Tasha was right, he was all over the place, and every time he crawled and started getting into something he shouldn’t one of us would get up and redirect him. But, Tasha listened quietly while I talked, and once I was done, just getting it all out there made me feel better.
“She sounds like an amazing woman,” Tasha said when I finished. “Strong, intelligent, independent, and passionate. I bet the two of you complement each other very well. I’d like to meet her.”
“I’d like that, too, for her to meet all of you,” I replied. “But, right now, I’m not sure what to do. Do I sit here and do nothing, and give her the time and space to think like she asked, or do I go like Ridge did last year with Karrie and buy gifts … make a grand gesture?”
Tasha moved to pick up Isaac, who was scooting toward the hallway, and asked, “Do you know about my history with Jericho?”
I shook my head.
“No, not really. I mean, I know you guys met in college, but not the details.”
“Yes, we met at school, and right away, I knew what we had was special. In fact, it was so all consuming that it scared me. I worried I was feeling too much too soon, that I’d lose myself if I continued to be so wrapped up in Jericho, in us. My mom had never gotten over our dad leaving her for your mom. It was like he’d claimed her heart and she waited for him to return to her until her last breath. That terrified me. What if Jericho left me and I was doomed to spend my life alone like my mom. So, I left him first. But, neither of us ever moved on. It was as I feared, my heart belonged to him, but what I didn’t realize at the time, was his belonged to me, too. So, I wasted years of our lives by running scared, and there’s nothing I can do to get those years back.”
“Wow, that’s amazing, I didn’t realize … And, I’m sorry our father is such an asshole. I’m sorry for your mom,” I said, feeling guilty even though it obviously had nothing to do with me.
Still, we’d had our father growing up, such as he was, and our sisters hadn’t.
“I explained all that to say this … Respect her wishes and give her time, but, don’t give her so much time she convinces herself she’s better off without you and runs scared,” Tasha said gently. “Without knowing her, but hearing what’s gone on between you, I think she really does feel strongly for you. I also think maybe she’s a little like me, and the depth of those feelings might freak her out.”
“Hey, what’s all this?” Brody asked with a yawn, his face creased from sleep. “Why didn’t you tell me our favorite sister and nephew were here?”
Tasha laughed as she stood up and moved to give him a hug. “You say that to all of us.”
“Do not,” Brody lied with a grin.
“Guess I’d better let Ridge and Karrie know, too,” I said, happy I’d gotten a little bit of time with them all to myself. Before picking up my phone, I looked at Tasha and added, “Thanks for the advice, it really means a lot.”
Tasha grinned.
“Anytime. And, I hope I get to meet her.”
Thirty-Three
Trixie
Standing barely inside the hospital room, I was overcome by emotion as I took in Crush laying on the hospital bed.
Machines were beeping, but otherwise it was eerily silent.
He looked so different lying there. Not angry. Not bitter or misogynistic. Not like an asshole that needed to be brought down a few pegs.
He was simply … a man.
I hadn’t known anything about him when we met last year, I took him at face value and didn’t think much of it. But, after hearing a little bit about their past from Emma, I was forced to recognize that just like everyone, Crush had a history, which shaped him into the man he was then.
Now, I was a part of the history that shaped him into who he is today.
And, I found I didn’t like the results.
I stepped over to the side of the bed, and although Crush’s eyes fluttered open, they were unfocused and blurry.
I knew he was probably on medication. I didn’t imagine having your stomach pumped was a painless process, and I hoped he wasn’t feeling the after effects.
“Crush, I know you probably don’t want me here,” I said softly, not sure if he knew I was there and if what I said would register or be remembered later, but I still needed to try. “But, I had to come and tell you … I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. Honestly, I didn’t factor the repercussions that article would have for you at all, I was too worried about getting the story. If I could go back and change things, I promise I would, but since I can’t, all I can do is apologize, and say if there’s anything you need from me in the future, all you have to do is ask.”
Crush blinked slowly, before his eyes closed again.
I heard a commotion behind me and tried to discreetly wipe my cheeks before turning around.
“What are you doing here?”
Emma was coming in from the hallway, a bag of fast food in hand. She’d obviously gotten little sleep the night before, but she looked surprisingly upbeat with a hippie vibe. Her brown hair was so dark it could pass for black, and was currently parted down the middle and hanging over her shoulders in two very long pigtails.
She had bangles on her arms, wore a long flowing skirt in a patchwork of colors, and wore a simple tank top. Her face was devoid of makeup, but she was striking.
“I’m sorry to intrude, I know you probably don’t want to see me right now, but I needed to see how he was doing,” I said cautiously, kind of worried she’d start yelling at me again, even though she seemed okay now. “And, I wanted to apologize … to both of you.”
Emma set down the bag on a small table folding, her hands in front of her as she turned to me.
“I owe you an apology as well,” she began. And, when I moved to protest, she shook her head and continued, “I was distraught after finding Benny and after seeing his reaction to you that day on the sidewalk, then finding you at Delta last night, you were an easy target for my anger. I shouldn’t have laid all of this on you.”
“No, it’s okay. What you said made sense. I’m the one who wrote the article…”
“Yeah, you did, and it sucked, but Benny’s the one who chose to react the way he did,” she said, her gaze moving to her brother. “You didn’t make him start drinking heavily, or stop going to work. You didn’t force him to waste his money and not pay bills. Those were all choices he made, which led to this.”
“If there’s anything I can do,” I offered, unsure what else to say.
“Ridge is taking care of the hospital bill and getting Benny into a good rehab. He’s gone above and beyond for us and I feel terrible about the way I acted last night. I was wrong to take it out on you both, I’ve just been so frustrated, and Benny wouldn’t listen to me … When they wouldn’t let me back to see how he was doing yesterday, everything came to a head and I had to let it all out. Unfortunately, I decided to do it publicly and you and Ridge were my targets.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I assured her. “I can understand your frustration and your need to have someone to blame. Neither Ridge nor I were innocent in this … It was good for me to see things from your perspective. Moving forward I want to make sure I consider the ramifications for everyone involved when publishing, not just myself.”
Emma nodded, and I knew it was time for me to get out of there and leave them in peace.
“Well, thanks for listening, and again, if there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
“Okay, I will,” she replied, and with one last look at Crush’s sleeping form, I turned and left the room.
By the time I got home I felt better about the situation with Crush and Emma. I wasn’t sure he would be as amicable to accepting my apology as his sister, but at least it was a start.
“Hey, sexy lady,” I called to Starla as I walked in. Then I noticed Jude and said, “You, too, hot stuff.”
“Hey, babe, how’d it go at the hospital?” Starla asked.
I’d spent the morning fillin
g her in on everything, and we’d both agreed a stop at the hospital should be the first thing on my list today.
“Better than expected,” I replied. “Although, Crush was still pretty out of it, so I doubt he’ll even remember I was there … but, his sister was and we had a good conversation. I think there’s still more I can do to make it up with them, but at least today was a jumping off point.”
“Good. Now, what about Wes?” she asked.
I sighed and shrugged.
“I haven’t figured it out yet.”
“Well, Jude and I think he’s great, and perfect for you, so I really hope you’ll stop self-sabotaging your relationship and give him a call.”
There’d been a whole lecture this morning about how I tend to put up walls and look for any reason to end things before they got too serious, as a way of guarding my heart. Everything Starla said had merit, and I realized although I’d always considered myself this enlightened, strong, self-aware person, there was still a lot going on within myself that I needed to work on.
“You do this every time,” Starla had said.
“What?”
“When you get to the point in a relationship where things are going really well, and your heart starts getting involved, you find a reason to start freezing the person out.”
“I do not,” I’d argued.
“Oh really? What happened when Downer Debbie said she was falling for you? You decided she was too clingy and ended things. And, that guy Rico, things were going hot and heavy with you two until you decided your political views were too different and broke it off. Then there was Sarah…”
“Okay, I get it,” I’d said, holding up my hand to stop her. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Wes is different,” Starla insisted. “You guys complement each other, he obviously adores you, and I like how happy you’ve looked since you started seeing him. I know it’s scary, but do you think maybe the reason you’re so quick to latch on this omission of truth is because you know things with him have the potential to go the distance?”
“Maybe,” I agreed.
This meant Wes would have to wait a little bit longer while I did some self-reflection.
Thirty-Four
Wes
“I don’t know if I really want to do this.”
“C’mon, Wes, it’ll be a rush. Give it a try once, and I promise, you’ll be hooked,” Ridge said, but I wasn’t sure I believed him.
We were finally doing that thing Ridge had wanted the three of us to do … just the brothers … to welcome Brody officially into the frat and celebrate the three of us being brothers twice over.
That thing … was ziplining.
“Shit,” I muttered as I looked out over the treetops.
We were in Gatlinburg, in the mountains, about to zipline through the trees. It was so high up, you couldn’t see the ground, and all I could think about was my imminent demise.
“This is so fucking awesome!” Brody exclaimed, not the least bit nervous.
He’d been bouncing off the walls with excitement ever since we’d left town this morning and Ridge told us where we were going.
“We’ll stay in a cabin in the woods,” he’d said. “Grill our meat, drink beer, and fly through the air.”
I’d been terrified he’d meant skydiving.
This was almost worse.
We listened as the guides gave instructions, like where to keep your hands and how to stop, but what I wondered was how they were going to get me off of this platform in the first place.
“There will be a series of lines. On the first one, we will help you off the platform, the second, we want you to do it yourself. The third is a tandem line, so two people have to go down together. If there aren’t enough people in your group, one of us will step up. The last one will be a race to the finish, so you’ll want a running start.”
Yeah, right…
“Who wants to go first?”
“Wes, you should go … Get it out of the way, so you can see it’s not so bad,” Brody suggested.
“All right,” I grumbled, stepping closer to the edge on shaky legs.
“On the count of three, I’ll throw you off,” the guy said.
He did it on two.
I’m not embarrassed to say I screamed all the way across, and kept my eyes closed the entire time. It was awful and I hated every second of it.
When I was safely on the other side, I turned to watch my brothers follow my lead and try to tame my rapidly beating heart.
Brody came hurdling toward me, eyes open wide and shouting in a totally different way than I had. Followed by Ridge, who looked cool as a cucumber with a grin on his face as he sailed in.
As we made our way to the next line, I tried to tap down my panic.
I can do this, I said in my internal pep talk. It will be over before I know it.
“That was amazing, so majestic, right?” Brody asked, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I hadn’t seen because I’d been watching the back of my eyelids.
“Totally,” I lied.
“He’s so full of shit,” Ridge joked. “He hated it.”
“You know what? You better watch out or I’m going to exact my revenge,” I told him.
“Oh yeah, what are you gonna do?”
“I don’t know, steal your dry cleaning and give it all to you wrinkled? Hide your hair products?”
“Very funny,” Ridge deadpanned, while Brody and I laughed.
“Fuck,” I grumbled as we climbed to the next platform. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to jump off on my own.”
“Sure you can,” Brody said.
“I can throw you off,” Ridge offered.
In the end, it took three tries, but I eventually jumped off. After that, each line got a little easier, and by the last one I was even enjoying myself a little. I couldn’t deny I was much happier to be on solid ground, relaxing outside our cabin as we ate steak and looked out over the lake.
“This is the life,” Brody said happily, his legs stretched out before him as he leaned back in the Adirondack chair.
“Yeah, maybe we should think about getting a place out here somewhere on the lake. Like, a vacation home,” Ridge suggested.
“That would be nice,” I replied, taking a drink, my eyes never leaving the view. “A place we could come to a couple times a year, invite the sisters and their families. Start some new traditions.”
“Speaking of family,” Brody began, his tone making me look his way. “You’ll never guess who I had a missed call from.”
“Mom?” Ridge guessed.
“Nope.”
“Dad?” I asked, my surprise evident.
“Yeah.”
“Did he leave a message?” I asked.
Brody shook his head.
“Are you going to call him back?” This question came from Ridge.
There was definitely no love lost between him and our father, and I knew if it were Ridge he would opt not to return dear old Dad’s call.
“I don’t know,” Brody said with a shrug of his shoulder. “But I don’t want to worry about him now, I’d rather enjoy our time here together. Worry about the rest when we get back home … I just thought you guys should know.”
I nodded my agreement, thinking it was a great idea to leave our troubles behind for the night and enjoy each other’s company.
But, I couldn’t help but wonder why our dad called Brody, and why he hadn’t bothered to try Ridge or me.
Thirty-Five
Trixie
I’d texted Wes to make sure it was okay I came over. He’d said, yes, but once I was waiting outside his apartment, I was a bundle of nerves.
We hadn’t parted on the best of terms, and that wasn’t even the first time he’d faced the brunt of my anger.
What if, after having a few days to think about it, Wes decided I wasn’t worth the effort?
What if my mood swings were too much and he wanted a sweet, perpetually happy girl to spend his days and n
ights with?
What if I’d taken too long?
“Stop standing out here talking to yourself, Beatrice,” I muttered.
I always called myself Beatrice when I talked to myself.
“Everything okay?”
I looked up, startled, to see Brody grinning down at me, a grocery bag in one hand and his keys in the other.
“Uh, yeah, I was just about to knock,” I said lamely.
“Well, now you don’t have to. I’ll let you in … Beatrice.”
Great, not only had he heard me talking to myself, but now he’s using my dreaded first name. And, knowing Brody, he’d use it at every opportunity.
I lifted my chin, pulled the strap of my backpack up, and walked inside when he opened the door and held it for me.
“He’s probably in his room,” Brody said when we walked in and Wes wasn’t in any of the common areas.
I gave Brody a small smile of thanks and headed down the hall.
Once I was outside his door, I took a deep breath and knocked.
“Yeah?” Wes called from inside.
“It’s me,” I replied.
I heard some shuffling behind the door and then it opened to reveal Wes standing before me in a Halo T-shirt and loose-fitting jeans, his hair wet from a shower.
“Come in,” he said, stepping to the side.
I moved to the bed, put my backpack down, and sat next to it.
“How have you been?” I asked, my eyes greedily taking him in.
I’ve missed his face.
“Uh, I’ve been okay. We took Brody up to a cabin and all went ziplining, which was out of my comfort zone, but I did it,” Wes said with a laugh, sitting on his desk chair across from me. “What about you?”
I picked nervously at the chipped polish on my nails and said, “I went to the hospital to see Crush and Emma … to apologize, and I spent time talking with Starla, and doing some self-reflection.”
Frat House Confessions: Wes: Frat House Confessions, Book 2 Page 13