“I don’t even know how you can say that. I mean, I hear you, but how could you not care about someone you sleep with?”
“I just don’t. Sex is sex. It’s relief, a good time, a high. It’s never meant anything to me.”
My throat tightened. I was disgusted by his words, but I appreciated his honesty.
But my pain provided clarity. “I want to apologize for continually leading you on. This was a wake-up call for me as well. I guess I don’t have to be in love to have sex, but I really want it to mean something, not just to me, but to both of us.”
He nodded then and walked over and hugged me. I accepted his embrace and felt comforted by him despite my anguish. What was I doing with him? Could a man really change? Someone who was that much of a womanizer couldn’t possibly be faithful to one woman, could he? And Veronica seemed uninhibited—I doubted he could ever be satisfied by an innocent virgin like me.
“Sol, it would mean something. I’ve never known anyone like you. Any other woman would be flipping out right now. You aren’t yelling at me or blaming me. I don’t deserve you.”
I led him over to the bed and sat down next to him. We needed to talk.
“I’m not mad at you. Or hurt even. You didn’t betray me. We only met a week ago. You’ve been nothing but respectful and patient with me. But I need to be honest, too. I think the way you view sex and intimacy is sad. I know I don’t have a clue what I’m talking about because I’m a virgin, but I really think you should genuinely care about the person you have sex with. It just has to make it better.”
He stroked my cheek and gave me a sweet kiss on my lips. “That sounds great, but my lifestyle makes it hard to have a serious relationship.”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s not true. Your friend Beck has had two committed relationships. You choose to have meaningless sex. Why?”
“Because it feels good.”
I was getting nowhere. “Well, I’m not equipped to diagnose you, but I can tell you one thing for sure—your attitude about sex isn’t healthy. Can I ask you a question?”
He exhaled. “Shoot.”
“Tell me about your past.”
He moved a bit farther away from me. He did not like talking about himself.
“Nothing to tell. My mom was a single mom; I didn’t see her much. Don’t even know who my father is. My mom left me alone and with random people all the time. I saw Top Gun as a kid and wanted to be a pilot, so I studied hard in school and got into the Naval Academy.”
“And?”
He tilted his head and swallowed hard. “And that’s it. I graduated top of my class, joined the Marine Corps and then went to fighter school.”
He was so detached; his words filled me with sadness. More importantly, he was holding something back from me, but I wasn’t going to push. “Do you still see your mom?”
“No, and I don’t care to. She wasn’t there for me, so I don’t feel the need to be there for her.”
“And that’s it? Have you ever had a serious girlfriend?”
“No. Sometimes, I’ve seen girls more than once, but I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else but myself.”
My turn to exhale. Because you don’t know how to love or be loved. Those psychology classes I’d taken toward my degree were really coming in handy. My heart broke for him.
“What do you want from me? Why did you invite me to Seattle? Tell me the truth, Sawyer. Was it just because I’m a challenge? A virgin?”
He shook his head. “No. It wasn’t just that. I like you, Sol, I really do. You’re beautiful, of course, but you’re also so sweet and kind. And I like that you stand up to me. I don’t really know what I’m doing or where this can go, but I like being around you. This is going to sound cheesy as fuck, but I want to try to be the man you think I am.”
A smile returned to my face. “You are that man. I believe in you. I care about you.”
He pulled me to him and pressed his body against mine. Our lips met, and I got lost in our kisses. If Sawyer could actually enjoy our innocent intimacy that didn’t involve sex, maybe he could genuinely emotionally connect with me. Though I was a virgin, it was quite possible I knew more about love than Sawyer did.
Chapter 19
Sawyer
I was so grateful Sol hadn’t left me after that stunt Veronica pulled. I couldn’t believe she’d entered my room. Sure, we’d had a good time last year, but I had told her I couldn’t see her when I was in town this time. She had texted me to say she was sorry, and I had told her no worries.
But in a strange way, the whipped cream incident had brought Sol and me closer together. We were still slowly getting to know each other, and with sex off the table, we were spending our time together in places other than bed. And I hated to admit it, but who knew what would’ve happened if we’d slept together the other night. I might’ve panicked and ghosted her, which would be unforgivable because I actually liked her. So, for now, we were taking it slow. So slow that my balls were in a world of hurt.
Sol emerged from the bathroom dressed in a floppy hat and a bright turquoise sundress that ended right on her juicy thighs. I wanted to devour her. “Ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” As part of my punishment, I had agreed to accompany Sol around the city to take Instagrammable photos. To me, I thought that meant typical tourist destinations like Pike Place Market or the Space Needle, but Sol wanted something unique. So, we were headed to visit some murals around town.
I grabbed her duffel bag, which was filled with different clothing options, and we headed out.
We arrived at the first place and met her photographer, Joy. Luckily, Sol didn’t expect me to take the photos myself. I was sure I would’ve fucked that up. She’d hired a local photographer who’d brought a camera and lighting and all the equipment Sol would need. I was just there for support.
Sol introduced me to Joy.
“Nice to meet you, Sawyer. Will you be in any of the pictures with Sol?”
Sol laughed nervously. “Oh no. The pictures will just be of me.”
I forced a smile. I appreciated that Sol wasn’t asking me to be in the photos with her. I guess it was a source of contention between us since I’d made a big deal out of her doing that story on us when I’d picked her up for our first date at her place in Sausalito. She’d gone out of her way during this entire week in Seattle not to include me in her daily stories. Even so, I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with her. Quite the opposite—I liked showing her off.
A few hours later, we were at Pier 66. I was antsy and starving. I just wanted to steal Sol away and take her somewhere local, like to the Mukilteo ferry to get a delicious cup of clam chowder.
Sol ran over to me and gave me a kiss on my cheek. “Sorry, babe. You’ve been amazing. I’ll make it up to you.”
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. The world melted away as I became drunk on her taste, but I was bumped back into reality when a bright flash went off.
Joy had the camera pointed right at us. “Sorry! You just both looked so adorable with the Ferris wheel in the background. I couldn’t resist.”
Sol bit her lip. “Don’t worry. I won’t post that picture. I’ll just keep it for us. For memories.”
I walked over to Joy. “Let me see the picture.”
She showed me the display on her camera. The shot was beautiful. Sol’s long hair was cascading down her shoulders, and my arm was placed around the small of her back. Her left foot was lifted off the ground.
She looked stunning. We looked like we were in love.
Were we?
No, definitely not in love. We’d only known each other for a week. Even so, my feelings for her were growing stronger every day.
A protective desire grew inside me. I wanted not only to show Sol off to the world but also to claim her as mine. I had to admit I was sick to death of the constant DMs her lovesick admirers always sent her. If Sol received one more dick pic, I’d l
ose it.
I grabbed Sol’s hand. “You look gorgeous in that picture. You should post it.”
Her forehead creased as she looked at it. “Are you sure? I mean, it is a great picture. My followers will love it. But they’ll start asking questions.”
I kissed her again. “Let them. In fact, just tell them I’m your man.”
Chapter 20
Sol
I grabbed my phone and checked my Instagram after I posted that picture with Sawyer. I was drowning in DMs.
OMG Sol! Is that the pilot?!
Uh yeah . . . didn’t she see the plane and the pilot emojis?
He’s so hot! Is he your new boyfriend?
Damn straight. I almost died when Sawyer agreed to let me post the picture of us and when he told me to tell my followers he was my man. I wanted to scream with joy, but that would’ve been so over the top. So, I did a simple post: Dreamy day with my man. And sure enough, everyone freaked out.
Including Kelli.
She’d been thrilled, of course, but wanted me to include him in regular pictures. She also made me promise that I wasn’t going to flake on going to Miami.
Miami.
I hadn’t even told Sawyer about it. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, this was my job, so I was sure he would understand. But for some reason, I was incredibly anxious about telling him I was going away for the weekend. And after I saw Veronica in our room, I was paranoid about leaving him, especially in his home base of Pensacola where I was sure he had a ton of women on speed dial. Would he cheat on me? Especially since we weren’t having sex yet?
I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. We couldn’t build a relationship if I was constantly suspicious. He hadn’t done anything to disrespect me yet. We just needed more time to get to know each other and understand his world.
Tonight would help me on that front. Beck’s fiancée Paloma was cooking dinner for the entire squad.
I nervously put on my makeup and curled my hair. After settling on a colorful blouse with white pants, and heels, I got dressed and walked over to Sawyer, who was watching television on the sofa.
He looked at me and kissed me. Everything seemed so normal between us. Like we’d been together for years.
“Let’s go.”
We drove into Kirkland, where Beck and Paloma were staying at an Airbnb.
Beck greeted Sawyer and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Sol! I’m pleasantly surprised to see you again.”
Sawyer ignored him. I didn’t understand their relationship. I wasn’t sure if it was playful ribbing or veiled disgust. Either way, it was clear that Beck doubted Sawyer could be in any sort of a relationship. I wasn’t sure what to make of that, so I tried to focus on making a good impression.
“Nice to see you, too. I hope to be around for a while.” Sawyer gave Beck a smug smile.
“I hope you are, too. This is my lovely fiancée Paloma and our little girl Sky.”
I stared at Paloma, who was drop-dead gorgeous. She was cradling blonde-haired, blue-eyed Sky. I adored how Beck referred to Sky was “our little girl.” He clearly had no problems maintaining a relationship while being a Blue Angel, which proved Sawyer’s excuse that it was impossible was all in his head.
“Nice to meet you, Paloma. Can I hold her?”
“Nice to meet you, Sol. Yes, of course.”
I grabbed this fat little baby and inhaled her scent. I was young, but I couldn’t wait to be a mother. I just loved kids, especially babies.
I looked over at Sawyer, who was intently watching me hold Sky. After a few more baby snuggles, I handed her back to Paloma.
“The house smells amazing. What are you cooking?”
“Oh. I’m making chile verde. Do you like to cook?”
I laughed. “No. I can’t cook at all. I wish I could though. My mom’s an amazing cook.”
“Well, I can teach you.”
I smiled. That would be nice. Would I ever see Paloma again? How long would this relationship or fall fling or whatever it was last with Sawyer?
“That would be great. I can help if you want.”
“I’d like that.”
Paloma handed Sky to Beck, and Sawyer made silly faces at Sky, and I just melted. He seemed to really like kids.
Stop, tripping Sol. This is a fling. You are not going to marry Sawyer and have his babies.
I joined Paloma in the kitchen. This place was gorgeous with a full view of downtown Kirkland and the water. I loved how Beck and Paloma were using this air show stop as a mini-vacation.
Paloma offered me a glass of sangria, which I readily accepted.
“Salud!”
“Salud!” We clinked our glasses.
Paloma’s lips widened into a wry smile. “So, what’s going on with you and Sawyer? Beck says he’s never seen him so crazy about one girl.”
She emphasized the word one. Yup. Got it. Sawyer was a manwhore, but he’d told me as much himself, so it was nothing new. Still, why was I letting that bother me?
“I don’t know. I mean, he let me post a picture of him on Instagram and told me to write that he was my man. But we haven’t talked about the future or anything like that. It’s still so new.”
“Are you going to Pensacola with him tomorrow?”
Sawyer was leaving tomorrow—hell, I had his entire schedule memorized. When he had invited me to Seattle, it had been in the spur of the moment. I didn’t even have a plane ticket back to San Francisco since I’d flown here with Sawyer.
“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it.”
Paloma laughed. “Well, girl, you’d better talk about it, since it’s like tomorrow. I was lucky Beck and I lived together for twelve weeks before he had to travel, but even that almost broke us. And, to be honest, it did. I dumped him. But we worked it out. It’s hard to start a relationship without spending normal time together that isn’t on the road.”
Her words hung heavy in the air. This was so unrealistic. Sawyer and I were living in a fantasyland.
I looked over at Sawyer who was now playing on the floor with Sky. Who was this man? I had to get to know him in his own space. And that meant traveling with him to Pensacola tomorrow. If I spent some time with him in Pensacola before I went to Miami, I was sure we could decide if we wanted to take things further or end it now before someone—and by someone, I meant me—got hurt.
Chapter 21
Sawyer
After another incredible meal made with love by Paloma, Sol and I headed back to our hotel room. It would be our last night together in Seattle.
What was going to happen tomorrow?
I had invited her to Seattle on a whim because I’d wanted to get to know her better. And we had definitely bonded. I always had a great time with her regardless of what we were doing. She was stunning, sweet, and understanding. Yes, I had just claimed her as my woman in front of all of her followers, but everything was so new and so intense. We had literally spent every day together since we’d met. Was that normal? Was she getting sick of me?
I surprised myself by wanting to spend even more time with her. I didn’t feel smothered. But maybe, especially since we weren’t having sex, we should step back and take it slower. But selfishly I didn’t want to let her go.
She stared at me as I drove. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.”
She smiled. “Ah. I had a really great time with you and your friends tonight. Especially Paloma. I love her. She’s fabulous.”
“Yup, she is. Beck really lucked out finding her. I thought he was insane at first for dating Sky’s nanny. But it worked out for them, and I’m happy for him.”
“You’re a good guy, Sawyer.” She reached for my belt and unbuckled it.
“Babe, what are you doing?”
“Relax, Sawyer. You’re a pilot. Just keep your eyes on the road.” She loosened her seat belt and leaned over to the driver’s seat. She placed her head in my lap and then slowly unbuttoned my pants.
I co
uldn’t believe she was actually going to give me head in this car.
Fuck. This was so hot. For a virgin, she was a freak. I loved it.
She freed my cock from my pants. After a few quick kisses on the tip, she licked under my shaft.
I was rock hard. Every night this week, we had slept with our bodies next to each other, my cock pressed against her ass. It had almost been unbearable. I wanted her so bad.
“Stop teasing me, babe.”
She let out a wicked little laugh that slayed me, then opened her mouth wide, and deep-throated my cock.
Jesus.
The cover of night hid our illicit encounter from the other drivers. I placed my hand on the back of her head, stroking her gorgeous hair as it made a blanket over my lap.
She began to suck harder and glided her other hand up and down my cock, increasing the tension. Pressure built in my balls as she kept edging me toward the point of no return. Emotions I didn’t know I had flooded through me. How could this woman be so sexy, yet sweet? Wild, yet pure? Loving, yet tough?
And crazier yet, why did she like me?
Her lips made a tight seal around my tip. I was so close. I tried to push her off, not wanting to come in her mouth.
But she wouldn’t release her grip with her hand or her mouth.
“Babe, stop. I’m going to come.”
She paused for the briefest of moments to utter in a sultry voice, “Then come, Huck.” She wrapped her mouth back around my cock.
Damn. A surge of pleasure overtook my body, and I came inside her hot mouth. She swallowed down every last drop of my cum, licked me clean, kissed my cock, and then sat back in her seat. I zipped my pants back up, grateful that we hadn’t been caught by the cops.
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