No, she wasn’t ready for any of this.
CHAPTER FOUR
Will and Isabel had been travelling on horseback for many long hours. Though for Will it might as well have been an eternity, since the duration had passed with barely a word spoken between them.
They had meandered through on the outskirts of St Jean de Cole, through open sun-drenched fields and eventually entered the woodland that would provide a welcome relief during the day with its tall canopy of contrasting trees, thickets and cool streams. The route for their journey back was fairly straightforward. They would need to navigate their way a little north before eventually riding west towards La Rochelle. But it would take over ten nights before they reached the port.
Heaven help him!
Will could understand Isabel’s confusion, empathise with her situation and certainly share her misery, but, by God, he wished for some light discourse to break the heavy silence. Anything that would help make the journey pass a little easier.
It hadn’t helped that Will felt strangely responsible, once again, for Isabel’s brooding melancholy. No wonder she had found it difficult saying goodbye to her old life, clearly wishing she could somehow cling on to it.
The endless farewells with Isabel’s adopted family, the wise woman and the many well-wishers from the village had, in itself, been emotionally draining. It had been obvious to Will that Isabel was not only attached to the village, but also to its people, and was still circumspect about the prospect of becoming Lady Isabel de Clancey once more, despite his assurances.
The only smile of gratitude Will had earned from Isabel was when she had thanked him for the assistance he had provided for her friend, Ralph. Will had offered information about whose banner he had most likely served under before his attack, judging from the motifs Ralph had remembered and put to parchment in ink. That exchange had been brief, however, and they had quickly descended back to an awkward silence.
Damn…
There was a time when Will knew exactly what to say to a woman to put her at ease, make her smile or even laugh heartily.
He could flirt, flatter, compliment and humour any given woman with a courtly verse or meaningful gesture. But no more. That side of his personality no longer existed and he hadn’t wanted it to, anyway. Not until now—riding beside Isabel. He wished he could say something that would make her snap out of her disheartened manner, but could think of nothing.
And it hadn’t helped that they had begun the journey with a disagreement about something as simple as engaging a handmaid to accompany them. Isabel had flatly refused, arguing that it would be highly embarrassing to employ someone from St Jean de Cole. She couldn’t understand why she would need one anyway. But she definitely did and it struck Will that, again, Lady Isabel seemed to have difficulty in accepting who she was. He must broach the subject once more, reiterating the importance of having someone attend to her. Surely she would now see how necessary that was for someone of her rank?
Will turned his head towards Isabel. ‘We’ll be nearing the village of St Romaine later today and I thought that we could possibly look for a woman who’d be happy to be your handmaid, if that meets with your approval.’
Isabel kept her gaze steadily forward, refusing to meet his eyes. ‘I had hoped that this topic of conversation had ended.’
‘Whereas I had hoped that you would now see sense in what I advised earlier, my lady.’
‘It seems my assumptions about you have been correct, Sir William. You are belligerent—extremely so.’
‘I aim to please.’ He inclined his head a fraction, earning a scowl.
‘That,’ she said wryly, ‘is a blessing, Sir William. But as I said to you before, I’m sure that I cannot be comfortable having a handmaid accompany my every move.’
‘But I’m sure that I shall, Lady Isabel.’
‘Are you suggesting that I cannot trust you or, dare I say it, feel safe with just your esteemed company?’
‘No, that is not what I am saying.’ Was the woman trying to put words into his mouth? ‘But I do believe that travelling with just a lone knight, however esteemed his company, may be not so desirable for someone of your standing.’
‘I see.’ She tilted her head to the side. ‘It would not do for a proper lady, like me. Is that what you mean?’
How had it come to this? Will had only wanted to make her understand their delicate situation, travelling together just the two of them. He had not meant to be the cause of her indignation, yet he felt compelled to explain more.
‘Precisely. I’m certain it would be what your family expects.’
She stiffened immediately. This was going from bad to worse.
‘The fact that I am returning to England should be good enough, really, Sir William.’ She bristled with barely concealed annoyance. ‘Please, let this be the end and talk no more of it. I have no need nor do I require a handmaid. I assure you I can manage on my own.’
‘As you wish, Lady Isabel.’
Will rubbed his brow and groaned inwardly. Had the woman no sense whatsoever? It was evident that she had not truly appreciated what he had tried to convey without stating it outright—that, since they were travelling closely together, it was not desirable for a young, impressionable, unworldly woman like Isabel de Clancey to have just his company for the long duration of their journey. He hadn’t fully appreciated the realities of this himself until the moment they had left St Jean de Cole when he was suddenly aware that he was with Isabel…alone.
Not that he had wanted this imposed closeness with the lady in question for such a journey. But what were the alternatives other than what he had already suggested and had been emphatically refused in return? At least he could perceive the complications and obstacles that might come their way. It would mean having to navigate through these unsolicited feelings of concern for Isabel, not to mention protecting her and a whole host of other things, as was his duty. And entertaining her, which was not.
If only Will had retained his faithful squire or, better still, could have successfully convinced Lady Isabel that she needed a damned handmaid, but there was no hope there.
God above, anything could happen!
Well, he would just make sure that nothing did and they’d have the most uneventful and tedious journey possible.
The woodland teemed with a diverse range of wildlife, trees, shrubbery and late-blooming clusters of deciduous wildflowers.
He led the way on his black destrier towards a stream he had passed on his way to St Jean de Cole, knowing it was a good place to stop for a moment and cool off.
‘We shall rest shortly and stretch our legs.’
‘Very well, Sir William, whatever you think is best.’
Will coughed, covering his mild amusement. That was not strictly true, since it was wholly dependent on the lady’s views on any given matter. He dismounted, tethering his horse to a nearby tree before striding towards Isabel to help her down.
‘I hope you are no longer angry with me, my lady?’
She turned around to face him as the confusion on her face slowly gave way to a sigh. ‘No, not with you, Sir William. That lies elsewhere.’
‘I am glad, otherwise I’d have to apologise profusely for some unknown reason, despite your acknowledgement of my knowing best.’
‘Are you teasing me?’ she said, shaking her head.
‘Absolutely, although I must admit it has been a long time since I have teased anyone,’ he said, biting back a grin. ‘But frankly, I’d rather that than your wrath. It would make our travail unnecessarily difficult, don’t you think?’
‘Yes, it would, but I have to let you know that, despite appearances, I’m not a wrathful person.’
‘I’m sure you’re not,’ he said as he fetched a blanket from one of the saddlebags, while Isabel laid out the carefully wrapped parcels of sliced meat, small rounds o
f cheese and a large bunch of black grapes that she had prepared earlier.
‘Exactly. I save that for particularly belligerent sorts of knight,’ she said with a small smile.
‘Well, I am glad that I’m not one of those either,’ he said, popping a grape into his mouth.
‘Of course not. You’re the sort who knows best.’ Her smile deepened as she turned her head and met his eyes.
‘Naturally.’ He had forgotten this. Forgotten how he could harness and use humour to break through someone’s defences, and make them briefly leave their woes behind. ‘It’s good to see you smile, my lady.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, softly. ‘I have had little to smile about of late.’
Will tore one of the rolls and offered her half. ‘I know, Lady Isabel, I know.’
His fingertips grazed hers as he passed her the bread and the shock of touching, however transient, sent a regrettable frisson through him. He ignored it and continued eating before lifting his head and forcing a smile he knew didn’t reach his eyes.
‘Tell me something, Sir William, if you don’t mind me asking,’ she said, taking bite out of the roll topped with a wedge of cheese. ‘Why did you imply just now that you are not a knight?’
Ah…
This was precisely what he had been worried about…this. Unwelcome questions and intrusion into his life—his very private and solitary life—the moment his guard was down. Yes, he minded very much being asked questions he had no wish to answer. And this was what would inevitably happen since he was Lady Isabel’s only companion. Questions, answers, revelations and judgement.
God, but the judgement…and all under the guise of getting to know one another. Well, he didn’t want it, even if he had been glad that he could still make a woman smile. Look what that had earned him—her curiosity.
Isabel touched the sleeve of his tunic gently. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.’
His eyes fell to her fingers still on his sleeve, which quickly fell away. She then pushed a golden honeyed tendril of hair behind her ear and smoothed her sheer veil.
He swallowed. ‘You didn’t, Lady Isabel.’
And even more unsettling was the growing awareness of her, which was damned inconvenient at best and altogether embarrassing at worst. He was supposed to escort the lady back to England. Not notice her or the colour of her hair in a wholly inappropriate way. What the hell was wrong with him?
He would do well not to notice Lady Isabel de Clancey in any way. Will had to remind himself that Lady Isabel was not for the likes of him—a bastard and a reprobate knight. He might now be pardoned, with his honour restored, because of the information he had gathered for the Crown, but he could never forgive himself for what had happened at the siege at Portchester Castle. The fault for which had been entirely his and the result was self-loathing and guilt. Yes, Will was destined to live alone in self-imposed exile for the remainder of his worthless life—and even that was far more than his due.
He got up abruptly and shrugged, hoping he looked composed when in fact he felt the opposite. ‘I said what I did because I’m no longer a knight, my lady. Now if you’re ready, we should leave.’
* * *
They had continued on their journey for many long hours, again in silence, and this time Isabel was far more aware of the awkwardness between them. All because of the strange exchange when they’d stopped for a short repast. Isabel had been lost in her own musings ever since they had left home, reflecting once again on the circumstance in which she had found herself. Apart from the rather constant suggestion that she would require a handmaiden—someone to monitor her every move—it had been a perfectly uneventful, humdrum morning’s journey.
The welcome relief of light banter with a companion who was affable, not to mention very easy on the eye, had been unexpectantly pleasant. Yet the moment Isabel had innocuously asked about his past, the man clammed up completely, making it very clear that he did not invite any questions about it, not in any capacity. Which was a shame as she had hoped to get to know Sir William more and learn a little about his life.
But it was more than that. The moment she had touched the sleeve of his tunic, he seemed altered and had gazed at her as though…as though he was aware of her in a manner very different than before. But that could not be. Isabel must have imagined it.
‘Lady Isabel, about my reaction earlier…’ Will looked over in her direction. ‘I apologise. The truth is that I find it difficult looking back at my old life.’
‘I understand.’
‘Yes, I can imagine. And to answer your question—I was indeed once a knight of the realm, much like your friend Ralph, if my assumption there is correct.’
Yes, she had been very happy for his assistance regarding Ralph. She gave herself a mental shake. ‘You were once? Does that mean you’re no longer a knight?’
‘I no longer claim that role, no,’ he said bitterly. ‘Everything I once owned that put price to that title has now been sold or given away.’
‘Except for your sword.’
He looked surprised that she had noticed. ‘Except for my sword,’ he repeated.
‘I see.’
‘You do?’
‘I hadn’t expected that your life had been any easier than mine, Ralph’s or anyone else’s for that matter, Sir William. These have been and still are difficult times, but may I say something?’
‘By all means.’
She pulled the reins, bringing her young horse to a stop and turned her head. ‘Do not allow the past to define your future. I speak from experience.’
He brought his horse to a halt and watched her for a moment without saying anything, which emboldened her to say more. ‘Since I now have to accept this imposed destiny, or whatever you may call it, Sir William, I must also accept that the past has finally caught up with me…and it will for you, too. Not today and not necessarily tomorrow, but some day. Even if you have sold off remnants of your past, there’s no getting away from it.’
He frowned, as though he were absorbing her words, before he continued riding on. After some time, he finally spoke. ‘May I ask something of you? Could you call me “William,” or, better still, just “Will”? I could never abide Sir William, even when I was a fully-fledged knight.’
‘By the same token, I insist you call me Isabel. Much like you, I really cannot get used to being a lady.’
He raised a brow. ‘But you will have to, won’t you, my lady?’
She chuckled. ‘Yes, soon, but until then I’m just plain Isabel, which is also difficult to get used to, since I have been “Adela” for so—’ She stopped, frowning. ‘Is anything the matter… Will?’ She noticed his shaking hand as he drew it through his hair. ‘You’re not ill?’
‘Not at all. Shall we continue?’
Her brows furrowed, wondering what on earth was wrong with him.
‘Yes,’ she said absently as they resumed riding further along the undulating path through the woodland in companionable silence, broken now and again by small observations.
Eventually they emerged into a clearing overlooking a valley. Twilight had settled by now, with the last vestiges of sunshine blending with the dusky night sky.
Isabel blinked several times before her eyes widened in surprise as she watched in wonder at the scene in the basin valley below. There was a cacophony of colour and noise. Merriment and revelry.
Her eyes scanned the spectacle. ‘What do you think that is?’ She couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice.
‘Something that we should probably avoid, I imagine.’
She turned to meet his eyes, almost pleading. ‘And what is that?’
‘A particular brand of jollity.’
Well, that sounded incredibly tempting, didn’t it? After the strain of the last few days, with the changes Will’s reappearance in her life had brought and the even
bigger challenges still to come, this particular brand of jollity was mayhap exactly what was needed. Just once, just for tonight.
He had been watching her, shaking his head. ‘Oh, God, I can see what you’re thinking and it’s a definite no.’
‘Please,’ she implored. ‘Couldn’t we go?’
He rubbed his forehead as she continued to make her case.
‘It might be just the sort of thing we could both do with.’
She waited, chewing the inside of her cheek, as Will deliberated the best course of action.
‘Since you must know best, I’ll to listen to your counsel…but what do you think?’
He exhaled slowly. ‘In all honesty, I think it best we keep away from large crowds, especially one that is as bawdy as I expect that one to be.’ He inclined his head in the direction below. ‘I’m afraid it won’t be appropriate, my lady.’
Her shoulders slumped. ‘You’re right, it probably won’t be.’
She pulled the reins of the horse to move it away in the opposite direction.
‘But then again,’ he said from somewhere behind, ‘I don’t see why we shouldn’t partake a little in the festivities.’
She turned the horse back round. ‘A little could go a long way.’
He grinned and she smiled back. He was so ridiculously attractive when he did that, his eyes twinkling with mischief and amusement.
‘So, Plain Isabel, shall we?’
‘I think so, Just Will.’
He held her gaze and for the first time in a long while she felt a sense of carefree excitement bubbling up inside her.
CHAPTER FIVE
Oh, the joys of this particular brand of jollity were immense indeed! Especially for someone like Isabel. It was an inspired idea to forget everything for just one night—a reprieve from who she was and would soon become with all that expectancy. Besides, this was the sort of experience that seldom came her way and, even though this would be of a short duration, Isabel was going to enjoy it. She would enjoy tonight.
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