Manav spent the weekend cooped up in his dorm. He refused to surface or touch the food the boys delivered through the window. He wasn’t one to quit but even for someone as optimistic as Manav Jha, this situation was pretty darn bleak. What was worse, was not knowing how Rhea was doing under all the pressure from Ro and Kiran to cut him out of her life. This whole situation was probably everything they could have hoped for. What if Rhea stopped showing up at college, he wondered but the thought was too dark to dwell on. As established before, Manav could not live without Rhea. This was a fact. So he’d just have to find a way to hold on till Monday and then somehow—just somehow—talk to her. He was convinced that one talk with her would undo any damage his mother could have unwittingly done. Obviously she loved him as much as he did. Such was the power of true love.
13
Short Version: The heroine is off limits. But if there’s anything our hero has learnt from all those Bollywood binges with the boys, it is that no woman is off limits. She may think she is. But she doesn’t yet know what the hero has always known— that she loves him.
It was Monday and Manav couldn’t decide what to do about Rhea. Actually, it was pretty clear what he was expected to do: forget about her, pretend they never met, complete his graduation and get back to his princely life and marry into a family that might actually appreciate bovine presents. In fact, this was communicated to him in writing by Rhea, along with an informal warning from the cops (they didn’t want to get on the wrong side of the royal family, all said and done) and a weekly counselling session with the college’s in-house psychologist. But all this drama only fed Manav’s delusion about fighting villains for the love of his life. Could you imagine a world where the Dilwale did not get to run away with the Dulhaniya? Manav certainly couldn’t. Also, every movie he had ever watched strongly reinforced his childhood belief that when women said ‘Don’t come after me,’ they really meant ‘Sing a song, fight some goondas, get your friends to do stupid things and show me that nothing can stop you from coming after me, and I shall reciprocate.’ So that’s exactly what Manav was about to do. Well, not the singing part. He couldn’t sing.
‘So, what now?’ asked Akbar over lunch. He sounded so glum, you’d have thought he was the one breaking up with the girl.
‘Uhh, nothing,’ said Amar. ‘She’s off limits. This is serious. Manav could get expelled if he tries anything now. We all could!’ Manav may have been paying for his college but even he wouldn’t be able to save his ass if he got expelled and there’d be no point in taking care of his parents’ medical bills if his mother had a heart attack over him getting expelled and dying. He couldn’t stop his mind from racing to extreme scenarios. What then? He’d just have to hang himself. Without even a tragic love affair or an IIT failure to show for it.
‘Bro, shut up, bro,’ said Anthony who was always up for something that would end in a visit to the hospital or the police station. ‘What do you have in mind, bro?’ He smiled impishly at Manav.
‘I don’t know,’ sighed Manav. ‘I just need to talk to her. Once. That’s it. I’m sure I can get her to see my side of things. If I can’t, then I’ll leave her alone. But I can’t not try to fix this.’
Manav sounded so sincere, even Amar’s heart melted.
‘Just once …?’ Anthony said to himself, lost in thought.
‘Yes,’ said Manav desperately. ‘Just once. If you can make it happen, I’d be forever indebted.’
‘There might be a way,’ he said and everyone’s ears perked up.
‘Well, tell me already!’ Manav thought he might explode from the suspense.
‘It can be done, but it’s complicated and it will take three months,’ Anthony said staring into the distance thoughtfully.
‘I can wait,’ said Manav.
‘You guys up for another covert operation?’ Anthony winked at the other two.
Akbar snorted. ‘The last one was covert?’ Anthony was ready to bite his head off when Akbar quickly took it back. ‘But, yes! And I swear, this time, I will do whatever it takes.’
‘Fine,’ said Amar reluctantly. ‘But I’m not climbing trees.’
Manav was moved to tears. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.’
And with one last group hug, they dispersed after lunch to go about making the second mistake of their lives.
Three Months Later
It was the annual day at college and our heroine was doing a solo dance performance. That’s right, she was an accomplished dancer as well. Now Manav and Rhea had not so much as exchanged a word or even a glance in the last three months. In fact, that was kind of an unspoken deal. There were rumours floating around that Rhea was planning on discontinuing college should Manav attempt to contact her again. So he behaved. And told himself that in three months, his boys would come up with an ingenious plan that would reunite him with his one true love and everything would work out. It had to. The boys had decided that the best way to get Rhea to talk to Manav was if she were alone and didn’t see him approaching. So, since Rhea was performing, they would head to the basement in time for Rhea’s act and mess with the electrical system. It had taken them three months to learn exactly which wires to pull out in order to cause a complete power failure (perhaps they would have figured it out sooner had this been IIT) but now they were confident they could pull the whole thing off successfully. They had also come to understand that it took the maintenance staff approximately three minutes to reach the basement every time there was an issue with fluctuations and such. So now everything depended on Manav’s three minute speech. He would be on the stage with Rhea in complete darkness for three whole minutes. He’d have to convince her in time and make his way out before the lights came on. See, this was a problem for Manav who had written out an eighteen-minute TEDx speech and rehearsed it over the last three months. Now he had no idea how to trim out fifteen whole minutes but he had to if he didn’t want to end up behind bars. Alright, that’s a stretch for a prince but he didn’t want Rhea to leave college. That would be a different kind of prison for Manav.
Will he succeed? Will he botch it up and get them all expelled? You’d have to wait till the next chapter to find out. But since this is a book, you don’t really have to wait longer than it takes to turn the page.
14
Short Version: This is an edge-of-the-seat chapter. A lot happens and a lot is at stake. For an optimal experience, please make sure you are seated at the edge of your seat.
Manav said his prayers, focused on his breathing and took one last look at his phone as the time drew closer to Rhea’s performance. Should he call his mother for a pep talk as always or had she done enough damage already? He couldn’t make up his mind. He was nervous and at times like this, his mother was the only one who knew what to say. But he decided against it. This was something he had to do alone. ‘I have dragon slayer DNA,’ he repeated under his breath over and over. ‘I can do this. What’s the worst that can happen?’
‘Uhh, you and your friends could get expelled and your friend’s mother could die,’ said the always-happy-to-unexpectedly-chip-in Universe.
‘I don’t care,’ said Manav with the unshakeable resolve of a man used to dealing with the eccentricities of the universe. ‘This is the future queen of my kingdom and I must wake her up to her destiny. It will be like Sleeping Beauty.’
‘Except she’s wide awake and doesn’t want to see you.’ The universe was serious.
‘Oh, screw you,’ said Manav. ‘Even you can’t stand in the way of fate.’
‘Well, I’m kind of in charge of it,’ the universe said but Manav was too busy rushing into the auditorium to do his part to pay any heed to the universe.
He looked at his watch. It was 6:57 p.m. Three more minutes and Rhea should be on stage. He prayed silently for her to not be late. That would botch everything up. ‘Don’t be late, don’t be late,’ he repeated. The students who had just got done with their play seemed to be taking too many bows. They had to sto
p already and clear the props in order for Rhea to make it on time. But the students seemed to be hell bent on savouring their time under the spotlight and waving to the audience who clearly seemed to love them because the applause only grew louder by the second. Manav sighed. ‘Are you kidding me?’ he said to himself as the watch flashed 6:58. He wished he hadn’t challenged the universe. After another whole minute of waiting for the stage to clear, Manav got desperate.
‘Dear universe,’ he said in his head, ‘please do something. I need this. I don’t know what I’ll do if I miss my chance. The boys and I have worked very hard for this. Please don’t fuck this up just to teach me a lesson?’
The universe was touched. And the stage cleared. Manav let out a relieved sigh even as his heart began to race to the beat of the intro music for Rhea’s dance solo. And suddenly, there she was—a vision of perfect femininity. The crowd went wild as Rhea started to move. Every pair of eyes was glued to the stage. It was almost like they couldn’t believe they were watching this for free.
‘Any second now,’ Manav said to himself as he drew closer and closer to the back of the stage. And there it was. The power went out and the auditorium was enveloped in complete darkness. ‘Here you go,’ said the universe. ‘Here is your moment. Carpe this.’
Manav had no time to get his thoughts in order. He had to act immediately. As he approached the stage, he could hear Rhea screaming for someone to fetch her a torch. Or a phone. But no one could hear her over the pandemonium.
‘Rhea?’ said Manav. ‘Just …’ He wanted to say ‘Just hear me out’ but Rhea seemed to be relieved to have company. Nobody knew this but she was afraid of the dark. As pretty girls tend to be.
‘Oh my God, Manav. Thank God,’ she said.
Ohh-kay, then. This was easier than he had expected.
‘Can you just switch on your phone please? I need the light!’ Rhea panicked.
‘Not a problem.’ Manav switched on his phone and the relief on Rhea’s face seemed to indicate that he could now speak about more pressing matters.
‘I know you don’t want to talk to me and I promise you, I will leave you alone,’ he started.
‘Manav …’ Rhea said. It was like she knew what was coming but she wasn’t angry. Just exhausted.
‘I’m a prince. Yes, I should have told you that. But can you imagine how ridiculous that would have sounded? You would have laughed at me!’
Rhea smiled in understanding. That did make sense. She was so busy considering this that she didn’t notice he was speaking in perfect English.
‘And my mother,’ he continued. ‘She just doesn’t know any better! You are the first girl I’ve got close to and she assumed we were getting married and she got excited. I don’t expect you to understand that but please, just try … not to hate me.’ His voice broke. That was a lucky bonus. It hadn’t happened during rehearsal but now here he was—the man with the right words and an appropriate display of emotion.
Rhea’s eyes welled up. ‘I don’t hate you, Manav,’ she said. ‘It’s just that … it’s easier this way.’ Manav wished she’d speak faster because he knew the lights were going to be back any second now and he didn’t want Kiran or any of the faculty members to catch him anywhere within ten feet of Rhea Somany. ‘I went all out to defend you with my family, with Kiran, with Ro … but this whole thing just proved them right. Not to mention, scared the shit out of me. But I’ve had time to think and I understand. But they won’t. And I have no energy to fight.’
‘But can’t we just be friends?’ Manav asked hopefully but the lights were back on and so was the music and the audience looked suitably upset by the sudden addition to the performance. Manav did the one thing he could do to save his ass—he went along with it and danced!
‘Oh my gosh, what are you doing?’ Rhea said as they both started to move.
‘Showing you what a good dancer I am,’ Manav said like a Bollywood hero with readymade lines as he started to lead, twirl and spin Rhea over his head. Yes, he could do all that. He was proficient at most dance forms.
‘I feel like we’re in an episode of Nach Baliye,’ Rhea giggled. It had been so long since he had heard her laugh. And while Manav was busy falling in love with Rhea all over again, the crowd demanded more from the duo. After two more performances by popular demand, Rhea and Manav exited the stage, absolutely exhilarated. She was high on public approval and he was high on her.
‘That went really well,’ he smiled.
‘It did,’ she beamed.
He wanted to say something but wisdom (or was it the universe) asked him to shut up and leave.
‘Hey Manav?’ Rhea said as he started to leave.
‘Yeah?’
‘That being friends thing? Doable!’ she smiled.
Manav had no words so he just gave himself permission to flash all thirty-two.
‘Thank you, universe,’ he whispered in his heart. He and his faithful sidekicks had done it yet again.
15
Short Version: Is he actually friendzoned if she’s hanging out with him all the time and demanding his attention when she’s sick? This is the question our hero and his gang of boys will attempt to answer in this chapter. For the nation.
Manav had always known that he belonged with Rhea but he did expect to jump through many more hoops to get there. He had imagined she’d take months to simmer down but here he was, spending every moment away from class with Rhea. This, after a whole night (till almost 4 am) spent talking about nothing on the phone. Women were so complicated but he wasn’t complaining at the moment.
‘But bro, where is this going, bro?’ Anthony had had enough of the new relationship euphoria. Also, he didn’t trust women. They were all the same—leading guys on, and appearing shocked when they ‘misunderstood.’ It was a tough lesson he had learnt from one whole relationship that had lasted five whole months. It had obviously given him oodles of insight into the opposite sex and how to handle them in relationships.
‘Relax, man, I’m happy,’ Manav smiled. For once, he liked things just the way they were. Besides, this was a lot more than he had bargained for and he wasn’t in the mood to upset the status quo.
‘So you and Rhea are together now?’ Amar was excited.
‘No, she says we’re friends …’ Manav trailed off.
‘Precisely what I’m talking about!’ Anthony cried. ‘This are-we-friends-are-we-lovers confusion needs to be sorted out right at the very beginning.’
‘What is there to sort out, bro? She’s said they are friends,’ Akbar explained. ‘That’s legit.’
‘And you’re okay with that?’ Anthony asked Manav.
‘No, of course I’m not okay with that,’ Manav said. ‘But I can’t rush her now. I have to take it slow.’
‘That makes sense,’ said Amar.
‘Yeah,’ agreed Akbar.
‘No, no, no, no!’ insisted Anthony. ‘This situation has FRIENDZONE written all over it. And if you want more, you better make it clear at this stage or I swear, you are signing up for an eternity of heartbreak.’
‘What’s a friendzone now?’ Manav was tired of urban relationship terminology. Most of them meant absolutely nothing.
‘Friendzone is a place,’ said Akbar seriously. ‘I imagine it’s a kind of limbo but I can’t be sure because those who ventured out there never came back to tell us.’
‘Wow,’ sighed Manav, unimpressed.
‘Oh, that’s not all,’ said Anthony. ‘The Friendzone is a convenient arrangement where the person who just wants to be friends, gets everything, and you get nothing. So these midnight heart-to-hearts that you’ve been having with her every single night for two weeks? Friends don’t do that. Boyfriends do. But you know what else boyfriends get to do? They sleep with the girl.’
Manav didn’t want to believe this but he had to admit Anthony was making a valid point. ‘So you’re saying I’m stuck in this … Friendzone?’
‘Yes,’ they said in unison. Though Amar wasn’
t sure that was such a bad thing. He had old-fashioned ideas about love and actually connecting with the girl before sleeping with her.
Manav thought about it for five seconds. ‘Nah,’ he said. ‘I know I can conquer this Friendzone. I have dragon-slayer DNA. I can make my way out of this place, girl in my arms.’
‘Said every guy who ventured out there,’ Akbar snorted.
Manav’s phone rang, interrupting their panel discussion. It was Rhea. She was home, sick.
‘Hey,’ Manav sounded chirpy. He couldn’t help coming alive at the sound of her voice.
‘Heyyyyyy,’ came the sleepy voice at the other end. ‘What are you doinggggg?’
Manav cracked into an affectionate smile. ‘Just hanging out with the boys. How are you feelingggggg?’
The boys groaned and made fart noises. They weren’t sure what was worse—depressed Manav or Manav in a half relationship.
‘Not gooooood. Come home and see me?’
‘Really? What about your parents?’ The boys’ ears perked up at that. What was he talking about?
‘I can sneak you into my room,’ she giggled. Manav’s heart felt full. The guys knew nothing. Why would she be sneaking him into her room if this was Friendzone! He couldn’t wait to hang up and give them the news.
‘Oh-kay then,’ he blushed a little.
‘Okay, don’t be late,’ she whispered before hanging up.
Manav was all grins as he hung up. ‘Well?’ said the guys.
‘I am going to her place right now. She is sneaking me into—wait for it—her room!’
‘Ooh!’ They said in unison.
‘And that is how a prince conquers the Friendzone.’ Manav took a bow to much cheering. He had once again established himself as their hero—the guy who could get the girl to sleep with him.
‘Oh my God,’ said Amar after a few minutes. ‘Are you nervous?’
‘No, why would I be?’ said Manav covertly wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans.
‘Dude … shit … she’s like the most popular girl in college! You’re going to be so popular tomorrow!’
Half Boyfriend Page 6