by K E Osborn
We’re into episode seven of Suits where Mike and Rachel are participating in a mock trial. I watch as Mike accepts defeat in order not to hurt Rachel. My heart swoons, loving the idea that Rachel gets her man on-screen and her prince off-screen. My stomach flutters. All I can think about now is how badly I want my own fairy tale. I never thought it would happen for me. I never thought I’d find a guy who could possibly be good enough for me to let my guard down or to put myself out there again for.
Someone worth the risk of falling.
Eddie holds onto me, and I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, Eddie is that guy.
I think back to how we almost kissed and to when he leaned in and kissed my cheek. We’ve been close to kissing on two occasions, and my urge to finally have that moment with Eddie is growing stronger. So much so that I want to turn and throw myself at him. I’m not even concentrating on the television, more on the pounding in my chest, the frantic rhythm of my breaths, and the ache in my soul from the need in me to kiss him.
Is he feeling this ache too? Does he need this like I do?
All I know is I’m a strong, confident woman, but I’m sure as hell not going to throw myself at him. If he wants to kiss me, he can make the first move.
The end credits roll while Eddie shifts a little beside me, letting out a yawn. I peek to the clock on the wall to see it’s almost two in the morning.
Shit. I had no idea that was the time!
“It’s getting late. I should probably head home,” he murmurs.
What do I do? Do I tell him he can stay? No, you’re not throwing yourself at him!
Even if that was my initial plan. Maybe Aria’s right. Eddie’s worth more than a casual fuck.
“Okay, no worries,” I reply, wanting to shake myself.
Say something to make this stop!
We both stand as he starts to clean up the mess from dinner.
“Oh, stop. Don’t worry about that.”
He raises his brow. “You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
We walk to the door, a heaviness lies in the pit of my stomach. I simply don’t want him to leave. We have had such a good night, and the way he’s hesitating makes me think he doesn’t want to go either.
“Rawrr... feed me,” Polly screams out.
I roll my eyes. “Eat your fruit, Polly,” I call back.
“Rawrr… fuck off, fuck off.”
Closing my eyes, I sigh while Eddie chuckles. “Have I told you how much I really like your bird?”
I stand in the doorway, tilting my head. “You do?”
Eddie’s intense eyes run me up and down making me shudder. “I like his owner, too.”
My whole body stiffens as I bite down on my bottom lip. He steps closer to me, his hand resting on my hip. His fingers dig in. I gasp at the dominance he shows in that one little tug. Our bodies are so close together as my arms wrap around his neck, my fingers threading through his hair while we stare into each other’s eyes.
Ba-dum.
Ba-dum.
His free hand moves up, sliding around the back of my neck. My body blooms in goosebumps, his grip firm as he clenches onto my skin. I gasp at the tension, my legs pressing together to dull the ache currently throbbing between them.
He licks his lips as he leans in. The energy between us could spark a wildfire. My body’s alight with so much heat I feel like I could burst into flames at any second. My heart pounds faster, so hard, with such insatiable intensity, I feel lightheaded.
Wanting to feel his lips on mine, I edge closer. Needing to be connected to him. Craving his taste. The anticipation is driving me crazy as his eyes bore into mine with so much lust.
Eddie’s show of dominance turning me on as sparks fly around us. He inches forward, and when his lips finally touch mine, it’s like my whole world stops spinning, and the universe explodes. I feel like we’ve been swallowed into a black hole—twirling, spinning, reeling—and nothing exists except us and one hell of a fireworks spectacular igniting inside of me.
My world falls away as his tongue slides into my mouth, and he pushes me back against the door. I let out an “oomph” at the harshness of his movement, but I don’t care if he’s being rough with me. I fucking love it. My hands run through his hair as I hold him to me, kissing him back with everything I have. Our need, our hunger, our anticipation has all been leading to this one moment in time.
Eddie’s hand on my hip slides down, hoisting my leg up around his waist as he grinds vigorously against me. I moan into his mouth feeling absolutely everything. I push back into him.
We’re wild, we are needy, and we only want each other. Every atom in my body explodes, reforms, then explodes again.
Kissing Eddie is everything and nothing like I expected. This is far better than I ever could have imagined.
Eddie groans into my mouth, the sound so carnal, so deep, and so fucking masculine, I lose myself in the moment.
My hands move to his jacket to start pulling it off, but he suddenly jerks back from our fantastic kiss, breathing deep and heavy. My eyes widen, my hands still holding his jacket but not moving as I pause to pant for heavy breaths.
Why did he stop?
His eyes usually convey so much, but right now, I don’t know what they’re saying. He’s like a lost puppy as his hands slide away from me.
Dropping my leg, he takes a step back, putting some distance between us.
My body floods in a bitter icy blast as he shrugs his jacket back up over his shoulders and into place.
My eyes drop to the floor as my arms wrap around my body for my own comfort.
Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown myself at him?
He hesitates, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I’ll call you,” he murmurs.
My chest squeezes as I sink into myself. My body instantly goes numb. The temperature drops in the room from fiery hot to subzero in two-point-five seconds.
Eddie gestures for the door, so I step aside, letting him leave.
I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
All I do know is I feel like I’m falling apart.
We had a good night, a great night, didn’t we? I don’t understand what’s happening right now.
He flicks the lock on the door, then turns back to me, but my eyes can’t meet his. I’m embarrassed. Maybe I even feel a little dirty. Hell, I don’t fucking know.
Eddie exhales, rubbing his hand through his hair as he opens the door and steps through it. He doesn’t say anything else as he closes it behind him.
Then, just like that, Eddie’s gone.
My heart thuds hard, my eyes welling with tears that I blink away as I stand here, rejected. My arms cross over my chest while I’m more than a little deflated. A glacial breeze sweeps over my entire being, chilling me to the core.
His car door slams shut with force—I jump at the noise.
From the intensity of our kiss, I thought we were on the right track.
So why the hell did he do a complete backflip? It makes no sense.
My eyes wander around my living room—my crazy, chaotic living room—as my bottom lip quivers.
I can only think of one thing—his suits, his fancy cars, and me with my boho clothes and manic lifestyle—it has to be a class thing.
Not because of money, we both have that, and he knows it but because he’s fancy, and I’m, well, not.
I’m not the type of woman he’d normally be seen with.
It’s the only thing I can think of.
That, or I’m a terrible kisser?
Maybe we are over before we’ve even had a chance to begin. Maybe Eddie’s just like all the other heartbreakers out there. Maybe I was right in the first place. I should have kept my guard up. Then I wouldn’t be feeling like this right now.
My body shudders with the anguish, and then a single tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I quickly swipe it away, angry with myself, trying not to let him get the better of me. I flick off the light switc
h, turn off the television, grab my cell, and then head to my bedroom.
I need to sleep. Come back to this with a clear head in the morning.
Right now, I’m not thinking straight.
After putting my cell on the charger, I take all my clothes off leaving me in just my panties. I can’t even be bothered to grab my pajamas. I slide under my silk sheets, my head slamming dramatically on the pillow. I huff as I fold my arms over my chest.
There are parts of the Eddie puzzle I simply can’t piece together. He is a mystery I can’t wrap my head around, and he seems to keep what he wants close to his chest.
Maybe there are things about him he’s hiding from me.
I exhale, rolling over in bed onto my back. I stare at the ceiling trying to make sense of it all. Our kiss was amazing, electric, breathtaking even, and yet, he left so fast it was like he couldn’t get away from me quick enough.
It stings.
No, it hurts.
What did I do wrong?
My chest squeezes as I clench my eyes tight, yanking my blanket up to my chin. I need some comfort right now.
Maybe I’m not the woman he wants?
Maybe he realized I’m not the girl for him?
Either way, I’m going out of my mind. I need to switch off. Otherwise, I will turn this into something bigger than it needs to be.
I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. Right?
Chapter Ten
MONDAY
I feel like I’ve been hit by a gigantic lead weight. I haven’t had much sleep over the last two nights, but I guess that’s to be expected when you are equal parts feeling sexually deprived and confused. But nevertheless, when you own your own business, you still have work to do. So off to work I shall go.
Opening the door to Love and Lavender, I drag my feet inside to see Paisley already watering the ferns by the back desk.
With a quick exhale, I make my way to her, trying to brighten my mood. “Morning,” I somehow drone out.
She turns to me, her eyes widening as she lets out a gasp. “Jesus.”
I stand a little taller. “What?” I dust off my top.
Did I miss something from the half a piece of toast I ate this morning?
Paisley puts down the watering can and strides over to me with purpose. She slams into me with a giant hug. “What happened?”
After shaking myself free from her sympathy embrace, I walk around the desk, placing my bag under the counter. “We had a great night… an even greater kiss…” Paisley nods emphatically, “… then he ghosted me.”
Paisley jerks her head back in confusion. “He ghosted you! What the hell do you mean?”
My stomach churns. “I mean, I’ve been thinking it over for the last couple of days, and the only thing I can think of as to why he would pull back from me like that, and then ignore me, is because maybe he’s married, or he’s got a girlfriend…”
“Or he’s gay?” she mumbles, matter-of-factly.
I stifle a laugh. “He’s not gay, Paisley.”
“Just checking. I have this friend Trevor… I swear they’d be so cute together.”
I scoff. “Seriously?”
She throws her hands up in surrender. “Right, sorry. Why don’t you message him?”
“Don’t want to seem desperate. I kinda already threw myself at him Saturday night, then he turned and left. Think that pretty much speaks volumes, doesn’t it?”
She narrows her eyes. “Not always. Sometimes there’s an underlying reason. Just ask! If he’s not into you, then you’re losing nothing.”
“And if he is?”
“Then he should be honest and tell you what’s going on. Because he won’t want you thinking the worst of him.”
I stand taller. “You know, Paisley, sometimes you’re really smart.”
“Ha.” She smirks.
I reach under the desk, grabbing my cell from my bag, then I walk out the back to the stockroom. I don’t want to pussyfoot around, so I’m going to make it simple and straight to the point. I decide to send him a text rather than call because he might be at work. At least this way, he won’t have to talk to me in front of his dad or whoever else might be there. Text messages are far more discreet.
Me: Look, I don’t want to fuck about if you’re not into this. Just tell me one thing… are you married or something?
Wanting to press send but not knowing if I’m doing the right thing, I hover over the button. I know the message comes off a little aggressive, but he’s shut me out for almost two days. I sent him a couple of text messages, but nothing.
I want an answer.
No, I need an answer.
Taking a deep breath, I hit send.
My foot taps on the floor as I wait impatiently. Anticipation or nerves take hold—I can’t tell which one. I’m expecting something, but nothing comes back.
My anxiety grows with each passing minute until almost half an hour has passed. I know Paisley’s out there working on her own, and I need to go do my job.
Eddie can go to hell.
I groan, throwing my cell on top of the nearby cleaning cupboard and walk back out the front with a loud exasperated huff.
Paisley grimaces. “So… he’s married, then?”
“Still not sure. He’s giving me the silent treatment.”
Her nose pushes up like she has smelled something bad. “I’m so sorry, Lyri.”
I shrug, then get on with my day, even though there’s a hollow pit in the bottom of my stomach.
***
The day’s been busy. I haven’t had a moment to stop and think about Eddie, which has been a saving grace. I’ve started closing up, and as I go to place some disinfectant in the back cupboard, I notice my cell sitting where I dumped it this morning.
Regrettably, I pick it up, taking a deep breath, then swipe it to turn on the screen. I see two missed calls and a text from Chance and one from Eddie. My heart flutters a little, but then it thumps hard wondering if Eddie’s called to say goodbye.
I can’t face Eddie just yet, so I open Chance’s picture text to see Pixy wearing an outfit of pink fluff. He’s dressed like a ball of cotton candy, and I can’t stop the slow smile that forms on my face. His tongue’s hanging out the side of his face while a cute toddler, who I presume is CJ, stands beside him holding a real ball of cotton candy. The picture is priceless, and just what I need right now. A little bit of light relief after the strain on my mind today.
But I’m torn.
I don’t want to read Eddie’s message in case it’s bad. But I guess it’s better just to rip off the Band-Aid, as they say. Slowly, I open the text, squinting as I read it as if trying to shield myself from the pain that’s inevitably about to pour off the screen and straight into my heart.
Eddie: Tried to call. Sorry for being absent. Work got really intense for a while. Am I married? To my job maybe? Do I have a girlfriend? Depends. I was hoping on asking this new girl I’ve been seeing that very question, but I have a feeling she’s angry with me. Can I let you know when I know?
My eyes shoot open as I read his message. “Holy crapsicles.”
Paisley pops her head around the corner. “You okay?”
My eyes slowly glance up. “I think Eddie just asked me to be his girlfriend in the most roundabout, weirdest way possible.”
She lunges into the room, grabs my cell from me, and assesses the text. Her eyes widen with delight. “Ahh… yes, I do believe that was his way of asking you. He is a weird one, that gorgeous hunk of a man.”
“Well, what the hell do I say to that?”
She snorts out a laugh. “Oh, sweetheart, you proposition him right back.”
I bite my bottom lip, then type out my reply.
Me: I have a feeling this new girl is more curious than angry. Why would you kiss her like that, then get out of there faster than the Road Runner? Did said girl have bad breath? A terrible kissing technique? Or maybe, like the movie title says… He’s Just Not That into You
. I think if it’s that, then perhaps, said girl is not the right girl for you…
I wait impatiently for his reply. I jump when the phone rings in my hand. My eyes widen as I show Paisley the caller ID—it’s Eddie.
Her hands flutter around in a flurry of excitement. “Answer it! Put it on speaker so I can hear,” she shrieks.
I press the green button, then the speaker button. “Hello, Love and Lavender, Lyric speaking.”
He chuckles. “I didn’t call the shop, Lyri. You know it’s me.”
Oh God, his voice is like heaven.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know anyone named me. You’ll have to be more specific.”
He groans. “You know how to make a man work for it, don’t you?”
Paisley bobs her head like she’s loving this way too much.
“If he wants me… he’s going to have to prove it.”
Eddie’s quiet for a moment, then exhales. “Lyri, I’m sorry I went cold on you.” His pause is a little longer than expected. “I was confused.”
My eyes open wide as I drop my humor, letting that sink in. “Confused?” I repeat, trying to see if I heard right.
“I don’t want to fuck this up with you. But by doing what I did, I’ve done just that.”
Paisley extends up on her toes in her excitement as I gnaw on my bottom lip, taking in his words. “Thank you for finally being honest with me. But Eddie, if this thing… whatever it is between us is going to work… we just let it take the path it’s going to naturally take. Am I nervous? Hell, yeah. But I’d never ghost you. Confused or not, it’s just uncool.”
He sighs. “I understand if you can’t forgive me… but I’m asking you to anyway.”
I think about it, but it only takes a second before I know I’m going to give him a chance to make it up to me. “My place tonight?”
“So, is that a yes?”
“That’s a… you can grovel at my feet and try to make it up to me.”
Eddie lets out a relieved exhale like he can’t believe I’ve agreed. I can actually hear the tension rolling off him. I sense he’s sorry—now I just need him to prove it. “I’ll bring dinner with me. And don’t worry, I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”