by Aston, Alexa
Derek already knew being her friend would never be enough.
He thought of his plan to leave London now that Diana was wed. It would be the best way to avoid Amelia but he couldn’t be so unkind to Thea. She was looking forward to being free to walk about again and explore London. Derek decided he couldn’t take that pleasure from her. He’d simply learn to keep his distance from Amelia Trumbull.
After tea today.
He entered the house and bounded up the stairs toward the drawing room, spying a maid rolling in the teacart. Entering behind the servant, he saw Amelia wasn’t their only guest. Diana sat next to Thea on a settee as Finn and Mena played on the floor. The twins spotted him and squealed, running to greet him. After hugging them, he swept one up in each arm and returned them to where Thea was pouring out tea.
“I smelled hot scones and followed my nose. I hope it’s all right if I join you ladies for tea.”
“We wouldn’t have it any other way,” Thea said, handing him a cup and saucer.
They spent a pleasant half-hour together. He made sure not to stare at Amelia for too long or engage her in conversation separate from the others. He’d even taken a seat in a chair instead of the empty space beside her. Finn and Mena had scrambled up next to her and kept asking her questions. She answered them every time, paying them close attention.
“Would you care to read to us, Amelia?” Finn asked. “If you’re finished with your tea?”
“Oh, please!” cried Mena. “That would be lovely.”
Amelia smiled warmly. “I’d be delighted to. Shall we go to the nursery and find a book?”
“I actually have a new book for you,” Derek said quickly. “One I purchased at Evie’s the other day. In fact, Lord Mayfield was there and recommended it to me. Shall I fetch it?”
“Yes, please, Uncle Derek,” Finn said. “Bring it to the schoolroom. We can read there. The light is better than in the nursery.”
“We’ll be back,” he told his sisters. “Enjoy your time together.”
He went to his chamber and claimed the book and then went up the stairs and to the schoolroom, where he presented the book to Mena. She took it to Amelia and then climbed into her lap while Finn sat next to them. Derek knew he should leave but he couldn’t. He remained, standing away so as not to distract them.
Amelia’s voice was perfect for reading and she voiced different characters, which delighted the twins. He couldn’t help but think how right she looked with children surrounding her. She would make for a wonderful mother. Sadness filled him, knowing another man would be their father. How he wished he’d ignored the conversation he’d overheard between her and Thea, where Amelia said she wished to marry for love. That had put him off—and now look where he was. Coveting another man’s wife and doomed to forever feel unrequited love for this woman.
She finished the book and Mena declared, “Read it again, Amelia. It’s so good.”
Just then, the children’s governess appeared. “One reading is enough, Miss Mena. It’s time for you and Master Finn to get a bit of exercise.”
“May we walk to the park?” Finn asked.
“An excellent suggestion,” Miss Gimbel replied. “And remember . . .” Her voice trailed off as her brows rose, prompting both twins to immediately thank Amelia for reading to them and Derek for purchasing the book.
The trio exited the room and Amelia stood.
“They are delightful,” she said wistfully.
“You will soon have some of your own,” he said as he came toward her.
It surprised him to see tears well in her eyes.
“Amelia, what’s wrong?”
A sob broke from her and he brought her to him, feeling her tremble as she wept, her face buried against his chest. An overwhelming feeling of protectiveness descended upon him. Trumbull had to be the cause of her tears. It made him all the angrier at the marquess. She finally calmed and then pulled away, looking fragile and very sad. Derek captured her hands in his.
“I won’t ever have children.”
Her words shocked him. “Is . . . is something wrong?”
She sighed. “Everything.” She sank her teeth into her quivering bottom lip, stilling it. “Do you know what a French letter is?” she asked, the sudden change in the conversation taking him aback.
Why on earth would she ask him such a thing?
“I do. Is that what Trumbull is using? Perhaps he wishes to have some time with you before children come.”
Her jaw tightened. “Trumbull doesn’t ever want children.”
His fingers tightened around hers. “Why?”
“He is on poor terms with Durham. It’s his way of punishing his father, letting the bloodline die out.”
Derek couldn’t imagine Amelia not being allowed to mother children. If he hurt this much for her, he couldn’t imagine what she must be feeling. “Did you know of this before you wed?”
“No,” she said. “I would never have married him if I had. Or if I’d known about . . . the other.” Her eyes dropped to the floor.
“What other?” Derek urged.
She remained mute. He released her hands and cradled her face in his palms. “Tell me.”
“My life is in ruins. I married Trumbull in haste. He . . . he plans . . . he says . . .” She took a deep breath and then blurted out, “I’m still a virgin.”
He stilled. “What?”
Her tears began to flow again. “He doesn’t want to be my husband. Not in that sense. I . . . saw him . . . with Lord Birdville. They were . . .” She shuddered.
His thumbs swiped tears from her cheeks, hiding his response. He’d known Trumbull was a horrible choice as a husband but he hadn’t known just how vile. To have wed Amelia and then condemn her to a life such as this? Rage filled his every limb. He wanted to beat the life out of Trumbull.
“Trumbull told me I’m free to do as I please. See whomever I wish, as long as I’m discreet.”
Amelia gazed into his eyes. “I’m so unhappy, Derek. It would have been better if I’d never wed. I only did it because . . . I was in love with you.”
He sucked in a quick breath. “What?”
“You thought me silly and featherbrained when I’m not at all. But I knew you’d never like me, much less love me, and I wanted you to be jealous and I was stupid, oh, so very stupid, and let Trumbull say what I thought were all the right things and they weren’t and he’s awful and—”
Derek silenced her with a kiss.
It was gentle. Knowing that the brief kiss on her wedding day was the only one she’d ever experienced, he didn’t want to rush her. He wanted to comfort her. Make everything better for her. God help him, he wanted to love her.
He brushed his lips against hers, allowing her to get used to the motion. Then he began kissing her tenderly, his thumbs stroking her cheeks. Amelia’s hands went to his chest, her palms pressing against it, scorching him. His kisses became insistent, more frequent and harder, as his hands slid from her face and down her neck before he enfolded her within his arms.
Derek teased her now with his tongue, urging her to open to him. She did, and his tongue swept inside her mouth. She tasted the spice of the tea and a sweetness he couldn’t name, something that was entirely, indelibly Amelia. Her fingers glided up his chest, to his shoulders, and then toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, sending a shiver of desire through him. He deepened the kiss and Amelia responded. Though a novice, she began mimicking his actions. His heart pounded as a primal urge to possess her ran through him. He fought the urge to push her to the table and make love to her.
He couldn’t take her. She belonged to another, even if her husband had no interest in her. By law, Amelia could never be his. Kissing her now was madness and would only result in heartbreak for them both.
Breaking the kiss, he touched his forehead to hers. They both breathed quickly, almost panting. He inhaled her perfume as he brought her flush against him, feeling her breasts pressing against his chest. What he w
ouldn’t give to erase the mistakes he’d made, knowing she’d rushed into Trumbull’s arms merely because Derek had cast her aside. He would have to live with that the rest of his life. See her unhappiness as the years unwound. Watch her grow old and bitter, never fulfilled with children, much less have a loving husband and safe home.
“Derek?”
“Yes?”
“I know you are not only a man of principle but very kindhearted because you brought Diana back into your family.”
He lifted his head from hers. “I loved her. Father banishing her from Esterley never meant I stopped loving her. I brought Diana home as soon as I could.”
Amelia studied him, a slight frown creasing her brow. “I know it’s asking a lot. I’m not asking for love. I’m just so lonely, Derek. I was hoping you would agree . . . to become my lover. For just one night.”
Chapter Nine
It had taken every ounce of courage Amelia possessed to say the words.
She knew it wouldn’t be fair to Derek to ask for any type of commitment to her. Being tied to Trumbull made that impossible. All she wanted was one night with the man she loved. A night to collect memories to look back on for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t ask for anything beyond that. After all, Derek needed to wed someday. He must provide an heir for his estate. Amelia somehow knew if they went beyond a single night that he might never follow the path chosen for him.
Her heart twisted when she saw the conflict clouding his face.
“It’s all right to say no,” she calmly told him. “I just thought as long as Trumbull suggested I’m free to take a lover, that I might do so.”
Anguish filled his eyes. “I want to, love. Believe me. To spend a night in your bed would be heaven.”
“You are a decent man, Derek. I understand that. Bedding another man’s wife goes against your moral code.”
He clutched her shoulders. “I do love you, Amelia.”
Her heart stirred. She may never have the physical experience but she could treasure the words he’d given her. It would be something to cling to during the lonely nights ahead.
“I know. And I love you.” Her throat tightened. “But I ask that you don’t, Derek. We can never become husband and wife. You need to move on. You’re quite a catch, with your good looks and wealth. Mamas everywhere will push their daughters upon you—and they should. You are an eligible bachelor who needs an heir.” She smiled sadly at him. “You will make a good husband and father.”
His grasp tightened on her. “I cannot leave you in this limbo. What Trumbull has done to you is unthinkable.” His jaw tightened. “I will challenge him to a duel.”
Panic swelled within her. She’d seen what an excellent shot her husband was. She would be sending Derek to a certain death if she allowed him to call out Trumbull.
Quickly, she said, “Whatever for? It doesn’t work that way. He would have to be the one to challenge you if he thought my honor and name had been besmirched. We would have to be caught by others in public in a compromising position. I can’t ever let that happen. I gave him my word that I’d never speak publically about our sham of a marriage and that I would never be found by others with another man. He will let me do what I want, as long as it’s in private.”
“Why did you promise such a thing, Amelia? It doesn’t seem like you.”
She shuddered. “He . . . forced my hand regarding the matter.”
Derek’s golden eyes glowed in anger. “Did he hurt you?”
“Not exactly.” She lowered her eyes, embarrassed to recall what had occurred and how helpless she’d been.
“What did he do to you?” Derek’s tone was deadly.
She thought it better to tell him and be done with it.
“He locked me in my bedchamber,” she admitted. “During our honeymoon.”
“For how long?”
“Three days. While he enjoyed the company of his friends. I certainly wasn’t missed.”
He looked at her with tenderness. “I’m sure you were lonely.”
She nodded. “Lonely. Hungry. I thought the thirst would drive me mad.”
Derek’s eyes widened. “Wait. He starved you?”
“Until I gave in. I did give him my word, Derek. I must never reveal anything about our marriage. It was wrong for me to even tell you.”
“I’ll kill him,” he ground out. “He left you alone all that time while he gallivanted with his friends?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “It’s all right. I survived. My practical nature knew to give in to his demands. I do have more freedom than most wives in the ton, Derek. Trumbull doesn’t really care what I do as long as it doesn’t reflect poorly upon him.”
His hand cupped her cheek as his eyes searched hers. “Will you . . . take another lover?”
“No. I could never be with anyone . . . but you.” Amelia blinked at the tears filling her eyes.
“There has to be a way out of this,” he insisted.
“Divorce?” she said. “You know that’s impossible. Every man in the House of Lords would side with him. Besides, it would break my agreement with him.”
“You could ask for an annulment. There’s been no consummation.”
She shook her head. “That would only bring scandal. It could affect too many people. Oliver and Diana and their children. Colin, though I don’t know if he’d ever raise his nose from his books long enough to think about taking a wife. Even you and Thea could be painted with the brush of gossip, being extended family. Thea hasn’t even made her come-out yet. I wouldn’t want to hurt her chances to make a good marriage.”
Amelia sighed. “No, Derek. My bed is made and I will lie in it for life. I’m not so different from most wives in the ton. I married a man who’s given me a home and his name and title. He will see to my creature comforts. We will lead separate lives, but at least he’s not one to beat me. True, I’ll never have children, but I will have my nieces and nephews. I will spoil them.”
“It’s just so unfair.”
She shrugged. “So it is.”
He looked at her with pity, which she resented. She started to push him away and he caught her in his arms again. His mouth crashed down on hers and he kissed her hungrily, as if he starved for her. Only her. The kiss went on and on, leaving her spent and weak. Finally, he broke it.
“One night,” he said with determination. “We owe it to ourselves.”
Joy filled her. “You’re certain?”
“I’m conflicted,” he revealed. “But I want to do right by you. And by God, I can’t help myself, Amelia. I want you with every breath I take.”
“One night then. Tonight? After the musicale at the Dothbys’?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“I do, Derek. Tonight.”
“You should leave now. We’ve been up here far too long.” He shook his head. “It’s too obvious what we’ve been up to. Go collect your things from the butler and head home. I’ll give your excuses to Diana and Thea that you spent too long with the twins and needed to hurry home.”
He escorted her downstairs. Taking her hand, he kissed it tenderly. “I’ll see you tonight at the Dothbys. And afterward.”
Amelia left the townhouse and couldn’t contain her happiness in the carriage, grinning like a fool. She’d need to check with Trumbull, though, to see how the rules worked. Alighting from the carriage once she arrived home, she asked the butler where her husband was and was led to his study.
“May I speak with you a moment?” she asked.
He put down the paper in his hand and studied her. “You’ve been up to something.”
“I have. I need to understand how to proceed.”
“So you’ve decided on your first lover.”
It would be her only one but she wouldn’t reveal that. “Yes. I’d like to see him tonight after attending the musicale. Should he come here? Or should I go to him?”
Trumbull steepled his fingers. “It’s better if he comes here. I don’t ever want
you seen leaving a private residence in the wee hours of the morning. The front door here remains unlocked after I go out. I have plans of my own after tonight’s event. Have him leave his carriage around the corner and slip in through the front. Instruct him where your bedchamber is and he can go directly to it.”
“And if he sees a servant?” she inquired, still not believing she was having such an outrageous conversation.
“No one will speak to him. The servants know to turn a blind eye to visitors in this house. Your lover can slip from the house once you’ve finished.”
“I see.”
“May I inquire as to—”
“You may not. I won’t ask you about your affairs and expect the same courtesy.”
“It’s Reston,” he said, a knowing look spreading across his face.
Amelia felt her cheeks burn. “Why do you say that?”
“Because he was storming toward Merrifield’s door the morning I left after offering for you. He seemed quite incensed that he’d missed out.”
Knowing that made her feel a little better.
“Be careful,” her husband warned. “Don’t ever get too emotionally attached to any lover. Especially one like de Wolfe. He’s young and idealistic. You don’t want him falling in love with you and challenging me to a duel. Remember, you’ve given me your word—no public spectacle.”
She kept silent, knowing Derek had already suggested it.
“Thank you for letting me know what to do in the future. Will you be escorting me this evening?”
“Certainly. I’ll even drop you off at home before proceeding to my own engagement.” He eyed her with interest. “I hope you enjoy yourself tonight, Amelia. Just remember discretion is what you promised.”
“I won’t forget, Trumbull.”
Derek climbed from his carriage and turned north on foot. His driver had instructions to wait. With each step, the blood pounded more fiercely in his ears.
He was going to be with Amelia.
Everything told him it was the wrong thing to do—and still he trod onward, determined to take what little time they would have together.