by Helen Scott
Nathan held up a hand ceasing my talking. "You can stop right there. We can't help you, we won't help you, we have enough on our plate as it is, plus the last time we helped you we weren't exactly rewarded for it, now were we?"
"If I could reward you I would," I said, my tone a little sharper than I intended. I took a breath and watched as he just stared at me with an ice gaze that said he wasn't about to change his mind. "The only way I can reward you or help you rebuild is if we defeat Jax. Thomas and his pack have aligned with him so we need warriors, people who are willing to stand up for what's right, for what they believe in. I hope that you consider yourself and your pack among those people. Serenity and her pack certainly do."
"I do, but not for your cause. If Thomas and his pack are aligned with Jax then that's even more reason for us not to fight. We aren't a big pack, we've never been a big pack and never will be a big pack and we're okay with that but we aren't the warriors you're looking for. My pack is injured, recovering, barely holding on to hope as it is. Can you imagine what would happen if I sent my best men out with you only to have them killed within the first few minutes of battle? And if Jax is still using human weapons what then? We aren't equipped to deal with that, and who knows by then he may have realized that silver bullets are the way to go if you want to actually take one of us out. I won't let my people die needlessly and leave the weaker members of the pack unprotected. I can't risk any more of my people or any more favors from my pack for you."
My stomach sank and my chest seemed to freeze mid breath. I grasped inwardly at something, anything I could say to convince him but came up with nothing.
Bupkis.
Nada.
We were officially insane if we went up against Jax now with just Serenity's pack backing us up then it would be a suicide mission. But the idea of walking away made every fiber of my being want to revolt. The idea of these incredible warriors turning their backs on us when they could heal bullet wounds like it was nothing started a fire within me that wasn't going to go out any time soon. Anger poured through me as I watched the man across from me just stare at me.
26
Nina
"So you and your pack are just going to hide down here while the rest of us fight for everyone's right to live as they choose? You'll happily hide your head in the sand and let Jax win because you couldn't risk any more. What exactly do you think is going to happen after we die trying to fight him? Do you think he'll just let you live down here? Do you think you'll ever be able to rebuild? Or do you think he'll burn shadow forest to the ground looking for you, trying to smoke you out? Because I sure as shit know which one I'd bet on."
Nathan glanced at Denver with a question raising his brow, but I didn't give him a chance to voice whatever snide remark he was probably about to make.
"You think that when he finds you he'll just execute you? No. Oh, no. He'll turn your women into whores, letting any man who can get his cock up for long enough breed with them until he has an army at his back that calls him alpha and believes his every word, because you know what he'll do to any man, woman, or child that does question him? Make an example of them to the entire pack. Do you want to know what one of his threats to me was? He said he was going to starve me until I was almost dead and then when I was so desperate for food and water he'd make me crawl naked on my hands and knees over broken glass to him, begging him the whole time, then once he'd fucked me in front of the whole pack he'd let me have some food. Do you think your women would want to see that? Your children? You'll certainly be teaching them a life lesson by hiding down here."
"I know you're stressed and angry so I'm going to let the way you just spoke to me go in the name of keeping the peace, but we cannot risk any more of our pack not on something that isn't a guaranteed win. They already went against my orders once and we have paid for it with our home, barely giving each other a chance to escape. The fact that we didn't lose any lives is a miracle. I won't spit in the face of that miracle by sending them out to fight against a man who isn't even willing to stick to our customs and has started using human weapons." The alpha was angry toward the end, but not as angry as I was.
"So you'll just spit in the face of the oracle instead? Don't you think her visions, her words mean anything? She's the one who told me to fight Jax when I wanted to run, she's the one who doesn't want all the packs in this area to fall under his control. After every vision she's told you about, every advantage she's given you, you're happy to just walk away when it doesn't suit, aren't you? She is greater and more powerful than you will ever know because you'll be blind to it no matter what. Unable to see the bigger picture. If you're only looking after your pack in the short term and fucking them over in the long term then you're not much of an alpha are you?" I demanded, my words dripping with venom toward the end.
"Enough!" Nathan roared. The plywood walls of the room shaking with the force of his voice.
I didn't think it was nearly enough though. This pack above all others I thought would want to fight Jax after what he did to their home, what he tried to do to their people, but instead they were letting the fear win. Fear is what kills most people, letting the fear get in their heads, destroying them from the inside out. If we face our fears and let them breathe, see them for what they are, an emotion nothing more, then we can think more rationally, we can see how they were twisting our thoughts and perceptions. This alpha, Nathan, wasn't able to see past his fear though.
"I gave you my answer," Nathan seethed. "Now respect it and leave. Whatever comes next we will figure out when it comes. We aren't going to dwell on the possible futures or any of the nonsense the oracle is spouting, she's been alive longer than I can remember, so she can't be completely there anymore. You'd do well to ignore the old bat and keep yourself and the mates you supposedly care about safe. Don't seek out trouble."
His words were a slap in the face. "You think I chose this?" I demanded, not flinching away from his prolonged eye contact. If he wanted me to look away, to cower before him then he'd have to make me. "You think I wanted to be in hiding or on the run for my entire adult life? You think I wanted my parents to be slaughtered in front of me because they disapproved of the age difference between our alpha and his supposed mate? You think I wanted to tear my mates away from their packs so we could live in a tent in the woods? Are you fucking insane? Jax tried to force the mate bond on me, when it didn't happen he was going to lock me up and keep me as his own personal sex toy and breeding machine. I was lucky to escape and I was even luckier to find my mates. The oracle knew that everything that had happened to me was for a reason, to put me in this position, to make me a champion for the downtrodden. She hasn't lost it. She's saner than ever and desperate for someone to help her. It's a shame that you can't see that past all your alpha bullshit."
"Get her out of here now, before I consider her words a challenge," Nathan growled at Denver. His voice changed and became more wolfish. If he thought Denver was in control of me then he was sorely mistaken. One thing I'd learned about myself over the last few years and especially since I ran into Jax again was that I wouldn't let anyone control me.
"You are dooming your people, know that," I said as a parting shot before I pushed to my feet and stormed out.
There was a crowd of people standing not too far away and I could feel their shock and horror at what we'd been discussing burning in their gazes like the sun on the hottest day of the year. My skin was practically crackling with energy. Roman came out with me, a split second later, and wrapped me in a hug. I wanted to scream into his chest, to unleash my rage on one of the few people I knew could take it, but we had an audience and I wouldn't give them more to gossip about. Not if I could help it.
"That's quite the spitfire you've found for yourself, Romanus," an older woman said.
I swallowed the rage that was still burning within me, banking it for release later. "Romanus?" I muttered as I looked up at him.
Anger and regret seemed to war in his eyes as
he took in the older woman. "Agatha, it's been a long time."
"Indeed it has. I always knew you were destined for greatness, and that you needed someone who could stand up to you, which it looks like you found." She chuckled in that way that older people have when something they expected to happen finally does.
Roman looked down at me and I knew he could see the questions in my eyes. "My mother was part of the shadow forest pack. She mated outside the pack and her and a few others formed their own small pack combining customs from all their packs into one."
I nodded. He'd never mentioned this before, but I knew he hated talking about his past.
"I was one of his aunts a long time ago, though we drifted apart in the way that family does when there is a cultural divide. I've always wondered what he was up to, now it looks like I've found out," Agatha said as she watched me with her milky gray eyes.
"Agatha is technically my mother's aunt, but I always called her aunt as well. She taught me the dream ritual I was telling you about. She and my mother were best friends until the pack my mother and her mate started was destroyed. I was given the option to return to this pack or to be part of a more modern pack and I chose the more modern pack which eventually turned into Thomas's pack."
"I was so sad to hear of your mother's death," Agatha said quietly. Tears shimmered in her eyes and I had no doubt that she was heartbroken by it. A moment later she shook herself out of it and said, "But the past is long gone, and you seem to have found your footing."
Roman nodded.
"If you're one of the pack elders do you think you could talk to your alpha about fighting with us?" I asked, desperate for any help we could get.
"That one's as stubborn as they come. He won't help, not now he's made his mind up. I'd have more luck getting blood from a stone," Agatha scoffed.
"Come on, we should leave before Nathan gets any angrier. Sorry to interrupt, Aggie," Denver said.
"You're fine, child. Just keep fighting the good fight. No one wants Jax to win, but we're all scared after what we saw, what he did. Human weapons, I never thought I'd see the day..." Agatha seemed horrified at the thought of any shifter stooping so low, and I couldn't blame her. I was too.
We fought with tooth and claw, that was our way. Anything else was cheating, was mocking our ancestors. If anyone knew that Jax should, after all, he knew he was Fenrir's scion. He knew it was all real, that we were the tipping point and he was cheating. It shouldn't surprise me, but it did. I never thought he would go that far.
"It was nice to meet you, Agatha," I said before I turned toward Denver and we walked away.
Roman said his goodbyes and I heard her say, "You're a lucky man. Not every woman is as strong as your mate. Pure steel that one. Don't let her give up, not now. Not when you're all so close to the end. I'm proud of you, Romanus. I always knew you were meant for something special. I just had no idea it was this. Now, go and give them hell."
My heart warmed at her words and for a moment the rage abated until I saw Nathan watching us from the doorway of the small plywood building. All the anger that had burned out came flooding back as I watched the coward stand there and not even say goodbye or anything like that.
We were climbing up the ladder and through the shack in the woods when I finally let a scream tear loose. It had been bubbling in me this whole time and I couldn't keep it in any more. Here was as good a place as any to let it out, at least no one else was around.
I screamed and screamed until my throat was raw and tears were streaming down my face. The guys were all touching me in some way and I could finally feel the calm they were sending down the mate bond. Micah held one hand, Blake held the other, Roman had his arms wrapped around my waist, and though I hadn't realized we were sitting on the floor of the forest just outside the shack we were, which meant that Tate and Denver were each holding one of my ankles.
"We're never going to win this," I said between hiccuping sobs. "Not with only Serenity's pack to help us."
"We'll figure it out," Roman said.
I knew he meant his words to be soothing but they just irritated me. "We have no way forward, no one else we can ask for help, nothing. How are we going to defeat Jax if we can't even convince the other packs to join us? He's got them all terrified of their own shadows. We have nothing to offer them and they see that. They can see that we're nothing and that Jax is going to win. That's why they won't help."
"That's fucking bullshit," Micah growled. "We're not nothing. We're all important, we all represent something, right? We have to fight and we have to win and we might not see the way forward right now but that doesn't mean it won't present itself in time. We just need some space to regroup and collect our thoughts."
I hoped he was right. At that moment I couldn't see any options. I couldn't see a single path forward that didn't lead to us walking into our deaths. I wouldn't allow that to happen, not if I could help it, but the thing was I didn't know how to help it. I didn't know what we could do that would tip the scales in our favor. We needed help, that was the only thing I knew for sure, but we had nowhere to get it.
27
Nina
We had made it back to our stash of supplies that was technically in the no man's land area between Serenity and Thomas's packs. The hike had been long and arduous, especially since we didn't have any food other than what we could hunt at least until we got to our packs.
After a dinner of protein bars and pop tarts, which was all we'd managed to pack, I said, "I'm going to go for a run. I need to burn some of this energy and anger off. I don't want to take it out on you guys. I promise I'll be safe and will be back soon."
I didn't wait for them to respond as I stripped out of my clothes and shifted into my wolf, pulling her forward in a way that was starting to feel natural. The magic washed over my skin and the feeling of slipping into a different form stretched and shortened my form all at once until I was on four legs and springing away from the campsite we'd set up.
I heard the call of the guys but I couldn't stop, not now. I needed to feel the forest floor under my feet, hear the birds calling above me, and just be. In wolf form a lot of my emotions felt muted and I was better equipped to deal with them since they were simplified. My wolf felt anger, fear, happiness, sadness, but that was about it. There was no guilt, no shame, nothing of that nature.
As we ran I felt more like one being with my wolf than I ever had before. She and I were both angry that no one else was stepping up to the fight. It was like they all wanted to be ruled. If that was what they wanted then they could have at it, but I wouldn't rule, wouldn’t be rules, and I sure as hell wouldn't be turned into a broodmare.
My wolf agreed. We wouldn't be leashed, wouldn't be caged, wouldn't be anyone's property.
The ground seemed to fly under my feet as I ran and the trees blurred at my sides. The whole world seemed to phase out from around me as we darted through the woods. It felt like no one could catch me, no one could even come close to being as fast as I was in that moment while I was fueled by my rage and fear.
I couldn't help but wonder if there were eagle shifters or something similar and if they felt this way when they flew. I might not have been up in the air but I was free and nothing and no one could chain me down without my permission. I didn't even know what other kinds of shifters existed, but I was willing to bet they were out there. Wolf shifters had enough drama themselves, we didn't need to borrow any by associating with other shifters.
As I ran I looped back toward the camp, aware that I had been gone a while now and I didn't want the guys to worry. When I slowed my pace I was surprised by how far I'd gone. I knew I could find my way back to camp thanks to my wolfy senses but I hadn't expected the mileage I'd put between us.
Running back at a slower pace, one that didn't have the landscape blurring around me, allowed me to put all the pieces that had been floating around in my mind back together. Serenity's pack, Thomas's pack, Nathan's pack. It was a lot to deal with. Reject
ion, betrayal. None of that felt good. Serenity was the only bright spot in this whole thing. I wished I'd met her sooner if I was honest.
We have her and her pack and they are definitely more prepared for this fight than anyone else, which I was extremely grateful for. Having Nathan's warriors would have been incredible, but if he wasn't going to step up then we'd do it ourselves. Women had been taking care of business, and picking up after careless males, for centuries. Why should this be any different? We could do this, we had to, there was simply no other option.
Serenity and her pack would have to be enough. At least I knew she and I would go down swinging if that was what it came to. I prayed to Freya and Odin that it didn't, that we were strong enough to pull this off, but I honestly wasn't convinced. Everything seemed to be spinning out of control faster and faster and I was just trying to hold on.
When I heard the footfalls of someone running close by I felt along the mate bond and knew it was Roman. I altered my course slightly to meet up with him. If he just wanted to run with me, which was what it seemed like, then I was happy to have him along.
His silver wolf flashed among the trees and I saw him glance at me with those gray eyes of his that were so different in wolf form and yet so similar to the man as well. I jogged toward him and bumped him with my shoulder in greeting, letting him know that I saw him and he was welcome.
The two of us ran together for a while before Micah joined us, his brown and grey coat blending with the shadows of the forest as his golden eyes sought me out. I veered toward him and bumped his shoulder as well.
Slowly the others joined us as well, and I greeted them the same way. This felt right. This was what being a pack was, this was what having a mate, or mates in my case, should be like.