by Lola Gabriel
With an effortless push on his chest, Sebastian threw Theo in a perfect parabola. The sick joy grew as his brother fell with a satisfying crash of his own. There was no time to waste. Charging in his direction, Sebastian jumped on top of his brother, crushing Theo further. Eventually, Theo kicked Sebastian from him and regained his footing. That was where things got interesting.
Theo came at Sebastian with blind rage, caring more about strength than skill. Sebastian could see right through his brother’s temper, knowing all of the predictable things that dragons tended to do when emotionally lashing out. Each punch or attempt to grab Sebastian was easily deflected or merely evaded. With such grace, it was as though he had never missed a day of wrestling.
Sebastian caught Theo’s wrist when he went to punch and flipped him onto his back. The sounds of Theo’s groans as he squirmed made Sebastian feel a high wash over him. It was an unusual high, but one that he was familiar with: the high of being the biggest and the strongest being in the Kingdom.
Turning to the men that were still crowded around, Sebastian scanned each of their faces, shooting them a look that was bone-chillingly murderous. Once more, Sebastian was the bloodthirsty savage he had been—only that now he had a veil of wisdom and deeper control of his emotions than any man in that arena.
“Well?” he addressed them, opening his arms to gesture to them all. “Who is next?”
Hours passed in the blink of an eye for Sebastian. He sparred with man after man, defeating every one of them. One would walk away sore and injured, and another opponent would step up or be beckoned to take on the giant of a man. Sebastian had long since forgotten that high, but he was almost certain that this was the best one of all. He had redeemed himself from the embarrassment his brother and father had tried to bestow upon him, which no longer got to him in the least.
For years, Sebastian forced himself to be content with the life he was leading. He was denying his natural instincts to play a role in the human world that would in no way jeopardize his identity or cause any sort of scene. Through reading so many different books on philosophy and poetry, Sebastian had gathered that peace could be accomplished, and it was only through human error that became unobtainable. Yet, what was peace if you denied parts of yourself? Before that morning, Sebastian knew he had been suppressing his anger, but he had no idea it was to the extent he had just unleashed. The words of Aristotle that Lucia had so long ago purred to him sounded in the back of his mind.
“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy…”
Sebastian’s eyes closed in a moment of euphoria. Lucia’s voice was like a shot of morphine after being so worked up. It was such a strange blend of emotions to hold such rage and love in the same moment, and yet it didn’t bother him. Sebastian felt that perhaps that was his true self: one ready to fight and make a statement by using his strength, all while serving no one’s agenda but his own. Scoffing at his own thoughts, he tried to forget about it. Serving anyone’s agenda but Carlyle’s was such a pipe dream that he might as well say he wanted to be a rock star in the human world. At least love was one emotion he could count on to be based on something not physical but still concrete. When he looked into Winter’s—
Winter.
Sebastian hurried over to his things, sliding on his shirt as he plucked his phone up from the modest pile and checked the time.
“Crap,” he muttered under his breath. It was nearly 6:30 PM, and he desperately needed a shower and a change in clothing before the date. Once he shoved everything into his pockets, Sebastian dashed out of the arena.
He was halfway through the woods when he heard footsteps and a voice calling to him, “Sebs! Wait up!”
Annoyance carved onto his face when Theo came to a stop just a foot away.
“Do I have to tell you again not to call me that? I can’t stand it.” Sebastian’s voice oozed venom while his eyes remained narrow slits fixated on his brother. All Sebastian had ever done since the death of his beloved Lucia was keep himself and his siblings all together and making the most rational decisions. They had fought him at every turn, only to come crawling back to him to help clean up the mess.
“Where are you off to? We still have more to do. If you’re going to train with us, you’re going to have to do the whole routine. Each morning, we wake up before dawn and go on a hike in the woods behind the house, then hike back. Eat breakfast, go spar for—”
“I don’t need to do anything, or did you not just see me kick all of your asses back there?” Sebastian snapped, holding his ground. He was revitalized, no longer wanting to be people’s doormats and being treated as a pushover. He held his brother’s gaze, unwilling to let him look away even for a second. “I will train with you all when I can, but it is not my top priority. I have bigger things going on. You are never, ever to go out of your way to embarrass me. Do you understand me? I can’t believe after all I have done for you, you are so quick to turn on me just to get the cheers of some locker room buddies and our father.”
“Sebastian…” Theo groaned, but Sebastian didn’t want to listen. He headed back for the estate, a shower being his only goal. Then, a hand grasped his wrist and tried to pull him back. Sebastian froze, but he did not turn to look at his little brother. “I’m sorry, all right? I hate Dad just as much as you do. You know we all have that little kid still in us, starving for his approval. You’re right, I was all pumped up and let myself get carried away… I respect you for putting me in my place.”
That grabbed Sebastian’s attention, and he glanced back at his brother. Theo’s eyes were round and pleading, very obviously trying his best to appear sincere. “Why would you respect me for that? You all look down on me just because I’m generally not an angry guy anymore.”
Theo finally humbled, folding his arms and averting his gaze. “Why do you think that is? Hm? It’s because we’re all jealous of you. Even Father is, I bet. You’re not only the calmest one of the lot, but you’re also the best fighter. None of us have the capacity to control our tempers long enough to get along with each other, let alone walk around, completely calm and sober until backed into a corner. Eden has her meditation, so I guess she’s not technically angry, but my god, if she isn’t the most irritable person in the world.”
He managed to split Sebastian’s face with a small smile. Their little sister, Eden, was practicing to be a healer. Dragon healers had to purge themselves of emotion as they happened by essentially thinking out loud or communicating with no personal filter. Theo hit it on the money with calling her the most irritable person in the world.
“All right, we’re fine. I have to go, though.”
“Where are you off to? Date with Mona Lisa again?” Theo questioned, a light jest at his brother’s frequent visits to the local museums.
“No, but it’s not as though that’s a concern of yours,” Sebastian stated plainly, heading for the house. Theo, acting childish in a way to both annoy Sebastian and make him laugh, repeatedly asked questions as to where he was going. By the time they reached Sebastian’s door, Sebastian was still in the throes of debating whether or not he should tell him or anyone at all.
“Can you at least give me a hint of some kind?” Theo prodded further.
Sebastian opened the door and paused. He slowly stepped into his room and turned to face his brother with his hand prepared to swing the door closed.
“That’s not her name.” Click. Sebastian chuckled as Theo banged on the door, asking for clarification if that meant it was a girl or a painting. He had purposefully done that just so he wasn’t lying, but he also knew Theo would more than likely assume that Sebastian meant a painting.
Despite his mood improving after talking it out with Theo, Sebastian noticed he was clinging to his anger. As he showered, he was liberally thinking of things that angered him. It wasn’
t as though he wanted to be worked up going to see Winter, but he was attempting to savor the little droplets left of such a pure and releasing emotion. Strangely, Sebastian didn’t want to let the anger go. Though it was the honest truth, it was bizarre to admit. He had been denying himself the nature of his literal beast, rather than taming it in a way where he could let it out. He had been bottling all of it up the entire time, the contents of which overflowed from that bottle and manifested into a restless anxiety without fail. Why was he doing this to himself?
Sebastian couldn’t believe he was asking himself such an idiotic question. Winter’s face flashed through his mind like passing road signs. She was worth anything they had to compromise on in Sebastian’s mind, but he knew it was a bigger question than that. He had to know if he could trust himself around Winter when he was angry, afraid that it would only take one split second for something to go wrong and for her to end up gravely injured.
After Sebastian climbed out of the shower and dressed, he found himself hedging at the door. With the mood in which he was in at that moment, was it a good idea for him to go around Winter? He rapidly froze in indecision. He was afraid that the answer was no and that going would be a mistake that he couldn’t take back. Doing his best to shake off the evening, he cracked his neck and knuckles, reminding himself that he had control of the situation. At that stage, with everything being so new and fragile, Sebastian didn’t want to run even the slim chance that Winter thought he was blowing her off.
Out the door he went, determined to make it a good evening, and he prayed for help calming down. Only, the more he prayed and thought about how he couldn’t calm down, the more frustrated he got. Sebastian focused on his breathing, but with each puff, his knuckles turned whiter.
10
After working a few solid hours on her homework, Winter finally went to take the best shower in perhaps her entire life. She buzzed around the apartment, cleaning anything she could. She organized old magazines and books, folded her blankets all the same size, polished the wooden coffee table, and mopped twice. No one had ever been in her apartment before besides Corey, and the thought of any sort of acquaintance was bad enough, let alone a billionaire bachelor who was going take pity in the fact that she lived in such a subpar apartment and maybe silently judge her collection of obscure knick-knacks. She had collections of random things such as artwork from salvation stores that someone had very obviously painted themselves. Only ever giving a couple bucks for them, she would get them a new frame and build a small gallery of these finds displayed on the dominated wall in her living room.
Winter had just enough time to change into a pair of skinny jeans and a fitted gray sweater before she heard the buzzer go off. She took one last glance at herself in the mirror, adjusting a few curls and checking her teeth. She was feeling revitalized after her talk with Corey and was ready to see Sebastian and pick his brain about everything. It was embarrassing to even witness herself nearly bounce when she heard someone coming down her hallway.
Practice emotional balance, Corey’s voice reminded her calmly.
Forcing herself to stand still, Winter wrung her hands together and bit her lip. She wondered if her delightful disposition was because she had finally gotten the thoughts in her head out, or if it was because there was such a quick turnaround. She had no time to debate them as three knocks sounded from the other side of her door. Strolling over slowly and calmly, Winter opened the door, and her smile immediately died upon seeing Sebastian’s face. Taking his hand and pulling him inside, she questioned the cut on his cheek.
“What happened to your face?” Sebastian was silent for a while but allowed her to guide him to her kitchen table. Once he was standing at a chair, Winter very gently pushed his shoulders down so that he would sit, and she noticed his jaw clench when she did so.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you if I did,” she apologized sincerely, realizing the day he might have had. “Are you going to tell me what happened?” she asked as she retrieved her first aid kit from a drawer on her microwave cart. Sebastian didn’t just wince but hissed when she touched the cut with the alcohol swab.
“Careful with that,” he muttered, still not making eye contact with her. “It was nothing. Just usual sibling rivalry, I suppose.”
“You and your siblings actually fight?” Winter blinked. It was a little strange for siblings that were adults to result to fist-fighting.
Sebastian rubbed his palms together, and she noticed all the little cuts and bruises all over them. “Sometimes you have to know when to get mad. Knowing that it’s the right response, over the right thing, at the right time, and to a degree that is just.”
His words sounded so familiar that Winter’s head grew foggy for a moment, as though trying to recall the memory had caused some sort of misfire in her brain. Trying to shake it off, she began again.
“Oh,” she breathed when the lightbulb went off in her head. “Isn’t that an Aristotle quote?”
A heavy silence came over the room. Winter was standing back, taking in Sebastian’s demeanor. There was no doubt that he was feeling off, but she couldn’t help wondering why.
“Yes,” he answered after what felt like an eternity. Winter returned to cleaning his wound, unsure how to speak to him in the cloud of dark energy he was surrounded by. Once there was a bandage covering his gash, she gently placed her fingers underneath his jaw to tilt his face so she could get a good look at him and make sure there wasn’t anything else she was missing. Sebastian was doing his best to keep his eyes off of hers, and she felt her heart sink.
“Bash… I don’t mean to pry, but… are you okay?” she asked softly, her voice low and her tone dripping with concern. In a motion that wasn’t quite a jerk but wasn’t gentle, either, Sebastian moved his face away from her hold and stood from the chair in a way that caused it to screech across the floor.
“I’m fine,” he stated briskly.
Winter didn’t move from her spot, worried that crowding him would only make the problem worse. No matter how much he tried to say nothing was wrong, it was abundantly evident that something was. At the same time, though, Winter couldn’t make him talk about it.
“Okay, well, I know I mentioned going to dinner, but we can just hang out for a while here, if you’d like. Or we could stay in the whole evening and order in,” she suggested, knowing that the last thing she wanted when she was as upset as he was, was to be around more people than she needed to be.
“Why would we change the plans?” Sebastian asked in a tone she hoped had only come out wrong. He folded his arms and shrugged his shoulders. “You wanted to go to dinner, so we’ll go to dinner.”
Winter shook her head, “I never said I wanted to… I just suggested it as something to do. I’m fine staying here. We can watch a movie or…” Her eyes searched around, unsure of what else she had to do that wasn’t homework.
“Why are you trying to accommodate me when I just said I’m fine?”
Winter swallowed the lump in her throat. She understood that he was probably going through some family problems and was upset, and she had been patient through his snippy attitude. There was no reason to completely turn his bad day into an attack on her. She had had a terrible day, too, but she had taken steps to take care of herself and feel better. Why couldn’t Sebastian let her be there for him?
“Listen, I know you’re going through something right now, and it’s okay if you want to talk about it. It’s also okay if you don’t. What I’m trying to understand is why you’re over here if you’re in this bad of a mood and don’t want me to touch or even talk to you.” Winter maintained her pitch and volume, trying to convey the message that she understood he was upset, but she wasn’t going to tolerate him taking it out on her.
Sebastian’s face grew stoic, as though he were putting on a cold, blank mask. Somehow it slid over his energy as well, and Winter was suddenly unable to read any kind of emotion coming off of him. Nothing but cold emptiness.
Winter’s eyes grew wild, hurrying after him. “Hey, wait a minute. What are you calling a mistake?”
“What do you think?” he mused.
“I’m hoping you mean coming over so upset and not being ready to talk about it or be comforted.” Sebastian stopped dead in his tracks and turned to hover over her. His face was centimeters away from hers.
“I think you should think of the bigger picture. After all, you’re the one who tried to say we come from two totally different lives, right? It couldn’t work.”
It was as if the disdain for the entire situation was a taste in his mouth with how hateful and bitter he came off. Winter’s breathing was shallowing, her eyes flooding with confusion and tears. Sebastian’s own words from the night before at the bar replayed in her head.
I know it’s overwhelming and scary. It is for me, too. All I ask is that you do your best not to fight it. Let what happens, happen.
Panic was starting to set in, worried that she really had played herself for a fool with a billionaire who was going to make the poor college girl the punchline to all his jokes for business events.
Sebastian’s cold energy was only fractured by frustration, his brows pressed together, his nostrils flared. Then, almost as if he had just awakened from a deep sleep, his eyes widened and glistened. The walls surrounding him came crashing down. A shaky breath sounded from his throat as he pulled her into a tight hug.
“My god, Winter, I’m so sorry,” he breathed. Winter only stood there, not moving to place her arms around him. “I’m so sorry… I… I don’t have the words. It was like I couldn’t get out of my head, and I tried to so hard on the way over here, but the more I tried to hide my true emotions, the angrier I got about it. Not that you shouldn’t always see a genuine side to me. Just that… oh, Christ…”