by Mandy Magro
After a slow, questioning glance, Zoe eventually leant in and brushed a kiss over her cheek. ‘If only she knew the real reason she hasn’t got any grandchildren, hey? She might just change her tune.’
‘If only,’ Juliette agreed. ‘I think it could possibly send her to an early grave.’
‘Hmmm, food for thought.’ Zoe smirked as she glanced to the heavens. ‘Kidding, not kidding.’ She eyed Juliette for a few moments longer and then checked her watch. ‘Shit, hun, I’ve got to run soon. I’ve got a Skype meeting with the head honcho in Cambodia at five, just to go over the final few details of the trip before I jump on the plane tomorrow night.’
Juliette forced a smile she was far from feeling. She was going to miss Zoe like crazy, and then some. ‘Of course, you go now. I can pack up here.’
‘You sure?’
‘Yes, go.’ She ushered Zoe out of the stall. ‘Thanks for coming to help out.’
‘I don’t know if I’ll have time to catch up tomorrow, to say bye.’ Zoe’s smile all but disappeared. ‘So, should we hug it out now and get our farewells over with?’
Juliette sucked in a big breath, nodding. She’d been dreading this very moment for months now. ‘I’m going to miss you so much, Zoe.’ She squeezed her tight. ‘Make sure you have heaps of fun, and ring me whenever you can.’
‘I promise I will.’ Zoe squeezed her back. ‘We only get phone service in limited places, though, so don’t stress if it’s not for a couple of weeks.’ She stepped back and wiped tears from Juliette’s face. ‘Stop it or you’re going to make me cry. I’ll be back before you know it.’
Juliette sniffled. ‘Six months is a long time.’
Zoe tossed a hand through the air. ‘Pfft. It’ll fly by.’
‘Yeah, maybe.’ Juliette smiled through her tears. ‘I love you heaps, hey.’
Zoe smiled back at her. ‘Love you too. Catch you on the flip side, hun.’ And off she went.
Watching Zoe leg it over to the car park, Juliette grabbed her mobile from her handbag and dialled Lachlan’s number, her breath laboured and her pulse racing. She impatiently drummed the tabletop while watching kids and parents lob gumboots across the field to see who could get them the furthest. Six rings and, as usual, it went to message bank.
‘You’ve reached Lachlan Davis. Your business is important, so please leave your message and I will return your call as soon as possible.’ Even his voicemail message was mechanical, cold.
She gritted her teeth. ‘Hey, Lachie, it’s me. Can you call me back as soon as you get this message.’ She went to hang up but added, ‘It’s actually important.’
Ending the call and tossing her mobile back into the depths of her handbag, she blinked back exasperated tears, her already broken heart splitting that little bit further. Not only because she knew he was ignoring her calls – his mobile phone was basically a part of his arm – but because he’d gone and thrown her into the firing line with his mother to save himself, once again. Who did he think he was, saying it was all her fault they didn’t have any children? What a load of garbage. How many other people was he telling that to? Maybe a visit to church tomorrow was what she needed to guide her through. It would be a sure way to catch up with her mum, too, whose days were always filled with doing what her stepfather called god’s work. Juliette saw it very differently.
She was deep in her bleak thoughts when someone cleared their throat from behind her. She snapped to, put on a happy face and spun around, ready to apologise for being a million miles away. Her breath hitched in her throat as she tried to blink away the image of the six-foot bundle of muscle and manliness. Dressed head to toe in everything she loved to see a bloke in – boots, jeans, button-up shirt, Akubra – and as if materialised from nowhere while silhouetted by the bright sunshine, she momentarily questioned if she was seeing things. She’d given up on this day ever arriving, and had always envisioned that, if it miraculously did, she’d have so much to say. Silence hanging heavily between them, he offered a hesitant smile and, as though she’d just been whacked with a cattle prod, her heart jolted as she froze.
The sudden weakness in her knees had her gripping the foldout table for support. ‘Joel?’ she whispered as she drank in his towering frame and strong physique – one she imagined powerful enough to wrestle a wild bull to the ground, and gathered he would have, many times over. No longer the teenage boy she tried to forget yet dared to remember more often than not, he’d matured into one hell of a masculine man.
He removed his sunglasses and perched them on the tattered rim of his hat, his intense sea-green gaze locking with hers. ‘Hey, Jules. Long time, no see.’ His voice was deeper, rougher, more commanding of her attention than she recalled.
Her heart and soul ruthlessly reaching for his, she fought a reply from her dry mouth. ‘Yeah, it sure has been a very long time.’ She’d always wondered how she’d feel if she laid her eyes on him again, what she would say to him in that moment. It wasn’t this.
‘Mmhhmm,’ was his casual reply as he continued staring at her, as if drinking all of her in.
As much as she’d tried, she’d never forgotten him, the promises they’d made to one another, the intense way he made her feel, the way he unconditionally loved her, nor the way he’d wanted to protect her, to fight her fight, and how everything he’d done was always for her. Their love had been real, true – one she’d never been able to replace, as hard as she’d tried.
Her head spinning, she desperately tried to find something to say to put a stop to the way he was stealing her every breath. ‘Where in the hell did you come from?’ He was so close that she could smell the leather and earth that always clung to a stockman.
One thumb hooked through his belt loop, he wandered to the end of her barricade – the foldout table – and jerked the other thumb over his shoulder. ‘Out yonder.’ His breath-stealing smile connected to his dimples, broadened his chiselled cheeks, and sent her already racing heart into a frenzied gallop.
She gritted her teeth as she flashed him a dark look, filled with frustration. His charming, playful smile did nothing to curb her annoyance as every single bit of heartache he’d left her with the day he’d disappeared returned, full force. She lifted her sunglasses, finally finding her voice. ‘That’s not funny, Joel.’ The fact he seemed so cool, calm and collected when she was so giddy she was afraid she might just pass out irked her to no end. ‘I seriously can’t believe you’re acting so blasé.’
‘Sorry, Jules. I just …’ His smile disappeared as he looked down at his boots, hesitated, and then back at her with nothing but apprehension written all over his handsome face. ‘I know there’s a lot of water under the bridge. I just honestly don’t know what to say or how to act right now.’
Even with the table between them, she took a little step back, not because she despised him, but because she was terrified of falling right into those big strong arms if he came anywhere near her. ‘Does your family know you’re here?’ If Zoe had been privy to his arrival, she was going to give her an earful.
‘Nope.’
He was telling her the truth. He always had. She didn’t stop to catch a breath. ‘Don’t you think they should know?’
His jaw tightened before he cleared his throat. ‘Yes, and they will. But you’re the first person I wanted to see, which is why I waited until I saw Zoe drive off.’
Juliette spotted her mother-in-law glaring directly at her, the gaping mouths of the women sitting near her speaking volumes. The gossip had already started – the bush telegraph at its finest. It wouldn’t take long for the entire town to know Joel Hunter was back, and his first stop had been to her cake stand. ‘And why’s that? Seeing as I’m the person you didn’t bother to say goodbye to or keep in touch with.’
‘That’s exactly why I felt I should make the effort to put you first.’
Juliette tried to gauge his response, but his hat was shadowing his expression. ‘Don’t you think it’s a little late to put me first?’ As soon a
s the statement left her lips, she wished she could take it back. He had always sparked so much emotion in her, and she knew it was because she cared too much for him. Even so, it had come out wrong, especially when he’d done nothing but put her first back in the days when they’d been boyfriend and girlfriend. Besides, she was married now, although very unhappily, and she should have moved on from the memory of Joel and her together by now.
Joel’s shoulders slumped, as if the weight of the world had just been dropped upon them. ‘You have every right to hate me, Jules.’
The words stung, even if he hadn’t meant them to. ‘I don’t hate you.’
Grimacing, he sighed. ‘You could’ve fooled me.’
Juliette softened, almost smiled. ‘I could never hate you, Joel Hunter. I’m just really, really mad at you for leaving without telling me where you were going or when you’d be back.’
He inhaled a sharp breath. ‘I didn’t know where I was going. Or when I’d be back.’
Lost in his eyes, Juliette found herself at a loss for words. She sensed something within him now that hadn’t been there before, a loneliness and desolation deep inside. All she wanted to do was hold him and tell him what was hidden in her heart. But she couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Even though things were rocky between her and Lachlan, she would never stoop to his level and violate their vows. No matter how unhappy she was in her marriage, it would be extremely wrong of her. She was a Christian woman with good morals, and she was going to keep it that way.
‘Look, I don’t blame you for being pissed at me.’ Joel shrugged, half-grinned. ‘Hell, Jules, even I’m pissed at me for taking off like I did. Now I’m older and wiser, I know it wasn’t a great decision.’ He rocked back and forth on his heels, shaking his head as though totally disappointed in himself. ‘I don’t really want to get into it all, especially here, but the long and short of it is, I suppose … I was just hoping we could move past the past.’
Move past the past? Just like that? She went to fire a response, but he sensed it, stopping her by holding up a hand. ‘Please, just hear me out. I know you’re married and trying to have a family, and as much as I wish it could have been with me, I’m real happy for you. I just want us to at least try and be mates. It would mean a lot if we could be.’
His gaze pleaded with her to give in and let go. Juliette could feel the icy parts of her countenance melting. Folding her arms, she eyed him for a few lengthy seconds. The fact he was being so honest, so exposed about how he felt – traits she’d always loved about him – stirred something in her heart. ‘We can try, Joel, but I can’t promise you anything.’ She swallowed back a rising lump of emotion.
Joel’s smile was slow and sexy. ‘Well, that’s a good start.’ The atmosphere around them settled, blended a little better. ‘So, how about we try and start off on another foot, hey?’
Juliette nodded, sniffling. ‘Sounds good to me.’
Joel seized her eyes with his once more. This time, a hint of happiness glowed in them. ‘It’s real nice to see you.’
‘It’s real nice to see you too, Joel Hunter,’ Juliette said with a small smile. And she meant it. How was she meant to forget she loved him, with him being back in town in all that glorious flesh and blood? It was going to be tough, but if she wanted to keep her marriage and keep Joel in her life, she was going to have to find a way.
CHAPTER
6
Rubbing where his beard used to be, now replaced with a day’s worth of stubble, Joel bit back his hurt that Juliette wasn’t happy to see him. But what had he expected, after the way he’d left things? After the way he’d left her, he couldn’t blame her one little bit for holding it against him. He’d screwed up, big time, and it was time he made things right.
For a few long moments, there was nothing but silence again. He smiled a little wider, not knowing what to say to ease the palpable tension as he stared into eyes that were hard. He hadn’t been ready to face the ghosts of his past, yet here he stood, doing just that. He’d known it would be hard-hitting, seeing the love of his life after all these years, but this was beyond that – it was excruciating. The angles of her face were sharper, the creases at the corners of her eyes and lips deeper. She looked … fragile, and yet even more beautiful than he remembered, and it tugged on the few strings still attached to his broken heart.
Standing here, so close to her, knowing he’d never again take her into his arms and kiss her like his life depended on it, made something deep inside him collapse. After spending eleven years running over and over in his head what he was going to say to her if they ever had the chance to be face-to-face again, he’d gone and found himself at a complete loss for the right words the minute he’d laid eyes upon her. The bittersweet smile on her full, kissable lips, coupled with her broken-hearted expression when she’d spun around, shook him, and made him feel completely out of place just by being here. He shouldn’t have arrived unannounced, although, thankfully, she seemed to be coming around.
‘So, other than you becoming a teacher here, and getting hitched, have I missed much around Little Heart?’ He offered her a gentle smile, then glanced towards the sporting oval he’d run around more times than he cared to count, watching the egg-and-spoon race in full swing.
She moistened her lips and exhaled slowly. ‘Other than a few people leaving for the big smoke and a couple of the wrinklies passing away … not really.’ Her words were stilted, as if she still wasn’t sure she wanted to speak to him.
Joel laughed. He’d always called the older townsfolk wrinklies, and he liked the fact Juliette still did. ‘Yeah, apart from a few of the shopfronts getting a lick of paint, and Domino’s opening up, it still looks the same.’ He felt her step in beside him and stole a sideways glance. It was hard to keep his eyes from her.
She nodded, her gaze to the front. ‘You know small towns. The only thing that changes is the gossip, really.’
‘Yeah, true.’ He chuckled, liking the way she was easing into his company.
They shared another silence, more of a companionable one, one that would be impossible for most after walking in their shoes. With her so very near to him, his heart galloped faster in his aching chest. He had to do something, anything, other than stand here covertly staring at her. The ice needed to be broken further. So, without a second thought, he closed the small distance between them and pulled her into a hug that surprised him almost as much as it clearly surprised her.
‘Oh, okay then. Let’s hug it out, hey.’ She laughed a little uncomfortably as she gave him a tight cuddle back, ending it with a few hearty slaps before stepping a foot away. ‘We’d better be careful …’ She glanced to the tables beneath the jacaranda tree, where many sets of eyes were glued on them. ‘The spies are watching, and Lord only knows what they’ll say if we get too chummy.’
‘Who cares what they think?’ Joel shrugged off her concern. ‘We know there’s nothing to it, and it gives them something to chatter about.’
‘I care, Joel. I don’t want people getting the wrong impression.’ Her gaze, met and held by his, was filled with unspoken questions and profound heartache. He wasn’t sure it was all aimed at, and because of, him. ‘I honestly don’t have the time or patience for the drama it’ll cause me,’ she ended with a huff.
Clearly, he’d gone and stepped over a boundary. He mentally slapped himself. ‘You’re right. Sorry, Jules, I shouldn’t have hugged you.’ If only she knew how controlled that had been of him, when all he wanted to do was strip her down and make love to her for the very first time, until the sun went down and came back up again.
‘Don’t apologise. Friends can hug.’ As if she knew what he was thinking, her cheeks blushed. She averted her eyes, looking past him and towards the winners of the egg-and-spoon race now being handed their prize.
He looked to the hundreds of excited kids, the smiles on their faces endearing. ‘Oh, to be young and carefree again, hey?’
Coming back to look at him, she seemed to have regathered hersel
f. Somewhat. ‘Yeah, it’d be nice.’
‘It surely would.’ He rubbed a hand over his stubble again. Watching fathers and their children sharing memorable moments made him pine for what he’d always wanted so badly. ‘I can’t wait to be a dad one day, so I can come to things like this with my kids. I just hope it happens, because …’ He half-chuckled. ‘… let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger.’
‘I’m sure it will.’ Jules’s voice quivered and she drew in a deep breath. ‘You’ll make a really great dad.’
‘Thanks, Jules.’ He heaved a slow, drawn-out sigh. ‘I can’t believe you actually did it, you went and made your dream of becoming a teacher a reality.’ He was damn proud of her, so much so his chest filled with contentment for her.
She smiled softly, turned to him. ‘Is it that much of a surprise to you that I’d follow through with it all after you left?’
‘Not at all, you were always a go-getter.’ There was hidden meaning in her words, and Joel heard it, loud and crystal clear.
She considered him and then turned back to the goings-on in the centre of the field. ‘University was tough, but it helped me to get through things and diverted my attention from you.’ Her dangly silver earrings swung as she shook her head. ‘You broke my heart, leaving like you did, Joel. It took a long time to get past it all.’ Her voice trembled and she cleared her throat.
Her declaration of heartache sliced his deepest parts to shreds, and Joel stole a few moments to regroup. ‘I’m real sorry for hurting you, Jules. It was honestly the last thing I wanted. But you have to understand, after you told me you never wanted to see me again, I was in survival mode. The only way I could get through it, the best way for me to respect your wishes, was to get as far away from you as possible.’
Her beautiful eyes darkened. ‘I know I made a mistake, breaking it off after the fight at the pub, but you didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself or to take it back,’ she replied, her tone icy. ‘I was angry when I broke up with you, Joel Hunter. It was said in the heat of the moment. I didn’t mean it for a second. You of all people should have known that.’ Accusation rang in her words.