by Nic Saint
I shrugged, since I had no idea what was going on either.
Brutus and Harriet emerged from the bushes when we passed through the pet flap. It’s one of their favorite places to take a nap.
“What’s going on?” asked Harriet, annoyed by this interruption of what was probably a most wonderful nap.
“No idea,” said Dooley. “But it seems to be coming from Odelia’s.”
So we all passed through the hole in the hedge, and the sight that met our eyes was one for the books indeed: a long stream of mice was passing through the garden, all of them either screaming or crying loudly, and at the head of this pack of mice were Hector and Helga. They were moving in the direction of Jackson Browne’s field, though I couldn’t understand why they’d undertake such an expedition all of a sudden.
Finally, at the end of the line of mice, I recognized the familiar figure of Elsa.
“What’s going on?” I asked, puzzled.
Elsa gave me a sad look. “I should have known it was too good to be true,” she said. “Your scary friend came into our basement just now, and threatened to eat us all alive. And to show us she meant business, she grabbed a handful of Helga’s babies and actually put them into her mouth! Of course Hector and Helga went berserk, but the cat was not to be deterred. She said that if we didn’t skedaddle on the double, she was going to eat us all with hide and hair! And she wasn’t kidding, that much was immediately clear to me.”
“A friend?” asked Harriet. “What friend?”
“I don’t remember the name. But she’s the scariest cat I’ve ever seen. A real killer. One of those cats that takes pleasure in murdering innocent mice.” She held out a paw and tapped mine. “It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Max. I’ll see you around.”
And with these words, she joined the throng as it filed out of our backyard.
We all looked at one another with surprise written all over our features. And then moved into the house as one cat, eager to discover who this wonder-cat could possibly be. I have to confess I had a good idea as to this scary cat’s identity, though, and I soon discovered I’d guessed correctly.
For who would be waiting for us inside but… Clarice!
“Hi, you guys,” the tough feline said good-naturedly. “I took care of your little problem for you. I hope that’s okay.”
“Okay!” I cried. “It’s more than okay! It’s a miracle.”
“Eh,” she said with her customary cool.
“Did you… eat them?” asked Dooley, wide-eyed.
“I didn’t have to,” said Clarice. “Nor was I allowed to, I have to add. Odelia strictly forbade me to tuck in. Pity. But there you have it. Anyway, as soon as I set foot in that basement, it was game over for Hector and Helga.” She spoke these last words with a grim expression on her face, and I could very well see how the mice would have been intimidated to a degree.
“Odelia asked you to come?” asked Harriet.
“Yeah, she thought you guys could use a paw, so I was only happy to lend you one.” She held out her paw, and the sharpness of her claws, and the pleasure she took in watching them catch a lone ray of sunshine, made me gulp a little.
“Too bad I wasn’t allowed to grab a couple of the fat ones,” she murmured. “I’m a little peckish, to be honest.”
“Oh, but by all means, have some of my food,” I said, gesturing to the kitchen.
“And mine!” said Dooley.
“No, take mine, please, Clarice,” said Harriet.
“Clarice will eat from my food or she won’t eat at all!” bellowed Brutus.
Clarice grinned at this, and said, “Thanks. Most kind.”
“One question, Clarice,” I said, as she ambled toward the kitchen. “Why did you come now, and not before, when we asked?”
She shrugged. “I like your human. She’s the first one that’s ever been nice to me. You guys—of course I think you’re all great, but if I have to come running every time a cat asks me to help them deal with some little problem I’d have a full-time job.”
I nodded. “Odelia is special,” I agreed.
She fixed me with a glance. “You have no idea.” And then she tucked in.
And I had to hand it to her: she gave us all the respect we required. In other words: she ate from all of our bowls in equal measure. Which is to say she ate it all.
But she’d earned it. Oh, had she earned it!
37
That evening, Odelia was just about to head into her parents’ backyard for dinner when the doorbell chimed out a pleasant tune.
She’d just nipped back to her own house to grab an extra plate, and was still carrying it in her hand when she went to answer the door.
To her surprise it was Jacqueline. But when she saw what the woman was holding up, she let out a small cry of pleasure.
“My phone!”
“You left it at the conference this morning,” Jacqueline said. “I thought you probably wanted to have it back as quickly as possible, so I asked around and got your address.”
“Oh, that’s so kind of you,” said Odelia, and invited the woman in.
“I can’t stay long,” said Jacqueline as she passed into the living room. “Such a nice home,” she said, looking into the backyard, where Harriet and Brutus were lying on the grass, belly up as they sometimes liked to do when they were completely relaxed. “And what lovely cats you have.”
“Yeah, it’s small but cozy,” said Odelia, who was proud of her little home, in spite of its modest dimensions or furnishings.
“So what did you think of the meeting?”
“Oh, I thought it went very well. The two clubs coming together like that is a great accomplishment.”
“Too bad it took a tragedy to get us there,” said Jacqueline.
Just then, Max came padding into the room, and the moment he caught sight of Jacqueline he paused mid-step.
“How did you get involved with this whole Maria Power thing?” asked Odelia, still clutching her plate for some reason.
“I’ve always been fascinated by her,” said Jacqueline. “I saw my first Maria Power movie when I was a teen, and she’s been my favorite actress ever since. She has something quite… timeless, don’t you think? Timeless and remarkably striking. With a single gesture she can mesmerize an entire room of moviegoers.”
Max was making frantic gestures now, for some reason, and Odelia raised a questioning eyebrow in his direction.
“Also, she’s like a chameleon. She could transform into anyone she liked. Man, woman. Young, old. She could be anything. I think she’s the greatest actress of our time.”
“Yeah, she’s pretty great,” said Odelia.
“It’s her!” Max cried.
Odelia frowned. “So, um, do you maybe want to stay for dinner, Jacqueline?”
“Oh, no,” said the woman. “I just wanted to drop off your phone. Although…” She turned to the window and sniffed. “It does smell delicious.”
“It’s Maria Power!” Max cried, and Odelia snapped her head up.
“You know what? I don’t want to trouble you, but I do love a home-cooked meal,” said Jacqueline pleasantly.
“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” said Odelia. She held up the plate. “I was just grabbing an extra plate when you arrived.”
“Serendipity!” Jacqueline laughed.
“She’s Maria Power!” Max repeated. “I recognize her scent.” He frowned. “Which means… it was also her in Dan’s office that morning, with Heather Gallop. And it was her with Jack Warner, when he was killed. And it was her at Daisy Rayo’s house, when she tumbled down the stairs. All this time I thought it was the dress on the mannequin in Dan’s office, or the dress on the bed in Jack Warner’s hotel room, or the hat in Daisy Rayo’s fan room, but no scent would be that strong or linger that long. Not after all those years. It must have been Maria Power herself—in all three places—in disguise!”
Odelia gulped a little at this revelation. Jacqueline, meanwhile, was still smiling
, and walking toward the sliding glass doors. “Do I go through here?” she asked.
“Yes—yes, right through there,” said Odelia. “And then through the hedge over there. You go on ahead, I have to grab… something.”
Jacqueline walked through, and Odelia studied the prominent nose, the chin, the glasses… and realized the woman was in disguise. With a prosthetic nose and chin!
“It’s her, Odelia,” said Max. “She was there every single time.”
“Which means…”
“Which means she just might be the killer,” said Max, finishing her train of thought. “She could have killed them all. Called Dan to get him out of the way and kill Heather. Set up that meeting with Jack and set Dan up to take the fall. And kill Daisy Rayo.”
“But why?” asked Odelia. “Unless…” She thought hard. “Remember the woman who said she saw Daisy enter the house twice?”
“The second time wasn’t Daisy,” said Max. “It was Maria Power, pretending to be Daisy.”
“It was Daisy’s day off,” said Odelia. “That’s what her supervisor said. She wasn’t supposed to be there that day, and yet she conveniently was, to catch Dan in the act.”
“And then she killed the real Daisy to cover her tracks.”
“Because she knew that after the initial interview there would be a second one.”
“And the real Daisy would immediately say she hadn’t been at the hotel that day.”
“That’s so… cunning,” said Odelia.
“She is. Very cunning.”
They stared at each other for a beat. “So now what?” asked Odelia.
“Now you tell your uncle to arrest her,” said Max encouragingly.
“We still don’t know why she did it,” said Odelia.
“Oh, I think you can probably guess,” a voice sounded behind her.
Odelia looked up, and found herself staring into the barrel of a small handgun.
Jacqueline, or Maria Power, gestured with the gun. “It might not look like much, but I can assure you it is quite lethal. I got it as a present from one of my husbands. Husband number five, I seem to remember.”
“You’re Maria Power,” said Odelia.
“How did you guess?” asked the woman with a smile.
“I… just put two and two together.”
“Very clever. Please move away from the window.”
Odelia did as she was told. “Why did you do it?”
The actress shrugged. “Isn’t it obvious?”
And then it dawned on Odelia. “The movie. Gnomeo. You didn’t want Heather to sell it to Dan.”
“Or Jack.”
“But why? It’s your greatest movie. The one that launched your career.”
“Exactly. There’s only one problem with that. I’m not in it.”
Odelia stared at the woman, processing this. “You’re…”
“I’m not in the movie. Let’s call that part Hollywood lore. And oh boy, did I excel at selling the story. Of course Finkelstein wasn’t going to deny anything, because he was already dead at that point, and the actors who did play in the movie were all behind the Iron Curtain at the time, where Finkelstein shot his masterpiece. A lot cheaper that way, and very convenient for me. It was indeed my greatest performance—not the movie, but selling the story that I was in the movie, and that I was so great, so amazing, so mesmerizing that Finkelstein didn’t want anyone else to see it so he destroyed every single copy. The movie launched my career all right, but not the way people think.”
“And if the real movie came out it would reveal the truth.”
“And I couldn’t have that, now could I?” She frowned. “Damned Finkelstein. I should have known he’d have kept a copy. Directors have the biggest egos in show business. They hate to destroy their own work. He must have kept it in a vault, and it ended up in the hands of his daughter, who had no idea of its value, thank God.”
“And then into the hands of Heather Gallop.”
“And oh, boy, did she have an idea of its value. She was going to make good, the money-grubbing little tart. First she gave me a chance to buy it—as if she was doing me a favor. A simple case of malicious blackmail, of course. And when I told her I wasn’t going to play along, she said she already had another buyer lined up.”
“Dan Goory.”
Maria nodded. “So I had to put a stop to that.”
“You dressed up as a UPS man and killed Heather, and Dan ended up being blamed.”
“Exactly. Only then Jack Warner called me out of the blue, and told me he’d seen a copy of the movie. Heather had shown it to him, and he’d secretly filmed it with his phone. He said either he was going to tell the world, or…” She grimaced. “Well, he’d always had this sick fascination with me, and now he saw his chance clear to finally having his way with me. So I set up a meeting at the hotel, and he was only too happy to oblige. Only I didn’t show up there as myself, but as one of the cleaners.”
“How did you know it was Daisy Rayo’s day off?”
“Daisy was a big fan. She’d written me many, many times. I knew she worked at the Star, so I simply called her for a little chat, and the silly thing told me everything I needed to know. I said I was doing research for a new part. A reboot of Hotel, where I was to play the role played by Bette Davis in the pilot, and then later Anne Bancroft in the series.”
“You set up that meeting with Dan, didn’t you? This so-called reconciliation?”
“Of course I did. Jack was much too proud to set aside his differences with Dan. So I made sure Dan was right there at the scene, and then it was a simple matter of acting the distraught maid and giving my statement to the first officer on the scene. Easy peasy.”
“And you killed Daisy to make sure she wouldn’t talk.”
Maria nodded. “And now, I’m sorry to say, I’m going to have to do the same with you. A pity, as I really like you. You’ve got spunk, kid.”
“Wait,” said Odelia when Maria lifted the gun and pointed it at her heart. “How are you going to explain this, your fourth murder?”
Maria shrugged. “I’m not. Anyone could have broken in here and shot you.”
“Why—why did you dress up as Jacqueline? I thought you w-were a recluse?” She was frantically looking for a way out, and noticed to her satisfaction that Max was nowhere to be found. He’d gone for help—she hoped!
The famous actress smiled. “Maria Power is a recluse, but I’m not. I’ve always been a social person, and I like to be out and about. The only problem with being a legend is that you can’t socialize the way you used to. People act funny around you. So I invented poor horse-faced Jacqueline. You’d be surprised how nice people are when you look like this.” She gestured to her face. “And I had a lot of fun pretending to be someone I’m not. I am an actress, after all, and I like to think that Jacqueline was my greatest performance.”
Suddenly behind Maria a figure appeared, and as the actress raised the gun once more, and her finger started to squeeze the trigger, some heavy object came down upon her head, and before she could fire a fatal bullet, her eyes turned up in her head and she dropped to the floor.
Gran, for it was her, held up the garden gnome with which she’d knocked out the actress, and bent down to feel her pulse. “She’ll live,” she said simply, and rose to her feet. “Oh, honey. You really should stop putting yourself in these dangerous situations.”
Marge now also came barging in, followed by Tex, Chase, Uncle Alec and Charlene Butterwick. They all stared at the prostrate figure on the floor, and at Gran, who was holding up the gnome triumphantly.
“I never liked gnomes, but I have to admit they can come in very handy indeed!”
Epilogue
“You’re much more cheerful, Max,” said Dooley. “I like it very much.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said. In fact I hadn’t been able to stop smiling all day.
“It’s my jokes, isn’t it? My jokes have put you in a good mood again.”
“Um…”
“It’s very important. You have to keep laughing. It’s the only way to beat the cancer.”
I stared at my friend. “Cancer? What cancer?”
“The brain cancer. The only cure is laughing. All the experts agree on this.”
“Dooley, I don’t have cancer.”
“But you’ve been looking so sad these past couple of days.”
“Because of Hector and Helga turning our house into a dump and eating all of our food, and Odelia being so upset with me. And now that they’re gone, I’m happy again.”
Dooley studied me for a moment. “So… you never had cancer?”
“No, I never had cancer, Dooley.”
Now it was his turn to smile. “That makes me happy.”
“Which in turn makes me happy.”
“Oh, could you guys cut it out already?” said Harriet, who can never stand too much happiness in one gulp.
We were sitting in our usual place, on the porch swing, while all around us a family feast was in full swing. Tex was manning the barbecue, his tongue sticking out of his mouth from the effort he was putting into the thing, and it had to be said, the man was steadily improving. He’d probably never be Guy Fieri but at least the food was edible.
“You still haven’t explained what happened,” said Harriet, who hated to be kept in the dark.
“Well, Jacqueline Goossens was in fact Maria Power, cleverly disguised so she could mingle with the common people, as she probably saw it.”
“And to commit the odd murder,” Brutus grunted.
“So Maria Power, famous Maria Power, is a killer?” asked Harriet, surprised.
“Yes, she is, and she almost killed Odelia,” I said.
“Let’s not linger on that,” said Marge, who’d joined us for a moment so she could dispense some of her husband’s cooking. “Odelia is safe and sound and so are all of us.”
“And Dan?” asked Harriet. “Is he all right?”
“Yeah, my brother released him from prison as soon as Maria confessed, and he’s already rustling up bids from respective publishers who are all clamoring for his autobiography. He’s calling it, ‘Scenes from the Slammer.’” Marge smiled. “I’m sure it’ll be a bestseller.”