by Kat Addams
I watched the way he moved his body, admiring how his abs flexed with each stroke. I wanted to reach out and touch them. I ached to feel that flex under my palm. But I needed to be in control, and I needed him to know he had no power over me. That was my kink, and nothing made me as horny as playing the role of Queen B. Besides, he’d said he wanted me in charge. We were a perfect match.
“You like that?” I asked, grinning.
He nodded back at me.
“Good. Do it to my mouth.” I situated myself on the bed, flipping my head toward the edge and hanging off of it.
“Oh fuck,” he exhaled.
I opened my mouth and let him ease his dick down my throat. I’d done throat-training before. My gag reflex was nonexistent. I performed this special talent when I wanted to own a man, and I wanted to own Terrance. Ever since the Memphis trip, he’d been on my brain. I’d even deleted all of my dating and hook-up apps. I didn’t need them when I had the most satisfying man by the balls already. And if I didn’t have Terrance by the balls then, I’d have him now. Literally.
I closed my eyes as his balls brushed up against my lashes. His cock gently fucked my throat while he made the most animalistic moans I’d heard come from a man. I put my hands on his hips and pushed him away so that I could breathe for a second.
“Don’t come. Not yet.” I pulled him toward my mouth again, making sure he kept watching me.
He groaned, easing himself back down my throat. I spread my legs, inviting him to touch me. He immediately took the hint and reached over, circling my clit before dipping his fingers inside. He worked his cock and fingers faster, plunging them into me so quickly that my knees began to shake. An urge built up inside me, releasing in a sensation I’d never felt before.
I pushed his hips away, sitting up on the bed and looking at my soaked sheets.
“Did you just make me squirt?” My jaw dropped.
I’d tried to teach myself how to squirt for years, but I could never do it. It was like trying to tickle myself. It never worked. I had given in to the fact that my body wasn’t capable of performing that trick.
“Mmhmm.” He grinned, his eyes still locked with mine.
I could see it in his proud smirk. He had tricks too.
“Fuck,” I muttered, wet as ever. “Get on the bed.” I tossed my head toward the pillows and shakily stood up.
My legs shook like Jell-O. He had barely touched me, and my body had been ready for climax. If Terrance could make me squirt, I wondered if he could give me multiple orgasms too. That was another thing I’d always wanted to happen to me, but not a single man had gotten me there.
I handcuffed his hands to my bedposts and swung my leg over his head, straddling his face. I wouldn’t touch his dick anymore. I wanted him to beg for it. But as much as I tried to hold out myself, I couldn’t. I rode his face hard, sliding myself back and forth across his lips. I watched his hips buck up and down. His cock dripped, and as much as I wanted to lean over and take him in my mouth, I let him yearn for it.
I turned myself around so that I could hang on to my headboard. My knees were already shaking enough, but the way Terrance’s tongue flicked against my clit had me about to topple over and roll off the bed.
“Mmm, baby. Don’t stop.” I reached over, remembering I’d had stashed a small whip under a pillow.
I gripped it tightly and swung it behind me, smacking his leg. He groaned, muffled between my thighs, as I hit him again and rode harder. I turned my head, peeking behind me at his hips fucking the air. I cracked the whip against his chest, watching his cock bounce up and down. His wrists strained against the cuffs, popping his biceps out into a flex that had me hanging on to the back of the headboard for dear life.
“Make me come,” I said, tilting my hips and grinding against his face.
He moved his head back and forth, licking me in the steady pressure I needed.
Damn, this man knows how to work a woman’s body.
I threw the whip across the room and gripped the headboard with both palms, curling my knuckles around them until it hurt. A flush spread from between my legs, throughout my entire body, settling into my cheeks. The bubbly feeling pulsing through my veins shook my whole body in one long, intense wave of pleasure. My throat began to burn as I yelled louder and louder, slowing my pace against his lips.
I heaved myself off him, kissing his lips, slick with my wetness. I barely had the energy to unfasten his cuffs, but the fierce look he gave me told me I’d better do it—and now.
That was what I wanted from him. My goal hadn’t only been my pleasure. I craved drawing out that primal desire from men.
“Good boy. Now, fuck me,” I commanded, uncuffing his wrists and tossing him the condom.
He wasted no time in slipping it on and slipping it in, growling with a ferocity I’d only heard once in my life. That had been at the zoo when I watched a lion bang his mate. The sound that wild animal had made was a roar that shook me from the inside out, just as Terrance was doing now. I wrapped my legs around him and curled my fingers over his biceps, steadying myself as he dived into me, rough and with a little pain, just how I liked it.
I felt another urge inside me again. But this time, it wasn’t a squirt. This time, it was something in my voice. I needed to get it out. The pain of holding it back was just as bad as the pain of holding back my release earlier. I couldn’t help it, and I had no idea what it was until he began to spasm.
His cock throbbed inside me as I pulled him closer, tighter, and screamed out, “Fuck! I love you!”
Things became awkward fast. His pace slowed to an abrupt stop, but he didn’t climb off of me. Instead, he held me there, brushing my messy curls from my face.
“I mean … you know what I mean. Same thing as you did. Endorphins making me dumb. I didn’t mean that. Heat of the moment and all.” I patted his butt in the friendliest way possible and pushed him off of me. “Wow, look at the time. That wasn’t as fast as I’d intended. I’m going to be late!” I ran to the bathroom and shut the door, emptying my bladder, cleaning myself up, and stalling my next move.
“You can’t hide in there forever, babe,” his voice called out.
“Damn boy using my own words against me,” I muttered to myself before plastering on a brave face and greeting him again. “I know; I know. I’m not trying to. I’m—” I began to protest.
“Hey. It’s okay,” he said, rising from the bed and embracing me. “That was just the passion talking. I get it.”
I detected something in his voice.
Sadness? Disappointment? Tiredness?
“I’m going to get rid of this thing,” He pointed at the rubber hanging off his dick. He grabbed his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.
By the time he came back out, I had my robe tied around me again, waiting at the doorway to see him out.
“Thanks for stopping by for some morning delight.” I winked, ushering him down the stairs and out the door.
“My pleasure,” he sighed. “I was actually stopping by to ask if you’d come over this week. Maisy has fall break, and I thought we could do something fun. She’s been asking about you.”
He stopped at the front door, turning toward me and squinting as if he was trying to read my thoughts. Thankfully, I had a poker face like no other. There was no way he could tell I was ashamed I’d mumbled those three words that I hadn’t even meant.
Did I mean them?
“Sure, sure,” I said, opening the door. “Just text me when. I’ll have to make arrangements for the truck, but I can afford to take a little time off.”
I caught sight of Rox hopping out of the back of the food truck and waved her away. I didn’t want to speak to her in front of Terrance. My emotions had already escaped from my mouth enough for this morning.
“I’ll let you know. Probably Thursday, if that works.” He cupped my chin and leaned down to kiss me.
“Yep. See ya, Tito!” I kissed him back and pushed him out the door, locking it
behind him.
I took three steps before collapsing on the floor, and I stared at the ceiling in a state of, What the fuck just happened?
The rest of the day dragged on. I worked in silence, not yet ready to confess my mistake to DTF. I didn’t feel like hearing Layla’s teasing, and Rox would see right through my bullshit anyway. Nikki would probably tell me to stuff a crystal in my twat. I didn’t have the energy to think about those three words I’d mumbled. So, instead, I focused on work.
I made tacos quicker than we could sell them, which was saying a lot. Our crowds doubled during the warmer months and showed no signs of stopping even though the weather had been cooling down quickly. I passed the food through the window to customers, lost in my thoughts and not my usual spunky self.
Every time Layla began to question me, Rox would reach out, grabbing her hand and shaking her head.
“Betty will speak when she’s ready,” she said.
“I just want to make sure she’s okay. Nobody died or anything, right?” Layla’s eyes were wide with a terror only she could conjure up.
I knew her crazy mind had thought of several different scenarios, which I had to admit, made me feel a little guilty.
“No, no one died.” I sighed.
The relief of hearing me utter just those words was satisfying enough to appease her. She nodded, turning back to the food on the stove.
“It’s just that—” Layla began.
“Damn it, Layla. You’re going to feel Betty’s wrath if you keep it up.” Nikki stuck her finger in the air and made an X in front of my face, no doubt marking out any negativity I was about to spew.
But for once, I wasn’t feeling evil enough to bite.
“It’s fine. I just had rough sex this morning, and I’m worn out, is all.” I leaned against the countertop.
Our afternoon rush stopped finally, and now was just as good a time as any to lie through my teeth, so my friends would leave me be with my thoughts.
Rox glanced at me from the corner of her eye.
“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Layla clapped me on my back. “Happens to me all the time! I did that last week! That was the day I was late. Sorry!” She laughed, turning off the stove.
The parking lot was empty, which meant it was time to move on to our dinner location, near the city’s park. Another concert was playing tonight, and we tried not to miss those.
“Who was it this time?” I smirked, turning the subject around on her.
Layla’s face grew red. She turned around and stuck her head in the fridge, mumbling, “Oh, just some guy I have on call for when I need that stuff. You know, whatever his face is.”
“Whatever his face is. Does this guy go by the name of Aiden?” Nikki blurted what we all suspected.
“No! Gosh. Will y’all give it up? Aiden and I are just friends,” Layla huffed, slamming the fridge door shut.
I knew she was full of shit. Terrance and I had been just friends too. And whether I liked it or not, Layla and I had something in common. We were falling for the men we’d placed in our friend zone.
“I’d love to tease you and poke fun at you, but I’m too damn tired. I need some air before we get back to it,” I said, opening the back door and hopping out.
“Wait! Me too!” Rox followed behind me and shut the door before anyone else could escape.
We walked down the sidewalk, past the university. A group of girls sat, huddled under a tree, with books piled up around them.
“Could have been us, Rox,” I said, tilting my head toward them.
“We were never the college type. Can you imagine us in class? I don’t think the teachers could handle us. But then again, those girls look like they’re hard to handle too.”
We kept walking, watching one of the girls jump up and thrust her hips back and forth in the air while the others laughed.
“Kids these days.” I said.
“Yep, kids these days,” she echoed.
We walked a little farther before I stopped and turned toward her. She pulled me in for an embrace. She had known this was coming. We’d known each other long enough, and we were always there for one another when needed. I loved DTF, but my connection with Rox was a bond I shared with no one else.
I stepped back from her and shrugged. “He’s got a kid.”
“Yep.”
“And I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.” The words hung in the air, and a weight lifted off me as soon as I said them.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why don’t you think you’re ready?” she asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Because you’re amazing with your nieces. And you always say you want a family. You aren’t getting any younger.”
I put my hands up in protest. “Don’t start that biological-clock mess.”
She gently pushed my arms down to my sides. “Listen to me. You know it’s true. Why don’t you think you’re ready? Why do you keep pushing? You have everything you need. If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never get what you want. So what he has a kid? From what you’ve said, she’s amazing. I’m not saying you have to marry him and become her mom. But give Terrance and Maisy both a chance. He can’t help that he’s a single dad. It’s not like you have anything or anyone tying you down. If you can’t handle all that comes with dating a dad, then stop. But I know you. I see the way you’re falling for this man. It’s the same way you were falling for that race car driver you never stopped talking about—the one who got away. Terrance isn’t going anywhere that I know of. Do you?”
I shook my head, rubbing my fingertips in circles along my temples.
“See? What’s the worst that could happen if you let yourself into a relationship with either of them?”
“I’ll get hurt somehow.”
“Exactly. A fear every single person has. But you know what’s worse than not feeling that vulnerable?”
“Yes. Never knowing,” I breathed out, looking behind me and back at the group of girls, still in a fit of laughter under the tree. I started walking back.
“So, you’ve thought this through already.” She hooked her arm in mine.
“I’m so far gone; it’s scary as fuck.” I shivered.
The wind picked up, blowing leaves in our path.
“I don’t know anyone who has the strength you do. And I’m betting you that Terrance is too scared to piss you off. Give it a chance. Who knows? This time next year, you might be pregnant with that family you want!” Her arm tightened against mine as we rubbed hips, walking back toward the food truck.
“Shush!” I laughed, knowing she was right.
I did want a family. I longed for the mother I never had, and since that would never happen, I’d be that mother myself. To my kids, my nieces, Maisy, or any child who came into my life. I’d never let a child feel the way I had, growing up. And I’d do all I could to give them all I hadn’t had. Same as Terrance had told me before. We’d both been on the same page in that regard.
My phone chirped in my back pocket.
“Speak of the devil,” Rox muttered.
I pulled my phone out and read the text. Sure enough, it was him.
“He wants me to go to some trampoline park and lunch tomorrow. With him and Maisy.” I shrugged.
“See? I told you it was him. Divine intervention! Right on time.” Rox pressed her fingertips to her lips, kissed them, and threw them toward the sky.
“Here we go again. Yada, yada. You and Nikki and your divine intervention and hocus-pocus,” I said while I texted Terrance back that I’d be there.
“You know it’s true,” she said as I shoved my phone back into my pocket and continued walking.
“Maybe just a little,” I admitted.
This last year, things had fallen into place for DTF that I couldn’t even explain. It was like all the hard work and effort we had put into our lives and business for years were finally beginning to pay off. The timing couldn’t have
been any better. The people showing up in our lives weren’t anything like the train wrecks we used to tolerate.
“Well? Did you say yes?” She elbowed me, beaming.
I grabbed her hand, turning the back of it toward me and pushing my fingertip into her latest tattoo—a heart melded with golden-yellow seams.
Kintsugi.
“I said yes.” I pursed my lips, staring at her.
Rox squealed a Layla squeal that grated my nerves in a way I hadn’t known could.
“But if you make that noise again, I’m going to take this divine intervention and shove it up your ass.”
“Yes! See? You’re still yourself too. You got this, Betty.” She gripped my hand, pulling me into her as we stumbled our way back to the truck in a fit of giggles and newfound hope.
Ten
Terrance
Betty had said she loved me, and I didn’t have the balls to tell her the truth—that I loved her too. Not just fake, passionate, heat-of-the-moment love. But I truly, truly loved her. I should have followed Jay’s advice and manned up, telling her my real feelings. But I wasn’t only considering my feelings. I had a little girl whose opinions mattered way more to me than anyone else’s. And for her, I’d need to make sure Betty was the right one for both Maisy and me.
“Daddy!” Maisy burst into my bedroom and crawled into bed beside me. “It’s your day off! What are we going to do? Can we go see dinosaurs? I heard they were at the zoo. Grandpa said, but I think he might be off his rocker because dinosaurs aren’t real anymore. Are they?” Her eyes searched mine, and she had never looked so much like her mother before.
Guilt pierced through my heart for Jane. She was missing out on the best moments in life.
“Off his rocker? Where did you hear that from?”
I put my arm around her and held her tight. It seemed like yesterday when I could cradle her in my hands, and now, she grew taller and taller day by day. I knew she wouldn’t let me hold her much longer. I lived for these rare moments when I didn’t have to work crazy hours, and I could just be here with my daughter and do the dad thing.
I’d never thought of myself as a dad, but when Jane had found out she was pregnant, I’d become determined to fake it until I made it. Or at least, I was still faking it. I wasn’t sure anyone, especially me, ever made it. But my little girl was happy, albeit a bit starved for attention from me. I was working on that as best as I could, but her private school tuition wasn’t cheap.