“Much better now I’m here. I missed you so awfully,” Ellie said, her voice breaking.
“You came all this way to find me, even after what I wrote to you?”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily, Johanna Lennox.” Ellie embraced her and whispered, “Don’t you know I love you?”
The dam burst, and Johanna wept in Ellie’s arms. “I’m so sorry.” She pulled back, wincing. “I have to sit.”
“Tell me what happened,” Ellie said, as Johanna eased back into her chair.
“A bomb fell on the hut I was working in. I was thrown by the blast, and my left side took the brunt of it,” Johanna said. “I don’t remember much—I took a hard knock to the head.”
“Thank God it wasn’t worse. Why did you go so close to the front?” Ellie said.
Johanna looked away. “I was off my head. I convinced myself that I had to give you up, and without you, my life didn’t seem so important anymore.”
Ellie cupped Johanna’s cheek, wiping her tears away. “I was very angry with you, you know.”
Johanna nodded. “Matron Campbell told me I was wrong to make your decision for you.”
“That’s right. All my life people have told me what to do, where to go, who to be. I couldn’t bear that from you, too.”
“I’m so sorry, Ellie.”
Ellie sighed. “How did Matron Campbell become a part of all this?”
Johanna smiled at the memory. “She said she knew I was moping around and miserable because you’d left, and that I needed to snap out of it and do my job. But she also told me that before the war, she had a relationship like ours. She understood me, Ellie. Her support meant everything.”
Ellie’s heart filled with gratitude. “In her letter, she said she hoped we’d find one another again. I must write and tell her you’re all right.”
Johanna gazed into Ellie’s eyes. “I feel like this is a dream. Thoughts of you gave me comfort in my worst moments, but to touch you again is heaven.”
“My darling, I’m here now. This is real.”
Voices in the corridor grew louder as they approached the room. Moments later, a white-coated doctor entered the room.
“Sister Lennox, how are you feeling today?”
“Much better, Doctor.”
“The headaches?”
“Mostly gone.”
“Splendid, splendid. That shoulder needs to remain immobile for a while longer, but I do believe it’s time to send you home,” the doctor said.
Johanna blanched. “I’ve no home to go to just yet.”
“Oh, dear. You have no family to take over your care?”
“No, Doctor, but I’ll manage.”
“Excuse me, Doctor. I’m Eleanor Winthrop, a friend, and I’ve taken a room on Princes Street indefinitely. With her permission, I would be happy to provide care and lodging for Sister Lennox until she is back on her feet.”
“But, Ellie, that’s far too much to ask,” Johanna protested, eyes wide.
“You’re not asking, I’m offering, and it would be my pleasure,” Ellie said.
“You understand that she still needs assistance with wound care and some daily activities. Could you help with that?”
“Oh yes, Doctor. I served in a general hospital in France and was trained by the best,” Ellie said, giving Johanna a wink.
“Well, that sounds like a fine idea to me, then,” the doctor said, clapping his hands together. “Shall I draw up the discharge papers?”
Johanna looked at Ellie, unable to believe this sudden turn of events. Ellie nodded with a smile, and it was settled. “Yes, please, Doctor. I’m ready.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Ellie supported Johanna with one arm and carried her belongings in the other as they entered the hotel. The concierge rushed to assist, and soon Johanna had settled in. The room had two beds, a sitting area, and its own separate lavatory. Johanna sat propped up on one of the beds, her wounded leg resting on a pillow.
“I still can’t believe you’re doing all this,” she said, looking about the room. “It must be quite expensive to stay here.”
“You needn’t worry about all that,” Ellie said. “I brought enough to cover the room for a month—hopefully by then we’ll have other accommodations.”
“A month? My God, Ellie, your kindness is overwhelming.” Johanna suddenly realized what she had heard. “Did you say we’ll have other accommodations?”
Ellie smiled. “We have a great deal to discuss, Sister Lennox,” she said, “but my first priority is making sure you heal up good as new.”
Johanna looked away as prickles of anxiety poked at her brain. “Och, Ellie, I’ll never be good as new. I’m damaged, scarred. Every day I fear the pain inside will never go away.”
Ellie took her hand. “You aren’t alone, Johanna. Countless people will bear the scars of this damnable war, but we can get through it together.”
“Why would you want to be here playing nursemaid when you could be living your life back home?” Johanna said. She looked at Ellie in time to see her eyes flash with anger.
“Listen, you mule-headed woman. I am not playing nursemaid—I’m choosing to care for the woman I love, and this, right here, is what I want living my life to look like. I lost you once, and I will not let you push me away again.”
Johanna flushed hot under Ellie’s chastisement, her eyes stinging with tears. “Oh, Ellie, I can’t provide you the life you deserve to live, and what about your family? Would they not disown you for being with me?”
Ellie went to Johanna and took her face in her hands. “Look at me. I will ask you this only once, and I want the truth.”
Johanna nodded, silenced by the fierce determination in Ellie’s eyes.
“Do you love me and want me in your life?”
Her tears finally spilled onto Ellie’s hands. “Desperately.”
Ellie held her face firmly and looked her directly in the eye. “Then nothing and no one will keep us apart. My family, and anyone else who believes they have a say in the matter, are sadly mistaken if they think otherwise.”
“You are bold and brave, two of the many things I adore about you, but family is everything, Ellie, especially now. I lost mine—I cannot ask you to risk losing yours, too.”
“If they love me, they won’t make me choose.”
“Oh, Ellie, is it ever as easy as that? That’s why I’m so afraid.”
“Afraid of what, love?”
“Your family, the world you come from, will put great pressure on you. I was miserable without you, but I thought it was best to make a clean break so you wouldn’t have to choose. Now, I could be selfish and beg you to stay, but I’m afraid that you would come to resent me. I couldn’t bear that.”
Ellie sighed and moved away. She paced the room in silence, and Johanna’s heart broke as she steeled herself for Ellie’s response.
“You’re right, Johanna. This is a big decision, perhaps the biggest of my life, but I’m asking you to trust that I know my own mind. I am committed to staying here until you are back on your feet, and I want us to get to know each other, away from the craziness of war. If, after a month’s time, we feel differently, I’ll leave. Can you agree to that?”
Ellie stood, hands on hips, looking strong and so beautiful, and Johanna fell in love all over again. “Aye, Miss Winthrop. I agree.”
Ellie smiled and went to her. “Let’s seal it with a kiss, shall we?” Their tender kiss soon deepened, full of all the passion they’d held inside for so long. Johanna moaned and shifted, and Ellie pulled back, breathless. “Oh, my darling, have I hurt you?” she said, as if reminded now of Johanna’s injuries.
Johanna looked down at her immobilized arm and grinned. “I’m a wee bit sore, but I’ll gladly endure it for another kiss.”
Ellie laughed. “Pace yourself, love. Perhaps we’d better focus on finding some supper.”
“If you insist.”
* * *
The next two weeks were s
pent finding a rhythm in their new cohabitation. Johanna’s previously dislocated shoulder was still painful, and she needed assistance to dress. The bandage on her thigh wound required changing twice a day, and she suffered headaches after too much noise or activity. Ellie had been a godsend, helping Johanna regain her mobility and independence while providing the care she needed. Even better, they’d spent hours talking about their lives before the war and reliving their experiences in France. They’d kissed and touched, but had yet to make love again.
“You have a wonderful touch, Miss Winthrop,” Johanna said as Ellie was tending to her leg. “Much better than my nurse at the hospital. She poked and prodded at me too much.”
“Thank you, Miss Lennox. I’m not fond of poking and prodding,” Ellie replied, running her hand down Johanna’s leg. “I far prefer stroking and caressing.” She trailed her fingers down to her ankle and up the other side of her leg, stopping just short of her groin.
Johanna sucked in a breath. “Is this how you treat all your patients?”
“Oh no. Just the beautiful Scottish ones.” Ellie grinned and planted a playful kiss on Johanna’s nose. “Now let me finish bandaging this leg.”
“How’s it healing?” Johanna asked, craning her neck to try to see the back of her thigh.
“Quite well,” Ellie replied. “It has stopped weeping and is no longer swollen around the sutures. The surgeon did a fine job. I think the scarring will be minimal.”
“At least I can hide that one,” Johanna said, touching her cheek. She still felt self-conscious about the finger-length scar there, despite Ellie’s insistence that it wasn’t that noticeable.
“I think this makes you even more attractive,” Ellie said, touching her face with gentle fingers. “It tells the story of your service and bravery.”
“Is that what people will think when they look at me?”
“It’s what I think. You’re stunning, and I love you.”
Johanna attempted a smile. “Thank you, love. I’m just worried that my appearance will hinder my chances to find work.”
“I don’t see why that should matter. You have impeccable references, and people are much more used to seeing the ravages of war on a body these days.” Ellie took Johanna’s hand. “We haven’t really talked about future employment. Is nursing still what you want to do?”
“Aye, I’d like to continue nursing. It’s all I know, other than scaling and gutting fish. The work is satisfying and respectable, and I think I’m good at it. ”
“You’re better than good—you have a gift,” Ellie replied.
“You’re biased.”
“Maybe a little, but I’ve watched you work. Any hospital would be lucky to have you. Now, listen, I’ve been thinking about something, and I’d like your opinion,” Ellie said.
“What is it?”
“I want to complete my own training to become a nurse.”
Johanna looked at her in surprise. “You do?”
“Yes. I doubt anything else could be as personally fulfilling, sore feet and aching back aside. But there’s more.”
Johanna smiled at the look of determination on Ellie’s lovely face. “Go on.”
“I expect Theo will inherit the family estate, since I won’t be marrying, but I happen to know that my father has set aside a sizable sum for me. I want to ask him for the money now—I have a project in mind.”
“What kind of project?” Johanna was beginning to feel excited as she watched Ellie’s face light up.
“I want to purchase a building and convert it into a long-term convalescent home for returning soldiers, perhaps a special place for those who have severe disfigurement. Some may not have family to care for them, and I want them to live where they are accepted and honored for their sacrifice.”
Johanna’s eyes widened. “My God, Ellie, you’ve a heart as big as Britain. What an incredible idea.”
“Do you really think so?” Ellie said, her enthusiasm dimming. “I have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew sometimes. I can hear my mother now—she is always saying, Oh, Eleanor, you and your grand ideas.”
“I love your grand idea, and I’d love to help,” Johanna said, squeezing Ellie’s hand.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Ellie said, eyes bright. “If I can manage to turn this idea into reality, I’d like to appoint you Chief Matron. I can think of no one better.”
“Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love you more, you go and give me a reason,” Johanna said, her heart full to bursting.
“Does that mean you’d do it?”
Johanna nodded. “Aye, lass. Count me in.”
Chapter Twenty-six
Ellie frowned at the envelope in her hand. She’d sent a quick note to her parents when she’d arrived in Edinburgh so they could reach her if needed, but she hadn’t let on that she’d be gone this long. Fully anticipating some backlash, she knew a letter from her mother would arrive eventually. Now that it was in her hands, she hesitated to open it—only her mother could ruin the incredible happiness she’d felt these last weeks.
“Just get it over with,” Johanna said, as she stretched and exercised her shoulder. “It could be news of Theo.”
Ellie sighed. Stop being such a baby and open the bloody thing. Sliding her finger underneath the flap, she drew out her mother’s signature ivory stationery and began to read.
Dear Eleanor,
I trust you are well and have completed your business in Edinburgh. Although you evidently decided to extend your holiday, I must ask you to return home. You are a lady of the house, and as such, you are needed here. I’ve enclosed a return train ticket for Monday morning, which will bring you home in time to help host our annual Ladies’ Luncheon. A letter came from Theo this week, which I’m sure you’ll be anxious to read. Your father sends his regards. Travel safely.
Mother
Ellie tossed the letter on the bed, her anger rising. “Ugh, that woman!”
“What did she say?” Johanna asked.
Ellie nodded toward the offending object. “See for yourself.”
As Johanna read the letter, Ellie paced the room.
“She usually gets her way, I’m guessing,” Johanna said.
“Demands it, more like,” Ellie said. “She doesn’t need help with that luncheon or anything else—the household staff always has everything under control. She just wants me back under her thumb, as if I were still fifteen. And to dangle news of Theo like a damned carrot—oh, she’s intolerable.”
“What will you do, then?” Johanna said. “She’ll be good and mad if you don’t use that ticket.”
“I honestly don’t care. I’m sick to death of her trying to dictate my life.” Ellie was livid, and worried. She didn’t know how to assert her independence without disrespecting her parents, and her mother could be quite formidable when provoked.
“Ellie, you planned to have a conversation with your father anyway. Maybe you should go back and settle things there. Your mam might be more understanding if you explain your plan for the home—it’s a wonderful idea.”
“You don’t know my mother.” Ellie was beside herself. She wanted to be strong, but she was worried that if she went home now, she’d never be able to leave again. Wasn’t this exactly what Johanna had been afraid of? As she mulled over her dilemma, she realized what she had to do.
“I’ve got to get Papa on my side.”
* * *
On Monday afternoon, Ellie walked into the bank and took the lift to her father’s office. Charles Winthrop sat at his massive oak desk, its surface strewn with ledgers and papers. He was engrossed in writing something, and Ellie took a moment to study him. His thinning hair was grayer than she remembered, his shoulders a bit more stooped. A surge of affection washed over her—she’d missed him.
“Papa.”
His startled face broke into a grin. “Ellie, my dear, did you just get in?”
“Yes, not long ago. It’s good to see you.”
He c
ame from behind his desk and kissed her cheek. “Ah, good to see you as well. How was your holiday in Edinburgh?”
“Wonderful. I have so much to tell you, Papa,” Ellie said. “Have you eaten?”
He shook his head. “I’ve forgotten, as usual. What say we go to the club for a bite?”
“That would be lovely.”
Not long after, they were seated at a table in her father’s favorite establishment, enjoying a late lunch. Ellie was nervous—she needed to make her case to Papa before they went back to the house, before her mother got wind of her intentions, but she had no bloody idea where to begin.
“Tell me, Ellie,” Papa said, dabbing at his mustache with a napkin. “What kept you away so long? Your mother was driving me mad with her theories of what you’d gotten up to in Scotland.”
Papa was smiling, and Ellie took a deep breath. Might as well dive right in. “Well, Papa, it wasn’t exactly a holiday. I was helping someone.”
“Ah, yes, you mentioned that. A nurse, I believe you said?”
“Yes. Her name is Johanna, and she is a very dear friend. She was wounded in France and needed my help as she recovered.”
“That was kind of you, my dear. She’s well, then?”
“Mostly. Her family are all dead, and she had nowhere to go. She’s been staying with me at the hotel, and we’ve been looking for a nice flat that she can rent. This really was an inconvenient time for Mother to summon me back.”
“Well, you know how she is about her little get-togethers,” he said, waving a hand. “Of course, you know she expects you to stay home where you belong.”
Ellie’s anxiety kicked up a notch at his words, and she had to force herself to breathe. “That’s just it, Papa. I don’t feel as if I belong there anymore.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
“Don’t you remember what it was like when you came back from war? How everything you’d known before was different somehow?” Ellie asked.
Her father sighed. “Yes, it was a challenge at first, but everything got back to normal.”
“Papa, there is nothing normal about this war. I have seen and done things that have forever changed me. I couldn’t possibly go back to the way things were.”
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