by P W Steele
“If you’d like to follow me,” Sean said as he motioned for Andy to step through the left side of the counter and past the two desks behind it, “We can go into the office over there.” Andy followed Sean into an enclosed office a few feet behind the desk Scotty was sitting at.
The office had a massive window across the top half of the wall facing out onto the gym floor and reception area. Sean held the door open for Andy. “After you,” he said with a welcoming tone.
Andy stepped in and Sean followed close behind. “Grab a seat,” Sean motioned to a desk with two chairs. He walked around the back of the desk and sat down as Andy was getting comfortable in his seat.
“So,” Sean started, as he shuffled some of the papers on the desk in front of him. “I realize that wellness coaching might sound a little…”
“LA?” Andy interrupted jokingly.
Sean’s dimples came to life as a genuine smile spread across his face. “I was going to say unusual, but I guess the two are interchangeable, yes. The wellness coaching,” he continued, becoming more serious, “Was actually my idea. I’ve been training and in the athletic world my whole life. Endurance bike riding is my biggest passion and if there's one thing I’ve learnt over all these years, it’s that diet and exercise alone don’t cut it. It all comes down to this,” he said, tapping the side of his head with two fingers. “Get your mind right and you really can achieve anything. If you don’t, the only guarantee is failure.”
“Wow, okay.” Andy said as he nodded and sat back further in his chair. “I guess I never thought about it that way before.”
“Alright,” Sean began, “Let me start with this. Why are you doing this? Why are you here Andy?”
“Well,” Andy said as he looked up to the ceiling, gathering his thoughts. “I had a good, hard look at myself in the mirror one day and I didn’t like what I saw.”
Sean nodded his head and smiled reassuringly.
“I'm super happy in my career,” Andy continued, “I’ve got great friends. Great parents. I’m really lucky to be doing pretty well financially. I’m single, but I’m happy. So, all in all, things are pretty good. It’s just…”
“Take your time,” Sean said softly, picking up on Andy's hesitation.
“I just...I hate my body. I hate being this skinny. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel about my body. I feel like there’s something wrong with me.” The words poured out of Andy.
“What makes you say that?” Sean asked, furrowing his brow.
“Well, because I eat so much shit. If anything, I should be overweight, not underweight. And it sucks, you know? Being a guy, and a gay guy at that, who's as skinny as hell really sucks. It’s emasculating, you know? I’m twenty-five but I’ve got the body of a sixteen year old - a skinny sixteen year old.”
“Okay, that’s a great start. Thank you for sharing that Andy,” Sean said, as he jotted down a few notes. “Let’s begin to unpack some of that…”
For the next thirty minutes, Sean and Andy spoke about self-esteem, confidence and body image. Sean’s advice was gentle enough to not be threatening, but specific enough that it gave Andy something to think about.
“So many guys come here and want to get big, based on some fantasy that it will help them become a totally different person, or help them get the man of their dreams. You’re different Andy,” Sean said at the end of their session.
“But for you the challenge will be to love yourself now, as well as in the future, as your body does begin to change. If you make self-acceptance dependent on achieving some very narrowly defined future goal, what happens if you don’t achieve that goal? What happens in ten years time when your body will be completely different yet again? You have to learn how to love yourself now, perceived warts and all.”
“That’s good advice Sean,” Andy said as they both stood up. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
Andy stretched his hand out and was met with a firm handshake. “My pleasure,” Sean replied. “Enjoy the rest of your day, and enjoy your session with Scotty tomorrow.”
Chapter 8 - No Jack, Only Scotty
“So, I finally get you all to myself,” Scotty said the next day as he swung back in his chair, beaming a massive smile. When he wanted to, Scotty could really turn the charm on.
He interlaced his fingers behind his head, making his gigantic biceps flex and appear even gigantic-er. The tiny black tank top he was wearing was exposing pretty much all of his massive chest, pecs and biceps. Andy shuffled in his chair, unsure of whether Scotty was flirting or just being friendly. It was hard to tell with him sometimes. Most of the time, actually.
They were sitting in the same office that Andy had been in the day before with Sean, except that Scotty had opted to sit on the recliners in the front corner of the room, and not at the desk. They were an Ikea-esque, modernized version of a rocking chair. They had a slight give to them, as Andy found out when he sat down. Thankfully, he managed not to fall out of it.
As he looked out the office window onto the massive gym floor, Andy’s eyes searched for Jack. There were about half a dozen people working out. He spotted Mark, of course, talking to another guy by the water cooler, but no sign of Jack.
His first session at the gym felt like it was forever ago. In reality, it had been less than forty-eight hours. It was odd, but he felt like he missed Jack. He wanted to see him, even just get a glimpse of him again.
But there was no Jack, at least not today. Only Scotty.
This was his first nutrition session and Andy really didn’t know what to expect from it. He knew that working out was only one part of getting big, and based on what Sean had told him, he had a greater appreciation of the mental willpower and mental dedication that was needed as well.
However, in order to really bulk up and gain the kind of muscles Andy was after, he knew he had to change his diet, which up until this point in his life, he hadn’t really given much thought to.
In addition to being a personal trainer, Scotty was a qualified nutritionist. “I used to work on sports performance for the LA Rams,” he said, taking a more serious, professional tone.
"Is that...baseball?" Andy asked somewhat meekly. Sports weren't really his thing.
Scotty tried, unsuccessfully, to suppress a chuckle. "Football," he replied.
"Well, I was close," Andy replied.
"Um, how is that close?" Scotty asked, smiling.
"Well uh...they both have balls, right?"
Scotty rolled his eyes and let out a deep, surprisingly hearty laugh. "You're funny...Cute too."
Andy blushed and looked down. Friendly or flirty? Again, he couldn't tell.
Scotty cleared his throat. He crossed his legs and picked up a notepad and pen, placing it on his massive quad. "Let's talk about diet and the importance of the foods you're eating," he said, returning to his more professional tone and demeanor.
Andy looked down at Scotty's beefy, muscular thighs pressed together. “Sure,” he said, swallowing down hard. “What would you like to know?”
Scotty sat in stunned silence as Andy revealed his eating habits to him. His diet consisted mainly of fast food, junk food, microwaveable meals and takeaway. There was the occasional home cooked meal when he visited some of his older, more domesticated friends, and he did try and order salad at business lunches to at least give the outward appearance of being healthy.
“It’s kind of a miracle you’re still alive given all the crap you eat. Holy shit!” Scotty exclaimed when Andy was done describing his diet.
“I know, right?” Andy said with a helpless shrug.
“Look,” Scotty said, his green eyes deep in thought. “I don’t want to make you feel bad Andy, but if you want to build the type of body you want to build, you’re pretty much going to have to change everything about the way you eat.”
Andy looked out the window. Still no Jack. He looked back at Scotty and nodded with a steely determination. “I know. I wi
ll. I just need help. I don’t know how to do this on my own.”
“Well, you’re not on your own,” Scotty said, dropping the pad and pen onto the coffee table. He placed his heavy hand on Andy’s knee. “We can do this together, okay?” Andy nodded. He looked into Scotty piercing green eyes. He was beginning to feel that he could trust him.
“And we’ll start,” Scotty said getting up and walking over to a cupboard in the back corner of the office, “With a food journal.” He turned back around and seeing Andy’s befuddled face, he asked, “Do you know what a food journal is Andy?”
“Uh, you journal about your feelings…about food?”
A smile stretched Scotty’s lips. “No. It’s not that kind of journal. It's simply a list of all the foods you eat every day.”
“Ah okay,” Andy said, shaking his head, feeling a little stupid.
“You just literally write down everything you have to eat, or drink, and at what time of day. We’ll review it at each session, if you choose to continue, that is. In the meantime, I’ll write down a few good websites that have simple recipes for the kind of high-protein, high-good fat and low-to-medium carb foods you should be eating now.”
“Is it okay if I have no idea what any of those words mean?” Andy asked.
Scotty grinned. “We’ll get to all of that in time. Here you go,” he said as he handed the journal and the list to Andy.
“Thanks,” Andy said as he looked up at Scotty. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to a silver coin at the end of a black chain around Scotty's neck. It had slipped out from under his top during their session.
“Oh, this?” Scotty asked, grabbing the coin and sliding it in between his thick fingers. He gazed downward at the coin. His face grew paler.
He looked up at Andy. “It’s um...a sobriety coin," he said quietly. "I’ve been in recovery for the past five years.”
“Hey, that’s great,” Andy said a little too enthusiastically. “Good for you Scotty.”
He looked up and forced a smile, “We’re done for today. Our time’s up,” he said as he carefully slipped the chain underneath his singlet.
“Oh okay,” Andy said, getting up. “Thanks so much Scotty. I’ll start journaling straight away.”
“Great. Glad I could help,” Scotty replied as he stepped in closer. The next thing Andy knew, Scotty’s massive biceps were wrapping around his body as Scotty pulled him in for a tight bear hug.
Scotty held him tight. Andy’s face was pressed into the mountain of muscle that was Scotty's torso, his arms glued to the side of his body. He could smell his aftershave, musky yet slightly chemically. He could feel his hands on his back, squeezing him in closer and keeping him there.
As his eyes looked around, his face squished against Scotty’s huge shoulder, Andy felt a warmth spread across his entire body. It wasn't from the hug, it was as if he was being watched. He could feel someone's gaze resting on him.
His eyes darted around. He looked over at the front counter and his heart stopped. He saw someone staring directly at him.
Jack.
Chapter 9 - A Progress What?
Andy walked through the front doors of Amazing Fitness and was greeted by Michael, who was standing behind the front desk. He was staring intently at the computer screen, but looked up and smiled warmly when he saw Andy approach. “Hey Andy, good to see you again,” he said, as he flicked away a strand of blonde hair that had fallen across his forehead.
“Hi Michael. How are you?” Andy replied, taking a deep breath. It was the first time he was seeing Michael since his epic sauna fail.
“I’m good,” Michael replied as he bit his lip nervously. He motioned for Andy to come closer to the desk. Andy approached slowly and Michael leaned in, "Again, I'm so sorry about…"
"No need to apologize again Michael. That's ancient history. Let’s pretend it never happened, okay?"
Michael looked relieved. "Okay cool," he said, his eyes scanning the gym floor. "I just saw Jack a few moments ago, but I don’t know where he’s gotten to.” He turned back to Andy and flashed him a cheeky smile. "He's really looking forward to training you.”
Andy ignored the very unsubtle tone in Michael’s implication. “I’m looking forward to it too,” he replied, trying to contain his smile.
“How about you drop your stuff into a locker and come back out here? I'll track him down for you in the meantime," Michael offered helpfully.
"Sure." Andy replied, still smiling. The thought of Jack did that to him. Over the last few days, whenever his thoughts turned to Jack, which was distractingly often he had noticed, he would just stop whatever he was doing and...smile. He didn't know what to make of it, or the little sparks of electricity he felt throughout his body whenever Jack entered into his thoughts.
As he made his way to the locker room, he did a once over across the gym floor himself, trying to spot Jack. This was it. It had finally arrived. This was the moment that had him in a state of perpetual butterfly giddiness for the past few days. It had arrived. He would finally, finally, have some one-on-one time with Jack.
Andy pushed the heavy brown locker room door open and ran smack bang into Jack. “Oh hey,” Jack said, unleashing a smile that ignited Andy's insides.
Andy was standing face-to-face with Jack. He was so close he could see every last detail of his face, the deep navy blue specks in his eyes, the smoothness of his cheeks, his perfectly pink, inviting lips.
“Hey,” he managed to say, trying to navigate between keeping his cool and totally freaking out.
“I’m glad I caught you in here.” Jack said, doing a one-eighty and walking back into the locker room.
Jack was wearing tight blue athletic shorts with a white trim and a bright red tank top that fit him like a glove. It was cut deep under his arms, revealing sculpted, angular lats that tapered all the way down to his slim waist.
Andy bit his lower lip, unsure whether he needed to say anything about Scotty, and that hug. He didn’t want Jack to get the wrong impression. He figured there was no way to bring it up without making things awkward, so he let it go.
Andy's heart was beating flat out as it dawned on him, that whatever spark of attraction he had felt the first time he met Jack, was not only alive, it was stronger than ever.
“You are?” Andy asked, finding his voice again as he began to follow Jack.
“Yes,” Jack said as he opened his locker and pulled out his cell phone. He turned around to face Andy. “Can you take your shirt off please?” Jack asked nonchalantly, his blue eyes dazzling under the bright locker room lights.
“Uh, what?” Andy had no clue what was going on, but the beating in his heart was only increasing, as a familiar fear gripped his chest.
Jack was looking downward, focused on the phone in his hand. He looked up and seeing the confused look on Andy's face, let out another wide smile. “Take your shirt off please so we can take your progress pics.” He made it sound like the most obvious thing in the world.
Andy stood frozen, unresponsive. “What the hell's a progress pic?” he asked.
Jack stepped towards Andy and playfully grabbed at his shirt. “Come on, take this off please. Are you being serious, you don’t know what a progress pic is?” Andy was stunned, so stunned he couldn't move or speak. He managed to shake his head.
“We take a few pics now, and every month as you continue training. It’s a great way to see the progress you’re making,” he explained.
“Do I have to?” Andy asked, as his hands started to tremble and beads of sweat gathered on his forehead. He could barely bring himself to stand naked in front of a mirror when he was alone, much less in front of someone else, much less in front of Jack.
Jack saw the change in Andy’s demeanour and offered a warm, friendly smile. He stepped in closer to him and gently took hold of his elbow. The soft touch of his hand made Andy feel, on top of everything else he was feeling, slightly lightheaded.
“You don't have to do anything you don
't want to Andy, but trust me, you’ll want to. In six months time, when you’re looking and feeling better, it will be so good for you to look back and see these photos. “If you’re uncomfortable here,” Jack continued, lowering his voice slightly as he looked around the empty locker room, “We can go out the back, so no one can walk in.”
Andy thought about it for a moment. It felt like his mind was being flooded with a lifetime of memories. All the times he’d been self-conscious about his body. In high school. On dates. In the locker room. It was all coming back to him. He felt the shame and the embarrassment of it all, and it was such a heavy feeling, such a burden. One that he was desperately wanting to release.
He took a deep breath and in one quick motion, peeled his shirt off. “Here is fine,” he said, turning to face Jack. “Let’s do it.”
“I’ll make this quick and painless. Promise,” Jack said with an encouraging smile, his blue eyes shimmering.
Jack pointed the phone in Andy’s direction and Andy could hear the clicks of the pictures being taken. The bright lights of the locker room made him feel like he was under a spotlight. He felt vulnerable, exposed. Every time he started to feel uncomfortable, he took a deep breath and reminded himself, yet again, of why he was there.
“We’re almost done, just turn to your left for me.” Jack quickly snapped up a few pics of Andy from the left side.
At that moment, Mark walked into the locker room. “Ah, don’t mind me,” he said, walking behind Jack while discreetly looking over at Andy. “Just need to do a whiz.” Andy noticed Jack’s jaw clenched ever so slightly as Mark walked past him. Did he really need to come in right at this moment, or was he just lurking again?
A flash of guilt swept across Andy. He actually didn’t have any reason to personally dislike Mark, other than gossip, which he wasn’t a fan of taking part in. If anything, he actually owed him a ‘thank you’ for rushing to his aid when he had passed out. He made a mental note to thank him next time he saw him, which he figured would be pretty soon anyway.