He cups my cheek with his free hand and leans toward me. “You’re going to be fine,” he says, holding my gaze. “Whatever’s wrong with you, we’ll fix it.”
I want to believe him. I close my eyes, inhaling his comforting campfire smell. For the first time, I detect something else as well. There’s another aroma, an undercurrent that draws my attention with each passing moment. It pulses with the steady beat of a drum. It reminds me of something. Of the liquid in the cup at Luke’s house. And just like at the mansion, I want it. I need it.
A sensation like fire shoots through my mouth, from my gums into my teeth. Jack is still close, but I need him closer. My muscles thrum, and with a strength I lacked only seconds ago, I grab the back of his neck and pull him toward me until my lips touch his neck. But I don’t want to kiss him. I draw back my lips and sink my teeth into his flesh.
He snarls and fights against me, but he can’t stop me. His warm blood trickles into my mouth and I gulp it down greedily. I don’t want to hurt him, but somehow I know I need this; I know he needs to give it to me.
Jack struggles and growls, but somehow I know he doesn’t want to hurt me. I swallow a few more mouthfuls before releasing him. His eyes are gold when they fix on mine, but the color quickly fades. His jaw goes slack and he grabs for the handheld mirror Lillie placed on my bedside table. He holds it in front of my face. I’m about to ask why, but when I catch a glimpse of my eyes, I don’t need to. They’re glowing, but not the golden color of the wolves—they’re blood-red, like those of the people at Luke’s house.
As my irises go back to their normal jade green, I shove the mirror away. “What’s going on? Why do my eyes look like that?”
Jack’s fingers tremble as he returns the glass to my bedside table. “I won’t lie—it crossed my mind as soon as I realized you were in the mansion. And then when I saw you with Luke…” He releases a shaky sigh. “How do you feel now?”
I take stock of myself. “Strong,” I say almost automatically. I feel better now than I did even after I drank from the cup Luke offered me. I feel far better than I ever did in my human life. “I think I’m better. But… that doesn’t make any sense.”
“It might, but to be honest, I didn’t really think it was possible.” He stares across the room, but I get the feeling he’s not focusing on anything. “I’ve heard stories over the years, but I never thought they were real.”
Panic rises in my chest. I don’t want to hear his theory, but I have to know. “You didn’t think what was real? Jack, what’s going on with me?”
He shakes his head and turns his attention back to me. He takes my hands in his before continuing. “Did you know Luke before this afternoon?”
His question takes me off guard. “Not really. I met him a couple nights ago—the night I got stabbed.”
A muscle in his jaw jumps. “Did he… Did he bite you?”
I disentangle the fingers of my right hand from his and show him the two white dots on the inside of my wrist.
He sucks in a sharp breath, though he doesn’t seem surprised. “And then you were stabbed, and when I got to you, I saw… Still, I don’t know why it would’ve happened…”
It’s obvious he’s trying to work something out in his mind, but I have no patience for it. “What is going on? What aren’t you telling me?”
He brushes the pad of his thumb over the inside of my wrist. “I think you’re a hybrid.”
I raise my eyebrows. “A hybrid? Of what?”
He touches each of the small white circles before answering. “You’re a wolf—I know you are. I can sense it in you. But you were so sick, and you are drawn to Luke. And just now, you bit me, Ava, and you drank my blood.”
I shake my head, and the truth that’s been waiting for me to let it in floods my mind. “No. That’s not possible.”
“I don’t even think you’re convincing yourself.”
Blood rushes in my ears. Werewolf? That I can accept. But not this. This is just too crazy. “Are you telling me vampires are real?”
He nods. “That’s why Luke’s going to recover. Vampires exist, and they’re immortal in much the same way we are.”
I snort. “You mean the way you are. Because I’m not a werewolf—I’m some kind of mutant.”
Jack cradles my face between his hands. “You’re not a mutant. Do you remember what I said to you the night you were stabbed?”
I swallow around a lump in my throat. “You didn’t say anything.”
He strokes my cheeks with his thumbs. “That’s not true. You would’ve heard me in your head. Do you remember?”
I recall the night—my pain, my fear. The longing to have met Jack under different circumstances. The way he began shifting in front of me. I shiver at the memory. “Marked and claimed,” I murmur.
“Mine,” he adds fiercely. “Nothing changes that. Nothing will ever change that. Tell me you believe me.”
I don’t want to accept what he’s saying. How could he want anything to do with me? I just bit him—I drank his blood. I’m some kind of crazy monster. But he’s still holding my face, gently but firmly, and he won’t let me look away.
He leans forward and presses his lips to mine. The same heat, the same electricity that coursed through me my first night as a werewolf shoots through my body again. It’s as if every cell of my body comes alive when he kisses me. With his lips against mine, I can forget the craziness of the situation—the impossibility of what I am. I’m where I belong.
When he pulls away, I blink rapidly to dispel the prickling sensation in my eyes. “I believe you.”
He tucks my hair behind my ears. “Nothing changes. You’re still a beta of my pack, and I’ll still never let anything happen to you.”
Cold fear coils in my stomach. “What about the pack? What are we going to tell them?”
“Let me worry about that. For now, let’s keep it between us. I’ll tell Skye because as alphas, it’s hard to keep secrets from her. And I may decide to loop Sawyer in. But don’t tell anyone else—not yet. Not even Lillie. Can you do that?”
I nod, biting my lower lip. “Just how rare are people like me? How many hybrids are out there?”
Jack inhales deeply before responding. “I think you could be the only one.”
Something in his tone unsettles me. “Is that a bad thing?”
He reaches forward and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ears. “It might be.”
Chapter Nine
The picture window in my bedroom looks out over a small gully carved by a stream that flows gently through it. Birds grace tree branches, and squirrels and bunnies skitter and hop through the lush vegetation below. Everything about the scene should calm me, but instead I find myself pacing back and forth, running my hands through my chestnut hair and twisting my fingers until they nearly get stuck in its tresses.
“Calm down,” Jack says, not for the first time. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
I can’t quite bite back a nervous laugh as I turn to him. “What if I can’t shift?” It’s the fear that’s loomed in the back of my mind in the two days since Jack realized I’m a hybrid. No matter what he says to convince me everything will be fine, I can’t fight the fear wringing my insides. By his own admission, he’s never met someone like me. He can’t know for sure that I’ll be able to transform into a wolf tonight—the first full moon since he turned me. “What if I’m just standing there and nothing I can do will make me turn into a wolf? What happens when the rest of the pack realizes what I am?”
Jack is at my side in two long strides. He stays my progress across the carpet and catches my hands in his. “No matter what, I’ll protect you. You have my word.”
My stomach swoops at his closeness. I’ve done my best to keep my distance from him since I drank his blood. Part of me is afraid I’ll try to do it again, afraid that this time I won’t be able to stop myself. But no desire overpowers me at his nearness now—at least not one having to do with his blood. Instead,
my skin tingles in the way I’ve grown to associate with his presence.
We haven’t kissed since the day he saved me from Luke’s house. In part it’s been due to my reluctance to be in proximity to him, but that’s not the whole reason. My stomach sinks whenever I think of what Jack walked in on. And as much as I want to kiss him now, I need to clear the air first. “I want to talk about the other day.”
He takes a half step back and shakes his head. “There’s nothing to discuss.”
“But there is,” I protest. Heat rises in my cheeks, but I press on anyway. “I was delirious. Had no idea what was going on. Then he started kissing me and I couldn’t stop him. It was like I was under a spell or something.” I want to take it a step further, to insist I didn’t want it to happen, but it would be a lie. In the moment, I did want Luke to keep kissing me.
Jack’s lips quirk into a smile. “Vampires can’t cast spells. Immortals can’t use magic. Just witches.”
My eyebrows hike upward. “Wait—witches are real?”
He tips back his head and barks out a laugh. “Werewolves and vampires you accept, but witches are too big of a stretch?”
I can’t help smiling. I suppose accepting the existence of witches is no crazier than believing in werewolves or vampires—or my strange mix of the two. “Okay, so it wasn’t a spell. But I want you to know I didn’t go there to be with him. He’s not the one I want.”
Jack moves a step closer—so near now that I can feel the heat from his skin and my body begins to hum. When he fixes me with his gaze, his eyes are smoldering. “Does that mean there’s someone else you want instead?”
He’s driving me crazy, looking at me like that. I slide my hand around the back of his neck and pull his lips down to mine. I don’t know what I was thinking when I was with Luke, but I belong with Jack. I’m sure of it.
I’ll shift tonight. I want to believe it—I have to. I have no doubt Jack will protect me even if I don’t, that he’ll still want to be with me. My desire to shift has nothing to do with that. I want to do it to prove to myself this is where I belong. I need proof that I’ve finally found the family I’ve longed for since my father died.
Jack pulls away, groaning. “As much as I’d love to stay here, we really should go meet the rest of the pack. They’ll all be gathered to take your first run with you.”
“Rain check then.”
He leans down to press one more kiss against my lips, growling as he pulls away. “Bet on it.”
We link hands as we leave my room, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. The rest of the pack is waiting near the tree line behind the gym. Jack releases my hand as we clear the building, but Lillie catches my eye and waggles her eyebrows in a way that lets me know she saw us. She’s asked what’s going on between Jack and me before, and I’ve been evasive, but I get the feeling she won’t accept my non-answers much longer.
“So, how does this work?” I ask as we near the rest of the pack. “How do I—you know?” It occurs to me now that I’ve been so worried about not being able to shift because I’m a hybrid that I haven’t given any thought as to how the transformation actually occurs. “Is there a magic word?”
He stifles a laugh. “I already told you, immortals can’t use magic.”
“So no magic word?”
He shakes his head. “No magic word. The moon has an effect on us. It affects all living things, even humans. But a were’s first shift happens on the full moon after they’re turned because its effect can help you find the wolf inside. You just need to tap into the power within you, and your wolf will come out.”
I bite my lower lip. “Nothing more detailed?”
The corner of his mouth quirks. “You’ll figure it out.”
He motions for me to stay where I am as he walks to the center of the circle the pack has formed. As he begins talking about welcoming me as a full member of the pack, Lillie moves to my side. “You nervous?”
“A little,” I admit, being sure to keep my voice low. “Jack wasn’t very specific on how I’m actually supposed to, you know, shift.”
She smiles. “I remember being so nervous my first time. I was turned about a week into the moon’s cycle, so I had to wait three weeks before I shifted. I was sure I was going to throw up.” She pauses, her eyebrows drawing together. “Actually, you might throw up. It’s not uncommon. It didn’t happen to me, but I’ve seen it happen since. And it’ll hurt—but don’t worry, the pain fades the more times you do it.”
I bite back a laugh. “That sounds a lot like what one of my foster sisters told me about sex.”
A titter escapes Lillie’s lips before she can clamp a hand over her mouth. Sawyer raises an eyebrow and Maggie holds a finger in front of her lips to shush us.
“Ava,” Jack calls, and I fight the urge to laugh again. I feel like a high school student about to be reprimanded by the teacher. He holds his hand out toward me and I take the cue and walk to his side. I do my best to keep my expression neutral, but I’m still smiling. The fact that Lillie keeps snorting with suppressed laughter isn’t helping. Jack raises an eyebrow questioningly, but I simply shake my head. He turns to address the pack again. “Tonight, we welcome our newest member, our beta female.”
A cheer rises from the assembled, and a blush creeps into my cheeks. A terrible thought crosses my mind: Are they all going to stand there and watch me attempt to shift? I used to forget prepared speeches when standing in front of a classroom—there’s no way I’ll be able to transform with sixty-five pairs of eyes on me.
But no sooner has the fear crossed my mind than movement sweeps through the pack. Some run toward the woods, shifting as they go. Others drop to their knees and change before taking off. Only Jack remains immobile. “Would you like me to wait for you?”
His offer is tempting. If the first shift is really as bad as Lillie claims, I may want the moral support. Then again, maybe it’s in my best interest to do it on my own; his gaze might make me nervous.
He smiles as if reading my mind. “I’ll see you out there.”
I watch him shift into the magnificent gray wolf I remember from the night he saved me. The transformation is so elegant, so quick and effortless. I suppose after a hundred years, he should be pretty efficient at it.
He runs off into the woods, leaving me alone in the clearing. Not sure what else to do, I stare up at the moon. I allow its bright glow to fill my vision. I imagine the light reaching inside me, shining in all the shadows. I need to find the wolf inside me. I need to know it’s there. I’ve already experienced the need for blood associated with my vampire side. I need to know my wolf side is also intact.
Something thrums inside me, deep and reverberating like a string on a bass guitar. The vibration fills me, making every part of my body quiver with an energy unlike anything I’ve felt before. And there’s something else—a presence, something fierce and primal. My wolf. I cry out with relief when I feel her. She is inside me, and I want her to come out. I want her to take me over.
As if my consent was all that was needed, something within me begins to change. No, not something—everything. Bones snap and lengthen, and hairs sprout all over my body. A sensation like fire ripples throughout my body, making me whimper. It hurts, yes, but I can handle it.
I drop to all fours, panting. Bile rises in my throat, but I swallow it down. I want this. I accept it. I want my wolf to be free.
And then she is. The human part of my brain is pushed back, my instincts commandeered by the wolf. She knows what to do, where to go, and I trust her. She sniffs the air and follows a familiar scent—campfire. Jack.
The grass is cool and damp with dew under the pads of my paws. As I take off at a run, the ground is soft and inviting.
I run faster than I’ve ever moved before. My four paws work in concert, not stumbling once. I sense others around me. The forest is alive with movement and sound. A howl erupts on my right, followed almost immediately by several on my left and more in front of me. I ti
p my head back and add mine to the mix, and even more howls sound in return. My pack is greeting me, accepting me.
I’ve found my family.
The gray wolf that is Jack bounds through the woods to my side. I can read his face, interpret the joy there. That was fast, says a voice in my head. Jack’s voice. First-time shifts usually take longer than that.
I guess I’m special. I don’t expect my thoughts to reach him, but they do.
You’ll get used to it, he insists. As alpha, I can speak to members of the pack in their minds whether they’re in human or wolf form, but when we’re shifted, we can all speak in each other’s minds.
Cool. It’s the only thing I can think to say in response. But I don’t want to talk right now; I want to run. Without warning, I take off. Try to catch me.
Jack keeps pace with me and the two of us run through the forest. I feel as if I could go faster if I wanted, but I don’t see the need. We’re just having fun. As we go, others join us before splitting off and going their separate ways. The sensation of running as a wolf is incredible. It’s like my whole life I never really lived. Before I thought becoming a were was the mark of my rebirth, but now I know it wasn’t. This is.
I may be a hybrid, but I’m a wolf.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when Skye’s voice rings through my mind. Everyone, back to the meeting house to celebrate the successful shift of our newest pack member.
I join in with the howls that rise up as we all head back to the enclave.
When I make it back to the meeting house, I realize I have no idea how to shift back into human form. But I don’t need to—my wolf is still in control. She reverts her dominance over our body back to me, and as her consciousness fades into the background, the fur on my body begins to recede and my bones twist back into their original form. I’m surprised—and pleased—that the pain of shifting is not as acute as it was when I shifted into the wolf. I’m also more than a little shocked to find I’m still clothed. The same jeans and tank top I wore before wolfing out are still in place. I’m not entirely sure how that’s possible, but since I don’t understand how my body just morphed into a wolf’s either, I decide to go with it.
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