by Anna Blakely
Desire, fuckmunch. What you feel for her is desire.
That tiny voice—the bastard—was right. When he’d first seen her in Jake’s office, Matt’s vision had filled with nothing but a raw, angry red. But when he looked at her now…
I want her.
No. No, he absolutely did not. Except, he kind of did.
Didn’t mean anything, right? She was an attractive woman. Of course, he wanted her. Not because it was Kat, but because she was a smart, beautiful, caring woman.
Except she wasn’t caring. At least she hadn’t been with him.
Goddamnit! This was fucking ridiculous. He was standing in a steaming shower in the middle of the goddamn woods actually contemplating what he wanted or didn’t want to do with Katherine Fucking Marsh.
Matt looked down, shaking his head at the solid shaft protruding from his lower half, and something clicked.
That’s it!
This had nothing to do with his heart. He was just horny.
It had been too damn long since he’d gotten laid, and his dick was pissed because he wouldn’t let it slide into Kat’s warm heat.
As a medic, Matt understood there were real, physical and mental side-effects that came with sexual frustration.
He felt like such an idiot.
Lathering his hands up nice and good, Matt set the bar of soap back down onto the shower’s built-in shelf. Then, wrapping his sudsy fingers around his swollen cock, he began to slide his hand back and forth, using long, slow strokes.
Ah, yeah. That’s better.
Shoulders relaxing some, Matt closed his eyes to help focus on the task at hand. Or rather, in his hand.
This was all he needed. A simple, old-fashioned, do-it-yourselfer. Of course, it would be even nicer if it were someone else’s hand stroking his dick.
An image of Kat’s smiling face flashed behind his closed lids. His cock jumped against his palm, and Matt blew out a heavy breath.
He began to stroke a little faster.
Another picture formed, one he’d locked safely away years before. This one was of a younger Kat, and she was smiling up at him from the floor of the abandoned boathouse they used to sneak off to.
Matt’s fist continued to pump up and down, his breaths increasing with the speed of his hand.
Lying on a pallet of blankets, a youthful Kat lay naked beneath him. He was nude, too, their bodies skin-to-skin as they prepared to make love for the very first time.
Matt had already had sex before her, but that day with Kat had been different. It had been the first time he’d made love.
Panting now, Matt could feel the moisture seeping from the swollen tip as he continued to jerk himself off to the most precious memory his mind had ever held.
With a smile, Kat asked him to make love to her as she spread her legs wide, allowing him to settle himself between her thighs. The tip of his sheathed cock pressed against her wet entrance, more than ready to take the sweetest gift she’d only ever offered to him.
No!
Matt’s eyes flew open, his hand releasing his aching shaft. The damn thing was seconds away from exploding, but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get himself off to the memory of Kat’s first time, knowing she’d gone off and given what was his to another man later.
Was it a fucked up thought? Sure. Had he slept with other women? Too many to count. Was he holding her to a ridiculous and shameful double-standard? Absolutely. But he didn’t care.
Yes, he’d had sex since Kat. Lots and lots of sex. But it hadn’t meant shit to him or the women he’d been with.
Kat, on the other hand, had married another man. Had said those precious vows to someone else. Had made a life and a home with someone else.
That should have been his life. His home. She should have said those vows to him.
If she had, if Kat hadn’t ended things with him that day, Matt knew with utter certainty they’d still be married and have half a dozen kids running around by now.
Sonofabitch!
The infuriating woman had ruined everything. And still, to this day, he didn’t know why.
Matt looked down at his softening dick and shook his head.
Fuck that. She may have shattered his soul to the point he was no good for any other woman, but he’d be damned if he let her keep him from jerking off in the goddamn shower.
More determine to come than a teenage virgin, Matt lathered himself up again and went to town. It took a few minutes to get back in the groove, but soon he was more primed than before and almost ready to blow.
Just a few more strokes, and he’d be there.
Feeling ridiculously proud of himself, Matt damn near smiled. His body shook, he was so close. And not one minute of this second round had been spent thinking about Kat.
Until the shower door flew open and he saw her standing in front of him. Holding up a folder with her name on it and looking angrier than he could ever remember her being.
Chapter 6
“What the hell?” Kat held the folder up for Matt to see.
His expression went from a wide-eyed shock to an angry scowl in less than a second. “What the hell, Katherine?”
Taken off guard by the unexpected intrusion, Matt quickly covered himself with his hand. At least he tried to.
“I asked first.” She raised a brow.
Having made them both a quick lunch of sandwiches and pasta salad, Kat had gone to set the table so everything would be ready when Matt was finished with his shower. When she picked up the files to move them, she’d noticed one with her name written on it.
During breakfast, Matt had told her Derek was bringing files on the people most likely to be involved in the scheme to steal the formula. He’d failed to mention she’d been included in that list.
An instant and fierce anger had risen at the sight of her name amongst the others. By the time she’d stormed into the bathroom to confront him, she was downright pissed.
So pissed, she hadn’t even thought about the fact that Matt would be naked behind that shower door.
Kat made the mistake of glancing down.
Now, as she stared at what the infuriating man’s large hand was trying to cover, Kat didn’t know which she felt more. Anger, shock, or…arousal.
He’d taunted her this morning, making that comment about how things could change after so many years apart. It was blatantly obvious he was referring to a certain part of his anatomy. A part Kat couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from.
Boy, had he been right.
When they were younger, she remembered thinking he had to be larger than the average size. Though, she didn’t have anything else to compare him to, Kat had known from that very first time together this man was well-endowed.
Now, standing outside the shower, she couldn’t help but noticed the muscles in his arms and chest weren’t the only parts on his body that had filled out.
Holy. Hell.
The swollen tip peeked out over the top of his large fist, and she could see its base below. Kat’s inner muscles involuntarily clenched at the sight of Matt’s very full erection.
Memories of him sliding in and out of her body made her legs weak with desire, nearly clouding what she’d seen when she first opened that shower door.
Her eyes shot up to his. The sudden image of Matt pleasuring himself sent an unexpected rush of arousal straight to her core. Refusing to let him see that the idea of him masturbating turned her on in any way, Kat stared back at him with disbelief.
“Were you just…” She struggled to form the question, but the unapologetic expression on his face held the answer, anyway. “Oh, my god. You were.” Kat blinked a few times before drawing back, her face twisting with a feigned look of disgust. “Seriously?”
With a simple shrug, Matt’s gaze heated as he smirked. “Either get in here and help me finish the job, Doc, or shut the door. You’re letting all the cold air in.”
She knew the infuriating man had only thrown out the offer to shut her up. It wo
rked.
Kat opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came out. This happened twice more before she was finally able to form a coherent sentence.
Regaining control over the embarrassing situation, she held the folder up again and asked, “Why do you have this?”
“I told you Derek was bringing over a file on everyone in the lab.”
“No.” Kat shook her head. “You told me he was bringing by files on the people you considered suspects.”
“That’s not what I said.”
She quoted him verbatim. “He’s supposed to be bringing me the files on all the people we’re looking into. Hopefully we’ll get a lead from one of those.” Kat raised a brow. “That’s what you told me, Matt.”
A tiny twitch at the corner of one eye was the only sign of recognition he gave. There was a time in their lives he’d found her eidetic memory charming. Clearly, that time had passed.
“We have to look at everyone.”
He can’t read this. “The information in this file is personal. In no way is it related to what happened.” Kat licked her lips. “There’s nothing in here you need to know.”
“Trust me, sweetheart.” His face turned emotionless. “I couldn’t care less about what’s in that fucking folder. Unfortunately for us both, I still have to look. It’s protocol.”
Protocol, my ass. “Don’t spout that crap at me, Matt. You apologized, remember? Told me you only said those things back at the office because you were upset.” Kat’s heart physically hurt knowing he still suspected her. “You made me believe you didn’t really think I was capable of killing my colleagues in order to cover up a plan to sell the formula. A formula I’ve worked years to develop.”
One I put my heart and soul into in order to keep you safe.
His dark eyes narrowed. “Yeah? Well, you made me believe a lot of things, so I guess we both got screwed.”
The dagger twisting inside her chest pressed a little deeper. Doing her best to keep her chin held high, Kat tossed the folder onto the vanity behind her. “I think you should call your boss. Tell him to send someone else from your team to stay with me.”
Surprise flickered behind his angry eyes. “Is that what you want?”
No. “It’s what you want.”
He shook his head. “You don’t have a fucking clue what I want, Katherine.”
“No? Why don’t you enlighten me?”
“I might scare you.”
Kat scoffed. “You could try.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Good!”
“Fine!”
Kat wasn’t sure who moved first. One second they were yelling at one another, and the next, they were in each other’s arms.
With his hands firmly cupping her face, Matt’s lips worked hard against hers. His tongue invaded her mouth, the intrusion demanding and forceful, but she didn’t even consider denying him.
Kat savored every single drop of that first taste, knowing Matt would come to his senses any second now and break free from their spellbinding connection.
His breath was hot as it mixed with hers, his tongue lashing about as he ravished her mouth. She’d done her best to remember everything about him, but those long-ago memories didn’t hold a candle to being here, in the present.
A low, grunting sound escaped from his throat as he pulled her into the shower with him. Hot water splashed loudly as it soaked through her t-shirt and jeans, but Kat ignored it. Her entire focus—her entire being—only cared about one thing, and that was taking everything this man was offering while it lasted.
Did this make her pathetic? Probably. Did she care? Not one bit. Because this was Matt.
The man of her dreams. The other half of her soul. A soul that had been crushed all those years ago when she’d had no other choice but to break his heart and set him free.
Sure, he’d been a total ass since they’d reconnected, but Kat understood why. She took full responsibility, knowing her past actions were the driving force behind his gruff demeanor. Others may call her a fool, but Kat wasn’t worried about anyone else. For the first time in her life, she’d decided to think only of herself.
Dreams of the life she wanted were ruined before she’d ever really had the chance to live, so yes. She was going to take advantage of this moment, however fleeting it may be.
Not because she was naïve or didn’t feel worthy of something more…but because she wanted this.
With her fingernails digging into Matt’s wet, bare shoulders, Kat released a protesting moan as Matt pulled away. Her breasts brushed against his warm, wet chest as her breaths came in hard, heaving puffs.
Fear and panic set in, followed by an immediate rush of overwhelming relief when she realized he wasn’t stopping but rather moving his hungry lips down over her chin and beyond.
“This is stupid,” he growled. Matt brushed his rough whiskers against her. “So stupid.”
His words would’ve brought with them complete and total devastation had she not felt his teeth continuing to nibble as he made his way along her neck. The impressive cock she’d studied earlier pushed angrily against her belly as Matt left hot, rough kisses against her sensitive skin.
“I know,” she breathed, leaning her head to the side.
This was stupid. On both their parts. But damn, if she could bring herself to stop.
Working his way back up to her mouth, Matt’s lips, tongue, and teeth ate at her as though he were a starving man. The way he was devouring her made Kat feel like his final feast.
He made his way to the crevice at the bottom of her throat. She tilted her head back, allowing the access she could tell he wanted. A wave of hot breath stole hers as his tongue traced the slight dip there before Matt made his way back up to her mouth.
Their next kiss became so raw, so impassioned, Kat could no longer hold back the pleasurable moan that had been building from somewhere deep within. Swallowing the sound, Matt released a guttural groan of his own before suddenly ripping his lips away from hers.
The unsettled way he was staring down at her left Kat feeling as though she were on the edge of a very large cliff. Where she stood now felt safe. Right. But if she fell—if Matt’s next words pushed her over—they’d form a cluster of jagged rocks and deadly waves below that would swallow her up and take what was left of her worn and weary heart.
Chest heaving, he kept a strong grip on the sides of her face as he said, “This doesn’t change anything.”
One foot began to slide over the metaphorical edge, but Kat kept herself from falling. She wasn’t that same young, impressionable teenager anymore. No, she was an intelligent adult who knew making a decision such as this would come at a cost. A very high cost.
Being with Matt again would almost certainly cause her more pain and heartache than ever before. She didn’t care. It had been far too long since she’d felt a man’s touch. This man’s touch.
She’d spent countless nights pretending her own hand was his, using the memories of those wonderful, stolen moments with him as a guide. But nothing compared to the real thing.
Blinking against the running water, Kat cupped one side of his face and nodded. “I’m not asking for anything more than this. Just this. Just for tonight.”
Matt’s indecision warred inside him for only a few seconds longer. After that, he was reaching behind her to shut the door and slamming his mouth against hers. Immediately, his hands began tearing at the hem of her shirt as he worked the soaked material up and over her head.
Thank you, God!
A loud slapping sound echoed off the shower’s walls as her shirt fell onto the tiles next to her feet. Not wanting to waste a precious second of their time together, Kat quickly reached behind her back, releasing the clasp on her white, lacy bra.
Slipping it over her shoulders, she let it join her shirt below, her heart beating with the force of a kick drum as Matt stood back and took his fill.
“Jesus,” he mumbled, using a hand to wipe the water from his face.
“Even better than I remember.” His mouth was on her in less than a second.
Kat cried out, her head falling back as his hot lips formed a seal around one of her hard, sensitive nipples. Matt licked and laved and sucked while his free hand kneaded and caressed the other breast.
Taking a moment to give it the same attention as the first, Matt continued to work his magic as Kat ran her fingers through his dark, wavy hair. Teeth pulled against her solid nub, the sensation falling on just this side of pain.
“Matt,” she crooned, his name a rough and needy plea.
As if her breasts were somehow connected to her sex, Kat involuntarily thrust her hips forward in an attempt to grind away the powerful aching now present between her thighs.
“Don’t worry, baby,” he snarled. “I’ll give you what you need.” Heated, almost angry eyes locked on hers as he reached down and yanked the button at her waistband loose. “What we both need.”
Squatting, Matt peeled the wet denim roughly down her legs, taking her white laced panties with them as he went. With her help, they awkwardly freed the garments from both her feet, piling the sopping clothes together.
Rather than stand straight up, Matt wrapped a hand around one of her ankles to guide her legs apart. Once she was positioned to his liking, he dug his fingers into her thighs, holding her in place as he half-bit, half-kissed his way up her legs to the center of her core.
He brought himself eye-level with her sex, the water beating down on them both as she watched him revel in what he was seeing.
Kat should probably be embarrassed by the position, but she wasn’t. After all, this wasn’t the first time he’d had his head between her legs. Somehow, it still felt that way.
Looking down, Kat watched as he brought a hand to the one place she was ready to beg for him to touch. His eyes rose to meet hers, the emotion there so dark, so intense, she couldn’t find a word to describe it.
Never before had she been more nervous—or turned on—than she was in that very moment.
Not wasting any time, Matt traced her bare slit with his middle finger before sliding it deep into her core. Kat gasped as an appreciative moan rumbled through his chest.