Justin turned to give his father one last hard stare of complaint.
“And do a good job!” Reed added.
When the boys had gone into the barn, Reed sat beside Cam on the bench. He took her hand, a gesture she might have found forward from a man she’d only known a couple of days, but instead she let the warmth of his palm tingle along her arm. Now that the attack had subsided, she appreciated having someone near, even if that someone was technically responsible for her discomfort.
“Why do you keep clutching your abdomen, Camryn?” he asked. “Are you experiencing pain?”
She quickly moved her hand. Protecting her babies was what mattered and she often covered her tummy in times of stress. But she could relax now. The baby was fine. Even the slightest of butterfly movements had returned.
“No. Instinct, I guess.”
Reed’s eyes were kind when he asked, “What’s going on? Why the dizzy spell?”
“I told you. I was surprised to see Esther on a horse. And I was upset that no one had talked to me beforehand.”
“I was right here,” Reed said. “I was watching the children the whole time. I know the pony. Esther was safe, I promise you.”
She shot him a glance. “How many times has a parent heard that same statement and lived to see a tragedy occur.”
He sighed. “I can’t help wondering if something else is going on. I get that you probably don’t trust me...” He squeezed her hand. “But you can. I’m not the best disciplinarian in the world, Cam, but I do love my kids. All kids.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what?”
“It’s hard to explain. I feel like I can trust you, but it’s fate I can’t trust. No one can predict what’s going to happen. I feel like I have to protect Esther from anything that can hurt her.” Camryn took a deep breath, grateful for the cool rush of autumn air filling her lungs. “Maybe if I had been out here, if I had been warned, if I could have asked questions...”
Reed smiled. “You know what? You’re right. No two parents operate the same way. My boys have grown up like wild March hares and look at them. Their mouths don’t open that I don’t worry about what will come out of them. Your daughter is calm and polite, so well mannered. And I should have asked you before putting Esther on the pony. I get it.”
She smiled, too. He’d said just the right thing. “And maybe I can admit to being a bit overprotective. I’m sure Esther would like it if I would lighten up where she’s concerned. But it’s hard, you know? Esther and I are alone, just the two of us.”
“Maybe it doesn’t have to be just the two of you,” he said. “You have neighbors. I’d like you to depend on me if you need to. I certainly don’t want you to distrust me.”
“I don’t, Reed.”
“Good. Are you still thinking about the festival this Friday?”
“Yes, maybe,” she said.
He stood. “I’m going in the barn now. You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” Except for feeling out of control.
“Oh, Cam, one more thing...”
She waited.
“You might notice some commotion in the next couple of days. I’m having materials delivered for construction of two metal buildings on my property. Plus there will be a backhoe digging a hole, a rather large hole.”
She twisted her hands together. “You’re digging a hole?” All sorts of strange images came to mind. “What are you doing?”
“I gave up my practice, but I still have to make a living. I’m starting a rehabilitation facility for wounded and endangered low country animals. Got a nice grant from the government. The other building will be a small clinic where I can take a few customers, local people.”
His words started to buzz in her head. Rehabilitation facility, wounded animals, low country wildlife. “And why do you need a big hole?”
“Have to provide a habitat for large turtles, maybe a gator or two.”
Suddenly she pictured strange, dangerous creatures roaming her land, birds of prey swooping down on her chickens.
He must have read the concern in her face, because he walked back to the bench. “Don’t worry. I’m not bringing in more horses. And I’ll have proper security all around. That’s not to say you won’t hear a few squawks now and then.”
A few squawks? She could handle that, couldn’t she? Heavens, her chickens made noise twenty-four hours a day. She looked up into Reed’s eyes. Please don’t make me regret selling your parents that land.
* * *
THE HOUSE WAS quiet when Camryn went into the kitchen. She took a moment to investigate the refrigerator for dinner possibilities. She put the kettle on for tea. Normal things, much needed for a day that wasn’t a bit normal and needed for a person who couldn’t seem to find her own normal.
“Esther, would you come out here, please?” she called after a few minutes had passed.
“I don’t want to!”
Camryn took a deep breath and prepared her tea. “I’m your mother, Essie, and I want you to. We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
Camryn walked to the hallway, stared at her daughter’s closed door. “Come to the kitchen now, Esther. I don’t want to talk to you through this door. And I don’t intend to have an argument about it.”
The door opened and Esther stepped into the hall. Turning sideways, she scooted around her mother as if touching her would deliver the always-perilous cooties. Making as much noise as possible with her bare feet, Esther stomped into the kitchen. Camryn followed her. Esther plopped onto a chair.
“Would you like another cookie?” Camryn asked. “And another glass of milk?”
Eyes down. Feet swinging under the table. “No.”
Camryn sat across from Esther. “Look, I know you’re upset with me. I get that. But there are things you don’t understand. It’s my job to protect you. And sometimes maybe it seems like I might be taking my job too seriously. But, honey...”
Esther lifted her eyes. “I don’t need protecting, Mommy. I’m nine years old. I want to do stuff. You don’t have to treat me like a baby.”
Oh, but I do, Camryn thought. I lost two babies, but fate gave me you. I will protect you as long as I live.
“I was having fun outside. The pony was fun. Justin was being nice to me. And then you came and spoiled it.”
“I never mean to spoil your fun, Essie. And I realize you are growing up. But you need to ask me before you do things that might be dangerous.”
“Why? So you can say no?”
“Not necessarily. So I can be aware of what you’re doing. So I can offer my best advice.”
“Riding a pony isn’t dangerous, Mommy. It’s fun. And Reed was there. He was holding Saucy. We were all laughing and then...”
I know. And then I came outside.
Had she gone too far when she made her daughter get off the pony? Camryn couldn’t convince herself that she had. So often her body told her what to do when her mind hadn’t processed the situation yet. The panic attack was her body’s way of telling her that Essie shouldn’t be on the horse, that Essie’s health and safety were suddenly in someone else’s hands. Camryn simply couldn’t put any part of raising her daughter in someone else’s hands. Not yet.
She reached across the table and entwined her fingers with Esther’s. “Look, honey, I think we can come to an agreement.”
“Yeah, and I know what. I have to do everything you say.”
Camryn smiled. “It seems like that, I know. But you’re still a child. I know what dangers are lurking around us. I see things that you don’t. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, sweetheart.”
“But Mom, you don’t let anything happen to me at all! Not all things that happen are bad, you know.”
“Yes, of course I know that. We live here on this b
eautiful farm. We have chickens and Rooster and a pair of very fun goats. All of that is good.”
The dog, who’d recovered from his need to protect and was sleeping on a mat on the kitchen floor, looked up when he heard his name and emitted a contented whine.
“And I promise I will try to consider your feelings more than I have in the past. I may have overreacted today. But you need to keep me informed of what you are doing. I had just told you not to go near the barn, and the next thing I knew you were sitting on top of a pony.”
Esther’s eyes narrowed. “So are you ever going to let me ride the pony again?”
“I just might,” Camryn said. “If you ask first. But we don’t need to decide that today.”
Esther thought a moment. “Okay. Can I have that cookie now?”
Camryn realized that all she had really done was buy a little time before the next crisis occurred. Esther was right about one thing. She was growing up, and she would soon reach for greater independence. But for now Esther was satisfied. She ate her cookie and went back to her room to do her homework.
And Camryn did what always felt right to her—she called her sister.
“Hi, Brooke, are you busy?”
“No, you caught me at a good time. Tonight’s stories are loaded into the teleprompter.”
As a news producer in Charleston, Brooke was always busy, always a perfectionist at her job. She strived to make certain her facts were accurate, her stories for the evening news consequential. She wanted her work to be absolutely right on.
“As long as the creek doesn’t rise between now and five o’clock, I should have a few minutes to breathe,” Brooke said. “What’s going on?”
“Not much. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
Brooke paused. “Okay. And now I’ve heard yours. What’s the matter?”
Brooke had always been tuned in to every inflection, every nuance of Camryn’s voice. She wasn’t surprised that her sister could tell something was wrong.
“I had a little disagreement with Esther,” she said. “I feel terrible about it.” She proceeded to fill in the details of the pony incident. “Basically,” she concluded, “Essie thinks I’m mean and unreasonable...”
“Of course you are,” Brooke said. “You’re a mother. It’s your job to be unreasonable.”
Camryn sighed. “But I think I may have been overprotective.”
“Do you trust this man, this Reed fellow, who owns the pony?”
“I do. At least I think I do. I don’t know him that well yet. I’m going to have to trust him. I’ve rented my barn to him for his horses. Plus, he has two boys about Essie’s age who will probably be coming over often, and he’s living on that property I sold to the Boldens.”
“I trust your judgment on things like this, Cam. You must have seen a reason to believe Reed was a good guy. Otherwise you wouldn’t have rented him the barn.”
“Yes, I suppose.”
“But you seem to be losing sight of the most important thing here, Cam. You are a good mother. No, a wonderful mother. Esther is so lucky to have a mom who worries as much as you do. I couldn’t care for a cat, and you are involved and nurturing. Don’t ever doubt your abilities as a parent.”
Cam wiped moisture from her eyes. Brooke always made her feel better. “Thanks. But I’m not sure I believe that cat statement.”
“I’m not you, Cam, and vice versa. That’s why we work and always have.”
“The other thing I didn’t tell you was that I had another panic attack while all this was going on.”
“A bad one?”
“Bad enough.”
Camryn almost broke down and sobbed. “Oh, Brooke, when are things going to change? Months of therapy after each miscarriage, and again when Mark and I decided to split. Now the attacks starting up again.”
“What about taking a pill?” Brooke said. “The doctor told you it was okay.”
Camryn had a prescription for a calming medication, but she rarely took a capsule. And she hadn’t taken one since she’d learned she was pregnant.
“No. I’d rather not.”
“You know yourself the best, Cam. Not to mention being the bravest and best grower of anything green.”
Cam chuckled.
“I want you to be happy, Cam,” Brooke added. “And I think this farm is a real start. You are doing what you love in a place that seems ideal for you and Esther. Don’t let a few misgivings about your ability as a parent ruin what you’ve got there.”
“I am happy, Brooke. Truly I am. I’m lucky to have a job with Southern Square Press that allows me to work from home. And I love the farm.” Camryn meant the words. She just wished she could live the life.
After a pause, Brooke said, “So, about this guy, Reed. Is he married?”
Camryn smiled. “No, he’s divorced.”
“Aha...”
“No aha, Brooke. I just told you I barely know him.”
“That can change. I’ve heard stories about what goes on in a barn.”
“Brooke...”
“Oops. Gotta go, Cam. Someone is calling me from the production booth. Only thirty minutes to airtime. I love you.”
“Love you back.”
They disconnected. Camryn took the last sip of tea and thought about her situation. Maybe she could loosen up a bit. Maybe she could stop thinking about the consequences if she let her guard down once in a while.
A good way to begin would be to finally tell Esther about her new brother or sister. As soon as the doctor gave the all clear that the pregnancy was progressing well, Cam would tell her daughter. Again, she’d been protecting Esther from the reality of tragedy if something happened to the baby. It had been hard enough to tell her about the divorce. Explaining about a miscarriage would have been impossible.
Cam took her teacup to the sink and stared out her kitchen window. As far as she could see, the land was hers. The chickens were rooting around the yard. The crops she had planted close to her house were doing well, and when she could afford to, she would expand her gardens. If she could just stay focused on this place of security and bliss, just her and her children, she could handle anything.
But was that even possible? Not when her thoughts kept returning to Reed Bolden, the way his hand had felt holding hers. He made her think of sacrificing that focus for the possibility of something better.
CHAPTER FIVE
JUST AS REED had predicted, Wednesday was a busy day at the Bolden property. He directed truckloads of building materials to the sites where his clinic and rehab centers would be. He instructed the backhoe operator where to dig the planned water hole. And most important, when he had time to focus on the future, he envisioned the facility that would soon be his—a place where he would earn the trust and respect of the folks in his new community, a place where animals, large and small, would be made whole again, a place where his sons would grow into men.
Midway through the day, his cell phone rang. He checked the number on the screen, frowned and answered. “Hello, Frank. How are you?”
“Hello, Reed,” Frank Holbrook said. “I’m quite well, thank you. I’m calling because I want to see my grandsons.”
That was his ex-father-in-law. Blunt and to the point. Helen had hinted that her father might be requesting a visitation. Reed had no problem with the man’s right to see his grandchildren. He just knew that Frank would expect Reed to drive the children to Atlanta, book a hotel room for a couple of nights for himself and return the boys to Bufflehead Creek. It was too much to hope that Frank, busy attorney that he claimed to be, would assume any of these duties.
“You can see them whenever you want, Frank,” Reed said. “Provided they won’t miss any school. I have them on a rather strict schedule now, and they are adjusting well to it.” Reed hoped his ex-father-in-law would recognize Reed’s veiled accusation t
hat Helen almost never kept the boys to a schedule unless it suited her needs.
“When can you bring them to Atlanta?” Frank asked.
“Sorry, Frank, but I won’t be able to do that. I gave you my address when I left so you could arrange a time to come to South Carolina. It’s only about a four-hour trip. If you want to see the boys, you’ll have to come here. Unfortunately I don’t have room to put you up, so if you plan to stay overnight, I can suggest a local motel not far away.” He figured Frank, who was used to five-star accommodations, was cringing in his Ferragamo calfskin loafers.
“I see that chip on your shoulder has only grown larger,” Frank said.
“And so has my hope for my new practice.”
“Look, Reed, I can understand your resentment of Helen. I’m not happy with her leaving you and the boys. But I don’t think the kids should suffer because both of their parents are self-centered enough to only think of their own futures. Helen is off somewhere in the wilds of Brazil. And you are stuck in a town that’s barely a dot on the map. Phillip and Justin aren’t used to the environment you’ve taken them to. They are accustomed to culture, museums, sporting venues in grand arenas.”
Yes, and running wild with no apparent direction in their lives. The first inkling of fear worked its way down Reed’s spine. “I don’t know what you’re getting at, Frank, but the boys are fine.”
“Since you’re practically accusing me of something, I might as well level with you,” Frank said.
“That would be nice.”
“I’d like to bring the boys back to Atlanta permanently, Reed. Now, before you go off half-cocked...”
Too late. Reed’s blood had almost reached the boiling point.
“...just think about it. I have the resources and staff to see to the boys’ needs. I have the ability to send them to a private school and the best summer camp programs in the area. You can visit them whenever you want and spend as much time as you desire with dogs and cats and whatever else sort of four-legged creatures you’re partial to.”
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