this place will be heaving with husbands and bouncing Bridie babies.’
‘You know, Hat, it’s traditional to just have the one husband at a time,’ Cal said. ‘At least, I’m hoping that’s something me and you are on the same page about.’ He nudged Bridie. ‘What do you reckon, Bride? Is there life in the old girl yet?’
‘Well… we’ll see,’ she said, flushing slightly.
Cal raised an eyebrow. ‘We’ll see, will we? That’s certainly progress from “men suck and I’m taking holy orders”. You’re not thinking about getting out dating again, are you?’
Hattie clapped her hands. ‘Ooh, yes please! I’ve missed Bridie dating stories.’
‘No. Not dating,’ Bridie said. ‘But… I guess I’ll take what comes. That’s my new life motto.’
‘I like it. Very carpe diem.’ Cal looked at Hattie. ‘What do you think, future wife?’
‘I think there are good things on the horizon for all three of us,’ Hattie said. ‘This time next year, I predict happiness and love for everyone in this room. You wait and see.’
Bridie smiled. ‘Well, thanks, Mystic Meg. Go on, you’d better go while you still can. I’m literally seconds away from throwing myself at your legs and begging you not to leave me.’
‘Yes, I suppose it’s time.’ Hattie gave her a last peck on the cheek. ‘Bye, my love. You take care of yourself, eh? We’ll see you really soon, I promise.’
When she’d gone, Bridie took one look around the bare, cheerless living room, denuded of all Hattie’s possessions, and burst into tears.
Twenty-One
Bridie was still snuffling to herself half an hour later when the doorbell rang. She swore at it for interrupting her pity party, then wiped her eyes on her sleeve and went to answer it.
Love at First Fight Page 18