by K. A. Holt
catching the light,
blinding my eyes,
that snappy red bow,
those bright highlights
like
what
excuse me
what
are you on purpose
bringing every clichéd cheerleader
to life?
Kate
This girl in the gym today,
looking at me.
Tall as a palm tree,
shaped like one, too.
Big hair on top,
giraffe neck,
legs like a stick figure
stretching right off the page,
her skin shimmering
her head tossed back
a loud laugh flying from her mouth
while a boy
small as she is tall
bounces around her feet
making her see
nothing in the world but
him.
Alex
Alyx
Alexx
Alex, Alyx, Alexx.
Chillin’ in the shadows.
Watching everything.
Watching everything.
Alex, Alyx, Alexx.
Chillin’ in the shadows.
Chillin’ in the shadows.
Watching everything.
Alex, Alyx, Alexx.
We see all.
Hear all.
Know all.
We know all.
See all.
Hear all.
We hear all.
Know all.
See all.
We three queens.
We three queens.
We three queens.
Kate
And just like that
we tear it all down.
No more bunting.
No more signs.
Fold up the tables.
The gym is now a
gym again.
Practice in ten!
Coach herds us to
the locker room.
Mom is right.
The squad will love
me as captain.
I close my eyes.
I can see it.
I will make it happen.
Okay, everyone. I need a favor.
Coach, in her office,
holding . . .
what is that?
A giant dead bird?
Mitchell Phresch moved away
and we have no mascot,
at least until we have tryouts,
at least for the first few games.
The pause is so long,
with giggles here and there.
Who wants to volunteer?
No one raises their hand
and I can’t blame them.
That dead bird,
probably hot,
probably smelling
like Mitchell (not so) Phresch.
But you know what?
I hear Mom’s voice in my head:
I could take one for the team.
Why not?
Everyone will love me more,
and when it comes time
I’m captain
Bam
no other choice.
I raise my hand.
I’ll do it.
Well all right, Katherine!
Way to step up.
The girls all giggle.
Becca raises her hand.
Yes, Becca?
But the mascot . . .
it’s not
part of the squad.
Technically, you’re right.
But Kate is flexible.
She can straddle the line.
I laugh.
But inside I start to wonder.
Wait . . . what did I just do?
TAM
Only one class with Levi.
That’ll be weird.
But fine.
At least for me.
He,
that goofy doof,
seems worried.
Shortstack can hold his own,
though.
He’ll be fine.
We’ll be fine.
Still rulin’ the school
one day at a time.
Kate
I still have a little Falcon
in my step,
skipping home
though I’m back in my cheer uniform,
the picture of normal.
And can I just say?
Who knew being the mascot
could be so fun?
I flapped and ran
and leapt and spun
and yes it was sweaty
and yes it didn’t smell great
but all in all
this turned out
to be a pretty fun day.
TAM
Making my way home,
I see up ahead
that cheerleader from earlier
bouncing
bobbing,
sidewalk hopping.
I cross over the courts
to see what’s what
when
this kid
wanders over,
palming a ball
dribbling words
like he’s ten feet tall.
You want to play, son?
This kid with
baggy shorts
cropped hair
staring
at me,
crinkled eyes
sizing
me
up.
Bet you could hit a basket or two.
I let him talk,
keep my mouth shut
lips stuck
tight
as he dribbles
and squints.
Wanna play or what, dude?
I still don’t talk;
slap the ball
right out of his hand
his squint lost
in surprise
when I bounce that ball high
off his forehead
then catch it
with one hand.
Walk away.
Hey! Ow! That’s my ball!
What’s your damage, man?
I don’t turn around;
just drop the ball,
letting the ground
catch it
carry it away,
shaking
my head.
Yeah, I could hit a basket or two.
Yeah, I could play some ball.
But I’m not his son.
I’m not a man.
And just because
I’m wearing a snapback
and Chucks,
that doesn’t mean I’m a dude.
TAM
Kate
The little cheerleader
from earlier
saunters up,
eyes twinkling bright.
I get that all the time, you know.
Always mistaken for a dude.
Her half-smile
tickles my eyes.
Well I admit,
as soon as I saw you
I thought,
linebacker
for sure.
I smirk.
I roll my eyes.
She rolls her eyes.
Smirk.
She puts her hand on her hip.
I cock my hip to the side.
I try to be serious.
I try not to smile.
Wouldn’t surprise me
if you were quite
the athlete.
She reaches over,
surprising me,
squeezes
my arm.
I squeeze
her tiny bird-bone arm,
but it’s firm,
solid.
All muscle,
hidden
out of sight.
What’s your name, Ponytail?
My name is Kate.
What’s yours?
Redwood?
Cause I’m so
tall?
Hilarious.
My name is Tam.
Short for Tamara.
But I have to put you through that basket—
I point to the court—
if you
ever
call me Tamara.
Nice to meet you, Tam.
Nice to meet you, Kate.
I wink
She winks!
and I jog off.
Alex
Alyx
Alexx
Like a Redwood.
She towers.
So glam.
So glam.
Like a Redwood.
She towers.
She towers.
So glam.
Like a Redwood.
Intriguing the Ponytail.
Intriguing the Ponytail.
Intriguing the Ponytail.
Perhaps.
A story.
In the making.
In the making.
Perhaps.
A story.
A story.
In the making.
Perhaps.
The Alexes take notice.
We extra notice.
You couldn’t not notice.
TAM
Mom.
I laugh,
point.
Her chin faces the ceiling
like a yoga salute
and a gymnastics move
and an emoji
combined.
She laughs.
It’s the thousandth time
she’s worn her ID
upside down.
Oh, good grief.
I’m smiling up at me!
New scrubs?
She pats her thighs.
My special occasion scrubs.
When I look confused
she laughs again.
First day of seventh grade!
Wow, you’re old for seventh grade.
Mom bops my head with a notepad.
Nervous?
Nah.
She gets
That Look,
clears her throat.
Her eyes peer
over the top
of her sparkly purple
glasses.
NERVOUS?
NAH.
She bops me again.
Have a great day, Love.
Remember, you only YOLO once.
I laugh.
Mom. No.
Don’t try to be cool.
I’m totally cool.
I make you LOL out loud
all
the
time.
Mom. Stop.
Have a good day at work.
And then she hugs me
and I can see the top of her head,
silver tinsel
glittering in the black.
Your gift to me,
she always says,
silver in my hair
sparkle in my day.
Kate
Just the right shade.
For the future cheer captain,
following in her mother’s footsteps.
Mom presents lipstick,
it’s in a small golden box.
My mom wouldn’t let me wear lipstick
at your age. Isn’t that crazy?
She smiles,
like we have a secret.
I take the box.
The lipstick is light pink.
You’re so beautiful, Katherine.
The prettiest girl in school.
I roll the lipstick tube
across my palm.
Obviously,
she continues,
the smartest, most talented girl, too.
Just like her mom.
Weirdly, I want to throw
the box,
bounce it off her head
like Tam did with the ball
and that stupid kid.
But I don’t.
I let her kiss my cheek.
I say,
Thank you.
I love you.
And as she shuts my door.
I put the lipstick,
unopened,
in my desk drawer.
TAM
I’m not nervous
about the first day;
that’s a thing
I don’t get:
nervous.
I just see . . .
the buses lined up,
kids spewing out,
new boobs,
new hair,
new clothes.
Shouts
echo loud.
And I feel . . .
the same flutter
I get
before the first serve.
The shudder
up my neck
before the clock’s numbers
blur.
There’s no whistle right now,
just the bell,
piercing, short.
Here we go,
DaSilva.
Time
to
own
the
court.
Kate
Mom says
I can rule them all.
Just like she did.
Cheer captain.
Smartest student.
Biggest future.
This is why I roam the halls,
chin high,
hair perfect,
smile bright.
The spotlight?
It’s already
mine.
TAM
It’s so weird
not having Levi here.
I mean, he’s here,
I know that,
but in different classes . . .
it’s out of whack,
topsy-turvy.
And everywhere I go,
everywhere I look,
that cheerleader,
Ponytail
from registration day,
is all over the place,
like a speck caught in my eye.
Can’t look away.
Can’t blink her gone.
Can’t figure her out.
It’s like she came from nowhere,
blotting out the sun,
except she IS the sun.
Bright. Bright. Bright.
I squint in her direction,
wonder how Levi
is doing,
and she squints back
laughs,
making me feel as upside down
as Mom’s ID badge.
Kate
The first time we nodded.
The second time we smiled.
The third time we waved.
The fourth time we laughed.
Seriously.
Is that Tam girl in ALL my classes?
TAM
Everywhere I look
there’s Kate.
In class.
Kate.
In the hall.
Kate.
I close my eyes.
Kate.
Kate
So here’s a weird thing
that just happened
that I can’t really explain.
I walked in the cafeteria,
saw our usual cheer table,
the one from last year
next to the window,
same view of the trees,
same dripping AC,
same everybody
over there
eating, noisy,
waving me over.
And on the other side of the room
I saw that girl Tam
and her little flea-sized friend.
I stopped in my tracks.
Sure, I could go to my friends,
sit and laugh.
Graham could pull my ponytail,
I could steal his chips.