‘Yes, but you refused the first one so now you have to answer a bonus question as a forfeit,’ Hattie said. ‘New rule.’
‘You can’t just invent rules.’
‘Er, yes I can, I’m the bride,’ she said, straightening her veil. ‘I can do anything I want.’
‘Well… then yes, I guess it’s serious,’ Bridie muttered. ‘I mean it’s pretty new still, but I like him. I really like him actually, if you’re that desperate to know.’
‘Oh my God!’ Hattie reached over to give her hand a gleeful squeeze. ‘This is major stuff, Bride!’
‘It’s not that major.’
‘Yes it is! You hardly ever like anyone you go out with after the third date, if it even gets that far.’
‘You’re exaggerating. I’ve liked loads of people.’
‘You know you haven’t. You’re insanely picky and all your dates seem to go tits up within minutes. It was only a few months ago that you were talking about giving up on blokes full stop. If you like someone, really like them finally, then that is massively major.’
‘The sex is obviously pretty good if your grinning face at school recently has been anything to go by,’ Ursula said.
Bridie smiled. ‘I’m not going to deny that. Better than pretty good.’
It was kind of nice to talk about Ben with the girls, now they’d wheedled the information out of her. Bridie was trying to exercise caution in this new relationship, given her general romantic history – her history with Ben in particular – but she was really excited about how things were going. She couldn’t help it. For maybe the first time in her life she was actually happy: really bloody happy.
She’d been wary, at first: still cautious after being hurt by him before, and worried that someone with Ben’s background might get bored of his first dabble in monogamy and fall back into old habits. But that hadn’t happened, thank God. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her, and there was a core of sweetness under the laddish, swaggering boy she thought she knew that she’d never suspected existed. Slowly, she’d allowed herself to drop defences and let her feelings for him show fully.
But she still didn’t want to reveal who her mystery boyfriend was to her friends; not just yet. Aside from the fact they’d tease her mercilessly after all the years she and Ben had apparently been mortal enemies, Bridie liked having her own special, secret Ben she could keep to herself. Everything was still so new and beautiful: the intoxicating excitement of being in love making her feel like she was a teenager again. They had plenty of time to share their relationship with other people, but right now she loved the fact it was just for them.
‘So will we ever be allowed to know who he is, this perfect boyfriend and all-round sex god?’ Hattie asked.
‘Soon, if it keeps going well.’ Bridie smiled to herself. ‘But not just yet. Sorry, girls.’
‘Well, drink up, ladies,’ Meg said as she downed the last of her drink. ‘What do you think? One more then we hit the Pleasure Beach?’
‘Sounds good to me.’ Bridie glanced at the dregs left in Hattie’s glass. ‘What’s that, another one of those bellini things?’
‘Yep.’
‘Here, let’s have a try then. I might have one next.’
Hattie looked alarmed as Bridie swiped her glass. ‘Bridie, I’d really rather not—’
But it was too late, Bridie had already taken a sip. She frowned.
‘Wait. This isn’t…’
She trailed off as she noticed the pleading expression in Hattie’s eyes.
‘Um, this isn’t… at all what I thought it’d be like.’ She downed the rest, stood up and rested a hand on Hattie’s shoulder. ‘Hat, come help me get another round in.’
‘Oh my God oh my God oh my God!’ Bridie hissed as soon as they were out of earshot of the others. ‘OK, there’s only one reason I can think of why a bride would be swigging pure virgin fruit juice on her hen do and telling her mates it’s a bellini. Is it? Tell me it is.’
Hattie flushed, smiling. ‘It is.’
‘Arghhh! Come here immediately, you.’
Bridie grabbed her friend for a tight hug, rocking her from side to side in her excitement.
Hattie laughed. ‘All right, don’t squeeze me to death.’
‘Sorry.’ Bridie loosened her grip slightly. ‘I’m just so thrilled for you, Hat. I know how much you’ve always wanted this.’
‘Bride, you have to cover for me with the girls, OK?’ Hattie said in a low voice. ‘Cal and me only found out a month ago ourselves. I really want to keep it quiet until we’ve had the three-month scan – even my mum and dad don’t know yet.’
‘I won’t tell a soul, cross my heart.’ Bridie released her friend from the hug and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. ‘God, this is the best year. Now I get to be a maid of honour and an aunty-in-waiting all in one go.’
Hattie smiled. ‘I thought you hated being a maid of honour.’
‘Well, it’s starting to grow on me.’ Bridie gave her arm a squeeze. ‘Come on, Mummy, let’s get these drinks in. Then I guess I’ll just have to do my best to pretend I’m not buzzing with excitement for the rest of the trip.’
‘We could just make a quick stop at Heavenly Bodies,’ Pete said as the stag side of the party wandered around Blackpool Pleasure Beach. ‘I know the bloke who owns it and he’d give us ten per cent off lap dances.’
Ben shook his head. ‘Let it go, can you, you randy old bugger? You heard the girls. No strip clubs allowed.’
‘Well what the girls don’t know won’t hurt them, will it?’ He patted Cal on the arm. ‘It’s your brother I’m thinking of. This is Cal’s last big boys’ weekend as a single man.’
‘Yeah, but I don’t want a lap dance,’ Cal said.
‘But I bloody do.’ Pete glanced at the rollercoaster track rising high above them. ‘Sorry, but these aren’t the sort of high-octane thrills I usually associate with stag parties.’
‘They used to call my dad the Big Dipper,’ Adrian observed to nobody in particular. ‘Till my mum caught him at it.’
Pete nudged Ben. ‘I thought at least you’d be on my side. I’ve never known you to say no to naked girls.’
Ben shrugged. ‘Well, maybe I’m finally growing out of all that stuff.’
Pete scoffed. ‘What, you? I don’t believe it. How come?’
‘There just comes a time in a man’s life when he starts to reflect on what’s really important, that’s all. Makes you think, turning twenty-nine.’
‘Have you been down the vet’s to have your nadgers off or something?’
‘Or something.’ Ben nodded to a rollercoaster called the Avalanche, with a bobsled-style track and cars. ‘Anyone fancy that? Looks like a laugh.’
‘My lap dance idea was better,’ Pete muttered.
‘Look, Pete, if it’ll cheer you up then I’m happy to sit on your knee while we go round.’
‘That’s not really much of a substitute, thanks all the same.’
‘I’m up for the bobsledding thing,’ Adrian said. ‘I’ve wanted to have a go ever since I saw Cool Runnings.’
‘I won’t bother,’ Cal said. ‘I can wait for you all here.’
Ben glanced at him. ‘You sure, bruv? It’s your stag and you haven’t been on anything yet.’
‘Yeah, I feel a bit sick. Long bus trips don’t agree with me.’
‘All right.’ Ben was about to go join the queue with the others when an instinct held him back. ‘You’re sure that’s all?’
‘Course. What else would it be?’
Ben hesitated a moment before going back to his brother.
‘You lot go ahead,’ he said to the rest of the party, waving them on. ‘I’ll sit this one out with our Cal.’
When they’d gone, he took his brother’s elbow and guided him to a nearby bench.
‘All right, what’s really wrong?’ he asked. ‘I might not be the most perceptive of brothers, but it’s obvious you’re lacking the joie de vivre that I’d expect to see in
a man on his stag do.’
Cal shrugged. ‘Just tired, that’s all. Weddings are a bastard to organise. I feel like I haven’t had a break in months.’
Ben examined his face for a moment.
‘There’s something else,’ he said slowly.
Cal sighed. ‘Yeah.’
‘Go on then, fill me in.’
‘All right. But first you have to promise not to bollock me.’
Ben frowned. ‘Why, what’ve you done that I’d need to bollock you for?’
Cal grimaced. ‘I kind of – totally accidentally – spent the night with Joanna.’
‘You did what?’
Cal clocked the horrified expression on his brother’s face and shook his head. ‘God, no, not like that. I just mean she came over for a drink. When she was in the area last month.’
‘You never told me you saw her.’
‘Well no, because you’d go all glarey about it, wouldn’t you? I know you can’t stand her.’ Cal groaned. ‘And now… Jesus, Ben, I’m in a right mess. I’ve really cocked up. I mean, it wasn’t my fault – I only ever agreed to have a coffee with her – but it seemed to sort of spiral and then Hat found out about it and we had a big row—’
Ben held up a hand to cut him off. ‘All right, stop. Tell me from the beginning, Cal.’
‘Right.’ Cal took a deep breath. ‘So. Joanna sent me a message a few months ago asking if me and Hat fancied meeting her and the new hubby for coffee when they came to town.’
Ben frowned. ‘Hmm. I don’t like the sound of that.’
‘Why not? It seemed like an innocent enough proposal to me. OK, Jo was always pretty adventurous sex-wise, but I was sort of working on the assumption she hadn’t got into swinging since me and her broke up.’
‘I don’t trust her, that’s all. You can never take anything she says at face value.’
Cal shook his head. ‘Why are you always like this about her?’
‘I’m just wary of her. She’s slippery as fuck, that woman,’ Ben muttered. ‘Anyway, I must be right or you wouldn’t have that look on your face.’
‘She didn’t do anything all that wrong really. Like I said, things just seemed to spiral. She texted me when Hattie was away at camp with you guys, asking to come round because she’s too big a star to go out in public or whatever. Then she turned up without the husband and a bagful of posh booze and suddenly it all just felt a bit like a date.’
‘But it wasn’t a date. Was it?’
Cal grimaced.
‘Cal,’ Ben said in a low voice. ‘Seriously. What did you do?’
‘Nothing! I swear I didn’t do anything. I mean she was pretty touchy-feely all night, but she was kind of down about some marital problems she’d been having so I just thought she was lonely. Then she…’ He winced. ‘She kissed me.’
‘I fucking knew it!’ Ben said. ‘I told you she was no good. Please God, tell me you told her where to go.’
‘Well, no. Not exactly.’
‘You didn’t kiss her back though? You put a stop to it?’
‘Course I didn’t kiss her back.’ Cal closed his eyes. ‘But… let’s just say I could’ve put a stop to it a bit faster.’
Ben shook his head. ‘Oh no, Cal.’
‘I didn’t do it on purpose! She’d got me sloshed on fizzy stuff so my reactions were all sluggish. I mean, the shock of it was enough to freeze me to the spot for a second.’
‘But you didn’t kiss her back. You’re certain of that?’
‘Course I didn’t.’
‘Right. Where were your arms then?’
‘Just sort of dangling about, I think,’ Cal said. ‘Not on her, that’s for sure.’
‘Your tongue? Where was that?’
‘In my mouth, obviously. Which was clamped firmly shut, by the way.’
‘And your lips, what were they doing?’
‘They were as inert as a pair of dead slugs, Ben, I promise you. I just sat there like a pissed, dopey lemon with Jo’s mouth stuck to my face for a few seconds till my brain caught up with what was going on and I pushed her away.’
‘Well, then what happened?’ Ben asked.
‘God, it was so awkward. I tried to make a joke of it, there was a bit of forced laughter on both sides, then she gave me a hug and left with what I thought was mutual unspoken agreement we’d never see each other again.’
‘She’s like a bloody albatross, Joanna Fitzroy,’ Ben muttered. ‘Wherever she goes, disaster follows.’
‘You’re too hard on her, Ben. It wasn’t like that.’
‘Yeah? She’s coming on to you when she knows you’re about to marry someone else, with a husband of her own at home. How does that make her any better than Dad?’
‘She was drunk. Drunk and upset,’ Cal said quietly. ‘I think she lives a pretty lonely life now. I got the impression talking to me was the first time anyone had listened to her in a long time. Honestly, I felt sorry for her.’
Ben examined him keenly. ‘Be honest, were you even a bit tempted? You thought she was the mutt’s nuts once upon a time, didn’t you? Couldn’t get enough of her.’
‘Maybe the smallest amount,’ Cal admitted. ‘But that was just instinct and hormones; it didn’t mean anything. All I had to do was think of Hattie and everything I stood to lose, and that was that. I mean, after everything that happened with Dad, that’s the last thing I’d ever do to someone I loved. I swear to you, I didn’t do anything wrong except being too British to just tell Jo to bugger off when she asked to see me.’
‘Hmm. And you said Hattie knows all this?’
‘No,’ Cal muttered. ‘She only knows Joanna came over. I didn’t tell her about the kiss. We had a big enough row just about me seeing her; I didn’t want to rock the boat any more.’
‘Is she still pissed off about it?’
‘No, we kissed and made up. It’s not Hat I’m worried about.’ He sighed. ‘It’s Joanna.’
‘Oh, screw Joanna,’ Ben said, scowling. ‘Let her sort out her own problems. She’s not your responsibility.’
‘I mean, I’m worried I might’ve led her on or something. You know, because I didn’t push her away as quickly as I would’ve done if I’d had my wits about me. She keeps messaging me, asking if we can see each other again.’
Ben shrugged. ‘Tell her to sod off then. Block her if you have to.’
‘I don’t want to be cruel for the sake of it, Ben. She’s going through a rough time. I just wish she’d find someone else to be her shoulder to cry on, that’s all.’
‘Why doesn’t she?’
‘Who knows?’ Cal said. ‘Like I said, she seemed lonely. Said she wanted someone real to talk to. Her world’s full of frauds and phonies now, it sounds like.’
‘Then she ought to fit right in,’ Ben muttered. ‘You want my advice, little brother?’
Cal sighed. ‘God, do I?’
‘Come clean to Hattie. Tell her everything – the kiss, everything. You’ll feel better for being completely honest.’
‘Yeah, but it sounds bad, doesn’t it? It could sound kind of like I kissed Jo back, and Hattie already feels threatened by her. I don’t want Hat thinking I’m capable of doing something like that when we’re about to get married.’
‘It’ll sound worse if she hears about it from someone else.’
‘Like who, Joanna?’ Cal shook his head. ‘No, I really don’t want Hat being worried or upset by anything. There’s more at stake now than there was before.’
‘How do you mean, more at stake?’
Cal looked bashful. ‘I mean, now Hattie’s got another little life depending on her.’
‘Another little…’ Ben’s eyes widened. ‘Shit! Really?’
‘Yep.’ Cal glanced towards a cloud of pink with one little white blob in the centre floating through the entrance. ‘Those are our hens, I think. Don’t say anything, will you, bruv? It’s early days yet. We don’t want to tell anyone until we get into safer territory.’
Ben laughed a
nd grabbed his brother’s hand to give it a hearty pump. ‘Not a soul. Well done, eh? Mum’s going to be made up.’
‘You see now why I don’t want to tell Hat? It’ll sound worse than it was. It’s not good for her to get upset in her condition, and this really isn’t something worth getting upset over.’
‘Course. Course I do. You made the right call, kid.’ Ben left off shaking his brother’s hand, but only so he could start slapping him on the back instead. ‘Bloody hell. A baby! I can hardly… Look, if I can do anything you let me know, OK, Cal?’
Cal smiled. ‘Thanks, Ben. I appreciate that.’
‘Now put all this business with Joanna out of your mind and enjoy the rest of your stag weekend, eh? Me and Bride worked hard to organise this.’
Cal lifted an eyebrow. ‘Been spending a lot of time with her, have you?’
Ben shrugged. ‘Not had much choice really. We’ve had a lot to sort out.’
‘That must’ve been tough. I know you two can’t get on for more than a maximum of thirty seconds without going for each other’s jugular. Sorry for inflicting it on you, Benjy.’
‘Yeah, well. Anything for my kid brother, eh?’
Cal glanced archly at him. ‘Still, I don’t think you need to be going over to hers every night. I’m sure it doesn’t take that much organising.’
‘Who said I’d been going over every night?’
‘Just something I heard on the grapevine.’ Cal nodded to the hen party, who’d spotted them and were heading their way. ‘Here come the girls.’
Twenty-Six
‘What’re you doing here?’ Bridie demanded when the group of women reached Ben and Cal.
‘Getting our endorphin fix before tonight, since strip clubs have been declared off limits,’ Ben said. ‘What are you lot doing here?’
‘Eating candy floss. Here, help yourself.’ Bridie handed him her stick. ‘Where are the other boys?’
Ben pointed to the Avalanche. ‘On that thing. Me and Cal were just taking a timeout.’
Bridie glared at Cal, who’d made a beeline straight for Hattie and was currently hugging her around the middle while she held her candy floss up in the air, smiling fondly at him. ‘Oi. Calvin and Hobbes. No fraternising between stags and hens until this evening.’
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