by Ella Edon
He glanced over at Mr. Malcolm, who was sitting at the far end of the room with a book. The older gentleman didn’t look up, but Alexander knew he was watching them.
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Jane murmured. “You do have a reputation.”
“That reputation does not define every part of me, Lady Jane. I am a decent human being when I want to be.”
“Is that what you are now?”
Was she challenging him or was she having banter with him? Alexander wasn’t entirely sure until he saw a slight flash in her eyes. Something tightened in his belly. God, Jane Malcolm was full of surprises.
Alexander knew he needed to move away now, but he couldn’t. Jane lured him in. This was going to be a tough night.
“Would I have escorted you home if I wasn’t a decent human?” he asked. “A decent person does not let a woman travel alone, even if they are as frustrating as Miss Preston.”
A slight smile twitched at Jane’s mouth. “She can be a little abrasive when she wants to be.”
“But you two seem to get along.”
“She’s my closest friend. We’ve known each other since we were children.”
“I see.” That meant she knew about Marissa. Alexander wondered why she hadn’t brought it up. “I presume you’re aware of the scandal with Marissa Preston and myself.”
“I was with Rachel when we first heard about it.”
And yet she hadn’t said anything. Alexander was confused. Any lady would have thrown that in his face. Rachel had, but Jane hadn’t.
“And what do you think about it?”
Jane sighed. Alexander tried to keep his eyes off her throat, the sweet line of her neck.
“I’ve always thought that Marissa was a little reckless. She walked the line between what was acceptable and what wasn’t, even when we were children. If she wanted something, she would do what she could to get it, no matter what the cost. Nothing was ever her fault.”
“I’m glad you think that of her,” Alexander murmured. “It took a while after she blamed me for her downfall before her family realized that.”
And even then, not all of them believed that Marissa was the one at fault. Rachel was a strong example of that.
Jane shrugged. “It’s difficult for Rachel. There’s a small gap in age between them. Rachel loves Marissa. Anything her sister says is the truth. I can’t get her to change her mind about Marissa’s actions. It’s why she lives right on the coast of Cornwall with her husband when they could be living in the ancestral home in Oxford. He doesn’t trust her at all.”
“And Rachel still thinks she’s innocent?”
Jane nodded. She twisted her hands in her lap. Alexander wanted to reach out and take her hands, give some comfort, but he knew it wouldn’t stop at that. He shifted away a little and thought briefly about sitting on his hands.
“Rachel’s my best friend, Mr. Harrison,” Jane said. “But she has a blind spot when it comes to Marissa. I never cared for Marissa, so I’m not as closed-minded about her as everyone else. Her being with you, that I can believe. That you took advantage of her? No, I don’t believe that.”
That was more humbling than Alexander cared to admit.
“You have a lot of faith in me when you barely know me, Lady Jane.”
“I remember earlier today. At the church.” Jane turned to him, her gray eyes making Alexander experience a shiver down his spine. “I was clinging on to you as I cried. You could have taken advantage of me right then. Or at any point when we were talking. But you didn’t.”
Alexander’s mouth had gone dry. He swallowed.
“I know when my advances are not wanted. I don’t take advantage.”
Jane’s mouth twitched. Was she smiling?
“I’m glad to know your limits.”
“I’m not a complete monster. You should know that now.”
They stared at each other. Alexander knew they were sitting by the fire, but the heat he was feeling was not coming from the hearth.
Now was not the time. What was he thinking? Alexander was selective about who he chose, and he knew when to keep a good distance. Jane was one of those people, and Alexander shouldn’t be sitting so close. She was vulnerable right now, and that was something in ladies Alexander stayed well away from. Still, she was pulling him in, without even trying. She lured him, and Alexander couldn’t break away from her.
This was bad. If the storm wasn’t raging outside with the rain hitting the windows hard enough to think they were going to shatter, Alexander would leave now. He swallowed and tried to focus on conversation. If they kept it mundane, maybe he could stop thinking about Jane in his arms.
Who was he trying to fool? He could think of nothing else.
“How are you feeling now about the situation with Uncle Ian?”
Jane sighed and looked away. Her hands started to clench in her lap.
“I still feel a little foolish. And angry. I know what I did was wrong, but Mother and Father shouldn’t need to punish me like I’m a little girl. I stopped myself before it got out of control.”
“But you still went to the wedding with intent to sabotage it. It would have gone seriously wrong.”
“Would have and not could have?”
Alexander sighed. “You know as well as I do that it certainly would have gone wrong. The Harrison family is very stubborn, and we’re not about to turn away at a whim because someone barged in and told us otherwise. Your nephews were there. They love you. This would have hurt them as much as it would have hurt you and Ian. You would have made enough of a fuss that everyone in Society would have known about it by the end of the month. And what would you have at the end of it? Nothing, except the knowledge that you would now be considered a laughing stock.”
“I suppose.” Jane closed her eyes for a brief moment. Then she opened them again. “But I was so sure that Ian was doing the wrong thing. I’m happy that he’s married to someone he loves now, but back then...Anna Day was not exactly the perfect woman for anyone.”
“If you mean about her two husbands, they are dead through no fault of her own.”
“I know that.” Jane huffed. “But it didn’t say much about her ability to keep a marriage going.”
Alexander stared at her in bewilderment. A moment ago, she had been accepting of the situation. Now she was beginning to sound like she was backtracking and changing her mind after everything that had happened. Alexander knew a lady’s mind could be fickle, but this was ridiculous.
“I thought you said you weren’t going to pursue this any further. That you knew it was futile.”
“Just because I’ve accepted that I can’t change a gentleman’s mind at the snap of my fingers doesn’t mean I’m completely accepting of the situation. Anna Day is beautiful, and she clearly makes him happy, but her past is less than desired.”
Alexander had heard some stupid things in his time, but this just took the biscuit. He wanted to shake her. After everything they had discussed, and now she appeared to be going back to her old mindset.
“Unbelievable.”
“I beg your pardon?”
Alexander looked over at Robert, who was still reading and pretending not to watch them. He turned back to Jane, who was looking at him in slight confusion. She needed a sharp wake-up call.
“Do you realize how childish you sound? You sound like the little girl who didn’t get the first slice of cake at another girl’s birthday party. Anna Day’s circumstances weren’t great before, but she kept her head up and stayed strong. I’ve come to know her in recent months, and she is the loveliest person you could come across. My uncle is happy, and you should be glad that he was able to find love after losing your sister.”
Jane stared at him. She looked like she had been slapped. Then her face darkened, her eyes turning into the same color as the storm clouds outside. She leaned forward, inches from his face as her lip curled in a snarl.
“When you fall in love with someone and they don’t love you ba
ck, and you have to watch from a distance, then you tell me how childish I am,” she hissed. “You have no idea what I’m feeling.”
“You think I’ve never been in love?” Alexander whispered back. “Because I make a habit of being in bed with a lot of women, you think I can’t have been in love with one of them?” He was not going to go there. Just thinking about it felt painful. “What I do know is that you need to make your peace over this. Otherwise, it’s going to turn you into a bitter person. I don’t see you as that. It doesn’t become you.”
“What do you see me as, then?” Jane snapped. “A conquest waiting for you to corrupt me?”
Alexander’s chest tightened. A conquest. He could never call her that. Jane was far too special. Every part of him wanted to grab her and kiss her or shake her, he wasn’t sure which. But he knew that touching her was not a good idea.
He swallowed. “You’re the last person I would consider a conquest.”
It was meant to be an assurance that he would never treat Jane that way, but from the flare of anger in Jane’s eyes, she was taking it as an offense. With a flourish, she stood up, brushing down her skirts.
“I’m going to retire, Robert,” she said loudly to her brother, who was now looking up from his book. “I’m not too comfortable with the company tonight.”
“Jane…” Alexander began, but Jane swiped her hand through the air, almost catching him in the face. She pointed at him, her hand shaking.
“Touch me and I’ll hurt you. I’m not above doing that.”
Then she stormed away, leaving the room and slamming the door behind her. Robert put his book aside and stood.
“What was that all about?”
Alexander sighed and clumped on the couch, staring into the fire. “Nothing.”
He had ruined things, but it was probably for the best. Tomorrow could not come soon enough.
Chapter Seven
Alexander saw her as someone who wasn’t worth it. Jane was seething. She shouldn’t be considering a rake’s opinion about her as something worthwhile, but it hurt. Alexander had essentially said that Jane wasn’t worth it for any gentleman.
She didn’t want to be around him after that, especially when he had called her childish. Damn him.
Claire was setting everything up for bed when Jane stormed in. She said nothing, merely helped Jane get ready for bed then straightening things up around the room. After, she let herself out quietly as Jane lay in bed, trying to get herself to sleep.
Damn Alexander Harrison. His opinion doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t.
At least, Jane didn’t want it to matter. She was so confused. Accepting Ian’s newly married position was slow in coming, and she was still smarting about his new bride and her past, but Jane knew she couldn’t keep this up. Anna Day - Anna Harrison now - was not a bad person. She was just the lady who had made Ian realize he could love again.
Jane had been so wrapped up in what she believed that she refused to look at it any other way. Her love for Ian was nothing like what he had with Anna. It would never have evolved any further. It was just an adoration for someone who had been in her family as long as she had been alive. Even though she knew she was being a fool, it was difficult to get rid of her resentment. It niggled at her and Jane found herself slipping back into her former mindset.
That was not fair to Anna, who had done nothing wrong, and it certainly was not fair to Ian.
Alexander was right. She was being childish.
Jane thought more about her conversation with Alexander that evening. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Alexander hadn’t been insulting her. When he said he didn’t see her as a conquest, he must have meant that she was worth more than that. At least Jane hoped that was what he meant. Alexander had been sincere towards her since they met. He wouldn’t be lying to her now, would he?
Jane didn’t think so. There was something behind his mask, something vulnerable, that reached out to her. Jane didn’t think she would see a such a vulnerable side to a known rake, or even want to, but she found herself wanting to know more about Alexander.
She felt guilty. Jane had been in love with Ian for so long that it was hard to think of a life past it. Jane had to put that part of her life behind her and move forward. Not with Alexander of course. He was certainly not right for her with his reputation. However, Jane couldn’t stop herself from wondering what the real Alexander Harrison was like. She had a feeling that she had seen a glimpse of the real man today.
How was it possible to have such a strong reaction to a man who was practically the opposite of her? Jane didn’t think it was possible. Still, she knew she may need to do a bit of apologizing for her behavior in the morning. That is, if Alexander was still around. He would be leaving as soon as the storm lifted.
Jane’s mood lowered at that. Her father didn’t approve of Alexander at all, and goodness only knew what Rachel had told her parents about him. He would be out as early as they could possibly get away with it, and Jane probably would never see him again.
Something like that should have her relieved, not fill her with dread.
What is wrong with me? Everything in my head is a complete mess.
It was tough to fall asleep, but Jane managed eventually, closing her eyes as she listened to the storm raging outside. It was oddly therapeutic. When she woke, the sun was just coming up on the horizon. Claire had forgotten to close the curtains, so the golden light drifted across the carpet towards the bed.
Jane rubbed at her eyes. She was still worn out and wanted to curl up under her duvet and not come out. Her mind would not let her rest. Instead, Jane slipped out of bed and staggered over to her washbasin. She washed herself and then dressed.
Perhaps a brisk walk around the grounds would make her feel a little better. The ground wouldn’t be the most solid, but Jane loved the smell of the air after it rained. There was a fresh scent to it that was oddly comforting. Jane enjoyed walks in the fresh air after rain. Her mother had walked with her all the time when she was little, but Jane had never stopped the habit.
If only she could do that with her mother now. But Lady Crawley struggled a little with her walking, whether she would readily admit it or not. She could manage when the ground was flat, but anything unsteady was not good. Lady Crawley had sprained her ankle several times until Mr. Elliott told her to not be so foolish, or she would be dealing with a broken leg or hip.
Jane missed those times with her mother. She missed having a mother-daughter relationship where she wasn’t being chastised for everything.
Finding her cloak and putting it on, Jane went down the side stairs and out into the gardens. It would be squishy underfoot, so Jane had put on some sturdier boots, ones that wouldn’t have her feet soaking wet when she was done. Her parents had said she wasn’t to leave the house, but they didn’t say anything about going for a walk around the grounds. It wasn’t like she could get into trouble around here.
She set off and made a wide, circuitous route around the gardens. The flowers didn’t look too awful, but the grass was very wet underfoot. Jane could feel her the mud squelching with every step, her boots sinking into the soft ground. She kept walking, planning on once around the grounds before going back inside and changing for breakfast. Hopefully, she would be in a better mood. Things might not be settled in her mind, but she wouldn’t feel as bad as she had the day before.
It wasn’t long before Jane reached the pond. It had broken its banks with the rain, the water right up to the path that ran around it. Jane had to tread carefully, her feet slipping a little in the mud. This place had often been a place for solace before. Jane would spend hours sitting under a tree by the water, using it as time to think. It was where she had come to the decision to go to Ian’s wedding and attempt to stop it.
One of her more foolish ideas, certainly, Jane thought grimly.
“Lady Jane!”
Jane looked up, and her heart missed a few beats. Alexander was hurrying along t
he path towards her. He was more sure-footed on the ground than she was, barely slipping as he reached her. He was dressed appropriately for outdoors, his hair standing slightly on end and Jane noticed that a couple of buttons were done up wrong. He must have dressed in a hurry.
“Mr. Harrison.” It took a moment for Jane to get her thoughts together. “What are you doing out here? I thought you had left.”
“I was getting ready to leave when I saw you walking out in the gardens.” Alexander slowed to a stop, frowning at her. “What are you doing out here?”
“I’m going for a walk. It’s something I do all the time.”
“You shouldn’t be out here alone.”